Before 2016 ends off, I went for another insightful mind spa session.
Inspired by a colleague’s words, I wanted a closure to 2016.
I shared with Teacher how this year has been and how I have been looking for a team.
I remembered that experience talking to M, CY n Cherry. All with different years of experience and each sort of a reflection of me, at a different point in time.
As if reminding me not to lose my passion n that me in work.
I talked about M, and how she stands for responsibility.
I talked about CY n I got touched.
I’ve become more aware of my emotions, I stilled myself to listen to it, I sat with the emotions n teacher asked, what is it about CY that evoked the emotion?
It’s that sense of purity, simplicity n straightforwardness.
And teacher rightly pointed this, ” Yen , u r afraid of losing that part of u. But we grow, look at how far u have come along, our soul evolves and you r set for bigger things. I can see it already.”
I told him about how I have evolved to do concept selling or a salesman of sorts n I m taking this open mindedly. And that I m always balancing commercial situations with an educational angle.
But this is one of the most commercial situations I have worked with in my life since 10-15 years back when we had a financial situation at home.
Obviously I didn’t learn all that I had to, so circumstances have evolved to get me to face issues I needed to breakthrough.
I told him about the dream I have yesterday.
Are dreams accidental?
“Nope. Dreams are messages that are important.”
In my dream, I went into a temple of tablets with2 friends. Both of them disappeared n I was left alone, breaking thru doors n doors of tablets before emerging into light n seeing my friend. She is Yiling and she squeezed my hand, as if a nod to our friendship.
Teacher asked about the most obvious quality of my friend.
I said: “she is so obstinate so so so steadfast.”
He decoded the dream for me.
That a part of myself, the obstinate character in me is in need of some attention.
And tablets – the environment, was about things that have gone past.
“Are you holding on to things that do not serve you and your life anymore? Time to let them go.”
We spoke about my attitudes towards working. Such as me being fixated with judgements on money, commercialisation n how I should b creative totally and not be commercialized.
“But there’s nothing wrong with money. Or commercializing something. If u remember the movie Matrix, you would know what I mean. Matrix is such a deep movie but the creators were able to bring the ideas down to the mass levels so that people of the commons could access the deeper ideas. And I find it so amazing that the movie could combine such lofty ideas with commercial success.”
The inspiration is to break free n not approach anything with judgements. So that I can b totally free in the mind and heart.
Teacher reminded again, “there’s nothing wrong in commercializations but the intention behind it.”
The inspiration is again, intention n what you want to do. It’s also learning to bring yourself down to the level of the masses.
Teacher also mentioned the term ancestral healing.
“A lot of times, traits we carry are an inheritance from our ancestors…”
And I shared how my maternal grandfather was often billed as stingy or how calculative he would be as a businessman n everything is reduced to cents that cannot be compromised.
And I met this match in my new environment- my boss, who is a reflection of grandfather ‘s traits.”
“Learn to work n heal this energy . That would heal your ancestors n your next generation. Learn to make a change that will make a difference .”
I realized that opening my heart n a really open attitude n awareness is what will be crucial n helpful to making a difference.
I realized also that by having balances to commercial initiatives is a way my soul is creatively addressing this issue.
Teacher encouraged me to give a little wrap — and it wasn’t easy.
“it was this ups and downs, very intense ones, and then a straight line. I m happy to be here now, with the straight line. recently I had a swollen gum and a raw throat, and I suddenly began to enjoy a simple bowl of rice porridge. I had cut down on food and animal protein this year and if I had it, it would be too much for me to take.
I m happy to be here at this point in time.
But it was as if I had done nothing, everything was surreal and, unbelievable. 不可思议。我好像什么都没有做。一切来的那么容易。Everything came naturally. I didn’t do anything, I was just a passerby. And I happened to experience it. ”
The Divine had a hand in this.
But also I discovered something I did differently. In the ups and downs, I gave my presence to that moment, so when things passed, so did I. I was able to let it go easily. I didn’t hang on.
It was different from the past, when I was blocked and didn’t face up to the moments, and would have to relive those afterwards.
And teacher let out his angel cards for me.
“like how you mentioned the divine’s hand…let the divine do this too!”
and the spiritual quality I drew out was
I told him about hearing about my friend’s unhappy marital relationships and how I was reminded of my dad n mom.
The divine was spot on, it would be my learning for 2017, to learn to let go n forgive, dad n me.
“your dad didn’t have the awareness and wisdom like u have, he didn’t have the opportunity like u have. he ‘s almost acting under the influences of all he had before him. and although I do not know him, I know he did it for the family and he is feeling so so so so sorry about it”
I could feel how so so so so sorry my dad is in those moments and I told teacher that.
I asked for another card. and teacher suggested, “how about another quality that would support your finding forgiveness?”
I got Expansiveness.
Open mindedness, to distill yourself out of the environment you are in, and look at it from the outside. I m reminded of this realisation that dawned upon me as I was what sapping Xie YM.
I also told teacher, I feel like I m looking for something, even if I have formed a core team at work.
Teacher felt that too.
I told him about the lack of support I felt in work.
To which he replied,” the real sense of support would be felt if one’s purpose is aligned to the core. Nothing very much to do with the external environment really.”
And today, miraculously, I knew what I was looking for.
IT WAS BF’S SUPPORT.
I’ve aways had this sense of worry or uncertainty about bf’s feelings towards me working.
I finally popped the qns today and we had a discussion.
I had a sense that I had some, but not total unconditional support.
good enough for the time being I guess.
I m grateful.
Teacher reminded me about the importance of self care.
“remember to have your bowl of porridge, thats a time for you to rest n settle and to recharge so that you can have your ideas when u need.”