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空间。氧气

Dear qinzhi

I want to tell u about space n it’s Importance

我最近才意识到
空间对我来说是那么那么重要的事情

i should have known.
Tsoknyi rinpoche在讲座中说的,心中怀抱各种情绪。错误的不是情绪,是空间。他拿起笔,在容器里晃来晃去,让我们看到我们是如何在局限自己,如何不给自己空间。

更早前,文雁说了,只要心够大,不是问题。不会有问题。

还有工作上文章不断被修改
自小到大总是在做别人眼中的自己
包括前一两年一直努力去沁芝daddy心中的mummy
等等
都关乎空间
我昨天再次感受到空间的重要性

我终于开口问,我们要不要多一个孩子?
我记得,以前沁芝daddy的立场很坚决:不要孩子,因为只是带他来到这里让他受苦
我以前尝试说出我的看法
But I would always feel frustrated exasperated n helpless bcoz he wouldn’t even TAKE a look at my point of view
There is no space for me n my point of view

我想他这辈子都不会了解我心里的想法,尽管我已经说过。

我不知道沁芝的降临有没有给他任何影响,但我想,如果不是意外有了沁芝,或许我们到现在也还不是爸爸妈妈

是要不要看的问题。

昨晚临睡再次谈起
我说:你怎么不问我的看法?
Don’t my views n thoughts n feelings matter at all? Doesn’t he want to check these feelings at all?

他说不问并不代表没有思考

My heart sank

Isn’t a life partner’s two cents worth consulting at all?
Why is there no interest at all?
As I see it, this is a v big problem

In the way he does things,
He doesn’t create space for co-creation for all issues in a relationship

And made it a downright selfish one sided bigotry

单是这点,我已经觉得无法呼吸。我觉得被挤压。被压迫。

因为完全没有给我空间呼吸

那天走出地铁,也是因为里头没有氧气了。我需要,不然实在不知道应该怎么继续。

但也是这样,我开始意识到保护自己和自己的空间的重要性。

不要让自己的空间被别人剥夺或操纵了。这些日子以来承受的委屈和压力,也是因为自己没有看管好自己的空间。

空间,不一定得靠别人给予。必行懂得自己创造。为自己开拓空间。然后保护你的空间。

空间和青春一样,直到你失去了你才会发现它的重要。

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王菲2011

 

看了王菲就好了。

上一次看王菲,是7年前。

好一个,七年之痒。

坐在旁边的弟弟说,清楚记得,上一次,王菲的最后一首歌曲是《人间》,他记得幕后一片白布,她唱完,左边右边鞠躬,然后消失台下。

他为之惊艳。

那次看王菲是在2004年。

panic attack的2年之后。

这一次,也是在之后的。

这一次的王菲,比上一次的,开怀。她挥手多了,还是只是谢谢5、6声,还是没有说话,但笑容明显多了。我看了也很开心。

人到了一定的年龄,总会觉得以前的自己很傻,然后就不会再像以前那样behave

她应该也是这样吧。

她的演唱会导演是王家卫,以四季为主题展开歌曲的演唱,一开场,她从白色的山洞/冬天走出来,到最后的春、夏,她安排的歌曲是充满佛教重生意味的新房客、彼岸花

期间,服装、化妆跟着四季的冷热交替

容易让人follow的主题。

四季。让人不觉思考————自己处在哪一季?有时是一年里边有四季,有时是一天里边有四季,有时是一小时里有四季。

而不论是哪一季,它总会过去。

最喜欢她的ending。

最后一首歌是彼岸花。

她的舞台设计是前台安排的舞台盖子揭开,让一面大镜子面向观众。她唱彼岸花,地上投射的画面全再投射到镜子上。她的唱功了的。唱完了消失了。

然后观众只看见自己。

然后舞台的灯逐渐亮起。空中听到她唱的《心经》

荧光幕上写着这样的几个字:“给他们”

ending很突兀。

她就像一场大家经验的美丽的梦。

就像一切的人生。

让人玩味无穷。

看了王菲就好了。

 

 

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Life

October 28, 2011
Your Perfect Teacher

All the situations in our lives, from the insignificant to the major, teach us exactly what we need to be learning.

Many of us long to find a spiritual teacher or guru. We may feel unsure of how to practice our spirituality without one, or we may long for someone who has attained a higher level of insight to lead the way for us. Some of us have been looking for years to no avail and feel frustrated and even lost. The good news is that the greatest teacher you could ever want is always with you—that is your life.

The people and situations we encounter every day have much to teach us when we are open to receiving their wisdom. Often we don’t recognize our teachers because they may not look or act like our idea of a guru, yet they may embody great wisdom. In addition, some people teach us by showing us what we don’t want to do. All the situations in our lives, from the insignificant to the major, conspire to teach us exactly what we need to be learning at any given time. Patience, compassion, perseverance, honesty, letting go—all these are covered in the classroom of the teacher that is your life.

We can help ourselves to remember this perfect teacher each day with a few simple words. Each morning we might find a moment to say, “I acknowledge and honor the teacher that is my life. May I be wise enough to recognize the teachers and lessons that I encounter today, and may I be open to receiving their wisdom.” We might also take some time each day to consider what our lives are trying to teach us at this time. A difficult phase in your relationship with your child may be teaching you to let go. The homeless person you see every day may be showing you the boundaries of your compassion and generosity. A spate of lost items may be asking you to be more present to physical reality. Trust your intuition on the nature of the lesson at hand, work at your own pace, and ask as many questions as you want. Your life has all the answers.

所以这两年的课是什么?
是教导我不要担心
不要胡思乱想
不要看没有的
学习看拥有的
学习珍惜眼前和现在
学习awareness

学习detach
学习直接从心出发
学习不要有太多思考和顾虑

也是教导我知道和认识自己
reach down to my heart
follow my heart
是教导我believe n trust myself
也是教导我人生
教导我学习放下
教导我珍惜
教导我选择

更是教导乐观

也是教导我照顾自己的身心
如何照顾自己的身心

这以上都需要勇气智慧

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The value of life’s experiences

On creativity and cross-pollination:

Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things. And the reason they were able to do that was that the…y’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people. Unfortunately, that’s too rare a commodity. A lot of people in our industry haven’t had very diverse experiences. So they don’t have enough dots to connect, and they end up with very linear solutions without a broad perspective on the problem. The broader one’s understanding of the human experience, the better design we will have.” ~ Wired, February, 1995
------- I, Steve。

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Being Aware of Your Thoughts

October 24, 2011 Curative Attentiveness

We seldom accept negative comments from others, however, we so often accept our own inner negative chatter. Few people enjoy the company of individuals whose attitudes are persistently negative. Yet many of us tolerate the critical chatter that can originate within our own minds. Since we are so used to the stream of self-limiting, critical consciousness that winds its way through our thoughts, we are often unaware of the impact these musings have on our lives. It is only when we become aware of the power of such thoughts that we can divest ourselves of them and fill the emptiness they leave with loving, peaceful affirmations.

Many people, upon paying careful attention to their thinking patterns, are surprised at the negativity they find there. But when we take notice of involuntary thoughts in a nonjudgmental way, we initiate a healing process that will eventually allow us to replace intimidating and upsetting self-talk with positive, empowering thoughts. While the occasional downbeat or judgmental thought may have little impact on your contentment, the ongoing negativity that passes unnoticed can have a dampening effect on your mood and your outlook. When you are aware of the tone of your thoughts, however, you can challenge them.

Try to be conscious of your feelings, opinions, and judgments for a single day. From sunup to sundown, scrutinize the messages you are feeding into your subconscious mind. Consider your thoughts from the perspective of a detached observer and try not to judge yourself based on the notions that come unbidden into your mind.

Simply watch the flow of your consciousness and make a note of the number of times you find yourself focusing on gloomy notions or indulging in self-directed criticism. As you become increasingly aware of your patterns of thought, whether positive and negative, you will gradually learn to control the character of your stream of consciousness. Endeavor always to remember that the images and ideas that pass through your mind are transient and not a true representation of who you are. In training yourself to be cognizant of your thoughts, you gain the ability to actively modulate your mood.

The awareness you cultivate within yourself will eventually enable you to create a foundation of positivity from which you can build a more authentic existence.