Life is a most amazing thing. Or, wonderful.
At least as of now, I finally can understand what it means when someone says, it is a gift. Life is a gift and the everything in it, of it in life—-are gifts.
Its hard to see this in the storm of it, but now that I look back, each and every single thing that happened in my life, is for me.
Because I needed them.
I went for my mindspa session yesterday and as always, Teacher has been most wonderful in facilitating the session.
At the end of it, he says, “我有一个强烈的预感，或者，已经不是预感，你妈妈想通过我跟你说，她真的很为你感到骄傲。你的成长，你的突破，你的成就，一切。”
He says that he has a feeling—no, not a feeling, but an understanding that Mom wants him to pass this piece of info to me—that she is so very proud of me, my growth, my my attitudes, my achievements.
I remember when Mom passed away, i had a similar healing session, and the words that came out of it from Mom were,
“I m so proud of you, Go do what you think deem fit, You can Do it”
I had these words written down and they were always in front of me on my desk in my old office.
Teacher also said, “你的妈妈对你太重要了，你很在乎很在乎她。而且，你很想念妈妈，非常非常非常的想念。”
He said, “Your Mom is too important to you, you very much take her as the world. And, you miss your mother, a lot, a lot.”
I couldn’t sense it when he said this. Really? I thought?
When he said it, I thought of my daughter Qinzhi, i can sense that she sees the world of her mother—me, too.
Maybe more than how my mother feels to me.
And today, I finally understood what Teacher said.
I finally..honestly shared with SY how I felt about her niece’s sudden death, her 4 year old cutie niece, had influenza b 2 weeks back and that was the end of her young life.
I told her this, “SY一直没有勇气跟你说，也很怕让你难过。尤其看到你好像恢复平常的笑容，但是看到你们家小可爱就这么离开，真的很难过。我妈妈是这样走的，所以我很不愿意有人必须经历这样的心痛。难过到我不能呼吸。所以那几天你不在，我好像一直和你们在一起那样。不知道可以对你说什么，你那边怎样，我也不知道。你之前不让我去follow，但那几天你不在，我还是忍不住每天去看你的instagram。希望你那里一切还好。希望你们一家今后可以好好的，互相扶持，让时间疗愈。 may u b well n happy!”
“I didnt have the courage to say, and I was afraid you will be heartbroken, Especially now that I see you smile again, but seeing your precious little one go, made me very sad. My Mom left this way, and I didnt want to have anyone else experience this pain. I couldnt breathe hearing what happened to you. And in the few days that you are not in, i went to follow you on instagram, to see if alls well at your end. I hope all is well, and I hope your family stays strong, and allow time to heal.”
I got in touch with the pain of losing mother as I wrote this.
And I finally understand why Teacher said, “You miss your mother so much.”
And SY said to me, “没事 她一直在我们心里
“Its alright, she’s living in our hearts. Time will heal everybody, she’s been happy these 3 years, I feel consoled that I brought her to Japan. I think you must have thought of your Mother this time, I hope you are already on the mend.”
Seeing this made me cry so hard.
When this happened, I didnt know what to say to SY, I didnt know what to do, I didnt know —until now—but now I do, this recent incident, sent me back to the time I lost my mother to a cold or flu, and when virus went to her heart. Mom left like that.
Now as I write I know, I was caught in that situation and trapped. In the world of healing, they call this—Trance.
All the feelings of pressure, helplessness, sadness came, and now I understand why I had all these unexplainable bouts of indigestion, bloating, pricks in the chest, heartache, backache.
All the pain and lack of support —they are all back.
And they remind me, there is something not resolved in my life, I m blessed and thankful I have Teacher with me to help me bridge the river I was to pass these 16 years.
Yes Mom, now I know —or probably not enough—-how I missed you, how important you are to me, how I see the world of you. How you love me, and how I love you.
It seemed like I didnt progress at all these 16 years, not making sense or accepting that you have left.
It all started with a little story I told Teacher yesterday.
I shared that I was missed out in a few meetings on content for events, and the final presentation came below my expectation. Also, I used to plan content for some events, but now I m not involved because I was left out of it.
I felt like I was not respected, not recognised, I was sore and angry about not being consulted and for the final event to come out sub standard.
But it beyond this thing about respect and recognition, I wanted to give and offer my help, but I was rejected.
It was as simple as this, like I came forward despite all and I was not given a chance to offer. Its like being turned away.
It hurt me a lot. Rejection.
Teacher was very sharp. He picked this out, that in life if you meet with circumstances again and again, it meant there was a deeper root that needs to be undone. Well in my last role, I also met with an authority who did not see my capabilities and rather believed in substandard people who were all about telling sweet nothings but had no real capabilities.
Teacher was so sharp, he laid me down, and asked for permission to put his hand on my stomach.
Coincidentally, in the days before, I had the thought of him using his magic hand, to help me clear away old energies, I felt trapped in all the body symptoms I was experiencing, it felt so tough so I thought of using his hand.
And he did.
He didnt do anything, his hand was just above my tummy and we spoke.
He said, “Before we start this process, I would like to say that, a lot of times, there are problems which surface once and again, and somehow you get the idea that, these problems cannot be solved with your capabilities, intelligence, so we ask upon higher powers whom you feel an affinity to, to be present to support you. To show you the path so you can breakthrough.”
I did, “Dear Lord Buddha, Goddess of Mercy, Guru Rinpoche, my guardian angels, may I invite you to support me, to show my the path, the light, may I be healed.”
Teacher: “Alot of times, we neglect this energy that is Mother Earth, Mother Earth is all encompassing and nurturing, You lost your mother, but there’s Mother Earth, use a bit of imagination, see yourself running on the greens. Feel Mother Earth’s love.”
Strangely last week when I was in the Botanic Gardens, I had this longing to lie on the green grass and I did even if I was dressed for dinner at a starred restaurant.
A few days ago, while I was walking after lunch, I specifically looked for a patch of green, my back was so uncomfortable, I felt like I just needed support, I just needed to lie down.
I told Teacher about this, and he went, “See your longing to be connected?”
“I want to bring you to the greens, and rest in nature. What do you see?”
“I saw myself in my old house, I was ironing the clothes, and Mom was back, she went to mop the floor again even if I had done it for her. I was so angry ironing clothes, I told her off—– next time you do it yourself. Mom was very sad, she cried hearing me say this, she came over and put her hands on my shoulders, and I brushed it off. She said, ‘Girl, dont be like that to me’. I told her off.”
She rejected my help and I rejected her plea.
Now as I write I know—this I had been clinging on to.
Teacher said, “did u regret? did you feel sorry?”
I said “Probably? I was so sore and angry and frustrated, when I have already done it for you, why do you have to redo? Dont you trust me?”
Mom had high expectations and she redid things I did.
Teacher was super sharp. He pointed this out, “If you had the chance to do this again, what would you say to her? What is it you want to say to her?”
“You are so busy and tired already, the floor is not important, your well being is more important. “
Teacher: “Do you see how much you cared for your Mother? But look at this again, this time in the perspective as a Mother, if your daughter is doing housework for you, would you do it again?”
I was like, SHIT.
Teacher, “And it was because you saw things your daughter couldnt. Yes you would, because you have your mother’s exacting standards. So your mother also saw things you didnt do, that was why she did it again. Can you understand this? So if you cannot accept your daughter’s work, can you accept what your mother did? The fact that she mopped the floor again?
Do you see how much of your Mother you carry in you? High standards, if not higher. Very high in fact.
And if your daughter did work for you, what would you say to her?”
“Thank you Qinzhi for loving me and helping me.”
And i immediately felt regret: How many awful things have I done to my daughter? When I shouted at her for not doing work? For not knowing math.
And Teacher picked that up!
It was impossible to fool him.
He asked, “Did you feel trapped in the middle, you with your mother, and you as a mother, facing your daughter?”
“Yes yes yes,” I said, “I think my daughter sees the world of me, much more, even more than how I see my daughter. She loves me more than I love my mother, very much more. But how many times have I hurt her? I dont know the extent of impact of my actions and speech on her. Like how my mother was to me. So how do i undo this? Is it to say the things I have to say? “
Teacher, “Nope, we still have to go back to that situation. What is it you really wanted to say to your mother? I want to hear it, you have to say it out.”
And he couldnt wait longer, “You also wanted to say, I care for you, I hope you have time to rest, that is why I did housework for you. That was how much your Mother mattered to you. You wanted to help her and she rejected. But you see, it doesnt mean that you dont matter to her. It doesnt mean that she does not acknowledge your effort.
So coming back to the situations you encountered in life, once and again, meeting with bosses who do not seem to see your capabilities—-YOU DONT NEED THEIR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, THEY ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER.
Your practice and homework now and forward is—have the awareness to see this point. When your boss comes to you, be sure to understand this in you—that she is not your mother, you do not need their recognition. “
Strangely, a few days ago, this popped out in a variety show I watched. It was a singing competition, and the contestant sobbed on stage recounting how they have been praised and discouraged by comments online. To this one of the judges said, “DO you know them? If not, why do you allow them to matter to you? “
Another said, “Why do you not choose to look at the 100 praises but allow the 1 negative comment to affect you?”
Clamouring for recognition praises likes, these are the things I fall into to.
Teacher, “You mistook these for your Mother, because you once was rejected and was not recognised or acknowledged for your effort.”
But these situations come back to remind you to show you about a distant past I was fixated on.
Knowing this is important for me to breakthrough. Understanding that I m complete and not in need of recognition or acknowledgement. And Teacher brought me back to my intentions to show me why I was on this path.
“Do you remember, when you considered this job change, what was your motivation?”
“It was to share a light. To touch and to warm people’s hearts. I wanted to do that”
“Yes Yes, i remember you saying that! You have a gift for doing that. You are already able to see beyond words and speech to reach to that light below. You know, each of us is a light, but alot of times, this light is not being exposed, because of many reasons, like the norms of society and others.”
Earlier, I told Teacher about interviewing Daniel Boulud the day before.
I was at MBS and I had their crew to support. Everything was set up so perfectly, it was a dream come through for me.
I had interviewed the same chef ten years ago when MBS opened. Ten years later, we are back like how a circle completes it path but this time, even if we are in the same interviewer-interviewee position, so much has changed.
The setup is like magic to me, I commanded the team. There was a cue board, which someone held on to clap and it beared my name and the crew supporting it.
Seeing it clap is like magic, it reminds me to be in position. To be present to listen to ask the right questions.
It was also a motivation for me, where else can I go now that I m here, this setup inspired me, HERE.
Continue to go deeper within –yourself and others. The only way I can fetch out good quotes is others, is to go deeper myself. To experience myself.
I shared with Teacher how I made Daniel Boulud cry.
He was giving me all the best answers and I was almost giving up, I need something more personal.
But i persevered and wanted to try go deeper.
I got my chance when he talked about writing a book for young talents.
Until he talked about dreams and sacrifice. I asked him, what was the greatest sacrifice?
And he teared up.
“Every night, we busied ourselves working for the pleasure of others, no one would be able to understand how much a chef has to do to get to where he is.”
I could feel for what he said.
Many at times, it was as if, he was talking about my life.
I told Teacher about this. I told teacher also about Crenn who told me about her being adopted. But I said, even as she shared about accepting, I felt that she has not yet fully done so.
“You see, you can already see beyond speech, to bring people to their light below.”
I told Teacher about feeling like him when I do these interviews with chefs. And I can see how Teacher as a bystander and outsider sees so much more clearly. I said that everything is actually quite apparent if you are on the outside.
To which he agrees, “Yes because most of the time, we are all embroiled in our own story. “
I thank him dearly, for being with me to support, to offer his time and presence, and to listen.
“It is easy for an outsider, but greater is the ability to stand above your story to see from a birds eye view. I m only a facilitator or a boatman who is helping people bridge the river and to go from one end to the other. You did it because of the inner wisdom and the desire to mend or heal yourself. So Pat yourself on your shoulder.
The setup is like a gift, from the universe, your effort and work is being recognised and this is like a gift to tell you how far you have come.”
I told Teacher about the Ishinomaki trip about this couple who went to this badly hit village in NE japan and came back changed.
The husband quit his job and left on a trip with his wife was was suffering from depression. He gathered that no matter how much he earnt it was meaningless if his wife isnt well.
The wife was healed on the journey because she saw for herself how little she compared to the people who lost precious ones to the forces of Nature.
When they came back from their trip, the husband decided to do something he really wants, a little restaurant he always wanted and named it Ishinomaki.
They continue to visit the place and support the people there, by way of important produce from that region. I had a chance to interview this couple from my previous position and now the wife is giving me a chance to work on a video. And wanting me to go because she felt I would be the best to express this.
I told Teacher I was hesitant to go, because I dont think I want to confront myself. I told him in the process of interviewing chefs, I see my story in theirs and their story in mine.
And Teacher says, “You have all along been telling me about other people. But what about your own story? I want to hear your story.”
I was very touched.
I was thinking in me, “would anyone want to hear my story? does my story matter?”
But Teacher says, “I want to hear your story, you should be in the frame.”
I was very touched, because he acknowledged me, my time my experiences and all of the emotions the ups and downs, the mistakes and the right.
I saw a FB post on how tibetans did their sand art, “Each grain of sand is important in building a thing of great beauty.”
Teacher heard me in the heart and saw me.
I told Teacher that more and more, I am beginning to see myself. By first beginning to acknowledge my credit as an Interviewer at the end of my videos, and then wanting the crew to film me in the process of interview.
I think Ishinomaki is the right one.
He adds, “I think the timing is right. You are ready.”
老师说：“你的心受伤了。take a few moments to look at your heart n listen to it. It wants you to be aware, it has been hurt. 把你的手放在心上。感知它。知道它。be aware of your heart n connect to your heart.”
然后我感觉我的手脚有一股温柔的力量。那种轻飘飘的感觉没有了。右脚还有一种被修复的感觉。就是repair的感觉，an energy has come in to fill the lapse.
当下，想到皓皓几天前告诉daddy，I m going to mend it. 我看着daddy，daddy追问：what is mend?
皓皓说：“fix. I m going to fix it.”
还有皓皓两天前的早上，一睡醒就说：“mommy is in an ambulance.”
皓皓回说：“how come got this kind of people.”
我说，最有趣的是，我现在要把厨师艺人化。come full circle。
我跟老师说起下属发脾气，情绪不和睦，我想了想，我总是在寻找better way out，最好些了电邮，先道歉。老师摇头说：”you r looking for the perfect way. There’s no perfect way. You cannot please everyone. Take a breath and let this idea go.”
you got to heal your feelings towards authority?
What do u think of?
我跟老师说，老板也是一个authority。老板两次大发雷霆，我都接收，因为我能够明白他心里想法。我有一点是在hold the process。
老板两次发脾气，都对我道歉，最感动的是，老板说：“l don’t want you to feel pain when these people walk away with your deals.”
老实说：“因为老板可以feel your pain。”
Experienced my very first meditative retreat with the world’s happiest man—Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche.
And the experience was awesome.
Its about taking the time for yourself, to sit and be with yourself.
And in the process of sitting and observing, you just become a better person. Why ? Simply because you are in the moment, and that is the most important thing that we have taken for granted.
And in the process of sitting, there’s always a discovery, sometimes its a voice of gratitude, sometimes you discover and realise how you can be a better person.
Like understanding that quiet is the most important part of speech. Like realising that getting lost is one of the most important step to finding yourself.
Most of all, its the discipline to keep on coming back when you are lost in thoughts. In that moment that you realise you are lost, you have come back. And delighting in that great awareness brings a simple pure joy.
Rinpoche’s advice is always this: you don’t have to do anything, but don’t get lost.
its so simple its so hard.
But i met him 5 years ago, and i met him again.
this time, i had the chance to present him on the FB page of the michelin.guide.sg and michelin.guide.com.hk to speak about mindful eating. I think eating well has to do with more than gd produce and cooking.
the soul and true flavour of the food is brought on by the chef’s presence in the process of cooking. and you fully experience this only when you are mindful in the eating process, and that completes the whole of the eating and turns the eating into a practice or an experience. that might stay with you for a long time.
i m truly appreciative of the opportunity and it reminded me about the importance of open mindedness.
i ate simply and learnt to eat mindfully.
Love this piece o advice, to be gentle and appreciative of oneself.
Taking refuge and my name means “Be at Ease”
Took notes during the 5D4N retreat and these are the teachings.
Age of anxiety?
How to have joy in difficult situations?
Let this b a starting point
There’s things in life that u can’t change e.g. Situations
E.g. Getting old
But there’s one thing we can always change n that is your mind
Your mind is in your hand
Mayb u cannot change your wrinkles
How your mind react to getting old is in your hands
Mind makes small prob big problem
The mind is the cause of suffering n happiness
Mantra- recite 3 times happy
Know your own mind
Care your own mind
Know nature essence n quality of your mind
Don’t look outside, The real peace is in your mind
Prob is not the panic
It’s how u react to panic
Aversion: panic of panic
attachment: craving to stop panic
Learning fr panic
Panic becomes teacher n friend
Learn awareness , compassion,wisdom
Can b with panic
When panic comes I m happy
When panic comes, meditation comes
No panic no meditation
Panic comes remind my meditation
Sensation of panic becomes pleasant
E.g. Pain is unpleasant
But they say pain is gd for u
After a while pain becomes pleasant
You can change
Panic c can b changed into joy
Your Mind is in your hand
The practice :
If u see the river that means u r not fall in river ncarried away
If u carried away by river u cannot see it
If u r in tv u can’t see tv
When u watch river u don’t need to stop it. You can watch it flow, so nice.
Whatever exp emotion doesn’t matter, just watch! Don’t block. Impossible to block n no need to block .
Not allowed to think of durian
But the more u not allowed to think, the more u think of it
Impossible to stop thought n emotion
Thoughtless is not essence of meditation
Might b experience of meditation
Peaceful joyful clarity are exp of meditation
Not the essence of meditation
We have the wonderful quality of awareness love n compassion capability power wisdom skills lot of gd things with u
You r more capable than what you believe
You r more smart than what u think oyou r more gd hearted than wat u feel
Just that u don’t know
We don’t c gd qualities within us
Don’t give up n exxagerate
-Turn your mind onwards n find peace within u
-key to find peace: meditation
-basic goodness: appreciate your life, grateful u have this breath u r here now in this wonderful building
Bring these 3 things in your life anytime anywhere
Short times many times
Fail more better
28/9 7pm Teaching
Let go of worries of life
Sometimes cannot let go, just let it b
Don’t block them
If it’s gone, don’t look for it
Why do I want to do this retreat
But don’t expect too much
I m gg to practice more abt , ready to fail
If u fail more, it’s better
It means u did try a lot
If u didn’t try to meditate u won’t fail
Try my best use my wisdom past experience.
Don’t b too tight on result of experience
If u don’t do anything wrong it’s already wonderful
Try ur best
Try to make meaning abt this retreat
Benefit urself n others
If u r in peace ur friends can feel peace
Bcos we r interconnected
Impt to make meaning
People who connect w u
All of us r like ripples we can influence
The positive things can benefit others
Meditation with obj (body/sound/sleep/sight etc) and without obj (open awareness)
Retreat 27/9 teaching
What is it?
3 layers Outer inner innermost/secret
Outer- related to environment
If we want to change ourselves , environment is v impt at beginning
Change environment adopt new habits
Inner-connect w our body n speech
For body : abstain fr killing life stealing sexual activity bad speech
Innermost -abt your mind. Come here to meditate, so u have to meditate, that’s the secret , but can’t meditate for four days bcoz of monkey mind
Secret is try
Try- even if u don’t have gd exp of meditation now, try
Don’t stay w meditation exp
Stay with the wish
Meditation exp is like cloud
Realization is like space- nvr change
Our mind don’t attach to exp
If u do that , when u have wonderful exp, you feel well .
When u try there’s awareness
Essence of Meditation is awareness
What is awareness- u know wat u r doing feeling / thinking
Knowingness is awareness
You have this 24/7 even when u sleep
You can’t escape awareness
But you do not recognize it
All meditation tech is to recognize n maintain awareness
To maintain that awareness we have different techniques n obj to recognize awareness
Mind always does the opp. If u stop thinking abt durian , all u think of is durian
A lot of pple want peace joy clarity but teacher says, watch ur breath
I look for peace but u ask me to watch boring breath
But by watching breath u can achieve liberalization
But if u go for liberation u won’t get liberation
So when we teach meditation , we say let go.
Practice: body awareness
Rest ur mind in body n relax n b aware
Comfy or not , just b aware n experience all body sensations, don’t need to like or dislike or analyze these sensations
If u cannot relax you accept that u cannot relax
Whole body, parts, scan
What is the voice that comes out in the midst of relaxing- is it worth listening to it?
Practice : open awareness or meditation without object
Relax after hard work while day
Relaxation w awareness
-no meditation is best meditation
-don’t get lost : don’t know what u r doing
ok to have thoughts n emotion as long as u don’t forget awareness
This may last a second or two n get lost, it’s ok, come back over again,
Realize u r lost its v good, it means u have awareness
Practice the above together
If u feel drowsy open ur eyes
Essence of meditation is awareness
Awareness is knowingness
Living at the present
Use body to recognize awareness
Short time many times
Makes meditation fresh
Interchange techniques to make meditation more experiential
The gentleness in meditation- not tight, b gentle to yourself in life. Don’t force.
Thoughts come n go it’s ok
Open eyes – cut the attachment to meditation experience
Wrong conceptions abt meditation :think of nothing- don’t look don’t think concentrate. If u block thought n emotion it becomes worse
Goal of joy of living meditation
– transform everything
-self liberation or self antidote
-poison into medication
-anyone can practise
Meditation experience is like clouds, stock market
Difft meditation experience help u learn something
When u first start meditation, it seems as if ur mind is busy. But actually the thoughts have been there, just that u previously is not aware to it
Another Meditation Technique
-Live our life joyfully transforming everything in support for joy
-enemy become your bodyguard he become your best bodyguard
We can transform all these we experience thru 5 senses
Meditate w eyes
From your eyes, what u see is 2 things, shape n colour
Can u see? Meditation is finished
When eyes see flower , your mind need to see the flower
Eyes can see flower one min, but your mind cannot see this flower for one min. Coz it’s thinking of other things e.g. Durian
So ur mind see durian but eyes see flower
Meditation with flower means eyes n mind see flower
No need strong focus no analyze
To develop awareness with awareness, flower is the reminder of your awareness
When u look at obj , there will b some uncomfortable feeling:
These are not a prob, normal not to worry
When u use obj as support for meditation, there will b 3 styles because of 3 personalities:
Whole purpose is to develop awareness
What’s the difference between awareness n meditative awareness
Meditate with sound or sound meditation
How to listen
Ear hear sound mind knows sound
Listen to sound with awareness is sound meditation
Most vivid one use that as sound meditation
Open your ear n let whatever sound come to u, n u listen
Uncontrived let everything be
Nagging or crying- more emotional meditation than sound bcoz emotion is stronger at that point
Obj is sleepiness. We need sleepiness of tiredness dull or unclear or drowsiness for sleeping meditation.
Watch the feeling of sleepiness w awareness . Just like watching flower. Maybe u feel more sleepy, continue to watch, accept the sleepiness.
When u fall into sleep, still aware, sleep catch the awareness n becomes sleeping meditation
2 signs sleep become meditation- when u wake up u waking up thru meditation. Mind in meditation
Sleep meditation- there is no dream
Yoga jumping exercise
Love the feeling of working hard for spiritual development
Beautiful sky after the rain – how many times do we get to fully take in this view? How precious this opportunity!
1030 am Teaching
Recognize awareness n meditative awareness
Normal awareness is facing outwards n has duality
Meditative awareness is facing inwards, there’s no duality analysis u simple know there’s a kind of centredness
It only lasts a few seconds
So keep practicing repeatedly
Meditation or mindfulness training is v powerful. In that, it trains u to watch n observe n b out of “it”.
It also trains u to allow and to let it be or let go. And it also trains you to come back.
Repeatedly do so
Mind n eyes tog repeatedly
Mind and ears tog repeatedly
Meditation is looking at it with the heart.
It shows u the activity of your heart – how wild or bored easily it is
Do the meditation techniques that is your favorite until u r bored
Awareness has 3 levels
-normal : with u all the time that u didn’t recognize, the awareness before u start meditation
-meditative awareness: now we r practicing this, recognize n maintain with all sorts of techniques . Develop loving compassion kindness wisdom.
-non conceptual awareness: awareness beyond concept, beyond duality , most important one. To recognize this, we need to practice the 2nd awareness.
The real Buddha is within us, the real refuge, our true nature
Meditation help us realize our true nature
Meditation alternate w open awareness is better
You are asleep since u r born
If u combine meditation w sleeping, benefit of meditation higher. Sleep 5 hrs= meditate 5 hrs
Try 30 days mayb once can transform sleep into meditation
Face pain using pain as support for meditation
Change focus- listen to sound
You don’t need to overcome emotions
Awareness cannot change these
Awareness is like space, emotion n thoughts r like cloud
Space no need to block cloud
Cloud cannot block space too
You cannot burn space, shoot space, explode space
Space is always there n free
Awareness is just like space
Agitated mind is like bad weather, that’s all.
Sometimes we need bad weather we need rain
We need emotion n thought
You don’t need to overcome them
You can liberate them
What’s the meaning of liberation
You need to stay with these emotions
You need to recognize that the mind is always liberated n free that’s all
When u r not happy, do u know u r not happy?
You can practice awareness when u r not happy
Continue practice practice practice
Practice gives u qns n practice more give u answer
When u die , practice sleeping meditation
Sleeping is v much like dying
ESP open awareness
So practice open awareness
Eating n Smell Meditation
When u get smell, mind and nose together
Nose smell , mind also
Essence of meditation is awareness
B aware of smell that’s all
Breathe in feel smell
Breathe out , rest in open awareness
Relax body n mind.
When u eat, keep it longer in your mouth.
Move around in mouth.
Tongue with mind
Mind taste food. Mind b with taste
For this we need pain
Gd for developing meditation
When u have pain, mind goes there even tho u tell yourself to forget abt it, let it go
Pain can draw attention
If u meditate w pain, even short time, benefit is more than u work with other techniques
What is pain? U know it?
Aware of pain, watch it feel it
-pain disappears so mind go to open awareness , stay w that
-pain changes from one place to another, gd, follow the pain. , that means pain becomes obj of meditation
-pain is just there n u continue to watch the pain, that means pain becomes obj of meditation
-pain becomes stronger. 2 reasons: your personality, mayb you have pain n that pain develop w u for a long time, so when u watch it there’s a lot of fear aversion resistance
So, if pain gets stronger, Watch the resistance to pain, not pain
Change focus , open awareness
Your life is ok. Monkey mind worries, I don’t have job now , jobless . I have to make some jobs. When monkey mind looks for job, u look in mirror n see ur belly. M I little fat? I think my belly is a little big. I think I m ugly. U think of big belly. Even if u at work, mind says to u, big belly.
If Aversion n attachment strong: conversation about big belly becomes stronger b bigger
Aversion n attachment is part of monkey mind
Monkey mind tell u big belly no gd
Next morning, u feel like belly is bigger.
Neurons in brain make groups, n get chatty n talks about the belly gets bigger
You go out, u feel as if pple r looking at your big belly
U feel ugly lose confidence get shy, don’t want to go out. Keep staring in mirror
You will think, big belly is biggest prob in the world
Watch how meditation help this.
Goal of meditation is achieve freedom n b at peace .
Achieve pliability n freedom of mind
Ways: listen to sound, b aware
By doing these,
mind become calm n peaceful
pliable n workable – freedom
Because if u tell mind to b peace it won’t b
N u r making friends w monkey mind. Need common interest to make friends
Monkey mind n u have common ground , find that n both of u will b happy
Win win situation
Results of Meditation
Body like cup mind like water
And we saw a double rainbow outside! How auspicious and blessed!
Attachment has 2 things:
These 2 make attachment
Anything can b support for meditation as long as u have awareness
Don’t stay with the meditation experience, stay with the wish
Monkey mind likes job u like freedom
How do we achieve both goals
Give job to monkey mind
Monkey mind will b happy
U giving job, u r boss
Normally monkey mind is boss, nature of mind is restless , active
So u give job, but not full time at beginning
The job is meditation
Ask monkey mind : listen to sound
But a few seconds later forget
Don’t punish give reminder
That’s like part time job
Monkey mind cannot do full time now, in future maybe yes but not now
Slowly mind become calm n peaceful
At the same time pliable workable
Don’t need to block monkey mind
Thought: has image n voice
Emotion has (bodily) sensation
Actually both have both
Thought: always some voice in your head
Even if u r alone outside
Thought voice image
How to practice?
Be aware of thought, of what u r thinking
Watch your thought – like u watching flower (body type), listening to sound (speech), like b aware of pain (mind type)
No need follow
If u r confused, watch the confusion
That’s also thought
If too many thoughts go back to body sensation
Big Secret- when u watch thoughts, there will b 2 experience – u can; u cannot. Both r best meditation exp
If u cannot c , ur mind back to open awareness . No thought but has awareness
the moment watch it, it’s gone. Another thought comes, watch it n it’s gone. Mind cannot grab anything
If u watch , it’s like watching tv
When u r bored watch the inner tv
Prob is Programs r quite old
But if u watch old boring programs again n again, mind become more calm peaceful pliable
U don’t need to block thought
U c river, means u r out of river
If u fall in it n carried by it, u can’t c it
Eyes look up
Up body keep cool
Walk w spine straight
gd for heart, blood pressure, whole body
In btw: resting , gd for open awareness
If not happy , panic , sad, pressured, angry, do this
Treat it like a game
Easy bcoz it’s All abt awareness
How to b aware Is tricky, have to note impt issues
Monkey mind- made up of ignorance, aversion n attachment
If u watch river u can follow it no prob
Rinpoche’s teachings 7pm
Get lost meditation
Completely forget meditation n awareness
Can’t get lost? Mind does opp
Don’t need to meditate
It’s like using flashlight under the sun
Just get lost ! U don’t need to meditate
Subtle concepts of meditation- let it go so u can c awareness more clearly
50 hrs of homework
Loving kindness n compassion
Also part of basic goodness
We all have these good qualities
Awareness is part of basic goodness
U have this 24/7 but u don’t recognize
Once u recognize awareness becomes alive
There r many good qualities within u
-e.g. Awareness: pure free genuine . Even if u watching the worst thought, u r free. Like sky space always free no matter how bad pollution n typhoon is.
-e.g. Love n compassion, with u all the time. There’s love n compassion behind every thought n emotion.
As u practice meditation u will have discovery all the time, this discovery doesn’t have limit.
Evidence: everything we do is towards happiness
Every blink of eye is to look for happiness
Each breath too
Sometimes happiness too small u don’t realize
Longingness desire to b happy
We r deserved to b happy n free fr suffering
Can b compared to homesickness
Our real home is our basic goodness our true nature or Buddha nature 佛性
Has lasting genuine happiness
How to connect
Now u need to nurture this feeling n expand
5 steps to practice:
Start from yourself or someone you like. After that then do all beings.
To reduce smthg, such as smoking, make a plan. Gradually reduce. To make new habit u need 20-30 days. In one or two days, go to mountain n change things, your muscles. The power of awareness is v powerful. Can go to your body, muscles etc
Bring awareness into this. And when u smoke , what is the belief u have?aware of the triggers, sensation in your body when you want to or is smoking.
Realization u never know. Until u reach certain level. So if u practice sometimes u don’t c your improvement.
Day one to 30 . Look back fr day 30. Some change. What u describe is still experience.
Knowing is still experience. Meditation experience changes.
If u swim rest of life can swim
Realization is like that
Love: look for someone nice smthg gd smthg beneficial
Once u get that u want to associate w that
Kind: u c sweetness, feeling of cuteness, tenderness
Compassion: u want to b free fr prob suffering without pain n obstacles
Loving kindness is looking for happiness
Compassion is wanting to b free fr suffering
5 things u appreciate :
Everyday appreciate 3 things.
Country family world environment friends work
When u feel gratitude towards so many things, u will receive lots of good things everywhere anytime
QnA with Rinpoche
When u wake up feeling negative, right in heart n throat, bring mind to body. Feel body n sensation in body . Be aware of all the sensations. Try with arms n legs then slowly get to sensation of chest or heart or panicky feeling which is stronger.
Choose someone u like n u see gd things within that person.
Then someone u don’t know
Choose someone u don’t like
They all have wisdom awareness live kindness compassion. Mayb they don’t know. Everybody want to do gd.
Scientists are studying basic innate gdness with children
6 mths old n try to test for basic gdness
Let child see cartoon- w hatred n loving kindness
Child like cartoon w loving kindness w facial expressions n eye movements
You’ve born w loving kindness n compassion
But we don’t know
Even if u go deep in a anger, the deepest level is loving kindness compassion
Anger come fr loving kindness compassion but monkey mind take it as anger
If u recognize that anger comes fr loving kindness compassion you don’t have to block or suppress it. Anger will b liberated
Just recognize that anger come fr loving kindness compassion,
Poison transforms into medicine
It’s actually v easy so close to us it becomes difficult
U can appreciate gd things fr enemies fr all beings
Rejoice n appreciate
You can discover gd things
New things come to u
The loving kindness compassion that is with you all the time
If u have immeasurable loving kindness compassion joy, it becomes immeasurable equanimity
How to practice?
Level 1- form sound …..
Thought n emotion n getting lost meditation
Sometimes quality no gd get lost ten minutes still can count
How to apply meditation in everyday life?
2 things we need- formal meditation n informal meditation
Refuge- longingness to hold on to smthg to make complete
External -Buddha dharma sangha
Internal – absolute refuge, our Buddha nature, or basic goodness, wisdom awareness loving kindness compassion.
Real Buddha in us, recognize believe n practice this confidence
After taking refuge what do u do,
Accept Buddha (guide) dharma (path) sangha (friend)
Try to b kind. Good heart b kind helpful according to your capability
Fail more better because u try.
Guide yourself- believe yourself don’t get influenced by negativity. Use your own wisdom capabilities experience don’t just follow. Take yourself as value. Try.
Everything is impermanent.
So is our retreat .
That is our life.
But all the wisdom n experience is with you forever.
How do u practice in everyday life.
Problem is really precious.
My panic is v precious n one of my best teacher my best friend.
I learn a lot from my panic.
Went to retreat for 3 yrs n learn a lot.
All practice is how to make friends w our problems.
I m lazy n I try to get rid n block my panic.
Lazy n panic become gd friend.
Accept n b with panic n still can develop meditation.
Use panic as support for meditation for loving kindness emptiness wisdom.
Can use panic for so many things.
Then u can accept.
After a while panic becomes source of joy.
Symptoms still there in body but u feel happy in mind
Panic n me become v gd friend
Use same meditation techniques with life.
Learn fr the experience of gg to die
Cannot see hear body paralyze
Suddenly mind become so clear no monkey mind no concepts no up no down no time
5/6 hrs then I come back
After coming back so much gratitude n appreciation
Street become my home
Now all so perfect so nice
So precious so appreciate
I stand up I can stand up
Go to fetch water but unconscious
But almost die awareness still have
In your life everything is wonderful
That’s when u lost more
When u have problems u will have more practice for meditation
In Tibet in mountain fresh air n water
If u don’t need to look for prob, problems come n look for u, how wonderful.
Meditators have to come down fr mountain, to look for problems. For u free problems in life. How wonderful !
When u have problems , how?
Transform into awareness, lobby ng kindness compassion, wisdom
When u have prob there is opportunity to grow, discover n to adventure
Meditate short time is v helpful for u to grow in the process
4 tools :
You need to change tools to use.
You may think still have monkey mind, no emotions, try to block river. Don’t try to expect smthg special extraordinary, awareness is with u all the time.
If u raise hand n know it that’s awareness.
Real joy contentment will develop within u. Wisdom love n compassion clarity u become smarter. U grow.
When u meditate it’s gd for knowledge wisdom too
Life becomes meaningful joyful happy anytime anywhere
Joy of Living.
Really have liberation n freedom.
Finish the homework.
Dedication: heart of practice
Make meaning when u gg to meditate, intention for meaningful purpose, why do u want to meditate?
Meaning: Not for yourself only. For friend family pet
To change world we need to change ourselves
When u meditate, start by bringing peace to yourself n family. So anyone related to u can feel peace
Finally let this benefit world
End of meditation dedicate, if no dedication there r 4 obstacles.
If u dedicate, even if these 4 happen, virtue don’t go down
Dedicate is like pressing save in the computer
What’s the dedication?
Power is within u
Empowerment is To tell u that u r the power, u r the Buddha
He is rich but u don’t know u r rich
U have diamond but u don’t know
If u recognize ur diamond u can use it
Each of u is unique
You r more smart kind capable than u think of
It’s for u to recognize your goodness
Imagine Jin gang sa duo infront of u
It’s wisdom always with u
Why get this empowerment ?
To benefit yourself friends family society n followers
You r here as represent for many beings
Help all beings recognize our true nature
The diamond in our heart n mind
Main part of empowerment
Imagine yourself as bodhisattva
Your nature n V nature is sane
U r enlightened being u r rich u don’t know tats y u begging food
U don’t know u have diamond
I didn’t know until today
I m enlightened being
I m vajrasattva
Just like moon reflections in the lake, or a rainbow in the sky
U can c but not real
If u practice like that, gd for shamatha meditation bcoz u have to use awareness
Gd for vipassana emptiness practice
Form is emptiness emptiness is form
Loving kindness compassion practice to benefit beings
Benefit the recognition of your true nature- feel alive in your body n mind of your qualities- all the enlightened qualities compassion loving kindness etc within u
Imagination has power
If u think u r running, your muscles will b in the mindset to run
Use this imagination to liberate
Feel the presence of enlightened being wisdom capabilities enlightened mind speech right here right now
Benefit negativity accumulate virtue n positivity
U know durian
What is it like? Can remember clearly ?
Relax think of image shape colour sensations of vajrasattva
U do imagination all the time
Home what is home
Feel the presence of the enlightened being
In the midst of observing, we sometimes have thoughts . There r also some of categorize them. But they seem to radiate fr where somewhere deeper n is always a positive affirmation or inspiration. For example , I was doing sight mediation and in the middle of it, a deeper voice say: how wonderful! To B.B. in a room where pple are world ng hard for spiritual growth! It makes me want to grab every chance to work harder because time keeps running away.
What exactly are these? These feelings that come fr a deeper place. Obviously the answer is not to b attached, but do we count these as little realization?
How do u identify realization
Real significance of keeping spine straight
How to teach children
How did y feel before embarking on retreat
What was your biggest discovery or learning . How did the retreat inspire or change u
Pieces like this remind me of what is important.
Words anchor me n bring me back to sanity.
I also want to touch on another aspect of appreciating human life, one that has to do with realizing the difficulty of finding this human life. The Buddha used an example to describe just how rare it is to obtain this human life. He was asked by a king, “How many human beings from the lower suffering realms will be able to come up to the wonderful human life that you talk about?” The Buddha looked around and saw a big mirror. He picked up a handful of peas and threw them at the mirror, and all the peas fell down. Buddha said that the chances of getting a precious human life are even less than the chance of any peas sticking to the mirror.
And then there is a very famous example in which the Buddha said that if this whole continent became a huge ocean, and within that ocean you had a yoke floating on the waves and a blind tortoise that popped up once every five hundred years, the chances of obtaining precious human birth would be equal to the chances of that blind tortoise emerging with his head poking through the yoke.
Actually, the life we have is not just a gift; it didn’t just happen to you. You have earned this life—this opportunity, this capability and potential for the ultimate achievement of enlightenment. You have earned it because of the great karma you have accumulated. According to the teachings, the basis of that karma is a pure morality.
I miss my teacher!
And just when I needed it most, the universe seems to know and I get messages like these!
A short drop-in practice from Tsoknyi Rinpoche.
Relax deeply. Don’t hold onto anything. Completely let go of thinking and judging mind while gently maintaining the clarity and knowing aspects of mind.
Now raise your arms to shoulder height, pause, and let them drop suddenly to your knees. As you drop your arms, breathe out forcefully. Then say, “Who cares? So what? Svaha!” (Svaha is a Sanskrit word used frequently in mantras that means “So be it.”)
Whatever happens, wherever you land after dropping your arms, just let it be. Don’t do or try to block anything. Just rest. There is no need to search for something new or try to achieve some special insight or state.
Feel whatever feelings and sensations arise and be lightly aware of them. Feel them naturally and softly, and don’t try to change anything. When uncomfortable feelings come up, you can relax and trust them, without analyzing or somehow figuring them out. Let them be as they are through feeling awareness while resting naturally in the body.
This practice can be repeated until you can more fully drop into your body and feelings.