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Tsoknyi Rinpoche’s Teachings

看到仁波切

有一种心门打开微微打开的温暖

那是一种怎样的力量?

可以打开别人的心门?

可能有时候我也是这样吧

温暖的感觉好好

温柔暖心

怎么保持这样柔软温暖的心

我感激,此时可以在这里听课,这是多么好宝贵的机会!

但愿在这里,获得休息,解放自己现在过去,获得疗愈获得引导获得灵感获得开启获得加持。

Rinpoche teachings make me feel like there’s a lot I can do to my own practice or life 

There’s a way out to make it better

He’s pointed a way out— go a little bit with the suffering , open up and feel it n be with it

There’s a way out, there’s something we can do

Day 2

We started with the practice of “dropping” and “handshake” with issues at heart 

I felt that I want to work on brokenness 

At Ishinomaki at Nozomi project, Sue wanted to give me a pendant but I didn’t really want it

“It’s okay”, I said.

But it’s not.

There’s brokenness in me n that I didn’t want to address

There’s brokenness in me that I didn’t want to come face to face with or embrace

Why? I asked. In this session of mindfulness practice.

Because it’s a period of time which was a lack n imperfect I felt it was beneath me, me who excelled and is perfect in all ways.

Me who was trying to rise up to the social strata n is set back 

There’s a sense of shame that that part of my life was anything but perfect

It pulled me down that period of lack 

There’s anger n frustration in there. A lot of pride and ego as well

I didn’t want to talk about it or bring it up. I want it to go away. And erase it get it out of my life

But go away it did not

It pops up every now and then, time and again when I see something or speak to someone or touch someone else’s brokenness 

And I press it down

How should I go about this to transform this?

I thought about lack too

Why do I have problems giving to people even if I m able to?

Because I m reminded of a state when I was in my lack— a period of lack in my life that I m still living in n out of even if I m not now 

But that period was an impactful one , leaving me a v strong imprint

I do not lack anything now n I need to release myself from it.

In fact I have been factually speaking and saying so, but energetically feelings wise I haven’t come out of it

For once I wanted to meet with it.

Come face to face with it

And try to understand both cognitively n emotionally that which went thru my mind n my body n my heart

It’s been tough for me n I took it all down n made it well on the surface 

But deep down I know there’s a road to healing

And I m walking on it now 

Slowly but surely 

But now that I write, HOW SILLY! To live with a judgment I set and unwittingly got sucked into and suffered for. All this while.

On day 3 I understand or come to realize that we have to start to feel to get in touch with our self n our heart.

We have been thinking too much n now is the time to bring about a better balance in our life by feeling. I remember Alain Passard telling me, how he loved cuisine art because it got him in touch with his senses.

It brought him closer to himself.

I think the practice of life is such, bringing ourselves back to our intuitive nature, and unlearning concepts, practices, habits to return to our carefree boundless nature.

There can be many solutions to be arrived at just by being aware by just feeling.

Thinking can solve some problems and awareness more. 

There was time devoted to taking refuge and the Taking refuge part is amazing

It feels really warm n enveloped or hugged in the heart area

Feels loved 

Grateful for refuge, like an inner secure home you can always come to. Consolidated the teachings proper down here:

Teachings

Day 1

Subtle body

Betw cognitive mind n physical body Theres a world of feelings 

Gd understandings if physical body n cognitive mind

But Subtle body understanding is not mature

Keep this subtle body healthy n it has impact on our consciousness n physical body to achieve gd well being

Many times we say I know but I don’t feel it

I know I m ok but don’t feel like it 

We think we should b happy but don’t feel happiness 

So there’s some blockage in the subtle body

Most times you know but don’t feel this way

Too serious will block joy

Serious only to function

Too serious get uptight not gd for subtle body

On outside function well n

Find humor internally 

——->Balance 

加油陈彬雁

Mantra I created- simple inside complex outside 

Learn to handle complex world with simplicity on the inside

Relax but open 

Complex because external conditions of modern life is quite complex

Simple- because we have to find or connect with our birth right , unconditional well being, unconditional happiness 

Keep this n cope with complexity of modern life

Feel for it

Only thru feeling we will transform our happiness 

We have 2 types of habits

-Cognitive based habit

-Emotional or subtle body based habit

Emotional habits—-if we want to transform we go thru a special feeling to heal that feeling 

In the subtle body, cognitive understanding cannot help transform 

Mind understands but not enough to transform or heal 

Simple inside, complex outside 

World getting better but with it comes worry 

How do u handle this? 

What’s the right amount to worry 

Simple inside = we r born with natural spark or essence love, unconditional stuff

we are born with our existence

This is important to shift some belief n understanding because we r used to looking for conditions 

Happiness is not only outside or inside it’s a combination 

It’s not smtg u can pinpoint 

Eg how much strength do u use to hold this paper?

Right amount of grasp easy to see on the paper 

When it’s in u, how’ve you holding your life?

You living life too loose or too tight?

How do u know? Do u know?

Feel your seriousness?

What is to relax?

Think about this?

Slow down? Slow down what? 

Work slow eat slow?

Which part u relaxing? Action or mind?

Relax – is soft loose warm 

Have u located it?

Where is it?

When I ask u to relax some of u look like u r gg somewhere. If that’s the case u can’t work n can’t deal with the complexity . If use this way, both can’t exist at same time

Have to b practical

Teaching of Buddha need to b applied to n  arrive at change in life n become better n happier 

If u have quarrel with partners, can u keep some calmness n deal with complexity of the emotion

This is important coz we go into black n white

We lost the beautiful dance with life

I want u to relax this subtle body

relax the feeling world not the physical world 

Eg walk here to there fast but relaxed 

If don’t relax subtle body tension build up

There will b blockages

There’s a Qi connected with speediness

You get Anxious

Think fast action fast but feel relaxed

Connect with relax first 

relax but alert so u can carry on with everyday life

Relaxed n engaged

Eg u need to go to a place but still have 3 days but u r speeding up n already going 

—->That not relaxed or being speedy . Y do u worry?

Can u relax n not b worry ?

That speediness is part of the subtle body

Mind knows 3 more days n says relax 

How to turn down the speediness 

Every time we r tired n exhausted it’s not our mind or physical body but the restlessness that is in our subtle body

3 parts:

-Cognitive based Mind

-Feeling based emotion Subtle world

-Body

Eg cleaning

Body is doing work

Mind already know what to do but body needs time to do

Feeling – so faster n faster quickly finish

Do u feel this

There’s work u don’t like but u have to do 

That’s y u want to do faster to finish 

So what do u do? Not to clean or with that job or change mind?

U think one way n feel another 

Conflict between mind n feeling 

Sometimes both go same Direction

Positive thought —-give positive feeling gd

But sometimes this doesn’t happen 

It depends on connection between mind n feeling

Modern lifestyle broke the connection because too many things outside. You get sucked in n lost the inside world 

Stress comes because the emotions in subtle body is pushing body to do fast 

This restless feeling in subtle body 

subtle body is made up of prana nadi bindu 

Have to feel! Not just understanding 

This click is important 

!!!!!Dropping exercise!!!!!

Some things u can let it go let it drop

Say Extra worry tensions or baggage 

We have these because we forgot to delete n it’s become junk

Why we care more than we need?

This extra caring is a burden

This burden will block authentic care

Have to let it go 

Practise dropping 

Involves mind feeling body

Dropping means delete ok let it go

——Always input nvr delete 

When u drop u get freedom 

Most of times u want too many  because of craving attachment… u hold everything in n don’t delete 

Shake hands

Let go of breath 

N mind- says who cares?so what ?

Whatever happens happens whatever doesn’t doesn’t 

Too much hope n fear no gd

at the end let out big breath n open up your palms on leg

Stay there in the free open relaxed 

Be in the now

U need this many times in daily life

Drop n relax

After a while don’t even need the shaking hands action

Now What r you dropping?

Worry? Fear?

What is your baggage? Try to understand that

Simple practice for mind body feeling 

When we care more than we need extra care become problem 

When u become healthy u make other pple healthy n happy 

Happy doesn’t mean things r perfect

Even if things not working perfectly you know how to sort or handle 

Be kind to yourself and others

Subtle body teaching teaches balance n is about healthy human beings

Stillness w/o movement 

Stillness with movement

Every thought has some feelings

When we make decisions, there’s some feeling in there

Every thought has a teabag

We need awareness to recognize feeling of body, emotion or mind

Sometimes decisions are made based on habits , this involves feelings 

In fact many times we decide based on our imprints

Eg u go to hotel there r 2 beds, one near wall the other in middle 

Which would u choose

Who is making the decision

The mind? Body?

The imprint is mostly making the decision 

Imprint is the chop in the nadi, one of the 3 in the subtle body

Coz our habits r v stubborn , so who cares ? So what is directed to ourselves 

Subtle body is more than mind, less than body

Not a mind nor physical 

It’s In between 

Subtle body Comes from 3 components prana nadi bindu 气/脉/敏点

气Prana: every movement is based on prana, also called lung

There’s external n internal Qi 

Every moment is dependent on Qi 

This natural movement of subtle body due to outside forces makes it unhealthy 

This unhealthiness manifests in 3 forms

脉Nadi- connected with subtle nerves to connect feelings 

There can b healthy subtle body

Transform Fr distorted subtle body to healthy body 

名点Bindu-

Imprint x habits 

environment n habits leave imprint on us

We learn fr environment society parents friends etc, imprints r left on in subtle body 

Some r healthy some unhealthy 

2 kinds of habits – karmic(fr past life)n learned habitual pattern (fr this life)

Cognitive habitual pattern- fr childhood u recognize n build up habit overtime 

In the process there might b trauma , these also leave imprint 

Painful state in world of feelings. Emotions move around that

Issues in there

Some r sleeping imprint, most r

This  imprint we call cause

This cause is triggered by smthg similar n is activated

When old imprint is activated,

you feel the same feeling that old event triggered

All these r activated 

Mindfulness help u not react to that

— oh this is triggered not actual one 

Actual thing already gone because of trigger n activated and it’s in u now

It’s the leftover imprint giving u suffering 

Practice – aware of that moment feel the feeling n transform that 

This is my imprint it’s not me

have to transform no need to scared its leftover residue — it’s not me

It’s my imprint it’s not me

Train! Thru mindfulness awareness

Every time its activated , use love understanding n awareness to transform 

It’s real but not true

The feeling is real but the message isn’t true because the real event is gone

So when u have the feeling that smtg is activated, strong habits etc b aware of that 

It’s my imprint not the real one

This can change many things in the family

You recognize that it’s their imprint it’s not them

All of us are clinging on to our imprint

Learn to identify n separate the 2

Communicate with imprint n let it go

Eg when couples quarrel

U know that his or her imprint has been activated 

!!!!!Meet our imprints!!!!! Handshake Practice 

Say hi smile be kind not suppress

Don’t run away but feel the pain if u have

It has happened 

It’s real but not true

It’s distorted

If you cling to it follow it and make it true you lock in to that habitual pattern

You wear that glass you perceive life from there

You suffer your family suffer your partner suffers too

This is all unnecessary suffering 

The birth age illness death suffering is enough 

We can change this n transform 90% you can function well 

It’s not me

It’s imprint 

We can transform the imprint 

When sleeping imprint is triggered, normally mind n feeling give out lots of stories and the imprint is activate. you react, then After many reactions , the imprint is reinforced 

We have to stop the reactions

This is feeling world so takes a little time but this is so important 

Drop the thinking mind

Whatever comes up be with it – handshake practice 

Know vs feeling

Drop the thinking n feel

Learn to meet raw with the inner monsters

Feel the pain for a while n it will open up

Change from core

Chant with the monster not to monster 

One day u b proud of yourself—- for meeting face to face 

If u can transform it will help you greatly

We have a lot of unnecessary suffering n we carry it all the way n think it’s me n see others thru that

But we have a right to live happily 

Smile without reason 

Trigger essence love 

Awareness 

Thru knowing things will change 

Of course there r techniques too

But sometimes just knowing can change naturally 

Find your ground your center n look

If qi go up it means You lost your ground 

Trust yourself have confidence to b yourself 

Just relax 

Day 2

Acceptance fr feelings rather than mind

Learn to listen to the voices that come out of our system 

Eg of him crossing bridge at KLCC

He stopped at one end of bridge

Use cognitive/thinking or analytical mind to investigate bridge is safe or not 

Access it’s safe coz pple r on the bridge 

Try to walk second time 

Felt same fear n stood there to check myself

2 messages come out

  1. Cognitive mind says go
  2. Feeling says no

I walked back because I want to transform 

I don’t want to force

Force maybe can do one time but next time more forceful

I walked back n stayed for a while for self reflection 

Outside is safe, bridge is safe

Inside is complex due to an internal beautiful monster

When I was young I fell Fr tree or mountain many times so I have these imprints in my subtle body 

Conflict betw mind n feeling , ego or I don’t know who to support 

Everyday u have this

We all have this don’t blame yourself or others but we can transform slowly minimize suffering

Many habits are in the subconscious in the subtle body

Use that beautiful monster to understands ourselves n others 

Many great things in this world because of beautiful monster

A lot of pple are great because they r connected to some form of monster 

If u stuck no solution but if u use monster

If we use right way it can b healthy

I know the value of that pain n not to let other pple have pain

Eg Milerepa master

He’s have a great monster n use that n transformed

Lean in on the pain 

Go into the pain almost like refuge

When u stop reaction monster open up

Because that monster is not permanent but dependent n its nature is openness 

Communicate with the monster 

Fear fr feeling- is not fact based fear 

But from imprint that was triggered n activated 

Many imprints r in our life

The complexity is due to a mixing of imprint based fear and fact based fear

Based on clarity of mind , with mindfulness practice, we can guide n transform distorted habitual pattern into healthy new pattern 

Buddhism encourages intelligent mind to do investigation

If we want to know our real self we have to find the selfless egoless self

We need healthy relative self

How does it appear to you? Distorted reality n imprints 

What is the reality?

When u open up

Confidence inner confidence inner strength understanding compassion will come

Won’t immediately react

Lots of beautiful things happen 

Inside n outside is healthy

It’s great n joyful

You dwell gd because it’s not due to outside conditions 

Experience of essence love is our birthright

It’s always there but due to imprint n our fixations, it’s covered up

We lost our connection to essence love but keep going to look for happiness outside n you experience hollow inside even if you r successful 

Arrive at Experience of movement of Bindu 

Bindu = home of love courage clarity bliss joy 

Feel grounded calm warm heart less judgmental kind

Feel well inside

Connecting with essence love via shamantha 止 practice 

So u can always go back there

Home must b healthy 

All kinds of love must come fr essence love otherwise its conditional love 

Then u know how to forgive also

Like with parents 

Otherwise if smtg happens 

Understand that this is their habit also

If we can understand this we can forgive 

How to bring qi down

-As soon as you aware it goes down

-technique :

-we need to have calmness n clarity because meditation can arise out of that

-grounded body calmness warm in body clear heart 

-calmness is in the feeling not in the mind

-modern life is busy n qi is v active, you need extra effort to b calm

  • we use a lot of lung n qi to function in modern day
  • But we forgot to bring it down or let it go back to their place

Meditation

– mainly shamatha n vipassana

-shamatha needs focus

-before this u need preparation understand subtle body etc 

-after shamatha, vipassana will come 

Eg handshake with fear

N fear goes away

But you miss fear ?

Whatever is there be with it eg b with absence of fear n maybe there u will find shamatha 

Eg u handshake with fear but anger comes

Stay w anger or handshake anger

Then sad come

So handshake the sadness

But there’s an end

So stay there sadness will open up n gone

N maybe there will b doubt , so handshake that 

There r layers as emotions r linked but there’s a root to this

Maybe there will b essence love freedom etc in place at the end

Just b there

Essence love is your nature

Ego

Ego has 4 expressions:

-Mere I (healthy)- simple I 

-Realified I- my point of view is right, this is the truth (unhealthy)

-self centered cherishing I – all about me, 

-social I – come out of self cherishing strong I , v high maintenance , high when in a group 

-ultimate I

Ego arise Fr fear

Go back to childhood, have a look

Most healthy antidote is love

Esp essence love it will heal 

Our world is missing authentic pure unconditional love

Too many conditions 

Caught up with expression of love but we really are disconnected fr essence love 

Come back to basic

Rebuild n reconnect ie with qi that should b at dantian 

We grew up too quickly no time to play 

We need connection with feeling our hearts

Handshake is to make mind emotion feeling connected 

Calm

Calm n aware = good

Calm n don’t know what is happening = no good 

Calm is not a hiding place to ignore things

!!!!!!Bringing Lung down!!!!!

  • overactivated 
  • Tight neck burning eyes like boiling state n shaking
  • Do breathing exercise to bring lung down
  • breathe out 
  • 2 methods 

(1)3 steps: breathe in /push down (- like peeing ) /count 6 /breathe out

  • You feel groundedness mind clear eyes brighter feat subside 
  • Lie down at home put book on belly. Breathe in belly bigger breathe down belly smaller 
  • Do v regularly 

(2)Gentle breathe

Still can talk n qi stay at dantian 

Feel grounded n achieve clarity 

Cooling at forehead

Burp

Pass gas

Some itchiness in scalp

Some vibration

Qi in legs

Grounded

We r happy to open eyes

Have Water in your eyes

Look into light n sun quite ok

Non reactive 

Respond fr qi groundedness calm

Take care of your qi

The above will help life n minimize suffering

Shamatha

Nowness n clarity stay v long

2 practice

Handshake – for imprint nadi 

Breathe- for qi prana

!!!!!!Happy without reason!!!!!!

Guru Rinpoche Empowerment 

Connected to guru rinpoche 

Empowerment: Your body speech mind perception everything— like trying to upgrade to guru rinpoche ‘s mind speech body perception way of thinking living etc in a enlightened way or adopting guru rinpoche ‘s enlightened body speech wisdom 

I feel v blessed to have this opportunity !!!!! May I share this joy and gratitude with all sentient beings 

Main purpose : adopt enlightened perception , with gd effects of gd health less obstacles 

After empowerment, chant mantra, more effective 

1)Water purification- purify obstacles

Blessed water n saffron water to drink n on head n sprinkle – think of purifying yourself obstacles sickness all gone 

2)sharing blessings with maras

3)Visualize 5 colours of light rep 5 wisdom protect u

4)dharma teaching- keep gd motivation 

I do not know what rinpoche is chanting but I feel blessed to b here at the moment to have this opportunity 

I thank the good that has been done I thank the difficulties that have brought me here

And I want to make this opportunity good by motivating myself to b better to practise to do better so I can share my light n pave the way for more gd opportunities

Mandala offering

Chanting to ask for blessing 

Visualize your body dissolve into emptiness n with it comes luminosity 

N transform into new body of guru rinpoche 

Light Fr my heart n Fr rinpoche heart meet 

Go to guru rinpoche ‘s pure land to invite wisdom 

Multicolor light go to head chakra

Shimmering

Blessing of guru rinpoche body speech mind received forever 

Visualize yourself as guru n his body come to u n dissolve 

Receive Mantra to cleanse prana qi wind

Blessing of guru rinpoche ‘s heart or wisdom. Mind pushed by thought after thought fixations , rest n find empty luminosity 

Long term effect: awaken n become 

Buddha 

Chant time to time 

Visualize 

Meditate 

Cultivate yourself 

Have happy healthy life

Pls take care of yourself your family n sentient beings 

Live a healthy meaningful life 

Day 3

If live with “Mere I”, attachments is lesser

Based on us as human, until we depart as humans. When we r no longer humans, perception change. We r what we r because of conditions coming together 

Now we come back to mere I 

!!!!!Clarity!!!!!

Clarity is the uniqueness of our mind, means clear and self knowing 

Only mind has this quality not elements not flower etc

Mind Also called consciousness or 心

Calmness is subtle body

Mind 

Subtle body(Parma.nadi.bindu)

Physical body 

When we meditate, mind subtle body mind all involved 

Mind expresses in 4 ways:

  1. Knowing mind – simply u know. Automatic. eg flower is flower, book
  2. Thinking mind – think to find out. eg who made book? In order to think n find out we need some reference ie what you learnt before. Then you think n judge . Problem is : if we have wrong reference n we make wrong judgement n conclusion because this is all connected to habitual patterns n imprints
  3. Awareness of mind – v important!!!!! What is Difference between knowing n awareness? When u have anger in you, do u notice you have anger ? You know ? And are you aware? What’s the difference? You look at flower? You know this is flower? But Are you aware that the mind is or you are knowing the flower? Awareness is like a double mirror. YOU KNOW THE KNOWING it’s in the present moment . Part of the knowing but also knows the knowing . It’s not part of thought nor thinking. It’s the intrinsic quality of mind. Best companion that comes with you. Not too strong not too loud. We always try to find out from or with thinking. One day it’s not a lot of difference because whatever you know awareness is there . Whatever you think there’s awareness. Almost no self but there’s something in there. Beautiful!  If you can bring this into your life, many problems will be solved and one day that awareness become automatic. This awareness almost take care of everything. Practice! But not by thought. Drop the thinking . We think we can find solutions by thinking but that is not true. Thinking has its role but not all can b solved by thinking so drop the thinking and just aware.
  4. Clarity: like an ah moment . Opposite is dullness. If you know dullness you must know clarity. Is this thought? No. We have clarity n this is our innate intrinsic nature of mind. Need to b aware n nurture it. Find by awareness n nurture with mindfulness. Otherwise when we meditate we go into dullness. Dullness gives some peace but not wisdom . Like the heart sutra it comes from clarity n out of all knowing mind. Buddhist meditation looks for calmness and we want clarity. Aware of Clear openness . Thought emotion comes but you are not sucked into it . It’s shamatha without support——- happiness without reason. Calmness love clarity. All these yours just reconnect n strengthen n let it b part of your existence 

Authentic shamantha has calmness and clarity and stillness.

Thinking is movement 

In stillness of calm n clear , thought comes, that movement of thought. Is that stillness still there?

If stillness not lost fantastic.  It’s stillness with movement. V useful for everyday life.

If stillness n thought comes , stillness gone. Gone

When u r in shamatha without support n in stillness u hear one sound n u know it’s a dog , with that knowing , r u still in stillness?

Yes. 

Knowing is there but it doesn’t becomes thinking

Whatever u know u know

Whatever you don’t know you don’t know 

You not trying to know or stop

Don’t stop the knowing don’t switch it off

Just don’t go into thinking

Knowing but not going into afflictive mind

Some pple afraid of going into afflictions or discursive thought 

so switch off knowing but switch off knowing n u switch off clarity 

Thoughts n emotions come but u r not reacting 

So thoughts n emotions are liberated 

When u r being in the stillness 

Some point u cannot continue when there’s emotion to make u lose the state

Do u re-recognize the state or handshake ?

If you just lose mindfulness , just come back to the state gently

If it’s old things come up then handshake . Feel that pain. Be with that. Be kind. You will find some space. From there go back for the calm

You met the raw pain state for a while

Open it up

Then from there progress 

Awareness includes knowing

Knowing doesn’t include awareness

How long more are you going to hide from yourself? Run away from yourself? We want to b free within , not block. If you hide you will never conquer the samsara.

Go back to the root. It will help us a lot.

Number of practices:

  1. Handshake 
  2. Qi management 
  3. Shamatha without obj

Openness n opening up

Restricted mind is based on our imprint 

We need awareness to develop ourselves 

Taking refuge

Namo buddhaya 

Namo dharmaya 

Namo sanghaya

Like a number to call Buddha

Buddha bodhisattvas want to help us

We call out to them when we need

Commit yourself 

I m going to change n improve myself 

Bring virtue in my life n others

To deal with own n others monsters, the way is to:

Practice practice practice then one day simplicity will arise

Golf cooking creative artist life death all like that

Complex will lead to simplicity 

Also, change yourself to change others.

Do not wait for others to change. Change yourself. You b surprised how many other changes will come.

Change the right one 

!!!!!!Imparting this wisdom to others:

Every stage uses different methods

Best time is young time ie birth to 6-7 years 

Teaching manifest in form of silent transmission, ie make sure they have feeling of safety or grounded body, if u have baby hold baby face outside so adult become live chair n your groundedness is transmitted to child via nerves

Make their subtle body healthy 

So just drop everything n b in the center n just hold them

They will feel care safe n free

Teenage time use different methods because now is rebellious time, they think parents don’t understand them 

Be strong n understanding of their emotions n problems 

Bottom line is if u know clearly, u will b able to help others 

Many things u have to work in silence based on love kindness compassion 

Work in silence or silent transmission

Things still move

That’s the best way

Like a blessing and a miracle 

People have to learn from you silently 

How do u know if monster has opened up?

When feeling says – I want to know more about the pain 

Normally is fear numb shut off don’t want to know

It’s not delivered by mind

When monster is triggered 

u can chant mantra from time to time to see how monster feels- it is real but not true

Stop talking, just be

Fear of death :

Use this teaching to practice 

Not just cognitive but also in subtle body 

Need to practice 

It’s not only what u know u can change 

Sometimes you know but still cannot change 

It’s habitual accumulated over time 

Don’t seek new information you know v well already 

Don’t seek new thinking

Just do it

Don’t wait for perfect conditions to do it to practice 

Any place any moment any situation 

Just do it

!!!!!If you want to say no, say it!!!!!!

2 types of habits

-Karmic habitual pattern

-Learned habitual pattern: healthy n unhealthy 

Within unhealthy is distorted wounded n not wounded

Monster – wounded n unwounded

Wounded u have to open up its related to emotion 

Unwounded one like Qi speedy 

Bindu

– home of or basis of love clarity courage bliss joy

-it will happen by itself if I take care of Qi lung imprints balance well being etc 

-feels openness essence love courage okayness

-feel well unconditionally or inner vibrancy feel happy without reason 

-modern living encourages happiness with conditions ie if u do smtg then u b ok

-opposite of bindu is hollow.

– if cannot experience, handshake the blockages or bring lung home 

-people r easily affected be they r hollow inside 

Conclusion 

At this part of bridge I stopped n wanted to transform 

Handshake shamatha 

Fr subtle body there’s a message I can walk across bridge

I talked to my physical body to ground it

Halfway thru let go of arm walk

Walk to n fro to reset

There r many levels to work on to release the imprint 

Gentle vase breathing

  • little bit of breathing mayb 5% n let go so we can still talk n move 
  • If u do well this will save your life

Live happy n healthy 

Guide others n your next generation to a healthy direction 

Don’t quarrel with partners accept differences 

You don’t know who will go first

N your children will feel better n you yourself too

For pple who experience death let it go

Cannot fight with facts

Accept n let it go

Chant their name n say they have passed away

Know when is the right time to let it go

One great master said, end of building need to come down

End of life is death 

End of gathering separation comes

But what you practice you never separate from that 

The understanding will b with you

Live young

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Real Happiness

Teacher always appears when I need a boost to my mind.

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche held a dialogue with superstar Jet Li and they exchanged thoughts about calming the mind and how to do so.

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The following are the gist of the talk.

What are the benefits of meditation ?

  • neutoplasticity neuropathy of mind
  • Mind become pliable workable 
  • Most problems come Fr mind
  • Learn technique to free yourself = scientists say meditation 

Essence of Meditation = awareness , knowing 

Awareness is always with us—Iike sky always there n pure n calm

We have thought n emotion like cloud, stress panic worry like storm like cloud

Cloudless is openness

-Sound Meditation: ear hears sound n mind knows sound, awareness. When u listen to sound there may be thoughts. If you don’t forget the sound, any thought comes is ok

-Open awareness: 2 steps. 1) learn to relax When you heave a sign of relief, after jogging cooking exam washing etc. After letting go of breath rest a few sec. 2) open awareness M. How to b awareness itself . With space itself . 

Non meditation is best meditation 

Not meditating but not lost

Awareness n there’s no grasping 

Jet Li says that he has been studying Buddhism for 21years. He was 34 in 1997.

“I was told to Study work hard n u b successful, I worked really hard 

I thought with reputation fame power love wealth I would have solved all the problems 

But when I have these I m still unhappy. I had anxiety. In 1997 there was the Asian financial crisis, I saw a lot of pple who were more successful than me multi millionaires being unhappy or suffering. So what can we do to b free fr suffering, they have all they need in life!

At that time I read a book. So 2500 years ago shakyamuni has fame power love wealth 

Yet this prince said he is suffering he couldn’t solve old age sickness death, I found this interesting , up till today no one emulated Shakyamuni. After six years he found a solution—-he says, ‘I no longer want to fight n work so hard for fame wealth power’.

I began to understand after studying Buddhism all these years, that

  • in this world if there’s anything that is made up of one element, it will come apart. We call this impermanence 
  • We have emotions, n often it will b a cause of suffering 
  • Cause and effect
  • Birth reincarnation samsara nirvana 
  • I study so hard because this is the most important thing
  • In life what u have is temporary possession, there will b one day you let it go
  • Compassion wisdom
  • If u truly want smtg, u will find the time for it”

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche says, there are 3 levels of Meditation

  • Meditation for this life: don’t need religion, it helps u attain peace calm
  • Accumulate quality of Meditation: essence of Buddhism for transformation 
  • Result of Meditation

He spoke about this overcoming panic attack with Meditation, and the way to do it was to make friends with laziness n panic-and how you ask?

“V easy. Watch lazy . Be aware of lazy. Then that becomes your support for meditation, if u see river u r out of river. River continues but u r not in it.

Whatever thought let them come, so long as you r aware.”

He pointed out the importance of Motivation of meditation- for all beings.

He also pointed out this important point on what it means to be letting go,

“Letting go is not giving up. Letting go means following the flow of nature n respecting that. Like open awareness u r not doing anything in particular, but you are not giving up awareness.

In our life, insight comes when you let go.

If we look for happiness based on outside or external circumstances, it won’t b lasting

Real happiness need to developed from inside.” 

0

无所住

《金刚经》:应无所住

创作艰难,必须走自己生命的路。他们深知创作即是修行,牢记应无所住,谨慎自己,一送涉匠气,便万劫不能再复。

午后阳光明亮,那一只窗口飞进来的鸽子,既然可以飞进来,也应该可以飞出去吧。

老子:“天下皆知美之为美,斯恶矣。”

美不是遵奉与模仿。美毋宁更是一种叛逆,叛逆俗世的规则,叛逆一成不变的规律,叛逆知识的僵化呆滞,叛逆人云亦云的盲目附和,叛逆知识与理想,叛逆自己习以为常的重复与原地踏步。

美是一种痴。

陶渊明:但识琴中趣,何劳弦上音?

蒋勋《舍得。舍不得》

0

Healing XXXXX

Life is a most amazing thing. Or, wonderful.

At least as of now, I finally can understand what it means when someone says, it is a gift. Life is a gift and the everything in it, of it in life—-are gifts.

Its hard to see this in the storm of it, but now that I look back, each and every single thing that happened in my life, is for me.

Because I needed them.

I went for my mindspa session yesterday and as always, Teacher has been most wonderful in facilitating the session.

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At the end of it, he says, “我有一个强烈的预感,或者,已经不是预感,你妈妈想通过我跟你说,她真的很为你感到骄傲。你的成长,你的突破,你的成就,一切。”

He says that he has a feeling—no, not a feeling, but an understanding that Mom wants him to pass this piece of info to me—that she is so very proud of me, my growth, my my attitudes, my achievements.

My honesty.

I remember when Mom passed away, i had a similar healing session, and the words that came out of it from Mom were,

“I m so proud of you, Go do what you think deem fit, You can Do it”

I had these words written down and they were always in front of me on my desk in my old office.

Teacher also said, “你的妈妈对你太重要了,你很在乎很在乎她。而且,你很想念妈妈,非常非常非常的想念。”

He said, “Your Mom is too important to you, you very much take her as the world. And, you miss your mother, a lot, a lot.”

I couldn’t sense it when he said this. Really? I thought?

When he said it, I thought of my daughter Qinzhi, i can sense that she sees the world of her mother—me, too.

Maybe more than how my mother feels to me.

And today, I finally understood what Teacher said.

I finally..honestly shared with SY how I felt about her niece’s sudden death, her 4 year old cutie niece, had influenza b 2 weeks back and that was the end of her young life.

I told her this, “SY一直没有勇气跟你说,也很怕让你难过。尤其看到你好像恢复平常的笑容,但是看到你们家小可爱就这么离开,真的很难过。我妈妈是这样走的,所以我很不愿意有人必须经历这样的心痛。难过到我不能呼吸。所以那几天你不在,我好像一直和你们在一起那样。不知道可以对你说什么,你那边怎样,我也不知道。你之前不让我去follow,但那几天你不在,我还是忍不住每天去看你的instagram。希望你那里一切还好。希望你们一家今后可以好好的,互相扶持,让时间疗愈。 may u b well n happy!”

“I didnt have the courage to say, and I was afraid you will be heartbroken, Especially now that I see you smile again, but seeing your precious little one go, made me very sad. My Mom left this way, and I didnt want to have anyone else experience this pain. I couldnt breathe hearing what happened to you. And in the few days that you are not in, i went to follow you on instagram, to see if alls well at your end. I hope all is well, and I hope your family stays strong, and allow time to heal.”

I got in touch with the pain of losing mother as I wrote this.

And I finally understand why Teacher said, “You miss your mother so much.”

And SY said to me, “没事 她一直在我们心里
时间会让大家痊愈
她这三年都很开心
很庆幸我去年还带了她去日本玩
我想你这期间也应该想起了母亲
希望你现在也已经在痊愈中
❤”

“Its alright, she’s living in our hearts. Time will heal everybody, she’s been happy these 3 years, I feel consoled that I brought her to Japan. I think you must have thought of your Mother this time, I hope you are already on the mend.”

Seeing this made me cry so hard.

When this happened, I didnt know what to say to SY, I didnt know what to do, I didnt know —until now—but now I do, this recent incident, sent me back to the time I lost my mother to a cold or flu, and when virus went to her heart. Mom left like that.

Now as I write I know, I was caught in that situation and trapped. In the world of healing, they call this—Trance.

All the feelings of pressure, helplessness, sadness came, and now I understand why I had all these unexplainable bouts of indigestion, bloating, pricks in the chest, heartache, backache.

All the pain and lack of support —they are all back.

And they remind me, there is something not resolved in my life, I m blessed and thankful I have Teacher with me to help me bridge the river I was to pass these 16 years.

Yes Mom, now I know —or probably not enough—-how I missed you, how important you are to me, how I see the world of you. How you love me, and how I love you.

It seemed like I didnt progress at all these 16 years, not making sense or accepting that you have left.

It all started with a little story I told Teacher yesterday.

I shared that I was missed out in a few meetings on content for events, and the final presentation came below my expectation. Also, I used to plan content for some events, but now I m not involved because I was left out of it.

I felt like I was not respected, not recognised, I was sore and angry about not being consulted and for the final event to come out sub standard.

But it beyond this thing about respect and recognition,  I wanted to give and offer my help, but I was rejected.

It was as simple as this, like I came forward despite all and I was not given a chance to offer. Its like being turned away.

It hurt me a lot. Rejection.

Teacher was very sharp. He picked this out, that in life if you meet with circumstances again and again, it meant there was a deeper root that needs to be undone. Well in my last role, I also met with an authority who did not see my capabilities and rather believed in substandard people who were all about telling sweet nothings but had no real capabilities.

Teacher was so sharp, he laid me down, and asked for permission to put his hand on my stomach.

Coincidentally, in the days before, I had the thought of him using his magic hand, to help me clear away old energies, I felt trapped in all the body symptoms I was experiencing, it felt so tough so I thought of using his hand.

And he did.

He didnt do anything, his hand was just above my tummy and we spoke.

He said, “Before we start this process, I would like to say that, a lot of times, there are problems which surface once and again, and somehow you get the idea that, these problems cannot be solved with your capabilities, intelligence, so we ask upon higher powers whom you feel an affinity to, to be present to support you. To show you the path so you can breakthrough.”

I did, “Dear Lord Buddha, Goddess of Mercy, Guru Rinpoche, my guardian angels, may I invite you to support me, to show my the path, the light, may I be healed.”

Teacher: “Alot of times, we neglect this energy that is Mother Earth, Mother Earth is all encompassing and nurturing, You lost your mother, but there’s Mother Earth, use a bit of imagination, see yourself running on the greens. Feel Mother Earth’s love.”

Strangely last week when I was in the Botanic Gardens, I had this longing to lie on the green grass and I did even if I was dressed for dinner at a starred restaurant.

A few days ago, while I was walking after lunch, I specifically looked for a patch of green, my back was so uncomfortable, I felt like I just needed support, I just needed to lie down.

I told Teacher about this, and he went, “See your longing to be connected?”

“I want to bring you to the greens, and rest in nature. What do you see?”

“I saw myself in my old house, I was ironing the clothes, and Mom was back, she went to mop the floor again even if I had done it for her. I was so angry ironing clothes, I told her off—– next time you do it yourself. Mom was very sad, she cried hearing me say this, she came over and put her hands on my shoulders, and I brushed it off. She said, ‘Girl, dont be like that to me’. I told her off.”

Rejection.

She rejected my help and I rejected her plea.

Now as I write I know—this I had been clinging on to.

Teacher said, “did u regret? did you feel sorry?”

I said “Probably? I was so sore and angry and frustrated, when I have already done it for you, why do you have to redo? Dont you trust me?”

Mom had high expectations and she redid things I did.

Teacher was super sharp. He pointed this out, “If you had the chance to do this again, what would you say to her? What is it you want to say to her?”

“You are so busy and tired already, the floor is not important, your well being is more important. ”

Teacher: “Do you see how much you cared for your Mother? But look at this again, this time in the perspective as a Mother, if your daughter is doing housework for you, would you do it again?”

I was like, SHIT.

“I would.”

Teacher, “And it was because you saw things your daughter couldnt. Yes you would, because you have your mother’s exacting standards. So your mother also saw things you didnt do, that was why she did it again. Can you understand this? So if you cannot accept your daughter’s work, can you accept what your mother did? The fact that she mopped the floor again?

Do you see how much of your Mother you carry in you? High standards, if not higher. Very high in fact.

 

And if your daughter did work for you, what would you say to her?”

“Thank you Qinzhi for loving me and helping me.”

And i immediately felt regret: How many awful things have I done to my daughter? When I shouted at her for not doing work? For not knowing math.

And Teacher picked that up!

It was impossible to fool him.

He asked, “Did you feel trapped in the middle, you with your mother, and you as a mother, facing your daughter?”

“Yes yes yes,” I said, “I think my daughter sees the world of me, much more, even more than how I see my daughter. She loves me more than I love my mother, very much more. But how many times have I hurt her? I dont know the extent of impact of my actions and speech on her. Like how my mother was to me. So how do i undo this? Is it to say the things I have to say? ”

Teacher, “Nope, we still have to go back to that situation. What is it you really wanted to say to your mother? I want to hear it, you have to say it out.”

And he couldnt wait longer, “You also wanted to say, I care for you, I hope you have time to rest, that is why I did housework for you. That was how much your Mother mattered to you. You wanted to help her and she rejected. But you see, it doesnt mean that you dont matter to her. It doesnt mean that she does not acknowledge your effort.

So coming back to the situations you encountered in life, once and again, meeting with bosses who do not seem to see your capabilities—-YOU DONT NEED THEIR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, THEY ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER.

Your practice and homework now and forward is—have the awareness to see this point. When your boss comes to you, be sure to understand this in you—that she is not your mother, you do not need their recognition. ”

Strangely, a few days ago, this popped out in a variety show I watched. It was a singing competition, and the contestant sobbed on stage recounting how they have been praised and discouraged by comments online. To this one of the judges said, “DO you know them? If not, why do you allow them to matter to you? ”

Another said, “Why do you not choose to look at the 100 praises but allow the 1 negative comment to affect you?”

Clamouring for recognition praises likes, these are the things I fall into to.

Teacher, “You mistook these for your Mother, because you once was rejected and was not recognised or acknowledged for your effort.”

But these situations come back to remind you to show you about a distant past I was fixated on.

Knowing this is important for me to breakthrough. Understanding that I m complete and not in need of recognition or acknowledgement. And Teacher brought me back to my intentions to show me why I was on this path.

“Do you remember, when you considered this job change, what was your motivation?”

“It was to share a light. To touch and to warm people’s hearts. I wanted to do that”

“Yes Yes, i remember you saying that! You have a gift for doing that. You are already able to see beyond words and speech to reach to that light below. You know, each of us is a light, but alot of times, this light is not being exposed, because of many reasons, like the norms of society and others.”

Earlier, I told Teacher about interviewing Daniel Boulud the day before.

I was at MBS and I had their crew to support. Everything was set up so perfectly, it was a dream come through for me.

I had interviewed the same chef ten years ago when MBS opened. Ten years later, we are back like how a circle completes it path but this time, even if we are in the same interviewer-interviewee position, so much has changed.

The setup is like magic to me, I commanded the team. There was a cue board, which someone held on to clap and it beared my name and the crew supporting it.

Seeing it clap is like magic, it reminds me to be in position. To be present to listen to ask the right questions.

It was also a motivation for me, where else can I go now that I m here, this setup inspired me, HERE.

NOW.

Continue to go deeper within –yourself and others. The only way I can fetch out good quotes is others, is to go deeper myself. To experience myself.

I shared with Teacher how I made Daniel Boulud cry.

He was giving me all the best answers and I was almost giving up, I need something more personal.

But i persevered and wanted to try go deeper.

I got my chance when he talked about writing a book for young talents.

Until he talked about dreams and sacrifice. I asked him, what was the greatest sacrifice?

“Family”

And he teared up.

“Every night, we busied ourselves working for the pleasure of others, no one would be able to understand how much a chef has to do to get to where he is.”

I could feel for what he said.

Many at times, it was as if, he was talking about my life.

I told Teacher about this. I told teacher also about Crenn who told me about her being adopted. But I said, even as she shared about accepting, I felt that she has not yet fully done so.

“You see, you can already see beyond speech, to bring people to their light below.”

I told Teacher about feeling like him when I do these interviews with chefs. And I can see how Teacher as a bystander and outsider sees so much more clearly. I said that everything is actually quite apparent if you are on the outside.

To which he agrees, “Yes because most of the time, we are all embroiled in our own story. ”

I thank him dearly, for being with me to support, to offer his time and presence, and to listen.

“It is easy for an outsider, but greater is the ability to stand above your story to see from a birds eye view. I m only a facilitator or a boatman who is helping people bridge the river and to go from one end to the other. You did it because of the inner wisdom and the desire to mend or heal yourself. So Pat yourself on your shoulder.

The setup is like a gift, from the universe, your effort and work is being recognised and this is like a gift to tell you how far you have come.”

I told Teacher about the Ishinomaki trip about this couple who went to this badly hit village in NE japan and came back changed.

The husband quit his job and left on a trip with his wife was was suffering from depression. He gathered that no matter how much he earnt it was meaningless if his wife isnt well.

The wife was healed on the journey because she saw for herself how little she compared to the people who lost precious ones to the forces of Nature.

When they came back from their trip, the husband decided to do something he really wants, a little restaurant he always wanted and named it Ishinomaki.

They continue to visit the place and support the people there, by way of important produce from that region. I had a chance to interview this couple from my previous position and now the wife is giving me a chance to work on a video. And wanting me to go because she felt I would be the best to express this.

I told Teacher I was hesitant to go, because I dont think I want to confront myself. I told him in the process of interviewing chefs, I see my story in theirs and their story in mine.

And Teacher says, “You have all along been telling me about other people. But what about your own story? I want to hear your story.”

I was very touched.

I was thinking in me, “would anyone want to hear my story? does my story matter?”

But Teacher says, “I want to hear your story, you should be in the frame.”

I was very touched, because he acknowledged me, my time my experiences and all of the emotions the ups and downs, the mistakes and the right.

Everyone matters.

I saw a FB post on how tibetans did their sand art, “Each grain of sand is important in building a thing of great beauty.”

Teacher heard me in the heart and saw me.

I told Teacher that more and more, I am beginning to see myself. By first beginning to acknowledge my credit as an Interviewer at the end of my videos, and then wanting the crew to film me in the process of interview.

I think Ishinomaki is the right one.

He adds, “I think the timing is right. You are ready.”

 

 

 

 

0

Healing XXXX viii

IMG_1641

去找老师,跟老师说我的母亲节视频的故事。

学到许多。

我说,同业前辈的离开,前同事得病,让我很震撼,震撼到我摇晃。

老师说,平常人很firm的时候都很grounded,但身体的左右是过去未来,有时想过去有时想未来,加上前后,于是便不稳了。

老师说,我们在某一个时间点里面立下的决定和判断,形成了我们对这件事的理解或看法。

老师问:“妈妈去世的时候,假如你用管其他,不会对她说什么?”

我说那些谢谢、祝福的话都有,但也有许多的问好。为什么是我?我们怎么办?

老师说,这就是我当时被惊吓过后,跳回孩子的我。

所以现在看到周遭朋友的遭遇,都会跳会那时候的自己。

回到当时候的状态

我说,当时不知所。老师问我,当时候感觉到support 吗?

我说是当时的男朋友,还有大舅舅的扶持,大舅舅这一块,已经在弟弟结婚的时候处理。

当然也有愤怒、委屈,更多的是接触到人生的本质,千变万化,说变就变,不在你控制以内。也感谢妈妈,祝福妈妈。

老师说,我看到周围这些经验就会想到自己。回到当时的自己的状态。这一块是需要被康复的,不然在一些缺乏母性的状态下,很容易触动我。

老师建议:多点和mother earth衔接。因为这才是我们的energetic mother

我说,当时觉得无助无所依。

想想你会跟这个过世的前辈的孩子怎么说?

我说:“就是让他知道背后还有个人支撑。”

老师问:“你会如何对他形容妈妈的爱?”

“就是妈妈的爱永远在,妈妈的爱那个质量不会因为时间空间而改变或变质。”

还有,有时候不知怎么做的时候,会想想妈妈会怎么做,这也是妈妈留下的方式。

老师警惕,这也是流传的方式,要是不够觉察能力,很容易延续了祖辈的习惯。

老师要我想想,妈妈的爱是什么感觉。

我说最难忘,就是妈妈在周末看我还在睡,凑过来躺在我身边,轻轻摸我的手,因为很滑。妈妈会说——很滑。

还有帮妈妈做家务,但她回来重新做一遍,看我不给反应很冷淡,哭着哀求——girl,不要对mommy这样。

还有我喜欢的男孩说不喜欢我,妈妈看到我哭,在饭桌上陪我哭。可能这几次就是对妈妈和妈妈最亲密的“过招”了。

我跟老师说了我问大厨的问题,比如:“和妈妈最亲密的举动是什么?”

他说是挽手,搭肩。我现在才知道为什么这么问,因为我也记得和妈妈的亲密接触。

我问大厨,这么成功妈妈赞过你吗?

他说:没有。他得奖妈妈肯定知道,但不会说什么,但他相信妈妈心里在笑。

我说我听到大厨的渴望。希望妈妈赞他。

我说,我跟大厨说,妈妈很为你感动骄傲。

我说,在很多年前,也在一个healing的场合,听到妈妈对我的赞美。

妈妈说:“girl, I have always been so proud of u.”

老师说:“我也很为你感到骄傲。”

chef说,以前妈妈总是舍不得给自己买东西,把最好的都给孩子。现在他有能力,妈妈想吃什么他就买最好的给她。陪伴妈妈,饮茶、逛街市、煮饭。陪伴妈妈。

他说:“我就是买最好的螃蟹给妈妈”

我听了忍不住哽咽。

我对老师说:“这就是日常的提炼,很平凡的字句,但有最惊动天地的感情。”

一般人都这样,自己有能力的时候,想把最好的给家人。

还有……我没有这个机会了。

我问厨师,最想跟妈妈说什么?对着镜头说。

他居然说—-mommy i love you。

我说我很开心,因为这个一个大男人,一辈子没有说过这样的话,现在在镜头前表达。

老师说——那你呢?你最想跟妈妈说什么?

我说我没厨师那么勇敢。做这件事需要很多勇气。

老师说,妈妈虽然身体不在了,但energetically都在。所以要跟妈妈说的,一点也不晚。她听得到。

老师说,不知道你会不会忽略了,你自己也是妈妈。

厨师的赞美,也是给自己的赞美。

我说,不知道这事要怎么前进时,我想到德士师傅在台北的路上奔驰的时候,说的。

“你也是相当重要的人。”

妈妈就是一个家庭的引擎、心脏。

我问了先生。他给我很多灵感—-就是,妈妈平常怎么样,就怎么样。不少不多。

就在日常。

我要我的组员在香港继续问厨师的妈妈,她对孩子的期望。

果不其然。妈妈说,只是想孩子健康。

我跟老师说,厨师的话和他的家,和我自己的生活经验有很多交叉之处

我说,厨师的故事,听起来跟我的有几分相似,最可爱是,他的爸爸排第五,亲戚都称妈妈——五嫂。

我的爸爸妈妈也是排第五。

我跟老师说,过去的力量很博大,可以淹没我让我没法呼吸。

老师说,在我们生命中的每个人都是因为某个原因来到我们的生命里。

灵魂和灵魂之间有个合约,

你母亲的到来和离开也是为了成就你灵魂的提升。所以要从中学习,让她的离去有价值。比如你怎么延续母亲。你怎么形容母亲?

我说我是什么样子,妈妈就是什么样子。

我比母亲还要强硬,妈妈是逆来顺受,什么都忍下来。

妈妈的爱很伟大,可以因为爱父亲,然后就什么都承担和承受。妈妈离开之后,真正觉得不可以再儿戏,要醒过来。妈妈的离去真正的让我看到,人生、生活的样子。品味、体验到生命,知道什么是生死。

或者说,不知道。

我提到做这件事的一个转捩点————就是在感受到记者前辈的离开,前同事患病的那几天,最难熬,不知道要怎么处理胸口的郁闷的痛楚。然后看到Khadro-la的唱诵,她说:“看到别人受苦的时候,什么也没法做。只能哭着,难过着。”

她之后再说一句:“compassion can heal delusion.”

那时候不知为何,想到可以转化,把自己内心的苦痛做一个转化的动作,看看是不是可以安抚失去孩子的妈妈,给他人带来一点的温暖。

我说,我很感谢自己在这个岗位上,可以做到这件事。

老师说:“用自己的苦、痛,然后可以透过这个方式去表达,可以给社会带来一股清流。现在的人,面对生活,都封闭起来。但是你不一样,你有痛用痛,要不是失去妈妈,你不会看到痛,但是看到痛的同时,也让你看到爱。这个energy最后还是会绕到你这边回来的。”

我说我看到奶妈孙女的小婴儿,非常开心,听到婴儿哭了,很感动很感动。很美好,把生命最美好的都表达出来了。

美好的,是new beginning。

说到这里我突然明白了,这样的运用生命,就是一个新的开始。每个人处理的方式不一样,我之前一路在寻找,现在找到的,找到了的,是我的方式。

很感谢,很感恩,有这个机会。

亲爱的妈妈,感谢你,生我,养我,惜我。

I love you mommy 😊

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生日快乐,TPY

亲爱的

好像都还没有好好的,跟你说一些像样的话。好像都还没好好的—祝福你。

生日快乐。

你要记得,你是被祝福的。

你看,你居然有机会进到米其林。

你看,你居然有机会去做开发、尝试写作之外的很多很多。

你看,你居然有机会到上海去谈电视制作,认识到这么多的人。

你看,你有支持你的家人、疼爱你的老小。你看。

你看。

很恭喜你,很为你高兴,这一切不是别的,都是辛辛苦苦,老老实实,一分一毫的耕耘回来的。

没有耕耘,就不会有机会。

你在这一年里,有这么多的挑战,有这么多的学习,有这么多的跨越和新尝试。

下一步要做什么?

做回自己。

这一年,最特出的,应该是spiritual 方面的学习,包括有机会上Mingyur Yongey Rinpoche的retreat。

上个月去了印度的小拉萨,听达赖喇嘛讲课。

觉得好像是梦一样。

现在在上海回新的飞机上,也觉得经历的一切,不可思议。

我在非常神圣的、非常纸醉金迷的两个极端之间游走,有时是拉扯、有时是推挤。

I m in an extremely good position to sort this out.

To sort out for myself, what this is about.

陈彬雁加油了!

假如不为自己设限,就不会有限制。就不会有约束。就不会有始终。

继续相信自己。

相信你敏锐的直觉。相信你的可能性,你的一切。

继续不屈不挠的精神,继续坚持,继续不忘初心,继续做那个最是自己的自己。

这些都好难能可贵。

生日这天,不在别处,有最爱的人在身边,很满足很幸福。

有爸爸大清早打电话来,说:“ah girl,爸爸祝你,生日快乐!”

有弟弟妹妹的whatsapp。

还有皓皓一大清早睡醒,就唱生日歌,唱完英文的唱中文。

这些都是最好的礼物。

皓皓是想着mommy画的,所以很珍贵。

 

img_5792.jpg

下班,约了在city hall,宝贝看到我,双双飞奔过来,送了花,

这件事是两人前一晚就很兴奋不已的,沁芝说,daddy说要送花。

 

IMG_5213

沁芝的作品。:)

IMG_5331IMG_5322

很爱这个,两个宝贝,谢谢你们,丰富我,温暖我,爱我。

也很谢谢daddy,从反对我上班,到现在支持我,mommy临时要出国,幸好daddy及时拿mc回家照顾你们。让我可以飞的时候,毫无牵挂,全情投入,可以做好每分每秒,把最是自己的那一面,实现了。

那才是对你们的最佳回报。

还有奶妈送的红包

这些最重要的祝福,还有fb,whatsapp,我没有特别的去想,但厨师们、朋友们的有心祝福,让我在回复的时候,发掘自己的嘴角是往上扬的。

它让我把自己对自己的怀疑扫掉。

同时又不太把自己当真,就是感激、感谢。让我知道,我的选择,我的路,其实还ok。要继续加油,做好一个人。做一个好人。

秋天是收获的季节

这就是我最美丽的收获。

去找了Essential Oil的老师,John今天的message是:reinvent yourself, be creative.

Keep on expressing your self, your true self,challenge boundaries and push the limits.  Dont be afraid to express yourself, your honest authentic self. So many people are afraid to be themselves.

You have a mission. You dont realise you have the power of influence, do you know how many lives you can save if you can encourage people to go vegan?

说真的,这是我从来没有想过的。

顶多,我就停留在美食改变我的生活,我家人的生活。餐桌是我的老师。但今天听老师这么说,我才认识到事情真的不是闹着玩。

他说:“as I see it, you are v blessed. you are in such a good position, you are the best person to do it, otherwise why do u think you experience all this and you are here? you have a mission , and you have this experience, use it . ”

我真的明白老师的话。

我们走了一些路,那是因为我们需要在下一次转身回头的时候,看到走这段路的原因。人生的每一段、每一个踏步都不是偶然。有了觉知的能力,就能够将人生的每一个瞬间,转化为生命的能量。将一路走来的点滴,用来为生命创作的泉源和灵感,因为–唯有提炼自生活的,才提升生活的本质的精要。唯有取自生活的,才能进一步丰富生活,这也和Mingyur Rinpoche说的,转化的道理是一样的。

将垃圾转变为养分。那才不会白费了这段路。

(这么巧,19-20日有机会上仁波切的课,他提到的也是这个。他还说了一个概念非常好玩,那就是–按摩你的内脏。仁波切说,不要老是寻找特殊的感觉,很多时候,你需要的都在你的身边,但因为太太靠近,所以你没有觉察到。)

创作本来就该源于生活。也只有源于生活的作品能够大于生活,因为这样的作品踏实,牢固,才能撼动人心。

取之生活,用之生活。

我会努力。我会加油!也祈愿我需要的助力触手可得,通过我的作品,带来启发,带来光芒,带来真正的改变。

Om ma ne pad me hum.

 

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Wisdom

“When we gain confidence in the view of the intrinsic nature without distraction or confusion, the arising of a deluded thought is like a thief entering an empty house. The house has nothing to lose, and the thief has nothing to gain. Whether the thief comes into the house or not, there is neither benefit nor harm. In the same way, thoughts will arise like reflections; but the moment they occur, the view of the intrinsic nature is right there. Since the view of the intrinsic nature is stronger than the thought, the thought will automatically be groundless and rootless. When that happens, there is also no trace left behind. If we can maintain the continuity of that state in which no trace is left, that is what is known as liberation.

It is like a drawing mode on the surface of water: there is no need to find something to erase it. Before the end of the drawing has been completed, the beginning has already disappeared.

Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche (Oral Instructions on ‘Three Words That Strike The Vital Point’ – on Action – Collected Works, Vol III pg 652 – Shambhala