Art， is not what you see, but what you make others see.
Art， is not what you see, but what you make others see.
Although she also works in lithograph, Shinoda often chooses to use brush and sumi ink, exacting materials that don’t afford the luxury of backtracking or revisiting strokes. Where oil painting, like prose writing, is the result of contemplative, cumulative composition, art made with ink is immediate and of the moment, perhaps more akin to playing a musical instrument. The paper instantly drinks the ink, making the medium a superconductor for the intent, even the personality, of the artist. For this reason painting with ink requires great poise, and the act itself is a kind of performance of which the marks become the record.
—– Toko Shinoda and art in her life http://www.japantimes.co.jp/culture/2017/04/13/arts/104-toko-shinoda-talks-life-art/#.WPBN125GSEd
I m my own unique self.
In emptiness, you will find fullness.
Defining & Redefining
Me & My Loves
On This Journey
What’s there to fear?
The very essence of Me
Like a flower
Inner child’s lollipop
Ahead. Personal Growth
Yen’s drawing for me
Just as everything in life, my art teacher Yen announced that she will b stopping her practice due to someone else occupying the space she is using now.
And I have to accept that.
It came in a whirlwind.
I felt stumped n seriously , a bit lost. What m I to do now, when I need a listening ear ?
I have to be on my own now, I heard myself say, after going through art therapy with her for the past 3-4 years.
I have to be on my own.
It reflected how much I depended on her , she was someone I could depend on in times of need, in my darkest of all days, she hears my out with all her heart. Then she pointed out to me things that would otherwise not be apparent to me.
She helped my become myself, a better me, stronger, more courageous, a me-ier me. An honest me.
She brought the me in me out.
And she prepared me for today n my future.
And so, I find that letting go is not hard to do, because both of us gave our very all, when we exchanged our ideas. We were fully present to each other.
I couldn’t help but think of how I climbed up these flight of steps when I was heavily pregnant with Hao each time I saw her. I climbed those steps.
I felt a tinge of sadness it was to b the last. But I told myself to SAVOUR each n every climb.
Then it was art time.
She brought all my works n asked if I would like to take a peek.
I sort of did that . Briefly, I saw mostly v beautiful colours . Many of those , I had forgotten. Like a pacifier I did, I remembered I did it, but the thoughts behind, were long past me.
It didn’t matter anymore. It’s an important lesson, because then I have my fullest attention to these thoughts. And so in life, give full attention to what we go through, no matter what.
But still, the tears came.
I heard myself:
“You r awesome”
Yen asked: “Do u know why u cry?”
I looked at the pile of my works, lots of circles. Lots of bright lovely colours.
It just shoots the aches n pains right into the heart again.
What a lot of shit ! I said.
That was a lot of shit. Just as light is apparent in the dark, the pretty colours belied the darkness I went through. It was as if, the prettier, the darker.
I told her.
Life is hard, it is so hard.
I consider myself already so lucky. What about all the others who did not get the chance I did? Life is so hard n so hard for them. What about life for them?
Once and again, big n little, life really is a struggle.
I saw how the darkness turn into light, into bright colours, how much energy it must take for this translation to happen.
And it’s amazing. I still do not know how I managed that .
What a lot of energy, so much hard work n effort in there!
As usual, she heard me. And in fact, she told me about her darkest past she never told anyone else. I think we switched sides in that moment. I think it was healing for her too to confide in another.
Then I requested her to draw something for me as I did my artwork.
I drew a big pink flower which has grown from the soil. With a bright yellow centre, radiating green n blue circles outwards to pink. Which then radiates yellow out.
I told Yen that I want to curate my life from now. To select with care and wisdom what n who comes in.
The flower that is pink on the outside has actually more depths than pink.
It has healing blue n natural green n a source bright yellow, it’s life force and driving energy.
That which allows it to transform and translate all it takes from the earth, good n bad to all that is beauty.
And the guiding principle is that everything is whole. No matter what, because conditions are present .
I still do not know how I did it, the translation each time of difficulties to bright beautiful flowers.
But I guess it must have been the bright yellow centre that is helping me with this.
And the day after, whilst waiting for the bus and looking at the the patch of green grass, I got my answer.
Nature does it too, flowers trees plants. They all are capable of this, we take all the difficulties and translate beauty out.
This is the very essence and ability of all life forms . We just needed to dig deep enough to search for that natural force within us all.
And then Yen added, and so that is why she drew this.
A baby holding a bodhi leaf in her hand. In a womb or circle, which is a flower.
She says to me, that she doesn’t get many requests like that and she thinks that is me.
“You have great strength although you always cry. Every time you are pushed to the edge you bounce back and help yourself thru. You are v big hearted, you have a beautiful mind. Many times, I feel you are an inspiration to me. I hear you and I really do. Sometimes I think you are like a mirror to me. I think it’s not by chance that you have this life, the gift to write, and have 2 beautiful children. I think there must be a reason behind this all. “
And that marks the end of a few years of art therapy.
But she says, I think we will meet.
I say, yes if conditions are present.
It makes me feel that good, this flexible malleability that doesn’t hinge on desire. It brings to mind again this importance of being fully present once again for another. So when it is time to let go, you only have feelings of fullness and blessings for the other at heart.
Walking out of the room, I felt noticeably lighter. It was as if I m born again, armed with a lighter body ready to take off on my own.
As if I have left my past too.
I told yen I do not remember most of the works, I guess in the art pieces that I did, I must have taken full responsibility for all those strong emotions. That was why. I allowed them to be with me, I was with them n after that, they freed me.
It has been a remarkable journey of growth and self discovery.
I enjoy art more n more.
I told yen about how I carried haohao in my arms n we observed a little worm hanging down from a tree.
Or, enjoying the pretty blooms. And touching the dew drops on the leaves of bushes.
It completed the process of the last art session.
It made the creative process more organic as if it had form n definitely gave the whole session more depth.
I got the inspiration that any creative process is completed only when a response is invited, like when the keyboard is pushed down n a sound is heard. Or like a writing which touches someone ‘s life.
The completion of the creative process brings about a sense of healing n whole ness to the being.
Today I m asked to create what I like to feel or see.
I thought of QinZhi . When QinZhi didn’t know how to draw, I would say, draw the picture that you see in your heart. It would b a gift of the heart n would b beautiful.
I wanted and liked the idea of openness n opening up. I think the very act itself–of opening up speaks volumes of grace, courage n wisdom.
It takes a lot to open up n to accept n to allow yourself to be.
So I drew a peony that saw on a Facebook page. The peony is pretty n blooms because it is not afraid or stopped by its vulnerability or transient temporary nature . It is not afraid of the world.
And how to draw the peony I saw?
I just had it in my heart n tried to get it out.
I m reminded about the small dishes that swim by me in Maldives n Phuket . As well, the tiny green plants I saw in hangzhou.
It didn’t matter that they were that small. They just took the world the waves on sportingly n in good spirit .
They were open n at ease with their nature.
Nothing was contrived nothing was made up .
I m v inspired by these little or the tiniest forms of life.
Just be .
So much wisdom in there.
So the flower opened up n received blessings like the rain n all the goodness.
There was a golden centre that is unaffected , firm n solid, unchanged by it all.
Just observing .
And it is this energy that is giving the flower it’s blooms.
How I love art
Nature is all around
All u have to do is to look around you.
Whenever you want
It’s a complete realization
A completed therapy
When u actually fulfill what you have said in the therapy session.
It’s very fulfilling n whole, the feeling is v organic.
Very real n true n from within
And you know, work n healing has been done .