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Real Happiness

Teacher always appears when I need a boost to my mind.

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche held a dialogue with superstar Jet Li and they exchanged thoughts about calming the mind and how to do so.

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The following are the gist of the talk.

What are the benefits of meditation ?

  • neutoplasticity neuropathy of mind
  • Mind become pliable workable 
  • Most problems come Fr mind
  • Learn technique to free yourself = scientists say meditation 

Essence of Meditation = awareness , knowing 

Awareness is always with us—Iike sky always there n pure n calm

We have thought n emotion like cloud, stress panic worry like storm like cloud

Cloudless is openness

-Sound Meditation: ear hears sound n mind knows sound, awareness. When u listen to sound there may be thoughts. If you don’t forget the sound, any thought comes is ok

-Open awareness: 2 steps. 1) learn to relax When you heave a sign of relief, after jogging cooking exam washing etc. After letting go of breath rest a few sec. 2) open awareness M. How to b awareness itself . With space itself . 

Non meditation is best meditation 

Not meditating but not lost

Awareness n there’s no grasping 

Jet Li says that he has been studying Buddhism for 21years. He was 34 in 1997.

“I was told to Study work hard n u b successful, I worked really hard 

I thought with reputation fame power love wealth I would have solved all the problems 

But when I have these I m still unhappy. I had anxiety. In 1997 there was the Asian financial crisis, I saw a lot of pple who were more successful than me multi millionaires being unhappy or suffering. So what can we do to b free fr suffering, they have all they need in life!

At that time I read a book. So 2500 years ago shakyamuni has fame power love wealth 

Yet this prince said he is suffering he couldn’t solve old age sickness death, I found this interesting , up till today no one emulated Shakyamuni. After six years he found a solution—-he says, ‘I no longer want to fight n work so hard for fame wealth power’.

I began to understand after studying Buddhism all these years, that

  • in this world if there’s anything that is made up of one element, it will come apart. We call this impermanence 
  • We have emotions, n often it will b a cause of suffering 
  • Cause and effect
  • Birth reincarnation samsara nirvana 
  • I study so hard because this is the most important thing
  • In life what u have is temporary possession, there will b one day you let it go
  • Compassion wisdom
  • If u truly want smtg, u will find the time for it”

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche says, there are 3 levels of Meditation

  • Meditation for this life: don’t need religion, it helps u attain peace calm
  • Accumulate quality of Meditation: essence of Buddhism for transformation 
  • Result of Meditation

He spoke about this overcoming panic attack with Meditation, and the way to do it was to make friends with laziness n panic-and how you ask?

“V easy. Watch lazy . Be aware of lazy. Then that becomes your support for meditation, if u see river u r out of river. River continues but u r not in it.

Whatever thought let them come, so long as you r aware.”

He pointed out the importance of Motivation of meditation- for all beings.

He also pointed out this important point on what it means to be letting go,

“Letting go is not giving up. Letting go means following the flow of nature n respecting that. Like open awareness u r not doing anything in particular, but you are not giving up awareness.

In our life, insight comes when you let go.

If we look for happiness based on outside or external circumstances, it won’t b lasting

Real happiness need to developed from inside.” 

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无所住

《金刚经》:应无所住

创作艰难,必须走自己生命的路。他们深知创作即是修行,牢记应无所住,谨慎自己,一送涉匠气,便万劫不能再复。

午后阳光明亮,那一只窗口飞进来的鸽子,既然可以飞进来,也应该可以飞出去吧。

老子:“天下皆知美之为美,斯恶矣。”

美不是遵奉与模仿。美毋宁更是一种叛逆,叛逆俗世的规则,叛逆一成不变的规律,叛逆知识的僵化呆滞,叛逆人云亦云的盲目附和,叛逆知识与理想,叛逆自己习以为常的重复与原地踏步。

美是一种痴。

陶渊明:但识琴中趣,何劳弦上音?

蒋勋《舍得。舍不得》

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Healing XXXXX

Life is a most amazing thing. Or, wonderful.

At least as of now, I finally can understand what it means when someone says, it is a gift. Life is a gift and the everything in it, of it in life—-are gifts.

Its hard to see this in the storm of it, but now that I look back, each and every single thing that happened in my life, is for me.

Because I needed them.

I went for my mindspa session yesterday and as always, Teacher has been most wonderful in facilitating the session.

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At the end of it, he says, “我有一个强烈的预感,或者,已经不是预感,你妈妈想通过我跟你说,她真的很为你感到骄傲。你的成长,你的突破,你的成就,一切。”

He says that he has a feeling—no, not a feeling, but an understanding that Mom wants him to pass this piece of info to me—that she is so very proud of me, my growth, my my attitudes, my achievements.

My honesty.

I remember when Mom passed away, i had a similar healing session, and the words that came out of it from Mom were,

“I m so proud of you, Go do what you think deem fit, You can Do it”

I had these words written down and they were always in front of me on my desk in my old office.

Teacher also said, “你的妈妈对你太重要了,你很在乎很在乎她。而且,你很想念妈妈,非常非常非常的想念。”

He said, “Your Mom is too important to you, you very much take her as the world. And, you miss your mother, a lot, a lot.”

I couldn’t sense it when he said this. Really? I thought?

When he said it, I thought of my daughter Qinzhi, i can sense that she sees the world of her mother—me, too.

Maybe more than how my mother feels to me.

And today, I finally understood what Teacher said.

I finally..honestly shared with SY how I felt about her niece’s sudden death, her 4 year old cutie niece, had influenza b 2 weeks back and that was the end of her young life.

I told her this, “SY一直没有勇气跟你说,也很怕让你难过。尤其看到你好像恢复平常的笑容,但是看到你们家小可爱就这么离开,真的很难过。我妈妈是这样走的,所以我很不愿意有人必须经历这样的心痛。难过到我不能呼吸。所以那几天你不在,我好像一直和你们在一起那样。不知道可以对你说什么,你那边怎样,我也不知道。你之前不让我去follow,但那几天你不在,我还是忍不住每天去看你的instagram。希望你那里一切还好。希望你们一家今后可以好好的,互相扶持,让时间疗愈。 may u b well n happy!”

“I didnt have the courage to say, and I was afraid you will be heartbroken, Especially now that I see you smile again, but seeing your precious little one go, made me very sad. My Mom left this way, and I didnt want to have anyone else experience this pain. I couldnt breathe hearing what happened to you. And in the few days that you are not in, i went to follow you on instagram, to see if alls well at your end. I hope all is well, and I hope your family stays strong, and allow time to heal.”

I got in touch with the pain of losing mother as I wrote this.

And I finally understand why Teacher said, “You miss your mother so much.”

And SY said to me, “没事 她一直在我们心里
时间会让大家痊愈
她这三年都很开心
很庆幸我去年还带了她去日本玩
我想你这期间也应该想起了母亲
希望你现在也已经在痊愈中
❤”

“Its alright, she’s living in our hearts. Time will heal everybody, she’s been happy these 3 years, I feel consoled that I brought her to Japan. I think you must have thought of your Mother this time, I hope you are already on the mend.”

Seeing this made me cry so hard.

When this happened, I didnt know what to say to SY, I didnt know what to do, I didnt know —until now—but now I do, this recent incident, sent me back to the time I lost my mother to a cold or flu, and when virus went to her heart. Mom left like that.

Now as I write I know, I was caught in that situation and trapped. In the world of healing, they call this—Trance.

All the feelings of pressure, helplessness, sadness came, and now I understand why I had all these unexplainable bouts of indigestion, bloating, pricks in the chest, heartache, backache.

All the pain and lack of support —they are all back.

And they remind me, there is something not resolved in my life, I m blessed and thankful I have Teacher with me to help me bridge the river I was to pass these 16 years.

Yes Mom, now I know —or probably not enough—-how I missed you, how important you are to me, how I see the world of you. How you love me, and how I love you.

It seemed like I didnt progress at all these 16 years, not making sense or accepting that you have left.

It all started with a little story I told Teacher yesterday.

I shared that I was missed out in a few meetings on content for events, and the final presentation came below my expectation. Also, I used to plan content for some events, but now I m not involved because I was left out of it.

I felt like I was not respected, not recognised, I was sore and angry about not being consulted and for the final event to come out sub standard.

But it beyond this thing about respect and recognition,  I wanted to give and offer my help, but I was rejected.

It was as simple as this, like I came forward despite all and I was not given a chance to offer. Its like being turned away.

It hurt me a lot. Rejection.

Teacher was very sharp. He picked this out, that in life if you meet with circumstances again and again, it meant there was a deeper root that needs to be undone. Well in my last role, I also met with an authority who did not see my capabilities and rather believed in substandard people who were all about telling sweet nothings but had no real capabilities.

Teacher was so sharp, he laid me down, and asked for permission to put his hand on my stomach.

Coincidentally, in the days before, I had the thought of him using his magic hand, to help me clear away old energies, I felt trapped in all the body symptoms I was experiencing, it felt so tough so I thought of using his hand.

And he did.

He didnt do anything, his hand was just above my tummy and we spoke.

He said, “Before we start this process, I would like to say that, a lot of times, there are problems which surface once and again, and somehow you get the idea that, these problems cannot be solved with your capabilities, intelligence, so we ask upon higher powers whom you feel an affinity to, to be present to support you. To show you the path so you can breakthrough.”

I did, “Dear Lord Buddha, Goddess of Mercy, Guru Rinpoche, my guardian angels, may I invite you to support me, to show my the path, the light, may I be healed.”

Teacher: “Alot of times, we neglect this energy that is Mother Earth, Mother Earth is all encompassing and nurturing, You lost your mother, but there’s Mother Earth, use a bit of imagination, see yourself running on the greens. Feel Mother Earth’s love.”

Strangely last week when I was in the Botanic Gardens, I had this longing to lie on the green grass and I did even if I was dressed for dinner at a starred restaurant.

A few days ago, while I was walking after lunch, I specifically looked for a patch of green, my back was so uncomfortable, I felt like I just needed support, I just needed to lie down.

I told Teacher about this, and he went, “See your longing to be connected?”

“I want to bring you to the greens, and rest in nature. What do you see?”

“I saw myself in my old house, I was ironing the clothes, and Mom was back, she went to mop the floor again even if I had done it for her. I was so angry ironing clothes, I told her off—– next time you do it yourself. Mom was very sad, she cried hearing me say this, she came over and put her hands on my shoulders, and I brushed it off. She said, ‘Girl, dont be like that to me’. I told her off.”

Rejection.

She rejected my help and I rejected her plea.

Now as I write I know—this I had been clinging on to.

Teacher said, “did u regret? did you feel sorry?”

I said “Probably? I was so sore and angry and frustrated, when I have already done it for you, why do you have to redo? Dont you trust me?”

Mom had high expectations and she redid things I did.

Teacher was super sharp. He pointed this out, “If you had the chance to do this again, what would you say to her? What is it you want to say to her?”

“You are so busy and tired already, the floor is not important, your well being is more important. “

Teacher: “Do you see how much you cared for your Mother? But look at this again, this time in the perspective as a Mother, if your daughter is doing housework for you, would you do it again?”

I was like, SHIT.

“I would.”

Teacher, “And it was because you saw things your daughter couldnt. Yes you would, because you have your mother’s exacting standards. So your mother also saw things you didnt do, that was why she did it again. Can you understand this? So if you cannot accept your daughter’s work, can you accept what your mother did? The fact that she mopped the floor again?

Do you see how much of your Mother you carry in you? High standards, if not higher. Very high in fact.

 

And if your daughter did work for you, what would you say to her?”

“Thank you Qinzhi for loving me and helping me.”

And i immediately felt regret: How many awful things have I done to my daughter? When I shouted at her for not doing work? For not knowing math.

And Teacher picked that up!

It was impossible to fool him.

He asked, “Did you feel trapped in the middle, you with your mother, and you as a mother, facing your daughter?”

“Yes yes yes,” I said, “I think my daughter sees the world of me, much more, even more than how I see my daughter. She loves me more than I love my mother, very much more. But how many times have I hurt her? I dont know the extent of impact of my actions and speech on her. Like how my mother was to me. So how do i undo this? Is it to say the things I have to say? “

Teacher, “Nope, we still have to go back to that situation. What is it you really wanted to say to your mother? I want to hear it, you have to say it out.”

And he couldnt wait longer, “You also wanted to say, I care for you, I hope you have time to rest, that is why I did housework for you. That was how much your Mother mattered to you. You wanted to help her and she rejected. But you see, it doesnt mean that you dont matter to her. It doesnt mean that she does not acknowledge your effort.

So coming back to the situations you encountered in life, once and again, meeting with bosses who do not seem to see your capabilities—-YOU DONT NEED THEIR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, THEY ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER.

Your practice and homework now and forward is—have the awareness to see this point. When your boss comes to you, be sure to understand this in you—that she is not your mother, you do not need their recognition. “

Strangely, a few days ago, this popped out in a variety show I watched. It was a singing competition, and the contestant sobbed on stage recounting how they have been praised and discouraged by comments online. To this one of the judges said, “DO you know them? If not, why do you allow them to matter to you? “

Another said, “Why do you not choose to look at the 100 praises but allow the 1 negative comment to affect you?”

Clamouring for recognition praises likes, these are the things I fall into to.

Teacher, “You mistook these for your Mother, because you once was rejected and was not recognised or acknowledged for your effort.”

But these situations come back to remind you to show you about a distant past I was fixated on.

Knowing this is important for me to breakthrough. Understanding that I m complete and not in need of recognition or acknowledgement. And Teacher brought me back to my intentions to show me why I was on this path.

“Do you remember, when you considered this job change, what was your motivation?”

“It was to share a light. To touch and to warm people’s hearts. I wanted to do that”

“Yes Yes, i remember you saying that! You have a gift for doing that. You are already able to see beyond words and speech to reach to that light below. You know, each of us is a light, but alot of times, this light is not being exposed, because of many reasons, like the norms of society and others.”

Earlier, I told Teacher about interviewing Daniel Boulud the day before.

I was at MBS and I had their crew to support. Everything was set up so perfectly, it was a dream come through for me.

I had interviewed the same chef ten years ago when MBS opened. Ten years later, we are back like how a circle completes it path but this time, even if we are in the same interviewer-interviewee position, so much has changed.

The setup is like magic to me, I commanded the team. There was a cue board, which someone held on to clap and it beared my name and the crew supporting it.

Seeing it clap is like magic, it reminds me to be in position. To be present to listen to ask the right questions.

It was also a motivation for me, where else can I go now that I m here, this setup inspired me, HERE.

NOW.

Continue to go deeper within –yourself and others. The only way I can fetch out good quotes is others, is to go deeper myself. To experience myself.

I shared with Teacher how I made Daniel Boulud cry.

He was giving me all the best answers and I was almost giving up, I need something more personal.

But i persevered and wanted to try go deeper.

I got my chance when he talked about writing a book for young talents.

Until he talked about dreams and sacrifice. I asked him, what was the greatest sacrifice?

“Family”

And he teared up.

“Every night, we busied ourselves working for the pleasure of others, no one would be able to understand how much a chef has to do to get to where he is.”

I could feel for what he said.

Many at times, it was as if, he was talking about my life.

I told Teacher about this. I told teacher also about Crenn who told me about her being adopted. But I said, even as she shared about accepting, I felt that she has not yet fully done so.

“You see, you can already see beyond speech, to bring people to their light below.”

I told Teacher about feeling like him when I do these interviews with chefs. And I can see how Teacher as a bystander and outsider sees so much more clearly. I said that everything is actually quite apparent if you are on the outside.

To which he agrees, “Yes because most of the time, we are all embroiled in our own story. “

I thank him dearly, for being with me to support, to offer his time and presence, and to listen.

“It is easy for an outsider, but greater is the ability to stand above your story to see from a birds eye view. I m only a facilitator or a boatman who is helping people bridge the river and to go from one end to the other. You did it because of the inner wisdom and the desire to mend or heal yourself. So Pat yourself on your shoulder.

The setup is like a gift, from the universe, your effort and work is being recognised and this is like a gift to tell you how far you have come.”

I told Teacher about the Ishinomaki trip about this couple who went to this badly hit village in NE japan and came back changed.

The husband quit his job and left on a trip with his wife was was suffering from depression. He gathered that no matter how much he earnt it was meaningless if his wife isnt well.

The wife was healed on the journey because she saw for herself how little she compared to the people who lost precious ones to the forces of Nature.

When they came back from their trip, the husband decided to do something he really wants, a little restaurant he always wanted and named it Ishinomaki.

They continue to visit the place and support the people there, by way of important produce from that region. I had a chance to interview this couple from my previous position and now the wife is giving me a chance to work on a video. And wanting me to go because she felt I would be the best to express this.

I told Teacher I was hesitant to go, because I dont think I want to confront myself. I told him in the process of interviewing chefs, I see my story in theirs and their story in mine.

And Teacher says, “You have all along been telling me about other people. But what about your own story? I want to hear your story.”

I was very touched.

I was thinking in me, “would anyone want to hear my story? does my story matter?”

But Teacher says, “I want to hear your story, you should be in the frame.”

I was very touched, because he acknowledged me, my time my experiences and all of the emotions the ups and downs, the mistakes and the right.

Everyone matters.

I saw a FB post on how tibetans did their sand art, “Each grain of sand is important in building a thing of great beauty.”

Teacher heard me in the heart and saw me.

I told Teacher that more and more, I am beginning to see myself. By first beginning to acknowledge my credit as an Interviewer at the end of my videos, and then wanting the crew to film me in the process of interview.

I think Ishinomaki is the right one.

He adds, “I think the timing is right. You are ready.”

 

 

 

 

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Healing XXXX viii

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去找老师,跟老师说我的母亲节视频的故事。

学到许多。

我说,同业前辈的离开,前同事得病,让我很震撼,震撼到我摇晃。

老师说,平常人很firm的时候都很grounded,但身体的左右是过去未来,有时想过去有时想未来,加上前后,于是便不稳了。

老师说,我们在某一个时间点里面立下的决定和判断,形成了我们对这件事的理解或看法。

老师问:“妈妈去世的时候,假如你用管其他,不会对她说什么?”

我说那些谢谢、祝福的话都有,但也有许多的问好。为什么是我?我们怎么办?

老师说,这就是我当时被惊吓过后,跳回孩子的我。

所以现在看到周遭朋友的遭遇,都会跳会那时候的自己。

回到当时候的状态

我说,当时不知所。老师问我,当时候感觉到support 吗?

我说是当时的男朋友,还有大舅舅的扶持,大舅舅这一块,已经在弟弟结婚的时候处理。

当然也有愤怒、委屈,更多的是接触到人生的本质,千变万化,说变就变,不在你控制以内。也感谢妈妈,祝福妈妈。

老师说,我看到周围这些经验就会想到自己。回到当时的自己的状态。这一块是需要被康复的,不然在一些缺乏母性的状态下,很容易触动我。

老师建议:多点和mother earth衔接。因为这才是我们的energetic mother

我说,当时觉得无助无所依。

想想你会跟这个过世的前辈的孩子怎么说?

我说:“就是让他知道背后还有个人支撑。”

老师问:“你会如何对他形容妈妈的爱?”

“就是妈妈的爱永远在,妈妈的爱那个质量不会因为时间空间而改变或变质。”

还有,有时候不知怎么做的时候,会想想妈妈会怎么做,这也是妈妈留下的方式。

老师警惕,这也是流传的方式,要是不够觉察能力,很容易延续了祖辈的习惯。

老师要我想想,妈妈的爱是什么感觉。

我说最难忘,就是妈妈在周末看我还在睡,凑过来躺在我身边,轻轻摸我的手,因为很滑。妈妈会说——很滑。

还有帮妈妈做家务,但她回来重新做一遍,看我不给反应很冷淡,哭着哀求——girl,不要对mommy这样。

还有我喜欢的男孩说不喜欢我,妈妈看到我哭,在饭桌上陪我哭。可能这几次就是对妈妈和妈妈最亲密的“过招”了。

我跟老师说了我问大厨的问题,比如:“和妈妈最亲密的举动是什么?”

他说是挽手,搭肩。我现在才知道为什么这么问,因为我也记得和妈妈的亲密接触。

我问大厨,这么成功妈妈赞过你吗?

他说:没有。他得奖妈妈肯定知道,但不会说什么,但他相信妈妈心里在笑。

我说我听到大厨的渴望。希望妈妈赞他。

我说,我跟大厨说,妈妈很为你感动骄傲。

我说,在很多年前,也在一个healing的场合,听到妈妈对我的赞美。

妈妈说:“girl, I have always been so proud of u.”

老师说:“我也很为你感到骄傲。”

chef说,以前妈妈总是舍不得给自己买东西,把最好的都给孩子。现在他有能力,妈妈想吃什么他就买最好的给她。陪伴妈妈,饮茶、逛街市、煮饭。陪伴妈妈。

他说:“我就是买最好的螃蟹给妈妈”

我听了忍不住哽咽。

我对老师说:“这就是日常的提炼,很平凡的字句,但有最惊动天地的感情。”

一般人都这样,自己有能力的时候,想把最好的给家人。

还有……我没有这个机会了。

我问厨师,最想跟妈妈说什么?对着镜头说。

他居然说—-mommy i love you。

我说我很开心,因为这个一个大男人,一辈子没有说过这样的话,现在在镜头前表达。

老师说——那你呢?你最想跟妈妈说什么?

我说我没厨师那么勇敢。做这件事需要很多勇气。

老师说,妈妈虽然身体不在了,但energetically都在。所以要跟妈妈说的,一点也不晚。她听得到。

老师说,不知道你会不会忽略了,你自己也是妈妈。

厨师的赞美,也是给自己的赞美。

我说,不知道这事要怎么前进时,我想到德士师傅在台北的路上奔驰的时候,说的。

“你也是相当重要的人。”

妈妈就是一个家庭的引擎、心脏。

我问了先生。他给我很多灵感—-就是,妈妈平常怎么样,就怎么样。不少不多。

就在日常。

我要我的组员在香港继续问厨师的妈妈,她对孩子的期望。

果不其然。妈妈说,只是想孩子健康。

我跟老师说,厨师的话和他的家,和我自己的生活经验有很多交叉之处

我说,厨师的故事,听起来跟我的有几分相似,最可爱是,他的爸爸排第五,亲戚都称妈妈——五嫂。

我的爸爸妈妈也是排第五。

我跟老师说,过去的力量很博大,可以淹没我让我没法呼吸。

老师说,在我们生命中的每个人都是因为某个原因来到我们的生命里。

灵魂和灵魂之间有个合约,

你母亲的到来和离开也是为了成就你灵魂的提升。所以要从中学习,让她的离去有价值。比如你怎么延续母亲。你怎么形容母亲?

我说我是什么样子,妈妈就是什么样子。

我比母亲还要强硬,妈妈是逆来顺受,什么都忍下来。

妈妈的爱很伟大,可以因为爱父亲,然后就什么都承担和承受。妈妈离开之后,真正觉得不可以再儿戏,要醒过来。妈妈的离去真正的让我看到,人生、生活的样子。品味、体验到生命,知道什么是生死。

或者说,不知道。

我提到做这件事的一个转捩点————就是在感受到记者前辈的离开,前同事患病的那几天,最难熬,不知道要怎么处理胸口的郁闷的痛楚。然后看到Khadro-la的唱诵,她说:“看到别人受苦的时候,什么也没法做。只能哭着,难过着。”

她之后再说一句:“compassion can heal delusion.”

那时候不知为何,想到可以转化,把自己内心的苦痛做一个转化的动作,看看是不是可以安抚失去孩子的妈妈,给他人带来一点的温暖。

我说,我很感谢自己在这个岗位上,可以做到这件事。

老师说:“用自己的苦、痛,然后可以透过这个方式去表达,可以给社会带来一股清流。现在的人,面对生活,都封闭起来。但是你不一样,你有痛用痛,要不是失去妈妈,你不会看到痛,但是看到痛的同时,也让你看到爱。这个energy最后还是会绕到你这边回来的。”

我说我看到奶妈孙女的小婴儿,非常开心,听到婴儿哭了,很感动很感动。很美好,把生命最美好的都表达出来了。

美好的,是new beginning。

说到这里我突然明白了,这样的运用生命,就是一个新的开始。每个人处理的方式不一样,我之前一路在寻找,现在找到的,找到了的,是我的方式。

很感谢,很感恩,有这个机会。

亲爱的妈妈,感谢你,生我,养我,惜我。

I love you mommy 😊

0

生日快乐,TPY

亲爱的

好像都还没有好好的,跟你说一些像样的话。好像都还没好好的—祝福你。

生日快乐。

你要记得,你是被祝福的。

你看,你居然有机会进到米其林。

你看,你居然有机会去做开发、尝试写作之外的很多很多。

你看,你居然有机会到上海去谈电视制作,认识到这么多的人。

你看,你有支持你的家人、疼爱你的老小。你看。

你看。

很恭喜你,很为你高兴,这一切不是别的,都是辛辛苦苦,老老实实,一分一毫的耕耘回来的。

没有耕耘,就不会有机会。

你在这一年里,有这么多的挑战,有这么多的学习,有这么多的跨越和新尝试。

下一步要做什么?

做回自己。

这一年,最特出的,应该是spiritual 方面的学习,包括有机会上Mingyur Yongey Rinpoche的retreat。

上个月去了印度的小拉萨,听达赖喇嘛讲课。

觉得好像是梦一样。

现在在上海回新的飞机上,也觉得经历的一切,不可思议。

我在非常神圣的、非常纸醉金迷的两个极端之间游走,有时是拉扯、有时是推挤。

I m in an extremely good position to sort this out.

To sort out for myself, what this is about.

陈彬雁加油了!

假如不为自己设限,就不会有限制。就不会有约束。就不会有始终。

继续相信自己。

相信你敏锐的直觉。相信你的可能性,你的一切。

继续不屈不挠的精神,继续坚持,继续不忘初心,继续做那个最是自己的自己。

这些都好难能可贵。

生日这天,不在别处,有最爱的人在身边,很满足很幸福。

有爸爸大清早打电话来,说:“ah girl,爸爸祝你,生日快乐!”

有弟弟妹妹的whatsapp。

还有皓皓一大清早睡醒,就唱生日歌,唱完英文的唱中文。

这些都是最好的礼物。

皓皓是想着mommy画的,所以很珍贵。

 

img_5792.jpg

下班,约了在city hall,宝贝看到我,双双飞奔过来,送了花,

这件事是两人前一晚就很兴奋不已的,沁芝说,daddy说要送花。

 

IMG_5213

沁芝的作品。:)

IMG_5331IMG_5322

很爱这个,两个宝贝,谢谢你们,丰富我,温暖我,爱我。

也很谢谢daddy,从反对我上班,到现在支持我,mommy临时要出国,幸好daddy及时拿mc回家照顾你们。让我可以飞的时候,毫无牵挂,全情投入,可以做好每分每秒,把最是自己的那一面,实现了。

那才是对你们的最佳回报。

还有奶妈送的红包

这些最重要的祝福,还有fb,whatsapp,我没有特别的去想,但厨师们、朋友们的有心祝福,让我在回复的时候,发掘自己的嘴角是往上扬的。

它让我把自己对自己的怀疑扫掉。

同时又不太把自己当真,就是感激、感谢。让我知道,我的选择,我的路,其实还ok。要继续加油,做好一个人。做一个好人。

秋天是收获的季节

这就是我最美丽的收获。

去找了Essential Oil的老师,John今天的message是:reinvent yourself, be creative.

Keep on expressing your self, your true self,challenge boundaries and push the limits.  Dont be afraid to express yourself, your honest authentic self. So many people are afraid to be themselves.

You have a mission. You dont realise you have the power of influence, do you know how many lives you can save if you can encourage people to go vegan?

说真的,这是我从来没有想过的。

顶多,我就停留在美食改变我的生活,我家人的生活。餐桌是我的老师。但今天听老师这么说,我才认识到事情真的不是闹着玩。

他说:“as I see it, you are v blessed. you are in such a good position, you are the best person to do it, otherwise why do u think you experience all this and you are here? you have a mission , and you have this experience, use it . ”

我真的明白老师的话。

我们走了一些路,那是因为我们需要在下一次转身回头的时候,看到走这段路的原因。人生的每一段、每一个踏步都不是偶然。有了觉知的能力,就能够将人生的每一个瞬间,转化为生命的能量。将一路走来的点滴,用来为生命创作的泉源和灵感,因为–唯有提炼自生活的,才提升生活的本质的精要。唯有取自生活的,才能进一步丰富生活,这也和Mingyur Rinpoche说的,转化的道理是一样的。

将垃圾转变为养分。那才不会白费了这段路。

(这么巧,19-20日有机会上仁波切的课,他提到的也是这个。他还说了一个概念非常好玩,那就是–按摩你的内脏。仁波切说,不要老是寻找特殊的感觉,很多时候,你需要的都在你的身边,但因为太太靠近,所以你没有觉察到。)

创作本来就该源于生活。也只有源于生活的作品能够大于生活,因为这样的作品踏实,牢固,才能撼动人心。

取之生活,用之生活。

我会努力。我会加油!也祈愿我需要的助力触手可得,通过我的作品,带来启发,带来光芒,带来真正的改变。

Om ma ne pad me hum.

 

0

Wisdom

“When we gain confidence in the view of the intrinsic nature without distraction or confusion, the arising of a deluded thought is like a thief entering an empty house. The house has nothing to lose, and the thief has nothing to gain. Whether the thief comes into the house or not, there is neither benefit nor harm. In the same way, thoughts will arise like reflections; but the moment they occur, the view of the intrinsic nature is right there. Since the view of the intrinsic nature is stronger than the thought, the thought will automatically be groundless and rootless. When that happens, there is also no trace left behind. If we can maintain the continuity of that state in which no trace is left, that is what is known as liberation.

It is like a drawing mode on the surface of water: there is no need to find something to erase it. Before the end of the drawing has been completed, the beginning has already disappeared.

Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche (Oral Instructions on ‘Three Words That Strike The Vital Point’ – on Action – Collected Works, Vol III pg 652 – Shambhala

0

Healing XXXXiii

一样的场景。

一样的光明,不一样的智慧。

去找老师了。

学到很多东西了。

跟老师说明了一切。一开始,只说了一点点,老师说:“慢下来,事情太快了。慢下来,我们先处理情绪。”

我哭了。

看到眼泪里的情绪。

老师说:“先给自己一点时间。去听听眼泪里有什么。”

我听到了。

有不服、frustration、有愤怒。

不服输。因为明明就已经把全部的心力做得最好了,但是别人不珍惜。

我说,在这件事里看到一个主题,那就是:authority。面对authority,我陷入trances,陷入过去了。

我说,我很认真很诚恳去看待他的看法和需要。结果我们做到了,他却说,不在现在签约了。

我拿我的真心出来,结果这样了。我受伤了。

我感觉自己的耳朵、手脚、身体有一种累。我跟老师说,现在跟你说着,全部那些都在身体里。

老师说:“你的心受伤了。take a few moments to look at your heart n listen to it. It wants you to be aware, it has been hurt. 把你的手放在心上。感知它。知道它。be aware of your heart n connect to your heart.”

我跟我的心说,辛苦你了!对不起,之前没有好好看到你。也非常谢谢你,一路以来的支持和相伴。我们还有很多路要走。我们一块加油!

老师把手放在我的背部,真的好像是有一只手在盛着我的心。

然后我感觉我的手脚有一股温柔的力量。那种轻飘飘的感觉没有了。右脚还有一种被修复的感觉。就是repair的感觉,an energy has come in to fill the lapse.

说也奇怪,这时候,我感觉自己又有精力,可以冲了。

老师提醒:“你需要修复休息。”

我这下才知道原来,我受伤了。

当下,想到皓皓几天前告诉daddy,I m going to mend it. 我看着daddy,daddy追问:what is mend?

皓皓说:“fix. I m going to fix it.”

还有皓皓两天前的早上,一睡醒就说:“mommy is in an ambulance.”

那时还不晓得,皓皓是在说这个。老师说:“你应该好好听孩子说话,那么sensitive。”

跟老师说:“我跟儿子说,有一个人想吃鸡饭,我花了很多功夫,买鸡煮饭找人询问做法等等之后,鸡饭摆在餐桌上了。然后那人却说,不吃了。”

我跟老师说,我跟皓皓说的话。

皓皓回说:“how come got this kind of people.”

轻轻的三言两语,疗愈了我。

是啊。不过是一碟鸡饭。

我煮好了那么完美的鸡饭,你却不吃,损失其实不在我的身上。那就整理一下,继续做好鸡饭,等着对的人来品尝。

我跟老师说,我写了一封长长的信。在里面表明我的intention,从来不是为了钱。我告诉xtf,如果你想突破、跨越,那就不能用旧有逻辑和系统去衡量或把持现在的行为。因为那套系统已经不能够帮助你跨越飞腾,反而成为束缚。那是不是要放掉它,编写一套新的程序呢?一套可以支撑你,让你跨越的新秩序。

这么说的时候,我想到了我自己。老师说:“能看到吗?你在米其林做的,都是非传统,比如把一个明星带进来。都是挑战旧有制度,那是很不容易的。把恨牢固的东西融化,需要很大力气的。那是需要过程的。与此同时,你自己也在面对一套旧有逻辑,这两者是并行的。所以你需要跨越,突破。”

那事情就成了。

我说,最有趣的是,我现在要把厨师艺人化。come full circle。

即使是智者,他们在传播真理的时候,也不是每个人都能接收得到。

我跟老师说起下属发脾气,情绪不和睦,我想了想,我总是在寻找better way out,最好些了电邮,先道歉。老师摇头说:”you r looking for the perfect way. There’s no perfect way. You cannot please everyone. Take a breath and let this idea go.”

you got to heal your feelings towards authority?

What do u think of?

我说,霸道、野蛮、不讲道理。

“所以你怎么会成为authority呢?”

我说我心目中的authority是有真知灼见,有内涵,有态度有想法,创造非一般的新局面,突破、创新,做从来都没有发生过的事的前行者。

老师说,那这个就是你的挑战。看看你生命中必经困难的事,这些都是你必须突破的,这就是你的life purpose。

所以就在这个点上面,你可以看到你怎么去transform,去突破你自己对authority的理解,成为你心目中那样子的一个authority。你可以做一个pioneer,一个role model。

创造属于自己风格的authority的definition。

老师提醒,你在米其林做的都是那么新的事情。

我说:“而且是让他们接受了。我何德何能?”

我说的时候,马上就了解到了真实的steadfast的intention,有多么巨大的力量。可以跨界,可以去到巴黎。

这件事让我惊讶,只要intention aligned,就能飞越、打破、跨越。

老师说:“不要怀疑你自己。不要怀疑你的intention。”

很多时候,很多智者,他们知道了会遭遇欺骗,被利用,但还是义无返顾。还是愿意。这反而能够帮助学生精进。

我跟老师说,老板也是一个authority。老板两次大发雷霆,我都接收,因为我能够明白他心里想法。我有一点是在hold the process。

老师说,确实。

老板两次发脾气,都对我道歉,最感动的是,老板说:“l don’t want you to feel pain when these people walk away with your deals.”

老实说:“因为老板可以feel your pain。”

我说到C辞职。我当下不知如何是好。用了几天时间消化。然后跟她谈。

我当时不晓得为什么,我不想轻易放掉C,但对着老师,我突然明白了。”

原来,C就是我的一股力量和支撑点,代表了我内心最纯真的一部分。我不想放她走,以为放走她就等于是放走最纯洁的自己,所以我不断留她,要不要再尝试?要不要再尝试。我相信你有热忱,没有什么办不到的。

老师要我花点时间去书写我对authority的看法。说不定会有所发现。

老师要我什么都不做,好好休息。因为好好休息了,才可以真正有突破。他说:“我不希望看到你的火灭,这股创意之火,我看到你如何发挥创意。但火有时候会在某些情况下受到影响,就是遇到挑战、障碍等等。所以很重要的是,休息。”

我跟老师说,我有一个“遇见中国”的梦。我想把每个领域里的第一位先行者,摆在节目中,在餐桌上让人遇见。

因为,餐桌是我的老师。是启迪我教育我让我发掘的地方。

所以我想把大胆跨越,挑战领域的先行者,让他们在餐桌上,点亮他人,启发他人,也挑战也跨越。

比如杨利伟。他冲破地球去到太空。太空,是什么味道什么气味。

你想品尝吗?

味道从来就是关于人生的。

先行者要做的,就是在节目中,让人感受到人生甜酸苦辣中的况味。