人生最重要的

“人生最重要的是保持自己的真心性，心灵的一片清净洁白。”－叶嘉莹

南开大学中华古典文化研究所所长，曾任台湾大学教授，哈佛大学、密歇根大学及哥伦比亚大学客座教授。主要著作有《杜甫秋兴八首集说》《唐宋词名家论稿》《王国维及其文学批评》《迦陵论词丛稿》《迦陵论诗丛稿》等。

I WISH YOU ENOUGH

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in
their last moments together at the airport as the
daughter’s departure had been announced.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and
the mother said:
“I love you and I wish you enough.”
The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has
been more than enough. Your love is all I ever
needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.” They kissed
and the daughter left.
The mother walked over to the window where I sat.
Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed
to cry.
I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she
welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say
good-bye to someone knowing it would be
forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for
asking but why is this a forever good-bye?”
“I am old and she lives so far away. I have
challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip
back will be for my funeral,” she said.
When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say,
“I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?”
She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been
handed down from other generations. My parents
used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment
and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail
and she smiled even more.
“When we said ‘I wish you enough’ we were
wanting the other person to have a life filled with
just enough good things to sustain them”. Then
turning toward me, she shared the following,
reciting it from memory,
“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude
bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit
alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in
life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you
possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the
final good-bye.”
She then began to cry and walked away.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person.
An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them.
And an entire life to forget them.

The author of this piece is Bob Perks.

Flow

You r limited by how you see the world

Open and pervious

I enjoy art more n more.
I told yen about how I carried haohao in my arms n we observed a little worm hanging down from a tree.
Or, enjoying the pretty blooms. And touching the dew drops on the leaves of bushes.

It completed the process of the last art session.
It made the creative process more organic as if it had form n definitely gave the whole session more depth.
I got the inspiration that any creative process is completed only when a response is invited, like when the keyboard is pushed down n a sound is heard. Or like a writing which touches someone ‘s life.

The completion of the creative process brings about a sense of healing n whole ness to the being.

Today I m asked to create what I like to feel or see.

I thought of QinZhi . When QinZhi didn’t know how to draw, I would say, draw the picture that you see in your heart. It would b a gift of the heart n would b beautiful.

I wanted and liked the idea of openness n opening up. I think the very act itself–of opening up speaks volumes of grace, courage n wisdom.

It takes a lot to open up n to accept n to allow yourself to be.

So I drew a peony that saw on a Facebook page. The peony is pretty n blooms because it is not afraid or stopped by its vulnerability or transient temporary nature . It is not afraid of the world.

And how to draw the peony I saw?

I just had it in my heart n tried to get it out.

I m reminded about the small dishes that swim by me in Maldives n Phuket . As well, the tiny green plants I saw in hangzhou.

It didn’t matter that they were that small. They just took the world the waves on sportingly n in good spirit .

They were open n at ease with their nature.

Nothing was contrived nothing was made up .

I m v inspired by these little or the tiniest forms of life.

Just be .

Being .

So much wisdom in there.

So the flower opened up n received blessings like the rain n all the goodness.

There was a golden centre that is unaffected , firm n solid, unchanged by it all.

Just observing .

And it is this energy that is giving the flower it’s blooms.

How I love art

15 months

Hppy 15 months dearie！

这个时候的皓皓，喜欢帮我擦地板。

这一天，mommy去采访，mikuni的厨师给了我3根萝卜，这些自日本山梨县进口的红萝卜，以富士山流下来的泉水灌溉，味道自然与众不同。

厨师moon kyung soo说：“这种红萝卜的季节是每年3-6月左右，5月的时候最甜美。特点是带有番薯的香气，黄瓜的脆爽，农夫试过让人生吃，一般人都吃不出这就是萝卜。”

红萝卜每公斤35元，绿叶他也不浪费，用来制成天妇罗，至于这么宝贵的红萝卜，他也研发出一套保存方法。

那就是采用厚重的钢锅，填满特级初榨橄榄油，然后以小火慢慢地烹煮，就像是用油煮滚一样。

“如果用烤的，红萝卜会被烤干，假如是蒸，维生素全失，但如此以油烹煮能够把红萝卜所有的养分保留住。它吃起来非常的甜而软，就像是番薯一样。”

mommy比自己吃到好料更开心：）

皓皓在阳光下：）喜欢这样的光环，把皓皓的光全部示现出来

皓皓坐下来玩，不小心撞到了背后，他说“gong”，意思是“撞到了”。好可爱！

喜欢看皓皓喝奶，喜欢看皓皓睡觉，喜欢在他睡觉时感受暖暖的甜美滋味。觉得很感恩，很感激。他就是这么一个标致的小男孩。眼睫毛长长的。眼睛鼻子嘴巴小小的。很秀气。

皓皓hug hug daddy

我喜欢这照片。小孩子很大，大人变小。往往我们以为孩子“小”，但这张照片充分扭转了感觉，大的是小孩。大人反而以崇拜的眼光对待。

皓皓去理发，又哭了，哭得挂着泪两行。

皓皓在家，尝试的东西越来越多，比如翻转椅子

他喜欢掀开垃圾桶的盖子，然后把里头的东西拿出来翻，试过一次，他把里头daddy喝完的菊花茶放到嘴边继续吸！mommy只告诉皓皓一次，皓皓喝水的时候要坐在沙发上，靠在坐垫上休息，接下来，皓皓喝水，总会这么做。问他要在哪里喝？他就立刻爬上沙发了。

最近开始让他看ipad，看baby einstein，还有他和姐姐一样，爱看这个儿歌。

现在皓皓看到daddy出门，会哇哇大哭，想要跟着去，早上下午沁芝回来我总带着皓皓，皓皓看到公公会说“公”。听到电话里传出来公公的声音，也会说“公”。这一天，看到沁芝回来了。他马上从沙发跑下来，去迎接，

下午，和沁芝皓皓三个人在家，让沁芝做smoothie，然后让她喂皓皓。我想起自己小时候，也是这么喂弟弟的。好快啊，时光。他在这里很自在哦。

mommy因为blocked ducts得去找dr soon，看着皓皓在诊所里走来走去，感觉好奇妙，以前是我和daddy去，现在带着皓皓来。

然后去marks n spencer，小瓜走来走去，一副小大人的样子。

很喜欢看皓皓睡觉，欣赏很快在长大的他。对我来说，很relaxed

最近皓皓喜欢拿着这个大儿童钟走来走去。简单如指针的玩转，也让他很乐。提醒我：快乐很简单。提醒我：不要复杂。搁在这个小小展示区的东西，都被皓皓搬来搬去，他喜欢拿我和daddy小时候拍的照，也弄破了好友shirley买给我的结婚礼物。但因为是皓皓，所以没有关系，他搬十次，我也让他。因为我知道他的逻辑正在运行，他正在处理一些思绪

又如他对鞋子好奇，喜欢“探索”鞋子

也喜欢穿鞋，他懂得拿姐姐的塑胶鞋，然后尝试穿上

皓皓知道喝水就要躺在沙发上，一次把脚高高抬起，我笑说：“怎么脚抬那么高？”他笑了，更开怀！而且不断把脚抬高高！

mommy觉得好玩，也join 皓皓，一起把脚抬高高！

玩归玩，最近训练皓皓，水喝完之后应该把奶瓶放在杯垫，然后盖上盖子

做了几次，他也懂得了！

皓皓喜欢推车，这个时候他已经能够转弯，mommy觉得那是多么了不起的一件事。懂得转弯。宝宝，懂得转弯就是一种放下，也是一种发现，以后长大了不要忘记，你曾经那么轻盈容易就懂得潇洒转弯！

这一天，

带沁芝皓皓去吃cedele

皓皓什么都吃

这样的画面好美，沁芝开心，皓皓开心，daddy mommy更开心。我想，我可以给皓皓的最好礼物就是沁芝，反之，能给沁芝最好的，就是皓皓。

我喜欢看皓皓玩耍，可能因此，我也很让皓皓去玩，去探索，除非危险，我都不设限。我喜欢让他去放他去，让他去自由并在全然自由的环境中理出自己的头绪。看着皓皓玩是一种学习。

我发现他在发现。

这个时候，我也有所发现有所惊叹，跟着他感受世界变长变大的感觉。

有时发现皓皓，有时发现角度，有时发现世界，有时发现态度

问皓皓吃完了吗？他会这么张开嘴，眯上眼说：“ahhh”

皓皓最近喜欢到镜子前，大大声“啊啊”叫，看着自己的样子，他已经有力开橱柜，经常玩我里头摆的美容品。

这一天，带皓皓沁芝去放风筝，daddy租了车子，载着我们去，让平日的生活多了一些小小的惊喜和美丽。上一次带皓皓来的时候，皓皓还只是睡在我的怀抱里，现在他已经能在草地上飞奔，看着姐姐飞奔，探索草地。

带着皓皓看小鸟，近距离追着小鸟，看着天上飞的风筝，跟着风筝追路上跑。

指着月亮，叫皓皓抬头看，他也懂得，知道月亮了。

 

但最美丽的还是获得姐姐的拥抱。皓皓有姐姐拥抱，这样的美丽和幸福已经很值得感恩。

喜欢最皓皓的眼眸找自己。我想，那就是最纯真最自然，最是自己的自己。因为皓皓纯，激荡出来的一定也是纯、真、美。

最近朋友不要推车，我要了过来，让皓皓在pasir ris的推车可以“功臣身退”，那是ah seng舅舅5年前买给沁芝姐姐用的，皓皓在pasir ris就是这么在推车里睡午觉的，

最近让皓皓学玩这个，也是沁芝姐姐的。

小瓜最近说的话，越来越清楚明显了。看到爸爸下班回来，会说“爸爸”，就是半夜起来喝奶看到沁芝，也会说“姐”，抱着皓皓到窗口看花，对他说，美美，他就呼应“美美”

早上，带沁芝上公公的德士后，mommy会带着皓皓散步，最美丽的就是在树下指着虫子给皓皓看。或让皓皓躺下来，抬头看树叶在天空里的美丽，最美的还是雨天，我跟皓皓在家里，和皓皓在窗前看雨滴飞落，和皓皓伸出手，感受雨滴。然后看他笑得开心。自己跟着那么的开心。

最近不小心，让皓皓撞到冰箱的一角，让他小小的头受伤了！

皓皓在家里，creative play！皓皓，长大了以后也一定要记得无拘无束，没有界限的人生。不要困住自己了！你本来就是无边无境的！

这么看着，忍不住要拍下来，因为好羡慕。

好像他去了一个我去不了的地方。或者我到不了的境界。

好好玩哦。多希望我还能这样玩。无拘束无边。

不过，只要有智慧，肯定在未来还有这个可能！

带沁芝皓皓出去，喜欢沁芝牵着皓皓，好好看！这个时候的皓皓上购物中心的时候，已经会去探索了！这天在Bossini，就把抽屉拉开来。

 

4月15日

皓皓已经叫妈妈叫得清楚。奶喝到一半，会拔出来，笑着叫我：妈妈。

 

半夜醒来，也叫妈妈：）

这一天，怀皓在学穿鞋子。
除了穿自己的，也穿爸爸的鞋。
有时成功把脚放进去。有时一脚脱出，他便努力费劲再试穿。

很有感触。
我们小时候总喜欢穿大人的鞋想要赶快长大。长大了，又努力想变得单纯回到过去。
什么时候，我们才能舒舒服服wear our own shoes?

但看着皓皓穿鞋，还是很有趣的。

仿佛我自己也在学点东西。他懂得借力，是很好的启发。不懂的时候，需要力量的时候，就要懂得借力。

皓皓现在看到蓝色的德士，就一直说“公”，早上带他下楼，远远看到公公的德士，就喊“公”，在家里也是这样。

早上，要带沁芝下楼，皓皓还懂得指着baby carrier，叫我要用。好利害哦。

小瓜最近喜欢完这个平衡具，还懂得移位，从桌下移到桌前，方便他玩。

皓皓这两天喜欢坐在这个小平台上。

这几天觉得soul很累，身体里面有一种精神上的疲惫感，不知如何是好。看着皓皓，什么都不做看着皓皓，居然就有了答案。

那就是看着。看着里头的感觉。

因为它回来，也回去。

谢谢你。我的宝贝。我的老师。

may u be well and happy!

5 years 2 months

5 yrs 2 mths 🙂

这一个月，好像是在美丽的图画和颜色中度过。沁芝昨天上美术课，画了米奇老鼠和迷你老鼠，老师说很美，把它张挂了起来。

：）

我和沁芝一起高兴！

沁芝上美术课，原来已经一个月了。

今天（23/3）上美术课了！
这是沁芝自己说要上的课，对我们来说，沁芝喜欢美术让人意外，daddy说，沁芝比我们想像的还要内向。
或许是，但我更多地认为，这是她Work with her own feelings、探索内心、了解世界的方式之一。
这一天，daddy mommy在普吉岛，是ah boon舅舅带沁芝去上课的，马上拍下给我看：）

 

沁芝最近开始学写华文名，虽然笔画还不对，但能描摹出自己的名字，mommy觉得已经很不错！

她喜欢读故事书。看华文书的时候，mommy会把华文字拆开来，让沁芝感受这个语言的奥妙。比如野餐的餐，下面就有食字，沁芝听了觉得很有趣。问她喜欢华语吗？她点头。事实上，她已经懂得认字了，像是人、八、爸爸。在电视节目上看到爸爸，她会念出来并很有满足感。

 

这一天，阿妹阿姨从pasir ris 传了一张照片给我，是沁芝写的公

沁芝也开始能画出自己的华文名

这个时候的沁芝，也爱上画画，每天从学校回来，一定带着画回来，现在喜欢画自己、画mommy，画心／花／蝴蝶结。这张是沁芝画给我的。：）

她喜欢这样在白板上画画，有时弟弟手痒去碰，沁芝会很生气

这一天，沁芝的yamaha音乐课到了第一学期的最后一堂。是class concert，大家得唱《Whale Song》并表演一首自选曲。

老师问，谁要先弹奏？很意外，沁芝居然举手说：me！

mommy又惊又喜！我知道，这个小妞is a better version of myself。她会比我出色。看她在我面前弹琴，很骄傲，但更多的是感谢。

然后很快就到老师赏赐小礼物的时间，老师依据小朋友出场弹琴的顺序“颁奖”，于是沁芝先获得奖励，我希望，沁芝这次之后，可以更加清楚地感受到举手和volunteer的好处。

这一天，我们带沁芝和皓皓外出去用餐。这可说是皓皓第一次出外去吃晚餐。去cedele，皓皓和沁芝就吃那儿的健康菜肴。我想起，好像才不久前，我们带沁芝，经常光顾cedele，因为认为那里的菜色比较适合小孩。这下，皓皓也已经在吃了。小妮子很喜欢拍照。很喜欢看沁芝牵着弟弟，皓皓这么被姐姐牵着走，笑得很甜。我恨喜欢的画面。

你们两个，就是我能给你们两个的最好的礼物了。也是我可以给爸爸给自己的最好的交代／成就。

晚上，陪沁芝睡觉。她说，mommy，i want to hug you, and i don’t want to let you go.

突然觉得，她身体里面住着另外一个人。这个小妞很小大人。

这一天，带沁芝去yamaha，看到了她最近不断在说的Elsa，那是电影Frozen里头的主角，她不断在唱着主题曲：“let it go…let it go…”

现在也成了我不断在哼唱的歌

小妞最叫人感动的是，她说要买叉烧包给爸爸吃。一到了餐馆，她就说，要打包给爸爸吃。

这一天，带沁芝怀皓去放风筝。看沁芝在草地上飞奔，那个画面很美，我希望沁芝不要忘记这样无忧无虑的感觉。自由飞奔的感觉。一心只是跑，然后双颊美得不得了。言语文字和图像都无法形容。

喜欢看沁芝和弟弟的互动，充满了大姐姐的风范。

 

这一天，冒着大雨，带沁芝去赏音乐课。老师弹琴的时候，觉得旋律好美。很享受，有一种抚慰心灵的感觉。然后就觉得自己舒服许多。

沁芝画画的时候，皓皓总喜欢在旁边：）

沁芝画画

但愿颜色／想像／画画可以给你最深的治愈最美丽的存在和感动。

累

累的感觉回来了。

喘。沉。重。连呼吸都需要提大力来做。

前几天开始，觉得走路有点晃。

i havent been sleeping well, waking up in the night.

i havent been digesting well.

i dont feel hungry.

the system needs cleansing.

就知道。

i searched myself。

我想，是最近两名同事的家人相继离世有关。i dint take it well, it affected me because it brought up settled feelings and a past.

但也因此，我知道原来，那个消化的动作还没有完全做好。

骨子里，我还是不能也还没有坦然接受。

还是有一股拒绝。很原始很孩子气的无力挣扎。

我问自己在挣扎什么？在不相信什么？也说不太上来。

its a mental block that needs some work here.

and yes, everyone needs time to do the work within ourselves. we need that time to work within, and we need to do that work ourselves.

but the beauty of this fatigue is it brings me to an understanding of myself. as i plant each step as firmly as i can to the ground, i m reminded of how lucky i m.

i should still, just, thank.

Farewell Letter by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

If God, for a second, forgot what I have become and granted me a little bit more of life, I would use it to the best of my ability. I wouldn’t, possibly, say everything that is in my mind, but I would be more thoughtful of all I say.

I would give merit to things not for what they are worth, but for what they mean to express.

I would sleep little, I would dream more, because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste 60 seconds of light. I would walk while others stop; I would awake while others sleep.

If God would give me a little bit more of life, I would dress in a simple manner, I would place myself in front of the sun, leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy.

To all men, I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love.

I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves.

To old people I would say that death doesn’t arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness.

I have learned so much with you all, I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken & the form used to reach the top of the hill. I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand, his father’s finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life. I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground.

Say always what you feel, not what you think. If I knew that today is the last time that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul. If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say “I love you.” There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you & that I will never forget you.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old. Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn’t wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.

Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them “I am sorry”, “forgive me”, “please”, “thank you”, and all those loving words you know. Nobody will know you for your secret thought. Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them. Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.

Send this letter to those you love. If you don’t do it today…tomorrow will be like yesterday, and if you never do it, it doesn’t matter either, the moment to do it is now. For you, with much love. Your Friend, Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Inspiring and thought provoking

Chanced upon these v thought provoking and inspiring comments which drew something out if me.

I think I would draw, write, be in nature. I think I would do more yoga n even running. I think I would have more children. I would be in love every day. Each moment.

This one I saw many many years back. Seeing it serves as a reminder to me. That I should wash myself clean of all prejudice and start afresh , not every day but every second.

This one I could resonate deeply. It is not perfection that is beauty. But how imperfections les perfection, like the thousand year old tree in Chiangmai that was weather n insect bitten yet so beautiful . Had it not been, it might not have found its place.

Had it not been, I wouldn’t have been me.

How wise TPY!

It’s that verse in the middle—-work gives you time
That touches me.
Work used to take time away from me.
I used to want to get out of it.
But that was past.
Now, work actually really gave me time.
It have me room to explore the world n myself. It offered me respite when I was down . Work nourished me n I found time n contentment in it.

I m thankful!

Om ma me pad me hum!