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Hello 2016

这么多年来,第一次独个儿在家跨年。一个人静静看烟花,迎接2016。


我听到自己说:“陈彬雁,干得好!要继续加油了!你可以的!我知道你可以!加油了!祝福你!”

然后,就像烟一样梦一样的,2015就过去了。

崭新的2016。

我要努力。

努力让身心灵健康起来,康复自己的内心。但愿2016年的一切扶持帮助我。让我健康、平安、快乐,有更多的机会出国,有更多机会开拓视野,有更多的机会写出真正能帮助他人的文字。成为一盏灯,照耀自己和他人。
May the fresh energies of 2016 renew and inspire you. May the new 2016 take you to your heart. May there always be magic and wonder. Let there be lots of joy and happiness. May you be well and happy.

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Thank You 2015, and goodbye :)

I spent the last few days of 2015 in a blur.

India was the reason I could not walk out of the blur. But remarkably with a healing session, I came out much clearer of myself.

And the themes that came out of the session, I have recorded them the same time last year already.

like in Jan 2014, I wrote:

It’s wonderful to have another chance to start afresh. I feel grateful. May the fresh energies of 2015 inspire you n me to create new pathways, new habits, new perspectives n attitudes that would work on a deeper level for each of us, n the world. May you be well n happy. Blessed 2015 ahead!

You will have to empty yourself before you can have a go at experiencing fullness in life. That was my takeaway at the Hush tea bar pop up today.

Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

write what i mean, to inspire and to touch的 writer.

you stumble upon things. The awesome stuff, or people, life changing events, you stumble upon a chance. Then, chances… You have to (stumble) in order to reach or realize the connection. They find you, not the other way round. Such is the magic of travel.

I want to reclaim a bit of myself. I like to find me back, on a deeper level. I want my heart, soul n body to sync more n i will work towards that, so as to gain a deeper more solid sense of inner ease n peace, n emotional stability.

there is a lot of power in writing, in words. today, i am reminded once and again, to choose carefully. To take care of the pen, to take good care of my heart. i love today.

有多真时写多真,有多深时写多深。–粤剧紫钗记

 

2015 is like another dream, but remarkably, i feel more awake now.

I was so busy I relegated myself to the last, I did not respect my own wishes and rights. Relationships at home were challenging, there were lots of climaxed out sore feelings. I was tired.

2015 took away my half brother, 2015 allowed me to taste lots of different flavours. 2015 brought me to HK, Bangkok, Italy, Bangkok, Korea, then India.

2015 brought me closer to the real TPY and the root of things.

It is not a dream. No.

I walk out unscathed but so much fuller in the heart , so much wiser, and with a lot to thank for.

What was the best thing that happened to you in 2015?

(i) Meeting Mr Ng, my teacher or guide is the best thing that happened to me in 2015.

With his guidance and support, I began to peel off layers on the outer, and ventured deeper each time into time, into my soul and real self.

I begin to understand how the now in me has arisen. I saw for myself how I have misconstrued a certain reality and brought myself to here. How I have deviated from the TPY that I wanted to be.

And the beautiful thing? It is to accept all of those parts, because without which, I wouldn’t be writing this here today.

All the exercises of meeting myself allowed me to connect the dots and I was able to see how I should venture forth in future.

(ii) It is also going to India and finding out for myself what Tan Pin Yen is like.

And how powerful, boundless and fearless TPY can be.

I may have known vaguely.

I wrote about it on my birthday. ” In the days ahead, it will be about discovering and getting closer to TPY.”
And I did.

Meeting India with an open heart and receiving all sorts of vibrations that I have, have been another most incredible gift from 2015.

Almost like the biggest project of the exercises I have been. India showed me a past I had been in, along with the people whom I have been with and feelings I have harboured that were important in culminating into the person I am now.

India showed me how I could take this glimpse, turn it into something fruitful and provided me with an opportunity to resolve unfinished businesses. To make good a certain no good.

India showed me the beauty of timing and how with good intentions and an unconditional openness, we could cocreate with life and the universe for the better of ourselves and the world.

India showed me how opportunities are abound, to be able to address a certain past and to make the future the best that is yet to be.

India showed me my true power.

And where I should go from here.

I came with the energy of regret, that I could not be myself. I was not myself in my previous being. I spent time not being myself then. And I regretted that so much I came here again.

Life came again.

And that energy of not being myself I carried till now, for I haven’t been totally myself.

But writing was what showed this to me. Writing brought me lots of inspirations and writing brought me to India and writing I m sure, will bring me to realising the best of myself–TPY.

And with that, I like to thank 2015, it has been extremely important in making TPY of the future.

Going forward, it will be about being TPY, acknowledging TPY, allowing TPY, reclaiming TPY, expressing TPY and respecting TPY.

I will start from the minutest of details to be me.

Because there is only one TPY. And no matter what and how, she is the most beautiful.

This is how I will be creatively working with that energy, co-creating with that energy that propelled me here.

2016 will be about opening up to be me.

I want to Thank you 2015, you have been kind.

And, goodbye.

2015年也是精彩得像是一场梦一样,去了香港,去了曼谷,去了意大利,去了曼谷,去了韩国,去了印度。

但又好像不是一场梦。

我的收获甚丰。因为我从这些旅途中汲取出来的灵感,在努力着把这些感觉,转化为现实,留住旅游时的美好启发。

我在努力。

2015年好折腾,带走了我的半个哥哥,让我再接触到心中的恐惧,以及看似抚平的伤痕。我在害怕的状态下去揭开了那一层层的不安,走入更深刻的自己。尝试去碰触陈彬雁的灵魂,她的不安、孤独和恐惧。

因为这样的一个exercise,我揭开了恐惧背后的原因,或者起因。

2015年最好的事情,就是遇到老师Mr Ng。在老师的support之下一层层剥开表面,进入到深层的自己,去感受和看清楚自己破碎的样子。

然后学习康复自己,制造新的pathway和可能性。

好了不起。

印度的一切获得,就是这场exercise的大project,里头的养分很多。我可能只看到了其中之一。

想起蔡康永的话:“什麼叫作長大?就是我們終於體會到有一件事情不再那麼迷人,有更迷人的事情值得追求。”

回头看这一切,我不由得要感谢,感谢2015年的一切发生和花开,都是一次次让我看到更真实的陈彬雁的可能。

未来我想做什么,跟过去写的没有太大的分别,不一样的是我的attitude。

我想做真实的自己,说我心里想说的话,写我心里的想法,做我想做的事情。我要花更多时间投入自己真正的需要,尝试把更多的心思放在维持家庭和谐的关系。我想带着去印度的Open Heart,勇敢敞开我的心胸去实践今后的每一个踏步。我会更aware地活在现在。

我相信做好这些,便能体验下一次开花。

谢谢你,2015。我们就在此道别。

Here’s to #2015. To you, you, you and you. However big the divides, however daunting the moments, however trying the challenges, you came through. You persevered, and here you are. #celebrate! This is my toast to you. Well done, you, and @tan_pin_yen. 2015, #thankyou and #goodbye.

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Healing (XXXI)


离开前,老师张开双手。我给了老师一个大大的开放式的拥抱。

我不一样了。

之一。回来

Teacher helped me tidy up the mess in my mind.

With nothing in particular but just a few simple words,

Yen, come back. Come back.

You have to come back.

His voice was soft but the mood and attitude stern.

That woke me up.

I followed his voice and I did come back.

Th amazing thing: I feel more grounded back and teacher could see the difference.

我只是简略把印度所见所闻所感觉告诉老师。老师就知道了。

你必须回来。

那只是一个记忆,一个memory。去印度只是让你尝尝,回味。

印度是很直接的。很感性的。你看他们吃的、香料、颜色、电影、音乐什么的。这些都让你awaken你的senses。

所以你回来后,很难接受现实。

老师说,他知道我回不来的滋味。就像是新生的一样。或者要从母体出来的婴儿一样。

之二。触碰

我告诉老师我带着open heart去印度,接收到很神奇的回音。我说我在印度接触到我最喜欢的一切,获得我最想要的关怀和照顾。我在印度做回自己。我告诉老师,我在那里感受到很长的时间感,遇到很奇妙的人。每一个相遇都是不可思议。

老师说,印度有非常深的灵性,带着开放的心去,很容易被触动,包括前世的事情,会一点点的回来。

但这一切都是过去,都是记忆,重点只是让你知道,现在你到这个地方是为了什么?

提供链接的重要性。

我告诉老师,印度让我觉得自己是一个小公主、或贵族。

老师于是抓紧机会,引导我做前世的透视。所谓的Past life regression.

我说我就是一个心地善良的公主,身边有很多随从,在照顾我,呵护我保护我。我跟这些随从的关系很好,因为我没有阶级观念,我在他们面前毫无遮掩,做最真实是自己的自己。

我说我看不到公主的父母。但我确定公主就是父母的掌上明珠。

再往下看,公主在20多岁的时候知道身边有个随从喜欢她,对她真心的付出,完全无私的奉献。

老师问,那公主喜欢随从吗?

我说公主喜欢向随从倾诉,吐露真情,喜欢被随从保护、守护。随从就是公主的伴。

再往下呢?

我说公主嫁给了贵族。但是她开始了孤独的日子。她再也找不到那种可以随心所愿吐露真心,做是自己的地方,还有人。

再往下呢?公主活到几岁?临终前她想的是什么?

我说公主活到90岁,临终前还是带着微笑离开,很丰富饱满,但,也有一丝的遗憾。

遗憾的是她没有对随从说谢谢,承认他的付出。遗憾有很长一段,没有做自己。

老师说,随从代表的是最真的自己。是公主一段无忧无虑,最真的时光。再也回不来找不到这样的地方,这样的人和时光。

老师说,就是这样的一个遗憾的力量的牵引下,我又来了。

就是那份想要做自己的心的带动和驱使下,我又来了。

随从是谁?

我说,就是在车子里带领我看印度的厨师。

之三。力量

我说,我的感觉是,我们在repeat。

老师说,这个随从对你的付出很深很深,以前是这样。甚至到了这一生,他对你的付出也没有减少。

也是这个力量,产生了这一切的再次相遇。

但老师提醒,这一切就是一份礼物。你必须想想,要怎么用这份体验,去resolve之前的那个过去。

随从的心,就是为了让你知道,你可以做回自己。做回那个公主。

看到吗?贵族就像现在的家庭,现代社会的一切。你看到延续了吗?

我看到了。在他还没说之前。

随从代表的是自己的最真。

你痛苦因为你不知道在这两者找到结合点。其实并不需要放弃其中之一。

你不能够做最真的自己。这是你与生带来的,you have to let go of this idea. Let it go.

重新告诉自己,你可以的,完全可以做回自己那个自己。完全可以。只要你allow。

想想,你在印度接触到什么是你喜欢的?慢慢地在生命中把它带回来。

之四。印度就是要你做回自己

允许自己。做回自己。

你看,你的父母没有出现,你的随从和父母尽管是那么爱你想保护你,但他们更希望看到你成长,能够自己保护自己。所以他们放开手,因为想看你成长。

找回自己的power。

因为那个是任何人怎么也带不走的。

claim back your rights,respect for yourself。问你自己值得多少钱?你的付出。

很多时候别人怎么对你,那是一个reflection of你自己。

你有没有重视自己的看法?重视你自己的权利?

之五。挑战就是礼物

拥抱挑战。这是我的practice。

挑战就是礼物,也是你生命中需要的,于是宇宙安排了给你。

谢谢它。

你看你去采访的那天,很生气,但你还是做到了。如果当天你没有如同那天那样做了,可能就不会有印度之行了。

感谢挑战。embrace

之六。整理

花点时间整理好关系,想方法让家里的关系变得和谐和睦。让所有的重要关系都得到圆满。

因为我们为什么回来?那是因为有还没有resolve的事情。

给自己3年的时间。整理好一切的关系。你可以的。因为可能连你自己也没有察觉你有一个energy,一把火,可以处理好这一切。只是你还没有察觉和启动。

之七。放慢不是放弃

不是一次过放掉一切。

老实说,be creative.

之七。点灯

开始之前,老师让我点灯。

他说,2016就要开始了。点灯,许个愿吧。

我许愿,今后的每一个踏步,都获得光明的指引。

之八。open heart

老师说,我从一开始就说了solution,那就是open heart。

之九。我从印度回来了。

感谢印度。这就是2015年带给我最好的礼物。

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我的少女时代

太棒了这部电影。

“你可不可以做回徐太宇?”

“不是你说了算。只有我们能决定自己的样子。”

“谢谢你出现在我的青春里。谢谢”

还有Hebe唱的主题曲

小幸运
电影 我的少女时代 主题曲

作词:徐世珍、吴辉福
作曲:JerryC
编曲:JerryC

我听见雨滴 落在青青草地
我听见远方 下课钟声响起
可是我没有听见你的声音 认真呼唤我姓名

爱上你的时候 还不懂感情
离别了 才觉得刻骨铭心
为什么没有发现 遇见了你 是生命最好的事情

也许当时
忙着微笑和哭泣 忙着追逐天空中的流星
人理所当然的忘记
是谁风里 雨里 一直默默守护在原地

原来你是 我最想留住的幸运
原来我们 和爱情曾经靠得那么近
那为我对抗世界的决定 那陪我淋的雨
一幕幕都是你 一尘不染的真心

与你相遇 好幸运
可我也失去 为你泪流满面的权利
但愿在我看不到的天际 你张开了双翼

遇见你的注定 她会有多幸运

青春是段跌跌撞撞的旅行
拥有着后知后觉的美丽
来不及感谢 是你给我勇气 让我能做回我自己

也许当时
忙着微笑和哭泣 忙着追逐天空中的流星
人理所当然的忘记
是谁风里 雨里 一直默默守护在原地

原来你是 我最想留住的幸运
原来我们 和爱情曾经靠得那么近
那为我对抗世界的决定 那陪我淋的雨
一幕幕都是你 一尘不染的真心

与你相遇 好幸运
可我也失去 为你泪流满面的权利
但愿在我看不到的天际 你张开了双翼
遇见你的注定 Woooo~
她会有多幸运

电影感动的地方很多,不过这个时候,有几处歌词抓到了最能够呼应我此刻心情状态,

“来不及感谢 是你给我勇气 让我能做回我自己”

可能我觉得这是我的爱情里面没有的。

爱情本来就是要给你做回自己。不是另一个人。

 

 

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Persevere

Someone whom I m destined to meet only today, told me something that I m destined to hear only today. If it had been another moment in time, it wouldn’t have carried so much magic.

It came out of a restauranteur who reminded me, that if I hadn’t hang on, India would have been impossible.

It didnt strike my mind at all.

This gave me so much good energy. Especially so now, that I m at such a loss, to let go or persevere.