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Toko Shinoda and art in her life 

Although she also works in lithograph, Shinoda often chooses to use brush and sumi ink, exacting materials that don’t afford the luxury of backtracking or revisiting strokes. Where oil painting, like prose writing, is the result of contemplative, cumulative composition, art made with ink is immediate and of the moment, perhaps more akin to playing a musical instrument. The paper instantly drinks the ink, making the medium a superconductor for the intent, even the personality, of the artist. For this reason painting with ink requires great poise, and the act itself is a kind of performance of which the marks become the record.

—– Toko Shinoda and art in her life http://www.japantimes.co.jp/culture/2017/04/13/arts/104-toko-shinoda-talks-life-art/#.WPBN125GSEd

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Hush

今天参加了一个非常了不起的活动。叫Hush。
用喝一杯茶的时间沉淀、用喝一杯的时间重新认识自己。
疗愈自己。
一杯茶变得不一样了。
创办人在企业界多年,后来因为婚姻面临考验开始重审自己。她开始接触瑜伽、静坐,进而在安静中发掘了自己。包括自己在世上的位置、和别人的关系等。

我访问她的时候觉得,碰到她的时间是对的。我听她说她想做的事情,比如想让人吃得更健康自然,同时让单亲妈妈受雇。比如让小孩子接触瑜伽和觉知。听她说的那一刻,我知道时间对了。我就是在等待这一刻。突然觉得自己也可以。我想马上辞去工作。辞去工作之后,也可以参与让人生更有意义。我想参与。我不怕了。

原来,想做什么,一旦清楚了,人就会勇敢无惧。那是惊人的力量。

而且很多助缘的能量自然会到来。

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过程分4个阶段。首先嗅茶叶闻茶香,选择自己喜欢的味道。过程中唤醒沉睡的感官,开始把沉睡的觉知唤醒。
然后手机收起来。
空气里有纸张发出的声音。没有了吵杂声。
抽一张卡,上面居然这么写。
I m my own unique self.

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然后在聋哑人士的导引中,坐了下来。对方用纸卡以及身体语言示范。加强她要传递的意思,然后你会发现,言语有时是多余的。

在尝试了解意义的时候,我也在用觉知。

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坐下来。碟子上有蜡烛,火苗在飘。茶来了。看热烟飘起,在空气中有了生命,在空气中闻它酸酸的味道。然后触碰热烈的茶杯。然后用手盖着杯子,感受热气渗入手指的感觉。

我喝茶,对那酸酸甜甜的滋味好像都能把握到。我感觉茶留下喉的温暖。我听到茶下咽时候的声音。

好珍贵。

原来,我错过了那么那么多。我都没有在用觉知过我的生活。这一年,我白白过了。

然后我感觉到身体里的紧张。身体里紧的部分。我尝试去体认它。我尝试看着那个部分,然后,它就松懈了。

原来,给自己时间,给自己爱,关怀是那么的重要。

经验这些原来那么重要。这些看似微不足道的时刻,才是人生最需要的养分。

对人生来说,这些才真的重要。
那才真的过了一刻。体验这个过刻让我这么觉得。
我没有白费那一刻。
我想,我接触到了内心了。

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然后就把茶喝完了。看着那空荡荡的茶杯,我突然看出来了。看出满来了。

空,才是满的可能。

允许自己空荡荡的,才能酝酿圆满。

清空自己,才能丰富自己。

下一个步骤,邀请大家发表感觉和体验。用茶作画。

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我画了渐渐在清空的茶杯。我想那样。慢慢地清空自己。特别是不需要的人事物。统统清掉。
让自己空荡荡的。

In emptiness, you will find fullness.

最近不断接触到空的概念。从andre chiang在塔斯马尼亚跟我说他如何回到原点,从高峰让自己回到原点这件事。

我开始很受吸引。蠢蠢欲动。好想尝试让自己也那么做。从新开始。

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My art journey

8/9/2011
Dreams—>Reality

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30/11/2011
Purity

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29/12/2011
Defining & Redefining

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12/1/2012
Opening Up

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8/2/2012
Me & My Loves

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28/3/2012

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18/4/2012
On This Journey

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11/5/2012
Coming Together

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13/7/2012
What’s there to fear?

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28/2/2012
Deliver

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4/10/2012
Coming/Going

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8/11/2012
The very essence of Me

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30/11/2012
Gifted

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3/1/2013
Like a flower

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19/4/2013
Light. 怀皓

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12/7/2013
Teacher

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2/8/2013
Inner child’s lollipop

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30/8/2013
Grounding

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11/10/2013
Whole

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9/12/2013
Ahead. Personal Growth

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15/1/2014
Open Up

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20/2/2014
Porous

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25/4/2014
Receiving Blessings

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3/6/2014
Grounding/Floating/Rooting

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15/8/2014
Becoming

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23/8/2014
Continue

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Yen’s drawing for me

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Art, to b continued

Just as everything in life, my art teacher Yen announced that she will b stopping her practice due to someone else occupying the space she is using now.

And I have to accept that.

It came in a whirlwind.

I felt stumped n seriously , a bit lost. What m I to do now, when I need a listening ear ?

I have to be on my own now, I heard myself say, after going through art therapy with her for the past 3-4 years.

I have to be on my own.

It reflected how much I depended on her , she was someone I could depend on in times of need, in my darkest of all days, she hears my out with all her heart. Then she pointed out to me things that would otherwise not be apparent to me.

She helped my become myself, a better me, stronger, more courageous, a me-ier me. An honest me.
She brought the me in me out.

And she prepared me for today n my future.

And so, I find that letting go is not hard to do, because both of us gave our very all, when we exchanged our ideas. We were fully present to each other.

I couldn’t help but think of how I climbed up these flight of steps when I was heavily pregnant with Hao each time I saw her. I climbed those steps.

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I felt a tinge of sadness it was to b the last. But I told myself to SAVOUR each n every climb.

Then it was art time.

She brought all my works n asked if I would like to take a peek.

I sort of did that . Briefly, I saw mostly v beautiful colours . Many of those , I had forgotten. Like a pacifier I did, I remembered I did it, but the thoughts behind, were long past me.

It didn’t matter anymore. It’s an important lesson, because then I have my fullest attention to these thoughts. And so in life, give full attention to what we go through, no matter what.

But still, the tears came.

I heard myself:

“You r awesome”

Yen asked: “Do u know why u cry?”

Of course.

I looked at the pile of my works, lots of circles. Lots of bright lovely colours.

It just shoots the aches n pains right into the heart again.

What a lot of shit ! I said.

That was a lot of shit. Just as light is apparent in the dark, the pretty colours belied the darkness I went through. It was as if, the prettier, the darker.

I told her.

Life is hard, it is so hard.

I consider myself already so lucky. What about all the others who did not get the chance I did? Life is so hard n so hard for them. What about life for them?

Once and again, big n little, life really is a struggle.

I saw how the darkness turn into light, into bright colours, how much energy it must take for this translation to happen.

And it’s amazing. I still do not know how I managed that .

What a lot of energy, so much hard work n effort in there!

As usual, she heard me. And in fact, she told me about her darkest past she never told anyone else. I think we switched sides in that moment. I think it was healing for her too to confide in another.

Then I requested her to draw something for me as I did my artwork.

I drew a big pink flower which has grown from the soil. With a bright yellow centre, radiating green n blue circles outwards to pink. Which then radiates yellow out.

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I told Yen that I want to curate my life from now. To select with care and wisdom what n who comes in.

The flower that is pink on the outside has actually more depths than pink.

It has healing blue n natural green n a source bright yellow, it’s life force and driving energy.

That which allows it to transform and translate all it takes from the earth, good n bad to all that is beauty.

And the guiding principle is that everything is whole. No matter what, because conditions are present .

I still do not know how I did it, the translation each time of difficulties to bright beautiful flowers.

But I guess it must have been the bright yellow centre that is helping me with this.

And the day after, whilst waiting for the bus and looking at the the patch of green grass, I got my answer.

Nature does it too, flowers trees plants. They all are capable of this, we take all the difficulties and translate beauty out.

This is the very essence and ability of all life forms . We just needed to dig deep enough to search for that natural force within us all.

And then Yen added, and so that is why she drew this.

A baby holding a bodhi leaf in her hand. In a womb or circle, which is a flower.

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She says to me, that she doesn’t get many requests like that and she thinks that is me.

“You have great strength although you always cry. Every time you are pushed to the edge you bounce back and help yourself thru. You are v big hearted, you have a beautiful mind. Many times, I feel you are an inspiration to me. I hear you and I really do. Sometimes I think you are like a mirror to me. I think it’s not by chance that you have this life, the gift to write, and have 2 beautiful children. I think there must be a reason behind this all. “

And that marks the end of a few years of art therapy.

But she says, I think we will meet.
I say, yes if conditions are present.

It makes me feel that good, this flexible malleability that doesn’t hinge on desire. It brings to mind again this importance of being fully present once again for another. So when it is time to let go, you only have feelings of fullness and blessings for the other at heart.

Walking out of the room, I felt noticeably lighter. It was as if I m born again, armed with a lighter body ready to take off on my own.

As if I have left my past too.

I told yen I do not remember most of the works, I guess in the art pieces that I did, I must have taken full responsibility for all those strong emotions. That was why. I allowed them to be with me, I was with them n after that, they freed me.

It has been a remarkable journey of growth and self discovery.

 

 

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Open and pervious

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I enjoy art more n more.
I told yen about how I carried haohao in my arms n we observed a little worm hanging down from a tree.
Or, enjoying the pretty blooms. And touching the dew drops on the leaves of bushes.

It completed the process of the last art session.
It made the creative process more organic as if it had form n definitely gave the whole session more depth.
I got the inspiration that any creative process is completed only when a response is invited, like when the keyboard is pushed down n a sound is heard. Or like a writing which touches someone ‘s life.

The completion of the creative process brings about a sense of healing n whole ness to the being.

Today I m asked to create what I like to feel or see.

I thought of QinZhi . When QinZhi didn’t know how to draw, I would say, draw the picture that you see in your heart. It would b a gift of the heart n would b beautiful.

I wanted and liked the idea of openness n opening up. I think the very act itself–of opening up speaks volumes of grace, courage n wisdom.

It takes a lot to open up n to accept n to allow yourself to be.

So I drew a peony that saw on a Facebook page. The peony is pretty n blooms because it is not afraid or stopped by its vulnerability or transient temporary nature . It is not afraid of the world.

And how to draw the peony I saw?

I just had it in my heart n tried to get it out.

I m reminded about the small dishes that swim by me in Maldives n Phuket . As well, the tiny green plants I saw in hangzhou.

It didn’t matter that they were that small. They just took the world the waves on sportingly n in good spirit .

They were open n at ease with their nature.

Nothing was contrived nothing was made up .

I m v inspired by these little or the tiniest forms of life.

Just be .

Being .

So much wisdom in there.

So the flower opened up n received blessings like the rain n all the goodness.

There was a golden centre that is unaffected , firm n solid, unchanged by it all.

Just observing .

And it is this energy that is giving the flower it’s blooms.

How I love art

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感谢每一次呼吸

早上,抱着怀皓带沁芝上学,然后走走看鸟,已经成了我们俩的小小ritual。
看着花儿大树看着蓝天白云
看着小鸟看着怀皓
我无法不感谢每一次的呼吸每一个心跳。

带着怀皓看花、看花朵上的露珠
让怀皓去轻轻碰触
让我很欢喜
让我忽的想起art class时候我告诉yen说,
Nature is all around
All u have to do is to look around you.
那次她让我画一座桥
我在桥的两边画上书本、树木、咖啡。

我说,只要肯抬头花时间
Whenever you want
都可以驻足稍作停留。

早上带怀皓走走的时候
我获得了art therapy最圆满的healing
It’s a complete realization
A completed therapy
When u actually fulfill what you have said in the therapy session.
It’s very fulfilling n whole, the feeling is v organic.
Very real n true n from within
And you know, work n healing has been done .