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Being Truly Thankful

Beyond Counting Blessings

When we are in the state of thankfulness, we are in a higher state of awareness, gratitude at our doorstep.

Often when we practice being thankful, we go through the process of counting our blessings, acknowledging the wonderful people, things and places that make up our reality. While it is fine to be grateful for the good fortune we have accumulated, true thankfulness stems from a powerful comprehension of the gift of simply being alive, and when we feel it, we feel it regardless of our circumstances. In this deep state of gratitude, we recognize the purity of the experience of being, in and of itself, and our thankfulness is part and parcel of our awareness that we are one with this great mystery that is life.

It is difficult for most of us to access this level of consciousness as we are very caught up in the ups and downs of our individual experiences in the world. The thing to remember about the world, though, is that it ebbs and flows, expands and contracts, gives and takes, and is by its very nature somewhat unreliable. If we only feel gratitude when it serves our desires, this is not true thankfulness. No one is exempt from the twists and turns of fate, which may, at any time, take the possessions, situations, and people we love away from us. Ironically, it is sometimes this kind of loss that awakens us to a thankfulness that goes deeper than just being grateful when things go our way. Illness and near-miss accidents can also serve as wake-up calls to the deeper realization that we are truly lucky to be alive.

We do not have to wait to be shaken to experience this state of being truly thankful for our lives. Tuning in to our breath and making an effort to be fully present for a set period of time each day can do wonders for our ability to connect with true gratitude. We can also awaken ourselves with the intention to be more aware of the unconditional generosity of the life force that flows through us regardless of our circumstances.

 


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12月

转眼间,12月即将来临。昨天和daddy到orchard rd买礼物,商场里都是圣诞节的装饰,圣诞节的歌曲,圣诞节的气氛。

我从来不知道白色的圣诞,好像也没有很期待白色的圣诞。

只是商场里营造的圣诞气氛,已经把一股温暖注入心间。

好像在说,可以停下来,歇一歇。

好好的,做一些自己喜欢的。

突发奇想:写一本书吧。这个12月。

 

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写意

早上被沁芝叫醒
然后陪着小公主看cartoon
昨晚问沁芝,要婆婆还是妈妈冲凉?
沁芝说:妈妈。
给沁芝冲凉。边冲凉边kisskiss
然后陪着沁芝吃behbeh
然后给沁芝dada到沁芝orhorh
坐下来吃婆婆煮的粥

外头鸟语、微风,邻居的孩子练琴,
一天原来可以如此
写意
近乎自在

有种平静,安稳。
很喜欢。

姨姨问沁芝,妈妈去做工好不好?
沁芝说:爸爸。

问她,妈妈呢?

沁芝说:芝芝。

 

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Oceans的学习1

亲爱的沁芝

daddy在apple tv买了一部documentary "oceans"。

很好看,虽然到现在只是片段式在看,但觉得很有启发、震撼。

像开回的一幕:
不知是什么动物、拼命往岸上游来,海浪就跟在它后面,我担心着,大浪来了,它能安然渡过吗?

结果大浪把它盖过去,下一幕,看到它攀着石头、紧紧抓牢。

生活也有许多的浪潮,如何坦然、安然面对、接受?
而不是跟着浪潮被洗去?

那真要像这动物一样从容。

关键是,它紧紧住石头,浪潮退去它仍不移动。

面对生活的浪潮时,我们也得紧紧抓牢能巩固我们的石头。

那石头是内心的安宁、平静、乐观、也是勇敢和力量,还有自己爱且爱自己的人。

mummy之前抓牢的是悲观、恐惧、执着。

抓错了。

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学着勇敢

亲爱的沁芝

今天mummy学着勇敢
跟着心里的声音,我自己去见接生沁芝的dr soon,做子宫扫描。

考虑了好些天,终于听从心里的声音,原来是这样的感觉。

应该多听心里的声音。

我不知道为什么会有这样的勇气。在那等候一个小时,都是一双双一对对,我开始在想,如果daddy在旁边就好。

虽然如此,内心还是笃定的。我觉得我可以。

听医生说要做internal
screening有些措手不及,上了scanner旁边的table,在旁的护士说good girl,我突然觉得好笑。

我已经有沁芝了喔。

dr soon把一支scanner钻入阴道,然后我便跟着她一起看里面。
那是很神奇的感觉。她转动一下,我便看到不一样的内景。

医生take the time to scan,然后解释。
"look at these, they r your left ovaries. This is your womb. And this, the right ovaries ….”
好像一场教育的经验,我从来没有看看保护沁芝十个月的地方,刚才很专注。

"They all r healthy n looking good."她说。

开心。
感激。
心里很踏实。

走出来,前所未有的平坦、安定。那是很久没有的感觉。

不知不觉,这样的心神不宁已经耗掉超过半年。
过去半年日子灰色的,沉重的,如果是一幅画,白纸整张是厚重的灰、黑、蓝。
但,就在所有昏暗中间透出金光。那金光一直在,但我选择不去了解它,看它,听它。

上回七婶带我去问神,她听我说了,问:"你平时吃得健康,又没有坏习惯,你应该对自己的身体有信心才是啊。"

这信心就是那金光。
那金光也是真实、也是正念、正觉、正悟。
不会被黑暗掩盖、否定。

我发现自己是多么地在否定自己。那么地不相信自己。那么地打压自己。
那么苛刻地对待自己。

陈彬雁,待人以宽,从自己开始。
fighting!