Precious! happi 2 months!
It has never crossed my mind that I would have been able to feed so well to get Huaihao this chubby .
But I did it despite all the difficult attempts at breastfeeding in the v beginning .
So glad I persevered.
My day isn’t like any one before n so r my nights.
Becoz of Huaihao .
I mean, I can wake up to breastfeeding him in the wee hours n still feel alert n happy n continue with hanging the laundry .
It is 4am now n I m writing the blog. Fearing that I might lose my train of thoughts if I hadn’t .
He gives me strength to break frontiers n I remind myself to seek a new pathway just looking at him.
I love it that I m tired n worried n sad but just looking I forget these all n only think about making him happy.
Moving towards the second month， HuaiHao tried many new things。
Like the pacifier。
HuaiHao has a temper, n would flare up when the milk isn’t with him when he wants it. He didnt want to be on his own, but wants to be carried around very much. And when this need isnt met, he would flare up as well. There were also times when he is sleepy and would cry.
We tried giving him the pacifier.
It used to b that he would b at my breast when he cries but now he would b using the pacifier. When he couldn’t get any milk out of it, he would throw out the pacifier.
He also tried taking the bus to c Dr Ngiam on his first month checkup .
That’s him at Dr Soon’s clinic.
The next thing he tried is the pink chair ah Seng bought for Qinzhi
Then, the stroller Seng bought for qinzhi
Now a few days into the 1st month, Huaihao has earned himself a few other nicknames, from xiaolongbao, characteristic of his plump cheeks to bak bao n the newest– ah pong— bestowed by ah mei
These days, Huaihao seems more contented with breast feeding , he seems to b able to derive enough. I guess my supply has finally matched his demand somewhat.
When hungry, he pushes his fist into his mouth. How clever.
I loved it when he feeds n stretches after a feed. He never fails to amuse me with his varied expressions, i wished i had a phone camera to record but I know I will always remember them.
And here towards the second month, this is how haohao feeds.
I m into chit chatting with him these days.
He is smiling a lot more n talking more!
After these few years into motherhood , I m for the first time, left alone with my child at home.
But there was no fear in me. Just, DO it.
Circumstances maketh man.
No one recorded my first bathing experience for Huaihao, n it didn’t matter to me so much because I have experienced it for myself. We were alone n we chatted.
He would respond with oohs n aahs.
And I would leave him alone by the window after bath while I tended to housework.
There were times when I wondered if I wanted to b a stay at home mom at all, when Huaihao fusses n I couldn’t get what he wants. And there were times when I felt disgusted with myself, fat n messy, breasts spilling everywhere.
But then his smile would drive away all. I remembered Dr Ngiam’s words— to enjoy him .
After 303 days on mar 4, about 6 weeks after Huaihao is born, I got my period back.
It is 6 mar today. Huaihao has settled into a sort of routine. He sleeps after a feed at 7 plus 8 n would wake at about midnight , then once in the middle of the night then morning.
It is 11 mar today n his routine has changed. Haohao is growing.
I tried to bring to mind how haohao looked like when he was born. The image seemed a bit far now.
He looks like this now. 11 days shy of his 2nd month.
His smiles were infectious, when I saw them, I would follow immediately unthinkingly.
And 公公says Huaihao looks like me when I was a baby. And just as i bawled till i was black in the face, Huaihao did the same. He gave me a chance to look at myself when I didn’t know me.
On this day mar 15, mommy brought qinzhi n Huaihao to pasir ris for a staycation .
He has earned himself yet a few nicknames to this date, 1 wk shy of 2 mths.
Seng calls Huaihao 龙弟弟, 阿妹calls him ah pong, davina calls him yne yne , meaning round. Mama calls him Lui gong or 雷公.
Whilst qinzhi calls him Pai Pai : naughty.
Here Huaihao is carried by all
He smiles more often these days n coos to my chatting. I so love it!
Then when he sleeps.
I had the privilege to observe him n to simply appreciate him sleeping at pasir ris.
And I had to ask: what is in Huaihao ‘s sleep? Who is in there?
And he gives me the opportunity to sleep like he does.
It is these times that I realize how so v wrong to not capture or solidify these previous moments in photo.
We have been taking so little photos n videos of Huaihao n I m feeling so wrong.
Theres just this way to growing up n missing it now means missing it for good, it’s not something u can make up for.
And I m beginning to look into his eyes to see myself. Just like when qinzhi was little.
There were times when he would look at me without blinking . There would b this silence .
But the silence was so filled. I almost could feel him checking me: did u do the things u want? R u truthful to yourself? Did u try ur v best?
I seem to hear him .
And I find myself feeling guilty all at once.
As we chatted, I told him he is precious, v precious just like qinzhi
And Huaihao tried for the first time to b on his tummy 2 days short of 2 months on 20 mar, 公公’s bday
That evening, we went for dinner at ah mei’s yiyi’s workplace— Fullerton hotel
Many at times, Huaihao would want to b carried even in sleep. Daddy does that most often, ever since confinement. N for close to an hr or hours till his back n arms would hurt.
Whenever I m tired or worried, I m reminded of 2 things:
To enjoy him as dr Ngiam have said n
To create new pathways
Thank u, my precious!
For trying me in more ways than one, stretching my capabilities n helping me achieve breakthroughs.
Be well be happy.