1.1.2013

Happi new year!

All four of us, we watched the 8 min fireworks display from the master bedroom

Baby in me, qinzhi holding mommy n daddy together

N the colours just right in front

My heart felt so stable n at peace

It was void of other feelings save for gratitude n contentment

As I searched myself for what I wished for in 2013, I couldn’t really get an answer.

What more do I want ?

Nothing actually. I m happy as it is.

Then Qinzhi dearie threw out her hands, reached for the colours n says: catch the fireworks!

Yes yes yes, catch the sparkle in the e-v-e-r-y moments of time.

Be one with the sparkle.

Happi new year my dearies.

May 2013 bring us fresh energies, inspirations, perspectives. May we create new pathways n better ourselves, n there, make good 2013.

May we make effort in the right directions to help ourselves n others.

Happi new year!

38 weeks

It is 31st Dec n baby is 2.8kg

Dr Soon says, we will just wait for baby. Mayb he could put on a little more in one two weeks.

🙂

In fact this time I can feel baby preparing to inch out

The tummy hardens n contracts with greater force n frequency

And the cramps/shooting pains/hook like feelings to the vagina area seems to offer a hint

Baby is getting me excited really!

Happy new year dearie!

2012

My Dear Dearies

It is 30th Dec, in just a bit, 2012 will pass us all by.

I spent the last few days of 2012 while-ing time away, not doing anything in particular, yet
feeling that i needed to do something in particular.

I felt that i needed to go somewhere, when i went out, my heart told me : not here. i did not really need to buy anything more.

Then i realise, the place i want to go to, is just,

HERE.

not outside, but inside.

in touch with my thoughts, just as writing allows me to.

i read a few of my posts on this blog n realised how much i have done.

On Jan 1 2012, i posted this:

“May the new year bring forth shifts in attitudes, new perspectives, new ways of doing things, courage n wisdom.may 2012 bring me a newer me n a newer u. A better world. Haaaaapppi new year!”

And this i did!

i took heart in these words, n ventured to do as i had said, i mastered shifts in attitudes, gathered new perspectives, new ways of doing things, i did it all with more courage n wisdom than i ever had.

2012 brought forth a newer me indeed.

i experienced the transition, the development n an elevation.

how did it all happen? what propelled these changes?

is it awareness?

i felt like in a certain point in time, i did a turn n decided to change the direction in life, with the help of some kind of inner wisdom/awareness.

n that seemingly easy to miss point, consolidated/amassed/brought forth all the changes bit by bit, one by one.

And those changes culminated in the me now.

and so they say, don’t underestimate little changes.

For a little change here n there, makes THE difference.

apart fr words, art helped me alot in 2012 as i was able to express /articulate myself n identify what i really wanted.

it was a newfound friend n freedom

i enjoyed the creative process of translating thoughts to art

if it not were for those 1 hr plus sessions with art teacher yen, i wouldnt b what i m today. in fact, she is one of the most important persons that i have met, she identified for me ME n guided me along the way, sniffing out the ME in me, then, recognising n acknowledging the positive moves i made.

i felt i knew myself better.

i felt i m surer n more confident.as if i have found a position.

2012 brought me another baby as

i felt i m closer to the ME that is inside much more than at the beginning of 2012.

As i read n re-read these quotes:

“You will know that you have found your muse when you encounter a force that makes you feel courageous enough to broaden the range of your creativity. The presence of this force will erase your self-doubt and motivate you to give your thoughts and feelings form.”

i had a change of opinion what my muse is,

i thought it were qinzhi or the baby in me, no doubt, they were my muse.

but now, i also think my muse is ultimately me.

Its The ME inside, wanting to make good this lifetime n the time i have, to better me n to better the world around me

i still have uncertainties, fears n worries off n on, in fact at this juncture, just as the year n time transits on n moves on.

What will the new 2013 bring me? What will the new time bring me?

I WILL pray n hope for the best, with all optimism n walk each step with great wisdom n awareness, each time acknowledging the habit that i have sown in me, but as well n more, seeing it as an opportunity to veer myself off this habit each time it arises, creating a new pathway towards goodness.

And in this work, bettering me.

with awareness, i know i can do it.
For that is what i want my children to.

Then i read this:
“Once you have identified your muse, embrace it by giving yourself over to the creative
inspiration it provides. No matter what you are moved to create, you will find that neither fear nor criticism can penetrate the wonderful bliss that goes hand in hand with the act of taking an idea and turning it into something the whole world can enjoy.”

Thank you 2012.
I grew up a lot in the good time u gave me.
And I m grateful eternally, for all the opportunities n kindness you have shown me.

Now I say with pride, that I made good each n every of them to the best of my ability.

If 2012 were for inspirations, 2013 must be for putting those hard earned inspirations into place.

I will carry all the inspirations that I have had with me into 2013, to work towards a better me n into building my family. I will refine the understandings n work towards being stronger, wiser n becoming more aware.

So, Well done, girl.

Keep up the good work! N

All the very best for 2013 n beyond

🙂

The best quotes i gathered in 2012

Looking back on my own facebook posts n quotes this year brings me alot more inspirations, i looked at the things i posted, n the feelings in them, n i do think i m wise.

on hindsight, i don’t think they are random at all.

n i m pleased with that.

worth a read once every while.

Dec 30:

“Life really begins when you have discovered that you can do anything you want.” William J Reilly

Dec 18:不一定富裕才富有。

写有感觉有生活的字句。我总是对自己说。

Dec 15:不一定要有自由才会自在

Nov 15:心，不要乱

Nov 14: “每个人来到世间都有一件特定的事要完成，那就是他的目的。如果他没有做那件事，就等于什么事都没有做。” ＜西藏生死书＞

Nov 5:那些感覺就放在一個不起眼的暗角，不生不滅不增不減。某人某事再也不會影響我的生活心情，卻不曾在我生命完全抹掉。我沒有執着地把發生過歸零。—林夕

Nov 1: “If u make a mistake, just tango on”

Al Pacino in “Scent of a Woman”

Oct 2: Just received this n I thought, how beautiful!
“Books r the plane, and the train, n the road. They r the destination, and the journey. They r home.”

Sept 20: 维持你的警觉心，但同时要放松.放松到连放松的念头都不执著。

Sept 14: “美不应该只是一种沉重的负担和知识，应该是知识的解脱。”蒋勋

Sept 12: 忘记里面有一种美。最美的时候，是当记得忘记的时候。

Sept 8: 常态又当然的生活。偶可随心所欲。不用抓紧时间。瞄一瞄书，抓几个字。很感激。

Aug 31:舒国治＜流浪集＞：＂偶遇之至乐也。虽仅三两分钟，至珍也。＂
华文华语的美总是美的入心入肺。

A surprise gift fr 2 star chef Mario Gamba, which brings to mind how precious a meeting of the minds can be. No matter how fleeting.

Aug 16: I soooooooo love the feeling of walking out of THE office building

Jul 28: 粉嫩，原来是这么一回事。

Jul 13: From a Wise man: ” Don’t forget to make space in your life to recognize the richness of your basic nature, to see the purity of your being and let its innate qualities of love, compassion, and wisdom naturally emerge.”

Jul 6: Worth. Value. Appreciation….. These simply don’t work with figures.

Jul 3: my heart did a little dance

Jul 1: 一切唯心造

Jun 27: There are 2 gifts we should give to our children . One is roots, the other is wings.

Jun 25: a ‘negative path’ to happiness that entails taking a radically different stance towards those things most of us spend our lives trying hard to avoid. This involves learning to enjoy uncertainty, embracing insecurity and becoming familiar with failure. In order to be truly happy, it turns out, we might actually need to be willing to experience more negative emotions – or, at the very least, to stop running quite so hard from them.—Burkeman

Jun 22: 专心的感觉真好。

Jun 21: 路在脚下。

Jun 19: wisdom of the day: let it run its full course.

Jun 15: When you encounter a situation that requires concentration, can you approach it as an opportunity to welcome distractions?

奶妈的粥和菊花茶，是什么时候都最好，的味道！

Jun 10: From someone wise: my advice is to slow down n enjoy this chapter in ur life, before long, u wud hav entered into the nex season.

Jun 6: After sitting for 19 min, observing n trying to observe, I realize: NOW is all that I have, it’s so precious ! Yet we keep trading it for something else!

May 28: 智者：“觉受纷起应如何？觉受起时如是观。”
谢谢智者教诲。

May 11:

And so, Love is loving things that we don’t really like.

May 6: 总是不那么完美的，更有内容。with ref to the pottery i did in bendigo

May 4: What the mind does not ‘mind’, it does not mind – and the body will not feel it.

Apr 1: How true?
“Because it’s only after we stop searching that an answer may arrive”

Dan Dennett: Collected Wisdom on Memes, Luck, Consciousness, and Existence“Every living thing is, from the cosmic perspective, incredibly lucky simply to be alive. Most, 90 percent and more, of all the organisms that have ever lived have died without viable offspring, but not a single one of your ancestors, going back to the dawn of life on Earth, suffered that normal misfortune. You spring from an unbroken line of winners going back millions of generations, and those winners were, in every generation, the luckiest of the lucky, one out of a thousand or even a million. So however unlucky you may be on some occasion today, your presence on the planet testifies to the role luck has played in your past.”

Mar 27: A few more wise words fr another of my favorite chef.

“The more you do to food, the more you take away from it.”

Marco Pierre White

Mar 15: Its a wonder n a great privilege to speak to someone like him! I feel so inspired n it is this that keeps me going. He said to me this :”To cook is to live, I cook everyday to forget about death.” Guy Savoy.

Mar 14: get off the road for long enough… to catch our breath and remember who we are and what we truly want.—–

Mar 11: creativity is subtraction—–Austin Kleon

Mar 10: Stacey kent 的音乐会，空白的和唱唱跳跳的部分成比例。于是，我有了一次接触、欣赏空白的机会。

Mar 7: I realli love these moments that take me to work

Mar 5: The best way to get approval is not to need it.

This is equally true in art and business. And love. And sex. And just about everything else worth having.”. Macleod

Mar 1: 2 teachers who taught me about letting go in a most most unusual unimaginable way. Great to let go this way. Thank u! (on doing the zbNOW rap )

Feb 28: 我们比想象中的，透明。

Feb 27:

梦想的这边，总是有天使护航。And so I learn today: follow ur heart, with all sincerity n earnestly. All the others, they will fall into place. (on amei gg to korea)

One of the intense pleasures of travel is the opportunity to live among people who have not forgotten the old ways, who still feel their past in the wind, touch it in stones polished by rain, recognize its taste in the bitter leaves of plants. Just to know that, in the Amazon, Jaguar shaman still journey beyond the Milky Way, that the myths of the Inuit elders still resonate with meaning, that the Buddhists in Tibet still pursue the breath of the Dharma is to remember the central revelation of anthropology: the idea that the social world in which we live does not exist in some absolute sense, but rather is simply one model of reality, the consequence of one set of intellectual and spiritual choices that our particular cultural lineage made, however successfully, many generations ago.”—-In The Wayfinders: Why Ancient Wisdom Matters in the Modern World

Feb 26: Fly high! Tan chew yen

I so want to fly off to b on my own

Feb 21: It is loss of control more than anything else that humbles us and enables us to see the big picture. It reminds us that the key to the universe lies in what we do not know, and what we do know is a small fraction of the great mystery in which we live. ——Dailyom

Feb 15: “When the dough is ready, u need to b ready for it. Wait any longer n the yeast would have died. The dough will then not b strong enough. The product will b flat.” a lesson I learned fr Maxime Holder, CEO, PAUL International

Jan 30: “But if we really understand that our basic nature is already whole, pure, and complete, why do we continue to act as though our level of contentment depends on the size of our paycheck, the quality of our relationships, or on the number of pleasurable experiences we can surround ourselves with.
the answer is quite simple: It’s a bad habit. “. Mingyur Rinpoche

Jan 21: there’ll b a rainbow after the rain 🙂

Jan 19: “where do u stop,as a traveller?as a reader,where do u stop?can u say, I have read enough books….does the world get bigger as u travel or become smaller?” 赖声川

Jan 17: You get your intuition back when you make space for it, when you stop the chattering of the rational mind. The rational mind doesn’t nourish you. You assume that it gives you the truth, because the rational mind is the golden calf that this culture worships, but this is not true. Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.” Anne Lammot

Jan 13: ” You will know that you have found your muse when you encounter a force that makes you feel courageous enough to broaden the range of your creativity. ”
And so, have u found ur muse?

Recently I enjoyed saying no. I began to not compromise. To not give in, n in the midst, learn about this preciousness.

Jan 3: But its only by having some distance from the world that u can see it whole, n understand what you should b doing with it. Pico Iyer

Jan 1:
“May the new year bring forth shifts in attitudes, new perspectives, new ways of doing things, courage n wisdom.may 2012 bring me a newer me n a newer u. A better world. Haaaaapppi new year!”

Penang Hawkers Buffet

I m so glad I brought your daddy to this fare

It’s at York Hotel n three times a year they invite the famous Penang hawkers to cook here

There’s their crispy lor bak
Cuttlefish Kang kong
kway teow soup

Penang laksa n rojak

Penang o luak ( egg omelette )n char kway teow

Penang prawn noodle soup

Ban Chang Kueh

The best ban chang kweh I have ever had
Crispy thin n lightness n a salty sweet peanut crunch

Then chendol !

These r all food of yesteryear
Of Singapore some 20-30 yrs back
Tastes of nostalgia
They r not refined or of especially high quality
But they simply taste close to heart
They r not tastes hotels can replicate
But borne out of the Penang hawkers’ experiences
I love food that way

Welcoming you, my Boy

Dear baby

It is dec 29, the last sat of 2012.
When r u coming?

Days flew past in the past 40 weeks carrying you

And mommy is 37 weeks n I have put on 18 kg

When I had your sis, 1 put on 21kg
So when r u coming?

I m feeling the practice contractions more n more these days as the tummy hardens with more grasp n strength, with a higher frequency of course

i c u r eager as well

This gets me excited, as well, I m a bit at a loss.
I knew what to expect , as well, I don’t .
Do come with great ease n in safety 🙂
Make it easy for mommy!

As i expect u, i was looking a lot at how much qinzhi has grown, I sometimes feel surreal. I cannot believe looking at this fine young lady, that I have her as a daughter.

And now a son.

I m full of gratitude

Yet

It’s so surreal.

I still remember how it was at the beginning

The first day of my last period was apr 7, 2012.

Thereafter, I had u with me.

I was excited n tense at the same time in the beginning

I still remembered taking the pregnancy test at home with a stick one morning n u showed up with two lines

I left the pregnancy test kit in the bathroom so daddy could c it when he woke up

And he said: “congratulations!”

We tried for u for a few months before seeing that 2 strips on the test kit.

That was how we began this ten month journey.

A few weeks later, I developed a red “mask” surrounding my nose n all the way to the lower lip

I was worried about my health

I was nausea a lot more than when I had your sis

I had bleeding gums n they bled as n when they liked

I had alot more tummy upsets

The worse,
I had piles all the way till now
I felt fearful each time I wanted to poo
It was painful

But I reminded myself to “enjoy the pregnancy” each time I worried
Those were daddy’s advice, I wasn’t able to do this when I had your sis bcoz I was way too tensed up, not knowing what to expect

This time, the experiences felt blurry, I knew something, at the same time, I knew not

I guess it’s all in the mind, it’s the attitude that counts,
And I began to pick myself slowly

I began to b aware but not dwell in those

I felt happier recognizing n not dwelling
It wasn’t easy though

And I feel myself enjoying this pregnancy more, n more n more
Your aggressive kicks even till now, u responded v much to loud noises fr the tv, Mozart

You kept me v warm esp my two hands n legs.
They were brimming with warmth n the pure sweet energy of life

We ate v well in the ten months

Birds nest
Popo made us black herbal chicken
A hui yiyi cooked lor bak with sea cucumber
During my rest days, I cooked scrambled eggs n tomatoes, we ate lotsa good breads n I cooked risottos

At the newest n best restaurants in Singapore

Mommy writes for lianhe zaobao n I review restaurants n write gourmet features

We ate at Jaan at Equinox
Michelin 2star chef Jason Atherthon’s Pollen
We ate when Michelin 3 star chef Alain Passard, Italian 1star chef Mario Musoni were here

We ate at all the top hotels’ Chinese restaurants n had all the delicacies one would have once in a while, but we had them everyday in late nov n dec when the hotels were sharing their Chinese New Year menu

As the year passes us by, our preparations to welcome you became more intense

Buying the sterilizer, baby detergent n the things that u will need

bringing out the milk bottles n having them washed

Washing the cotton nappies n your clothes, used by your jiejie

these r some clothes gengyan jiujiu brought in London

That day, I met a respected old colleague who is in the same newsroom as me, but we never spoke to each other

He saw me n said : giving birth! What an accomplishment !

吴启基：＂生孩子，真有成就感！年轻的时候多生！＂

Another colleague who taught me about the coarseness in life said this.

谢裕民：”把你人生最精华的十年给你的孩子。想想，当初为什么要带他们下来？小孩子需要父母的时间其实很短的。”

These words touched me at that moment! N now as I m writing

I guess because I m aware, I could feel the depth of its meaning. It’s tinkle n jingle .

It puts into perspectives what really mattered in life.

You r v special to me because I wanted u a lot

I have always wanted another baby to accompany qinzhi, to protect her n b with her

But not that, I just wanted another baby. So I just WANT.

And having experienced you this way, u inspire me to want to have one more.

You came along after 3 plus years

After mommy went thru a period of emotional cleansing n settled myself with surer thoughts of myself, life n what I want with my life

You embody all these as you grow with me

I hope you will grow up wise n enlightened n b a great inspiration to yourself n to others

B A light upon others.

I was asking daddy this yesterday :”so can i quit after maternity leave?”

daddy says:” Up to u”

and i felt what a luxury.

up to me, as i wish, as i want it to be.

And i replied in somewhat choking voice: “if i were able to realise that, it would have been a gift to myself.”

Actually I know nothing about taking care of babies
Even if i have had qinzhi
It was Ah hui yiyi n popo who have been taking care of her

In fact, I have even forgotten about breast feeding n warming milk

I do not know how I m going to handle qinzhi n u
But I sort of feel happy starting like a fresh piece of white

I guess it’s that I m ready n comfortable with myself

🙂

And I know, u will guide me, much like ur sis.

How to be Happy

By Tommy Koh

My dearies,

You wouldn’t imagine that mommy—-yes, me have had the chance to sit n eat with Prof Tommy Koh in hawker centers n restaurants.

He is ambassador at large with the ministry of foreign affairs Singapore . We ate together more than once as we were both judges for Singapore Hawker Masters, when we went round Singapore looking for the best bak chor mee, yong tau foo, carrot cake etc.

He was always warm n friendly n would ask about how I was doing.

In this writeup, he was responding to a poll which said that Singaporeans r a dissatisfied lot.

He mentioned ten rules to work towards a happy person, amongst them

Find a job u love
B positive optimistic n kind
Treasure ur frens
Exercise regularly
Enjoy eating but healthily n avoid gluttony
B a volunteer n support philanthropy
Read books n listen to music
Take pleasure in the little things in life
Don’t envy others

The one that called out to me most, is the one I above

《西藏生死书》的智慧人生

多年前访问刘嘉玲，她说，她看了《西藏生死书》之后，比较开阔，比较豁达。

昨天看facebook的时候，看到有人post了相关的post，去看了一下，纪录片拍下死人，如何在没有了气之后蜷缩枯萎凋零。访问中达赖喇嘛说，死亡就是一个occasion。如果能在生的时候，准备死亡，好好思考死亡，那便能更好地迎接它。

他说：“i m excited when i think abt it, i want to see if i can use my teachings at that time”.

WHAT A PERSPECTIVE!

纪录片当中有这么一句：when u r born, u cry but the whole world smiles, when u die, the pple around u cry, but u get liberation.

片中的小喇嘛因此有这结论：生未必值得庆祝，因为那是无法证悟；死未必值得哀伤，因为在死亡的过程中，有解脱的机会。

我去找了找网络上的pdf，发现这本书有很多的智慧语录。

有生,自然有死,每个 人迟早都需要面对死亡。当我们还活着的时候,我们可以用两个方法处理死 亡:忽略死亡,或者正视自己的死亡,藉着对于死亡所做的清晰思考,以减 少死亡可能带来的痛苦。不过,这两种方法都不能让我们真正克服死亡。身 为佛教徒,我把死亡当做是正常的过程,只要我还活在这个地球上,必然会 发生死亡这个事实。在我知道逃避不了死亡之后,就看不出有什么好担忧的 了。我宁可把死亡看成是衣服穿破了必须换件新的一样,而不是终点。然而 死亡还是不可预测的:我们不知道什么时候会死或怎么死。因此,在死亡真 正发生之前,我们有必要做些准备的工作。

我们大多数人自然都希望死得安详,但如果我们的生活充满暴力,如 果我们的心总是被愤怒、执著或恐惧等情绪所控制,我们显然也不可能奢望 死得安详。因此,如果我们希望死得好,就必须学习如何活得好:如果我们 希望死得安详,就必须在心中和日常生活中培养安详。

诚如各位将在本书中所读到的,从佛教的观点来看,死亡的实际经验 非常重要。虽然我们将会如何再生和再生到哪里去,大都取决于业力,但我 们在临终那一刻的心境却可以影响下一世的好坏。因此,在死亡的瞬间,尽 管我们已经累积了各式各样的业,只要我们努力产生善的心态,还是可以加 强和激发善业,造成快乐的轮回。

死亡的那一刻,也可以产生最深沉和最有利的内心经验。透过禅定中 对于死亡过程反覆的认识,一位有成就的禅修人,能够藉着他的实际死亡来 获得极高的证悟。这就是为什么老僧都在禅定中过世的原因。他们的身体经 常在医学上宣布死亡后很久才开始腐败,象征他们的修行成就。

帮助别人死得安详,与准备自己的死亡同样重要。我们每个人出生时 都是孤立无援,如果出生时没有人照顾和关怀,我们必然活不下来。因为临 终者也是无法帮助自己,我们必须尽一切可能,解除他们的痛苦和焦虑,帮 助他们死得安详自在。

最重要的一点是:避免把临终者的心变得更紊乱。我们帮助临终者的 首要目标是让他们安详,方法有很多。熟悉修行方法的临终者,如果有人提 醒的话,就可以获得鼓励和启示;但如果我们能够以亲切的口吻恢复临终者 的信心,即使他们再平凡,都可以让他们产生安详、平静的心态。

第二十二章：和平的仆人

希望每个人既不怕死，也不怕活：我希望每个人死得安详，死亡时能够得到最有智慧、最清明和最温柔的关怀；我希望每个人透过心性和实相的了解，找到终极的快乐。」

重要的是，我们必须在各阶段教育中，介绍死亡和临终的觉悟见解。我们不应该「保护」孩子们不去接触死亡，反而要趁他们年轻时，让他们认识死亡的真性质，从死亡中学习。

「凡是因缘和合的东西，自然会再分解。以你们的生命证取圆满吧

如何在一个混乱、快速变动和纷扰不安的世界里，找出证悟真理所需要的安详而稳定的修行方法

佛法在现代世界中的主要问题是：如何帮助和启发修行人，让他们发现适当的内在和外在环境，从而充分地修习，持受佛法，最后证悟和体现佛法的精髓。

我们心中有一个储存力量的宝库，蕴藏着智慧和慈悲的力量，如果我们学会如何应用这个力量，不仅可以转化自己，还可以转化周遭的世界，这也就是追求觉悟的目的

了解并相信觉悟的力量，都能认证自己的心性，因为认证心性就可以在你生命的基础地上产生一种智慧，改变你的世界观，自然而然地，帮助你发现和发展服务众生的慈悲大愿，并启发你的智慧，不管在任何环境下，以你所拥有的任何善巧方便或能力来利益众生。

学习如何死就是学习如何活；学习如何活就是学习不仅在这一世，还有在未来世该如何做。真正转化你自己，并学习如何以转化的生命重生来帮助别人，是帮助世界真正最有力的方法。

以整个生命证取圆满的觉悟。

第四篇 结论 第二十一章 共通的历程

透过证悟的眼睛来看死亡，就是把死亡放在这个整体的脉络中来看，把它看成是这个无始无终的运动中的一部分，而且只有一部分而已。中阴教法的殊胜和力量，就是彻底而清楚地显示死亡的实际过程，也同时显示生命的实际过程。

现在让我们再看看一个人在死亡的三个主要阶段中，到底发生了什么事：

1.在四大、五根和意念分解之后，也就是在死亡过程的终点时，最终的心性（地光明）会赤裸裸呈现片刻。

2.然后，很快的，心性的光芒就展现出来，发出声音、颜色和光。

3.接着，死者的意识苏醒过来，进入受生中阴；他的凡夫心回来，然后以意生身的形式显现，它会受过去的业和习气的主宰。这些会驱使凡夫心去执著虚幻的中阴经验，以为是真实的东西。

中阴教法告诉我们死亡是什么呢？无非是心的三阶段逐渐显现：从最基本心性的纯净状态，到光和能量（心性放出的光芒），最后逐渐具体化到一个意生身形式。教法清楚地告诉我们，临终中阴、法性中阴和受生中阴是三阶段的展现过程：第一，往内收摄导致裸露；第二，自然发出光芒；第三，具体化和显现。

中阴教法引导我们更进一步。事实上，我认为这个过程告诉我们的是一个全新的智慧，如果我们能够了解，就可以改变对每一件事的看法。这三阶段显现的模式，不仅在临终和死亡的过程显露，也在目前显露，在这一刻，在每一刻，在我们的心中，在我们的念头和情绪中，在我们意识经验的每一个层次中显露。

中阴教法还告诉我们了解这个过程的另一个方法，就是看到每一个临终和死亡阶段所显露的。中阴教法提到三个层次的存在，梵文称之为「迦耶」（kaya），字面意思是「身」，但在这里有层面、场域或基础的意思。

现在让我们从这个角度来看这三个过程：

1.在死亡的那一刻，从地光明中所显露的绝对真性，称为「法身」（Dharmakaya），这是「空」、绝对真理的层面。在这个层面，幻相、无明和任何概念都不曾进入。

2.能量和光本身的光芒，在法性中阴自然显现出来的，称为「报身」（Sambhogakaya），这是全然愉悦的层面、完全丰富的场域，一切具足，超越一切对立的限制，超越空间或时间。

3.在受生中阴所显露的具体成形的范围，称为「化身」（Nirmanakaya），这是持续显现的层面。

一、如天空般的空性，浩瀚无边，了无一物；二、闪耀的光芒性，晃耀遍照；三、无碍、无所不在、慈悲的能量。这三个性质在本觉之中同时呈现，并且融合为一。莲花生大士如此描述：

在这个本觉之中，三身不可分离，完全呈现为一体；

因为它是空的，不在任何地方以任何方式创造的，

所以它是法身，

因为它的光明清澈代表空性本有的透明光芒，

所以它是报身，

因为它的生起绝不受阻碍或中断，

所以它是化身。

完整无缺融合为一呈现的这三身，是它的本质。

三身和觉悟心的三个本具层面有关联，当然也和我们认知的不同能力有关联。绝大多数人的视野都有限，只能认知到化身层面的形象和显现。因此，大多数人的死亡时刻都只是一片空白，因为我们从来没有经验也没有学过，在地光明生起时去认证法身。当报身在法性中阴出现时，我们也没有认证的希望。因为我们一生都是在化身的不清净认知境界里度过的，所以在死亡的那一刻，我们就直接被送到那个层面；我们在受生中阴的意生身中苏醒过来，如同我们在前世一般，疯狂而散乱地把虚幻的经验当成是真实的，在过去业力的躯迫下，无助地踉跄，迈向转生。

睡梦的过程

死亡过程中所展现的三种中阴境界，也可以从在世时其他的意识层次来认知。我们可以从睡梦的角度来看它们：

1.当我们入睡时，五官知觉和粗意识消失了，而绝对的心性（我们可以称为地光明）会短暂地裸露。

2.接着会有一个意识层面，可以比喻为法性中阴，它微细得让我们几乎觉察不到它的存在。毕竟，有多少人能够觉察到自己入睡后、做梦前的时刻呢？

3.对大多数人来说，觉察到的只是下一个阶段，此时我们的心又开始活动起来，进入类似受生中阴的睡梦世界。这时候，我们有了「梦生身」，通过各种梦经验，这些都是由清醒时的习性和行为所影响和塑造的，我们把它们当作是具体真实的，而不知道是在做梦。

意念和情绪的过程

在意念和情绪的作用中，也可以看到完全相同的过程，它们生起的方式是：

1.地光明（绝对的心性），是心性的本初状态，存在于任何意念或情绪产生之前。

2.在地光明的无限空间中，一种基本能量开始搅动，本觉的自然光芒开始升起，成为情绪的基础、潜力和燃料。

3.这种能量于是变成情绪和意念的形式，然后驱使我们行动，让我们累积业。

当我们能够熟悉禅修时，就可以清晰地看到这个过程：

1.当意念和情绪逐渐安静下来、消失和溶入心性时，我们也许可以短暂瞥见心性（本觉）的本初状态。

2.然后，我们觉察到从心性的寂静安宁中，会有动作和能量展开，这是它的自我光芒。

3.如果对那个能量的产生引起任何执著时，能量必然凝结成意念形式，又把我们带回概念和心智的活动。

日常生活的过程

最好的方式，就是仔细观察一个喜悦或愤怒的动作。检视那个动作之后，你将发现在任何情绪生起之前，总是有一个空间或缺口。在情绪的能量有机会生起之前的孕育时刻，是一个清净本初觉醒的时刻，如果我们能够的话，就可以在此刻瞥见真正的心性。若能如此，在一瞬间，无明的符咒就会被破解，我们完全解脱了执著的任何需要或可能，甚至连「执著」的观念都变成是荒谬多余的。在那个缺口的「空白」中，可以发现卸下任何观念、架构或概念后的喜悦。然而我们却逃避它，反而在根深蒂固的习气驱策下，接受熟悉的、具有安慰作用的情绪发作，执著于这种不可靠的安全感。因此，这就是从心性生起原本清净的能量凝结成情绪形式的过程，而它本具的清净性就被我们的轮回观所污染和曲解，形成持续不断的日常散乱和迷惑。

诚如我所指出的，如果确实检视生命中的各个层面，就可以发现我们在睡梦中，或在意念和情绪中，如何一再重复与各种中阴相同的过程。不管是生是死，在意识的各种层次中，我们一次又一次地历经各种中阴境界的过程。而中阴教法告诉我们，正是这个事实提供了我们无限解脱的机会。教法显示，中阴的特性、形式和独特的过程，提供给我们的，不是解脱的机会 ，就是继续迷惑的可能。因为整个过程的每一部分，同时交给我们解脱的机会和迷惑的机会。

中阴教法为我们打开一道门，告诉我们如何走出那无尽的生死轮回、那生生世世反覆不已的无明。更告诉我们，在这个生死不已的中阴过程里，只要能够认证并安住于心性之中，或甚至只要能够对我们的心有某种程度的控制，就能够通过那道门，走向解脱。根据你所处的中阴阶段，根据你对心性「见」的熟悉程度，以及你对自己的心、念头和情绪的了解深度，解脱的方式也会不同。

心在我们活着时所发生的情况，也正是死亡时在中阴境界会发生的状况，因为基本上生和死并没有差别；因为在「未破损的整体」和「流动的运动」中，生和死是一体的。

把这些无数的不同面貌看成是梦，

是你的心的投射，虚幻而不真实。

不要执著任何事情，安住在本觉的智慧中，

超越一切的概念：

这是此生中阴的修行法要。

你很快就会死的，那时候一切都不能真正帮助你。

你在死亡中所经验的，只是你自己的概念思考。

不要建构任何意念，让它们消失，

溶入你广袤的大觉自我觉察中：

这就是临终中阴的修行法要。

对于任何现象的生灭或好坏的执著，都是你的心。

这个心不管生起什么意念，本身就是法身的自我光芒。

不要执著意念的生起，

不要由此形成概念，不要接受或拒绝它们：

这就是法性中阴的修行法要。

轮回是你的心，涅槃也是你的心，

一切苦乐和一切无明都只存在于你的心。

必须控制你自己的心；

这就是受生中阴的修行法要。

现在可以仔细地探讨某一个中阴，来看看我们的禅定修行、我们对于情绪和意念的了解，以及我们在那个中阴的经验是如何密切相关，同时也可以看看在那个中阴的经验如何反映到日常生活中。也许法性中阴最值得研究。在这个中阴，即将变成情绪的纯净能量，以心性的本具光芒自然地开展出来。而情绪，就是现代人主要的、几乎挥之不去的执著。真正了解情绪的本质，就能在解脱大道上有长足的进步。

禅定的最深目标，是为了能够安住在本觉的状态中，藉以体悟不管心中生起什么意念都只不过是本觉的展现，如同太阳和它的百万光芒是一体而不可分离的。诚如泽理纳哲朗措对于法性中阴的描述：「对于任何现象的生灭或好坏的执著，都是你的心。这个心……本身就是法身的自我光芒。」

当你在本觉的状态中时，当意念和情绪生起时，你要正确地认证它们的本来面目和来源；如此，则不管生起的是什么，都是那个智慧的自我光芒。不过，如果你失去了本觉原始的，纯净的觉察力，而无法认证生起的一切，它就跟你分开，有所区隔了。它会继续形成我们所谓的「念头」或情绪，这就是二元对立的产生。为了避免这一点及其结果，就要像泽理纳哲朗措所说的：「不要执著意念的生起，不要由此形成概念，不要接受或拒绝它们：这就是法性中阴的修行法要。」

你和你心中意念之间的区隔，以及产生的对立，在死后会特别显著。这说明心中生起的念头，如果我们对它的真实性质没有认证，那么在法性中阴所显现的声音、光和光线，就会变成客观存在的、令人惊吓的、外来的现象。因此，在这种情境下，你除了逃离喜乐部和忿怒部圣尊的灿烂光明，逃入阴暗的、诱人的六道习气光，还能够做什么呢？因此，在法性中阴阶段，最重要的，就是认证那是心的智慧能量：诸佛和智慧光就是你自己的智慧能量，绝对与你是一体的。证悟了这一点，就是不二的经验；进入这种经验，就是解脱。

死亡时法性中阴所发生的事，与我们活着时在心中产生的情绪，是同一个自然的过程。问题是我们有没有认证出这些情绪的真实性质。如果能够认证情绪生起的本来面目–只不过是吾人心性的自然能量而已，那么我们就可以免于情绪的负面影响或伤害，让它分解，溶入广袤的本觉本初清净中。

这种认证，和它所带来的解脱，一定要靠多年的精进禅修才能达成，因为它需要对本觉有长期的熟悉和稳定。除此之外，我们无法达成大家所期盼的目标–从自己的习气和烦恼之中获得解脱。中阴教法也许告诉我们这种解脱并不容易获得，但它的确存在，就是希望和启示的巨大来源。有一个方法可以完全了解意念和情绪、心和心的性质、生和死，那就是达成证悟。诚如我说过的，觉者视生死如掌中物。借用泽理纳哲朗措的话来说，因为它们知道「轮回是你的心，涅槃也是你的心；一切苦乐和一切无明都只存在于你的心。」这种清晰的认证，是透过长期修行而获得稳定，如果能溶入日常生活的每一个动作、每一个意念和每一个情绪之中，就可以让他们获得解脱。敦珠仁波切说：「净化了大无明、心中的黑暗之后，太阳的灿烂光明便持续地生起。」

喜悦的能量

我常想到敦珠仁波切的话：「心性（心的本性）就是一切事物的本性。」我怀疑中阴境界所显露的三阶段的过程，不只如我们所发现的，可以适用于生或死的不同意识层次和不同意识经验，还可能适用于宇宙本身的真实性质。

由于思考显现（manifestation）的本质，以及了解它的各种途径，自然引导我去思考人类创造力的本质，也就是由人性的内在世界显现出来的形式。这些年来，我常常思索三身和三种中阴的展现，能否说明艺术表现的整个过程，并且了解它的本质和隐含的目标。创造力的每一个作为和表现，不管它是在音乐、艺术或诗词，或甚至如许多科学家所描述的，在科学发现的时刻和开展中，都是源自一个神秘的灵感基础，然后透过翻译和沟通的能量转化为形式。从艺术的创作中，我们不是又看到这种连续的三阶段过程，如同中阴的过程吗？是否因为如此，某些诗、音乐或科学发现，才具有无限的意义和重要性？是否这可以解释，这些创作引导我们冥想，带给我们喜悦的能力，是因为显示出我们和实相本质的某些根本的秘密呢？布莱克这首诗的灵感又是怎样来的呢？

在一粒细沙中看到一世界，

在一朵野花中看到一天堂，

在你的手掌中把握住无限，

在一个小时中掌握住永恒。

在西藏佛教中，化身被看成是觉悟以无数的形式和方法在现实世界中的显现。传统上有三种定义。第一，完全证悟的佛，如乔达摩悉达多太子他出生在世界上教化众生。第二，外表看来是普通的众生，却具有特殊能力可以利益别人，如转世土库。第三，实际上，化身就是一个普通人，他藉由各种艺术、技艺和科学，传达某种程度的觉悟力量，来利益和启发别人。在第三种化身中，诚如卡卢仁波切所说的，他们的觉悟力是「一种自发性的表现，就好象光是从太阳自发性发射出来，并不需要太阳发出指令或产生任何发光的意念。有太阳，就会发光。」因此，我们能不能解释，艺术天才的能力和本质，他们的最终启发，是来自真理的层面？

在某些关键的时段和某种特殊的情况下，他们能够发挥和传达觉悟的能量。

伟大的艺术创作，就像夜空中的明月；它照亮了世界，但它的光却不是自己的，而是借自隐藏在背后、代表绝对的太阳。艺术帮助过很多人瞥见精神的本质。艺术有看不见的神圣来源和神圣目的：它让人们看见自己的真性和在宇宙中的定位，并帮助人们重新获得那永远清新的生命价值和意义，以及无限的可能性。

不断开展的整体性

大卫·波姆了解实相的新科学方法，是把存在看成是一个整体，一个没有断裂和没有隙缝的整体。

「跟一般见解不同的是，意义是整体实相本有而基本的部分，而不是只存在于我们心中的，纯粹抽象和虚无的性质而已。换言之，概略地说，在人生中，意义就是存有……。」

，人对整体的观念，也就是他的世界观，对人心的整个次序影响甚大。如果他认为整体是由独立的片断所组成 ，那么他的心就会做类似的思考；但如果他能够把一切事物都紧密而和谐地包含在不分割、不断裂和无界线的整体内，他的心也会做类似的思考，从这里将可在整体内产生有秩序的行动。

我们对自己的责任和为自己所承担的责任；同时，必须以最急迫和影响深远的方式来运用这个责任感：转化我们自己、我们的生命意义、我们四周的世界。

　　 诚如佛陀所说的：「我已经为你指出解脱之道，现在你必须为自己修行了。」