Thank you 2016, and Goodbye

2016 has been a taste or teaching of alignment, grounding, life purpose.

And following that.

it is about being open minded enough to be able to hear and touch one’s life purpose and savouring the beauty of it.

when I think of how its writing that brought me here, to do the things I have, I find it unbelievable.

like how I have expanded my repertoire to be involved with seeing concepts as well.

like so much inner work that has gone through.

2016 has about discovering myself and the limitless possibilities that can be. as if a baby flexing his limbs and has just begun to crawl.

Thank You 2016,  you have been so important as my teacher.

I tried so many new things, I left a job of 15 years, I joined a new place, I took part in a retreat, I did FB Live with Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, I created Friend of Michelin concept, I worked with Nicholas Tse, I learnt about holding a process.

I learned to work with myself and new people, I learned to work with my family and my husband, I learned about balancing. And is still learning to do that better.

It has been nothing short of incredible.

I remember telling Teacher, that going forward, I want to create more videos, and do more concepts, that would create a spark, a moment of wonder, a sense of dicovery in another’s life.

May the divine guide and support me on all fronts.


I celebrate you,  TPY, you who has triumphed the big and little, on all fronts on all counts, once and again. You who have drawn out energy from the deepest once and again. You who believed in yourself and you who didnt give up. You who tried so hard without compromise. You pure and simple. So, well done!
May the brand new 2017 bring with it lots of fresh energies, lots of inspirations, to support big and little breakthroughs. With awareness, we can break free of our old shells, attitudes and share our innermost light with the human race. May there be lots of light, beauty, magic and wonder in the days ahead. May we all be blessed and protected, with wisdom.

I want to be that light, that magic and wonder. I want to b free. may you be free.

May you be well and happy.


Happy 2017!



Healing XXXXii

Before 2016 ends off, I went for another insightful mind spa session.

Inspired by a colleague’s words, I wanted a closure to 2016.

I shared with Teacher how this year has been and how I have been looking for a team.

I remembered that experience talking to M, CY n Cherry. All with different years of experience and each sort of a reflection of me, at a different point in time.

As if reminding me not to lose my passion n that me in work.

I talked about M, and how she stands for responsibility.

I talked about CY n I got touched.

I’ve become more aware of my emotions, I stilled myself to listen to it, I sat with the emotions n teacher asked, what is it about CY that evoked the emotion?

It’s that sense of purity, simplicity n straightforwardness.

And teacher rightly pointed this, ” Yen , u r afraid of losing that part of u. But we grow, look at how far u have come along, our soul evolves and you r set for bigger things. I can see it already.”

I told him about how I have evolved to do concept selling or a salesman of sorts n I m taking this open mindedly. And that I m always balancing commercial situations with an educational angle.

But this is one of the most commercial situations I have worked with in my life since 10-15 years back when we had a financial situation at home.

Obviously I didn’t learn all that I had to, so circumstances have evolved to get me to face issues I needed to breakthrough.

I told him about the dream I have yesterday.

Are dreams accidental?

“Nope. Dreams are messages that are important.”

In my dream, I went into a temple of tablets with2 friends. Both of them disappeared n I was left alone, breaking thru doors n doors of tablets before emerging into light n seeing my friend. She is Yiling and she squeezed my hand, as if a nod to our friendship.

Teacher asked about the most obvious quality of my friend.

I said: “she is so obstinate so so so steadfast.”

He decoded the dream for me.

That a part of myself, the obstinate character in me is in need of some attention.

And tablets – the environment, was about things that have gone past.

“Are you holding on to things that do not serve you and your life anymore? Time to let them go.”

We spoke about my attitudes towards working. Such as me being fixated with judgements on money, commercialisation n how I should b creative totally and not be commercialized.

“But there’s nothing wrong with money. Or commercializing something. If u remember the movie Matrix, you would know what I mean. Matrix is such a deep movie but the creators were able to bring the ideas down to the mass levels so that people of the commons could access the deeper ideas. And I find it so amazing that the movie could combine such lofty ideas with commercial success.”

The inspiration is to break free n not approach anything with judgements. So that I can b totally free in the mind and heart.

Teacher reminded again, “there’s nothing wrong in commercializations but the intention behind it.”

The inspiration is again, intention n what you want to do. It’s also learning to bring yourself down to the level of the masses.

Teacher also mentioned the term ancestral healing.

“A lot of times, traits we carry are an inheritance from our ancestors…”

And I shared how my maternal grandfather was often billed as stingy or how calculative he would be as a businessman n everything is reduced to cents that cannot be compromised.

And I met this match in my new environment- my boss, who is a reflection of grandfather ‘s traits.”

“Learn to work n heal this energy . That would heal your ancestors n your next generation. Learn to make a change that will make a difference .”

I realized that opening my heart n a really open attitude n awareness is what will be crucial n helpful to making a difference.

I realized also that by having balances to commercial initiatives is a way my soul is creatively addressing this issue.

Teacher encouraged me to give a little wrap — and it wasn’t easy.

“it was this ups and downs, very intense ones, and then a straight line. I m happy to be here now, with the straight line. recently I had a swollen gum and a raw throat, and I suddenly began to enjoy a simple bowl of rice porridge. I had cut down on food and animal protein this year and if I had it, it would be too much for me to take.

I m happy to be here at this point in time.

But it was as if I had done nothing, everything was surreal and, unbelievable. 不可思议。我好像什么都没有做。一切来的那么容易。Everything came naturally. I didn’t do anything, I was just a passerby. And I happened to experience it. ”

The Divine had a hand in this.

But also I discovered something I did differently. In the ups and downs, I gave my presence to that moment, so when things passed, so did I. I was able to let it go easily. I didn’t hang on.

It was different from the past, when I was blocked and didn’t face up to the moments, and would have to relive those afterwards.

And teacher let out his angel cards for me.

“like how you mentioned the divine’s hand…let the divine do this too!”

and the spiritual quality I drew out was


I told him about hearing about my friend’s unhappy marital relationships and how I was reminded of my dad n mom.


The divine was spot on, it would be my learning for 2017, to learn to let go n forgive, dad n me.

“your dad didn’t have the awareness and wisdom like u have, he didn’t have the opportunity like u have. he ‘s almost acting under the influences of all he had before him. and although I do not know him, I know he did it for the family and he is feeling so so so so sorry about it”

I could feel how so so so so sorry my dad is in those moments and I told teacher that.

I asked for another card. and teacher suggested, “how about another quality that would support your finding forgiveness?”

I got Expansiveness.

Open mindedness, to distill yourself out of the environment you are in, and look at it from the outside. I m reminded of this realisation that dawned upon me as I was what sapping Xie YM.


I also told teacher, I feel like I m looking for something, even if I have formed a core team at work.

Teacher felt that too.

I told him about the lack of support I felt in work.

To which he replied,” the real sense of support would be felt if one’s purpose is aligned to the core. Nothing very much to do with the external environment really.”

And today, miraculously, I knew what I was looking for.


I’ve aways had this sense of worry or uncertainty about bf’s feelings towards me working.

I finally popped the qns today and we had a discussion.

I had a sense that I had some, but not total unconditional support.

good enough for the time being I guess.

I m grateful.


Teacher reminded me about the importance of self care.

“remember to have your bowl of porridge, thats a time for you to rest n settle and to recharge so that you can have your ideas when u need.”



Healing XXXXi

Went back to Mr Ng for a mind spa session after so long, i used to have these therapeutic mind cleansing sessions each month, but because of the work of late, I skipped a few.

I remember crossing the bridge with happy steps.

I was so so happy just to attend a session.

Because its for me, my truest me. I made time for me, that made me truly—happy.


I spoke about all that has happened.

Trying out so many new things on a new platform.

Like doing a Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche Facebook Live, like realising a Friend of Michelin concept and getting Nicholas Tse to be the face.

Like receiving a message from his manager to say–if the opportunity arises, lets work together.

From being treated poorly by her, to receiving a message, it is such a compliment, it is the best reward.

It showed me that the values I grew up with, and my adhering to these values over the years, were correct. And I should stick to these, and pass them on. Even if the world has changed, even if people have strayed.

And to have Nicholas Tse in the kitchen with me and passing me a slice of french shallot and spanish cucumber.

I remember asking if I could have a gazpacho, but he said that the gazpacho would have to be marinated overnight.

But afterwards in the afternoon, he really got me some to try.

And after the whole event, he gave me hug to say, “Thank You, 我知道你辛苦了”

He shared the Friend of Michelin memento with me.

The whole process was fraught with difficulties and so so much. Like a miserable media attendance, like not getting the mandate, like having this idea deemed to have failed because of a lack of website hits, FB likes and etc.

Like not having the agreement ready and to run the risk of Nicholas being stopped by his agency to fly, when the event would be a few days away.

But i was grounded and i realised that i did what Mr Ng was doing. I was not emotional, I was aware and solidly grounded, and I held on to the process.

I hold and supported the process.

That was what was real. So real, that was my growth, my reality, my discovery,


i passed the test and is elevated now.

In the process of speaking to Mr Ng, I felt this silently gentle solid yet soft streaming energy or force at heart.

It was so quiet but so steady and sure, I had to listen to it.

It was grounding.

I felt it for the first time so clearly. It was like mother’s love, unending, ever so calm and peaceful.

And i realised how and why?

It was that i was at peace and one with the universe. not resisting, not intending, not managing or trying to alter anything.

Just one with the universe.

That was beautiful.

I repeated many times, that all that has happened is surreal, miraculous and unbelievable.


like a dream.

And Mr Ng added that everything that seemed so surreal was so because i m on the right path, and fulfilling or answering my life purpose.

And what was that?

“to be creative.”

To which I added,

To create these flashes of light, to touch to inspire and make a difference to lives.

i just want to do that, create these beautiful magical moments of light.

and why?

simply because i have experienced the beauty of it, these beautiful moments of light have changed me.

and i want others to feel it for themselves.

it would be wonderful to have created a difference, but just letting them feel it, that light would be brilliant enough.

I felt almost like a messenger of the divine.

they work through me, and that is how, people and things come into my life and continue to support my endeavour.

Mr Ng encouraged me to continue to work at that, listening and adhering to my life purpose, to bring light onto myself and others.

That would be truly what makes me, fulfils me. And to converse and work closely with the divine.







Healing (XXXX)











老师说,虽然对父亲不认识,但我们都是凡夫,都有lower aspect,都会犯错,都有兽性。






Inner Child或Wounded Child

我们在很大程度上都是wounded child。我们的行动、思维、生活、遭遇。





老师提醒,要承认和觉知这个inner child,并且时时提醒自己,那样是过去不是现在。不断回来做这个练习。从而加大和higher aspect的相处时间。

另一个可以改善的方式,就是回到当下事情发生时,把当时没有说、做的一系列unfinished business做完/说出来。







老师建议,跟新的地方、公司、家具等建立关系。cocreate with the space










比如,这样的抵触形成一种挑战,这就是我要学习面对的,work with的。这就是我的学习。







Dearest PY,

Just saw your email on your new role and I’m very excited about the adventures and learning curve ahead of you!




Dear Michelle

Happy Monday !

Thank you for sharing these sentiments, as a matter of fact, i m feeling the jitters too! Haven’t been without boundaries for a while.


Blaze your own trail…as you’ve always done. J



LOVE this advice! Keeping it zipped up!

Feeling grateful, 🙂


Keep inspiring – there’s no glass ceiling!








我跟老师说,上一次我看到米其林三星餐馆的curtis duffy纪录片《For Grace》。当下被他的故事吸引,我想采访他。























































我对bf道歉,并且解释,我的气,是对着他,因为我一个人忙进忙出的时候,他并没有lift a finger to help,错不是皓皓。皓皓无辜地吸收了这些怨气。







纵然如此, I m taking it constructively




我谈到他坐在沙发不动也不参与。老师说解释他的理解:“你认为他没帮助你,但他这么做,已经在帮你。这就是他shut out的方式。所以他也有一些blockage的”

Mind spa几个重要主题。

老师说,基本上我们现在的样子就是inner child就是我们生活经验的累积和成果。

不用做什么,inner child已经存在。问题是如何加强、增加我们和higher self在一起的时候




因为公事,急着抢救,又闹笑话,好尴尬。我不断批判自己的时候,突然看见那就是所谓的lower self和inner child










Healing (XXXIX)

Had a most wonderful mind spa session today.

After the session, Mr Ng commented, ” wow you are so bright now!”

I looked around me, the room suddenly spanked light.

It was so bright?

Why didn’t I even know?

Mr Ng said, “I didn’t change the bulbs at all.”

It’s originally so bright?

He nodded.

I took awhile to absorb the light, breathe in the light. Enjoy the light. Bathe in light.

I want to remember that brightness.

In that silence of bathing in it, I heard gratitude.

Not many people have the chance to see this light. I have the opportunity and I give my sincere thanks.

I m grateful for life, grateful to my parents for birthing me, my nanny for showering me with love. I m thankful to all the events that have happened in my life. I thank the universe n my protectors and guardian angels.

And I thank myself.

For once and again choosing the paths I have which brought me to light.

And because I m given this opportunity, which not many have, I want to make good this light. And do good to make good this opportunity.

To continue to write with my heart n honestly.

Mr Ng reminded me, ” to go with light and be light.”

It all started with the intention to discuss the headache I was having and the resignation I was going through.

I told teacher, of the struggles n conflict within.

How my lower self or habits attracted me to run away n seek comfort, I do not want to grow up! whilst my soul, deep down knew I wanted growth.

Teacher reminded me, ” growing up is not an easy path. People tend to idealise it but the road maybe a difficult one. So know that this is your choice. If you are conscious of your choice, that this decision is your choice, then whatever may be, it will not unsettle you.”

Teacher reinforced the idea of connecting again back to Mother Earth n the universe and to let the energy flow.

He reiterated that this would be the way to increase the time we spend with our higher selves instead of getting in touch with our lower self we are so accustomed to. Because some habits have been with us since aeons so it’s not easy to change in a while.

And I have to consciously do more of this connecting with earth and universe so that the energy flows.

He says, ” be gentle. Otherwise it might become a punishment instead and there will b side effects. Be very patient with yourself.”

So the question is, why do I not want to grow up?

The first thought is, I fear death.

He explained that some of the habits have been accumulated from the past and with a new body, they emit magnetic waves and attract people events in our lives. It’s this that we are succumbing to or subjected to once n again. We speak n act from this point.

So I said, there must be a way to rewrite this program right? With a lot of effort it’s possible.

“It is! The word I use is demagnetize. But the idea is this same. We talked about a magnetic field. So how to demagnetize? It’s tapping. When you tap, with an idea you are used to, you are tapping it out of your system, then u imbue the system with a good thought.”

It’s wonderful.

Just having an opportunity to exercise a change and the prospect of having it is a wondrous thing!

Teacher explained and we started.

I first tapped on my headache. Then a second layer came upon me.

I felt sick n tired and I just want to switch off. I m sick of the old practices and modes of thinking n behavior. I feel like they are making me reinforce old habits and I desperately want a breakthrough. I want to do away with the old. The old set of ways I have been accustomed to, they r limiting me in a way and have expired. I do not need them now. I want to bye them away!

We tapped on the headache.

But these came through.

Then teacher stopped.

“You have a lot of frustrations in you. I m stopping because of this. Let’s tap on your frustrations.”

I did and I became angry.

” Yes you are very angry. I could feel as if you wanted to carry things and throw them.”

I tapped on my anger.

Even teacher raised his voice to guide me

But the anger and so many of it is in me. My words became hard n cold I begin to quiver as I mouthed the words but I still contained the anger.

I just couldn’t let it out! Society culture me! I couldn’t!

He retreated to open a drawer and pulled out a towel.

“Cover your mouth.”

I swear I shouted n cried so hard.

So hard my legs started to move on the floor. My fingers gripped the towel so hard. My heart raced and my body felt so warm.

I screamed.

Then when I cooled down, Teacher said, ” it is very sad looking at you do this. Society culture family upbringing is stopping you from releasing all the anger and frustration in you. But you have to find a way to release. Otherwise it will hurt you in a very big way.”

This I certainly did not expect from him.

I said I guess my story of pent up frustration is not new or unique . Many people are the same. They do not express and become numb and close up along the way.

But the fact is, I do not want to b like that.

I felt my headache gone then come back as an aching feeling in the lower left back.

Then teacher wanted me to lie down.

I felt like crying on the bed and on the pillow. It just coaxed the tears out of me. There was a lot of reassuring healing love.


Teacher used a drum.

As it progressed, I saw images of my my mother, maternal grandmother, my paternal grandfather, my uncle, my aunt, my maternal grandfather and kiat.

All the deaths in my family.

But I found myself acknowledging their deaths for once and said goodbye.

For once I acknowledged their deaths.

Then he breathed and sort of gently drew circles or— I do not know what at the crown of my head.

I heard birds chirping. In the background and they gave me comfort.

Sometimes I drifted away, where I do not know.

Then came back as I heard a toddler’s shoe making a sound on contact with the floor.

It’s the footsteps that woke me.

The sound of life.

It’s still amazing and wonderful and I give my thanks.

I thanked my protectors my guardian angels Buddha even teacher.

He says, ” your soul may be ready to move on but your body is still very attached to your company. So there are some tensions. It’s important to say a proper goodbye. ”

Teacher sat beside me and wanted me to say goodbye.

I found it hard in the beginning but I did.

SPH has been my support for the longest time, not just physical or in the monetary sense but also, emotionally.

Writing and SPH is my escape my support my home n me.

Especially when I had none or was lost.

So it’s really hard to let go.

So hard. So so hard.

I don’t know how to let go.

Every person every story I did make me learn n grow as a person. Opened me up and fulfilled me. Made me blossom and gave me life.

They all culminated in the person that I m now.

But equally I can hold my head up high and strut out.








我记得我说:“I accept this, thank you.”


i did what I can , in the time that i could, and what i want , 所以我可以抬头走出去。bonus就是along the way,给人带来温热,温暖,或者是些许的照亮。


cleansing完毕,真的觉得打从内心比较安定,更ready,可以离开了。我说,i feel more ready now,老师也感觉得到。


最后向老师请教了say goodbye的方式,claim back所有的credits,把该还的还给公司。切断所有和公司的联系,send well wishes。





Healing (XXXVIII) ****** and finding TPY

Seeing mr Ng is always a wonderful healing experience .

He always manages to distill for me important indepth messages that are important for my soul’s development–and more often than not, things that I have missed in importance.

The first thing he told me about is that I look better.

And the only difference I could think of, is the veg diet I have been on since I met the metaphysics person on 13/5.

I told him I came to seek divinity ‘s assurance on which decision would be better for me?

Is it to stay on n change a beat ?

Or to change an environment n move on?

He wanted to know what propagated the intention to switch.

I spoke candidly about unfairness in workplace and a misalignment in my values n that of the company’s

I told him about my 14 yrs with the company

How each time I would put in lots of hard work n energy to deliver, but the credit wouldn’t b mine.

How unfairness in treatment has been repeating itself?

Also, there would b lots of unfairness in merits distributed.

And he asked, what fairness is?

More important, he fetched for me the idea that unfairness has been repeating for the longest time because I m myself a magnetic field of attracting that into my life

He said, trauma and hurt/pain begets the same trauma the next time

Think about what happened in your first job that set the imprint

And I remembered the stint in crime

I was thrown into the crime desk as a rookie and had to face death

Almost everyday

I had to report to the mortuary for work or scenes of crime, fight, and be in areas of danger . First out of school.

And I particularly remember this incident where I was told to wait at Buangkok with a photographer for a newsmaker.

That area wasn’t developed then. And it’s a family member of a criminal I had to face

The photographer got impatient and refused to wait into the night.

He said it was dangerous for me to stay on too on my own as a little girl.

And I decided to call it quits for the day.

But the next day, the supervisor called me to a room n lectured me about that decision

That I should have held on and waited because that was my job to.

And I might have missed a scoop for the paper.

Now recalling all this to mind made sense of how I have disciplined myself along the way

I put in extra work , harder n harder. But the recognition and rewards didn’t come in for me.

It was a healing cycle that I propagated and repeated

“So it’s time to let go of it now.”

Connect to Mother Earth.

Earth is like your mother whom you can embrace after a hard time. Allow yourself to be connected and for there to be a channel to let go of these energies that had been stored into your body

Feel the parts that hurt in your body and let it go.

Then visualize a door in your head which opens up to light from the universe.

That is like daddy’s energy to imbue you and the parts that hurt and the new Ce light will have a flushing effect.

And I did find a more balanced myself.

Then teacher asked,” did u know why u joined the crime desk”

I knew .

“It was because I wanted it in a sense.

It’s almost like flipping open a book of life, in which I first learnt about death.

But the lesson I want to learn is life. ”

And I felt it. Not understand this .

I thanked the universe for the love.

Teacher says this is amazing.

And almost like a most wonderful gift from the universe.

“Look. You started with crime, then came on to do entertainment , then fashion then food and now your are exploring spirituality.”

It’s like a gradual stepped process and just like how I said it.

To learn about life.

After all the wonderful things. Things physical, it’s about working on the inner aspects. It about the self and helping it grow and develop.

“If you can understand all these, all your previous thoughts about the company would disintegrate completely. Let go. Release all the unfairness, frustration, anger, fear, negativity that has accumulated in you these 14 years. Let go of all these and you will find back your energy. Otherwise, no matter where u go, those will follow and hinder or influence your decisions.”

I already see it.

Teacher introduced the idea of tapping.

Tapping to release unhappy thoughts I held about the company.

And then imbuing myself with gd thoughts.

i also told Mr Ng about how i would walk the same path to work each day so that i could see a tree.

it stood tall and lean and it was open and very upfront.

it was my model and inspiration.

everytime i walked past, i felt energised by it.

and i remember walking and stopping to see birds, it was as if i knew them, and Mr ng remarked,”birds are about freedom .”

and i just felt so touched.

i remember i was in the maldives and sitting at the beach on a hot day. a waiter came and we chatted as he laid down glasses of ice cold water.

he asked me about my name and i said, Yen, its a big bird.

and his words were, “if you were doing things that you like, you would be like a big bird flying in the sky”

i was very stressed up and confused this whole time. i didnt know if i should stay or leave.

coupled with intentions to go vegan, the decision becomes ever more difficult to make.

but i made the decision to write to SH about my concerns and my dissatisfaction with the contract, inappropriate maybe to some and by today’s standards, but truly and from my heart.

and i wake up feeling that both will be good for me no matter what. its about making good every situation and i have pure confidence that i can.

i wake up feeling stupid to be confused and to spoil over this, with space and time, this would seem so meagre, but still very important.

i flipped the papers and saw a word that sparked some reaction. the word is leukaemia.

it sparked a sense of fear in me.

i flipped the pages over , it was my habit to do so. but this time with awareness, i tried to look at it deeper, as the practice teacher would do with me.

to stay put with the word .

i closed my eyes and rolled my eyeballs right for 3 times, then left , countless times.

i saw a movie in which the female lead suffered fr leukaemia and died. it was a love story. now that i m writing, i recalled another movie even earlier, of someone who suffered with the same condition and had bleeding of the gums.

i could remember the fear even then although this incident has passed so many years.

i continued to turn my eyeballs to the left and saw fascinating things.

i saw myself visiting my father who had a spinal surgery at the hospital. i could even see the blankets. and hear the beeps from the machines.

i saw myself as a child, not knowing what this meant, but for sure i was in an atmosphere with a lot of fear, fear fr my father, and more so, my mother and relatives who visited.

a lot of fear.

and i was drenched in all of those.

i carried them.

i was introduced to the idea of fear and associated it with death then and death appeared very scary.

then my mind went back even further to when i was born , fresh out of the bun in the hospital.

this was where it all began!

i was crying a lot and my mother delivering for the first time, had a lot of tension and fear in her too. she was afraid and i got it, everything, the fear she had in her life, in those moments from her, from there.

she felt alone and helpless, not confident , not loved.

that explains why i was crying so much as a baby.

i heard tales of how i cried and my face turned tomato red fr my nanny.

and now i understood , i was trying to cry the shit of fear of my mother out of my system ! so i cried and cried and cried when i was so little, trying my best to get those out of my system.

but it turned out that the crying was insufficient and i was constituted with a lot of fear and lack of confidence. even if i did well, even if i had wonderful thoughts and ideas, i did not express them and kept them in me.

now i know, that these are not me.

my nanny also often recounted how i would often fall sick and had to visit the doctor almost everyday when i was a baby, scaring the shit out of her.

visiting the doctor for the smallest things was a habit of my nanny, who did not know what to do with me. i find myself repeating this in the last few years.

from a fear of seeing the doctor, to creating conditions which warranted visits. for example , headaches, tension and stress, and even a raised ca19.9, all these i created because i have that solid hearth of energy passed over the years from my nanny to just , visit the doctor.

that was the thing i knew, and out of habits, i did it. thus continuing to reinforce the energetic habits i was exposed to since young.

and writing this made me aware of why i was often worked up, when my nana insisted i bring the kids to the doc whenever they had issues.

i didnt like that sound at all.

with the conditions i created for my body, i would just conveniently visit a doctor and leave myself to him. I did not take responsibility on my own for myself.

but that was because nanny was not educated and not aware of other forms of healing, nanny was lost and bringing me to the doctor was the only way out for her.

but not me.

And i do not need these now.

all the old habitual patterns can disintegrate. those are not mine to begin with. those shells break away and fall apart.

i m healthy and good as i m. there is no doubt about this. and i know i m in control and can heal myself, physically and mentally. it just takes time and a lot of awareness and good effort.

i certainly do not need doctors and if i need, help it would come from places from a deeper source , such as getting to know myself better from Mr Ng and reworking my lifestyle by changing how i eat and live.

this is me now, the spirit free, open, carefree, wise, boundless and very confident.


then i wrote a piece like this.


Mr ng mentioned using the left hand to reveal innermost thoughts in the subconscious mind.

and it was wonderful.




Om ma ne pad me hum.



Healing (XXXVIII)

Everything comes to you at the right moment
Every time i step out of each healing session, I find my bearings and grounding. And i marvel at the process.

        And I had to tell teacher this,

        “You are so instrumental in me becoming better. Evolving and getting closer to the spirit of me that is within. Words cannot convey but I very much want to say thank you thank yu thank you for supporting this process. You are very much appreciated. I m very grateful and will work hard at defining myself.”

There are 2 main themes in the session today, one is a closed/open system, the other is about choice. I learnt about how negative experiences could be managed and taken care of by turning your eyeballs in the right direction for 3 times and leftwards countless times, that is because our eyes are deeply connected with our core memory. And the simple action of turning eyeballs can unlock memories stored up somewhere else. To release them.

         And teacher concluded the session by teaching me this very simple meditation, sitting comfortably and with thumbs and baby fingers touching to signify opening up,”I open myself up to nature, I open myself up to the good that is in all beings, i open myself up to receiving the richness of the universe and be blessed. i open up to myself. ” 


然后,今早下大雨,眼看要迟到了。传简讯给老师。然后就在巴士里享受雨。怎么知道在关键的时候,巴士来了,而且等我,那个巴士司机的这个简单的举动真的made my day。














我对老师说,我觉得我自己在put up一个defence,一个blockage。我不想听他的。




你知不知道以前的土著,那么要找吃的,都是听guidance的,跟着听到的去摸索找食,然后看到一只羊,宰杀,但是即便如此,也是非常感激、崇敬的心理。因为那就是神明嘉许的赏赐让他赖以为生的。然后他们会say a prayer。

又比如说藏族,他们是吃肉的,但在他们的观念里,那是因为他们的环境里没有太多的蔬菜,而且在他们的认知里,他们会say a prayer,并且会有这么一个这一生我吃你和你结一个缘,下一生我有机会渡你。







因为碰到那样的closed system,所以你感觉自己削弱了。
“还有一点,其实你心里那把声音,就是一种自我的批判一种judgement。所以那也是一种closed up system。”








我告诉老师,今年开始的时候,老师说:it’s a new year, things will change。