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5 yrs 8 mths

没想到就在自己结婚十周年的晚上,皓皓跟沁芝吵架,daddy大发雷霆。我的十周年结婚纪念就这样。

孩子长大了,有自己的想法了。皓皓原本和daddy在躺躺,沁芝进来,我准备去冲凉,然后就听到daddy嚷嚷,要把皓皓拉出外,沁芝从床上拉下来。

我进来制止。

沁芝说,说好了每人用一天mommy的枕头,结果沁芝昨天让给皓皓,皓皓今天又返=反悔。沁芝说,明天她就去房间睡,不跟皓皓好了。

我尝试打圆场,期间daddy进来几次,都是骂人,把枕头丢出去,丢在大门前。又要把皓皓抱出去。

结果闹了一轮,还是我来收尾。

这就是妈妈的工作吗?

妈妈就做这种事?为了这些事烦恼伤身劳累?

我跟皓皓说,姐姐一直让你,是因为爱你。甚至比mommy更爱你,皓皓呢?可以以相同的方式爱姐姐吗?

说动皓皓,去给姐姐道歉,皓皓哽咽跟着我念:“姐姐,i m sorry, i know you let me have the pillows because you love me, but i hurt you”

沁芝听了大哭,皓皓也边说边哭。

问沁芝,可以原谅皓皓吗?她摇头。

鼓励沁芝说出心里话——是不是因为你已经原谅弟弟很多次了?沁芝点头。

“i have given him many chances”

Mommy 尝试劝架。

是不是吵架了就要成为敌人了?翻脸不认人了?

告诉沁芝皓皓,吵架是常常会有的事,daddy 和mommy吵,沁芝和皓皓,或者mommy和皓皓,mommy和沁芝。

那是不是我们就不要对方了?不是的。

我们要从中学习,也给对方和自己学习,学习去原谅别人,学习去说对不起。学习重新面对自己,还有深爱的人。

就是这样,一点一滴,在吵架中学习。

帮沁芝说话:“说出刚刚你想对皓皓说的话!是不是,我很生气你,我不要爱你了,你让我很受伤!你不爱我!”

沁芝说是,点点头。

鼓励他们两个,说两个都有不应该的地方,但是要从中学习,再让皓皓道歉,沁芝心软了。大家和好。

只是,打开门让他们知道,枕头都被丢在门口时,皓皓大哭了起来。他很难过,因为这是他每晚睡觉时的陪伴。

话说回来,两个都是爱对方的孩子,只是有时候难免会杠上。互不相让。

亲爱的,你是男生,要懂得礼让,更要懂得照顾沁芝宝贝,她是我的宝贝number 1,一定要照顾沁芝。

这是最近一次去公公家住的照片。两个小瓜很享受,阿姨还准备了eggs and toast!

ebb2905b-97a9-4c15-9c4d-6fcf87ec8f7f

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隔天,舅舅舅妈带小宝贝们去动物园。

皓皓去游乐场玩,总是这样红着脸回来,超可爱。

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有一回,mommy去接皓皓下课,然后我们就到Great World City吃午餐,也让皓皓玩一玩,做点和平常不太一样的事

IMG_0394

皓皓这个时候开始懂得更多字了。

问的问题也很多,比如:when there are no dinosaurs, where did the dust come from? Is that the Dark Ages?

Mommy真的要去google一下才行。

宝贝,一定要继续发问,求知识。最近的早上,送完姐姐上校车,就会和皓皓手牵手,一起在家楼下运动。

偶然皓皓抬头看天,看到飞机飞过,一架在一架。

灵机一动,告诉皓皓要换个角度看世界,那就能居高临下,也可以从低望高,看到不一样的风景,然后这件事好像就是为了自己的学习而来。

怎样都好,希望沁芝皓皓健康平安。

相亲相爱,像是这样。

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9 Years 7 Months

亲爱的沁芝 你看你,已经婷婷玉立的小姑娘了。 怎么时间去了那么多了? 你好像才刚刚出生。不是吗? IMG_0746 这一天,沁芝怀皓去外公家住。 4db703a2-a53c-4b04-a445-cdeb00e9ccf4 谁在阿姨的床上,也就是mummy以前结婚前睡的。 1f3cbd78-ef80-4a24-aa21-afa0ae44c05f隔天早上有阿姨弄早餐4d663f87-f984-49ea-af23-f368b0764abb4847651a-a17d-4a4e-b618-242309eec99b54616634-ddc2-4d62-80b4-b66fdaec95e2eab3018e-32af-452b-b785-f4a87f61ab3c然后庚延舅舅和舅妈带你们到动物园玩 0ca08851-d6c5-40ef-82c9-c78d5da75a8f25b1447a-6814-46ac-b2fc-14c87766f784 这个时候的沁芝,很爱写字条,虽然有点凌乱,但看得出她可爱顽皮IMG_1712
跟沁芝宝贝说,考试要到了,努力及格,可以顺利升学就好。只是想沁芝不用压力太大,开开心心,健健康康。Love you darling! Mommy结婚十周年的晚上,我们一家开开心心去吃御宝,没想到回来皓皓跟沁芝吵架,daddy大发雷霆。我的十周年结婚纪念就这样。 孩子长大了,有自己的想法了。皓皓原本和daddy在躺躺,沁芝进来,我准备去冲凉,然后就听到daddy嚷嚷,要把皓皓拉出外,沁芝从床上拉下来。 我进来制止。 沁芝说,说好了每人用一天mommy的枕头,结果沁芝昨天让给皓皓,皓皓今天又返=反悔。沁芝说,明天她就去房间睡,不跟皓皓好了。 我尝试打圆场,期间daddy进来几次,都是骂人,把枕头丢出去,丢在大门前。又要把皓皓抱出去。 结果闹了一轮,还是我来收尾。 这就是妈妈的工作吗? 妈妈就做这种事?为了这些事烦恼伤身劳累? 我跟皓皓说,姐姐一直让你,是因为爱你。甚至比mommy更爱你,皓皓呢?可以以相同的方式爱姐姐吗? 说动皓皓,去给姐姐道歉,皓皓哽咽跟着我念:“姐姐,i m sorry, i know you let me have the pillows because you love me, but i hurt you” 沁芝听了大哭,皓皓也边说边哭。 问沁芝,可以原谅皓皓吗?她摇头。 鼓励沁芝说出心里话——是不是因为你已经原谅弟弟很多次了?沁芝点头。 “i have given him many chances” Mommy 尝试劝架。 是不是吵架了就要成为敌人了?翻脸不认人了? 告诉沁芝皓皓,吵架是常常会有的事,daddy 和mommy吵,沁芝和皓皓,或者mommy和皓皓,mommy和沁芝。 那是不是我们就不要对方了?不是的。 我们要从中学习,也给对方和自己学习,学习去原谅别人,学习去说对不起。学习重新面对自己,还有深爱的人。 就是这样,一点一滴,在吵架中学习。 帮沁芝说话:“说出刚刚你想对皓皓说的话!是不是,我很生气你,我不要爱你了,你让我很受伤!你不爱我!” 沁芝说是,点点头。 鼓励他们两个,说两个都有不应该的地方,但是要从中学习,再让皓皓道歉,沁芝心软了。大家和好。 只是,打开门让他们知道,枕头都被丢在门口时,皓皓大哭了起来。他很难过,因为这是他每晚睡觉时的陪伴。 话说回来,两个都是爱对方的孩子,只是有时候难免会杠上。互不相让。 跟皓皓说—你是男生,要懂得礼让,更要懂得照顾沁芝宝贝,她是我的宝贝number 1,一定要照顾沁芝。 怎么都好,希望两人健健康康平平安安,开开心心,和和气气。  
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无所住

《金刚经》:应无所住

创作艰难,必须走自己生命的路。他们深知创作即是修行,牢记应无所住,谨慎自己,一送涉匠气,便万劫不能再复。

午后阳光明亮,那一只窗口飞进来的鸽子,既然可以飞进来,也应该可以飞出去吧。

老子:“天下皆知美之为美,斯恶矣。”

美不是遵奉与模仿。美毋宁更是一种叛逆,叛逆俗世的规则,叛逆一成不变的规律,叛逆知识的僵化呆滞,叛逆人云亦云的盲目附和,叛逆知识与理想,叛逆自己习以为常的重复与原地踏步。

美是一种痴。

陶渊明:但识琴中趣,何劳弦上音?

蒋勋《舍得。舍不得》

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Healing XXXXX

Life is a most amazing thing. Or, wonderful.

At least as of now, I finally can understand what it means when someone says, it is a gift. Life is a gift and the everything in it, of it in life—-are gifts.

Its hard to see this in the storm of it, but now that I look back, each and every single thing that happened in my life, is for me.

Because I needed them.

I went for my mindspa session yesterday and as always, Teacher has been most wonderful in facilitating the session.

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At the end of it, he says, “我有一个强烈的预感,或者,已经不是预感,你妈妈想通过我跟你说,她真的很为你感到骄傲。你的成长,你的突破,你的成就,一切。”

He says that he has a feeling—no, not a feeling, but an understanding that Mom wants him to pass this piece of info to me—that she is so very proud of me, my growth, my my attitudes, my achievements.

My honesty.

I remember when Mom passed away, i had a similar healing session, and the words that came out of it from Mom were,

“I m so proud of you, Go do what you think deem fit, You can Do it”

I had these words written down and they were always in front of me on my desk in my old office.

Teacher also said, “你的妈妈对你太重要了,你很在乎很在乎她。而且,你很想念妈妈,非常非常非常的想念。”

He said, “Your Mom is too important to you, you very much take her as the world. And, you miss your mother, a lot, a lot.”

I couldn’t sense it when he said this. Really? I thought?

When he said it, I thought of my daughter Qinzhi, i can sense that she sees the world of her mother—me, too.

Maybe more than how my mother feels to me.

And today, I finally understood what Teacher said.

I finally..honestly shared with SY how I felt about her niece’s sudden death, her 4 year old cutie niece, had influenza b 2 weeks back and that was the end of her young life.

I told her this, “SY一直没有勇气跟你说,也很怕让你难过。尤其看到你好像恢复平常的笑容,但是看到你们家小可爱就这么离开,真的很难过。我妈妈是这样走的,所以我很不愿意有人必须经历这样的心痛。难过到我不能呼吸。所以那几天你不在,我好像一直和你们在一起那样。不知道可以对你说什么,你那边怎样,我也不知道。你之前不让我去follow,但那几天你不在,我还是忍不住每天去看你的instagram。希望你那里一切还好。希望你们一家今后可以好好的,互相扶持,让时间疗愈。 may u b well n happy!”

“I didnt have the courage to say, and I was afraid you will be heartbroken, Especially now that I see you smile again, but seeing your precious little one go, made me very sad. My Mom left this way, and I didnt want to have anyone else experience this pain. I couldnt breathe hearing what happened to you. And in the few days that you are not in, i went to follow you on instagram, to see if alls well at your end. I hope all is well, and I hope your family stays strong, and allow time to heal.”

I got in touch with the pain of losing mother as I wrote this.

And I finally understand why Teacher said, “You miss your mother so much.”

And SY said to me, “没事 她一直在我们心里
时间会让大家痊愈
她这三年都很开心
很庆幸我去年还带了她去日本玩
我想你这期间也应该想起了母亲
希望你现在也已经在痊愈中
❤”

“Its alright, she’s living in our hearts. Time will heal everybody, she’s been happy these 3 years, I feel consoled that I brought her to Japan. I think you must have thought of your Mother this time, I hope you are already on the mend.”

Seeing this made me cry so hard.

When this happened, I didnt know what to say to SY, I didnt know what to do, I didnt know —until now—but now I do, this recent incident, sent me back to the time I lost my mother to a cold or flu, and when virus went to her heart. Mom left like that.

Now as I write I know, I was caught in that situation and trapped. In the world of healing, they call this—Trance.

All the feelings of pressure, helplessness, sadness came, and now I understand why I had all these unexplainable bouts of indigestion, bloating, pricks in the chest, heartache, backache.

All the pain and lack of support —they are all back.

And they remind me, there is something not resolved in my life, I m blessed and thankful I have Teacher with me to help me bridge the river I was to pass these 16 years.

Yes Mom, now I know —or probably not enough—-how I missed you, how important you are to me, how I see the world of you. How you love me, and how I love you.

It seemed like I didnt progress at all these 16 years, not making sense or accepting that you have left.

It all started with a little story I told Teacher yesterday.

I shared that I was missed out in a few meetings on content for events, and the final presentation came below my expectation. Also, I used to plan content for some events, but now I m not involved because I was left out of it.

I felt like I was not respected, not recognised, I was sore and angry about not being consulted and for the final event to come out sub standard.

But it beyond this thing about respect and recognition,  I wanted to give and offer my help, but I was rejected.

It was as simple as this, like I came forward despite all and I was not given a chance to offer. Its like being turned away.

It hurt me a lot. Rejection.

Teacher was very sharp. He picked this out, that in life if you meet with circumstances again and again, it meant there was a deeper root that needs to be undone. Well in my last role, I also met with an authority who did not see my capabilities and rather believed in substandard people who were all about telling sweet nothings but had no real capabilities.

Teacher was so sharp, he laid me down, and asked for permission to put his hand on my stomach.

Coincidentally, in the days before, I had the thought of him using his magic hand, to help me clear away old energies, I felt trapped in all the body symptoms I was experiencing, it felt so tough so I thought of using his hand.

And he did.

He didnt do anything, his hand was just above my tummy and we spoke.

He said, “Before we start this process, I would like to say that, a lot of times, there are problems which surface once and again, and somehow you get the idea that, these problems cannot be solved with your capabilities, intelligence, so we ask upon higher powers whom you feel an affinity to, to be present to support you. To show you the path so you can breakthrough.”

I did, “Dear Lord Buddha, Goddess of Mercy, Guru Rinpoche, my guardian angels, may I invite you to support me, to show my the path, the light, may I be healed.”

Teacher: “Alot of times, we neglect this energy that is Mother Earth, Mother Earth is all encompassing and nurturing, You lost your mother, but there’s Mother Earth, use a bit of imagination, see yourself running on the greens. Feel Mother Earth’s love.”

Strangely last week when I was in the Botanic Gardens, I had this longing to lie on the green grass and I did even if I was dressed for dinner at a starred restaurant.

A few days ago, while I was walking after lunch, I specifically looked for a patch of green, my back was so uncomfortable, I felt like I just needed support, I just needed to lie down.

I told Teacher about this, and he went, “See your longing to be connected?”

“I want to bring you to the greens, and rest in nature. What do you see?”

“I saw myself in my old house, I was ironing the clothes, and Mom was back, she went to mop the floor again even if I had done it for her. I was so angry ironing clothes, I told her off—– next time you do it yourself. Mom was very sad, she cried hearing me say this, she came over and put her hands on my shoulders, and I brushed it off. She said, ‘Girl, dont be like that to me’. I told her off.”

Rejection.

She rejected my help and I rejected her plea.

Now as I write I know—this I had been clinging on to.

Teacher said, “did u regret? did you feel sorry?”

I said “Probably? I was so sore and angry and frustrated, when I have already done it for you, why do you have to redo? Dont you trust me?”

Mom had high expectations and she redid things I did.

Teacher was super sharp. He pointed this out, “If you had the chance to do this again, what would you say to her? What is it you want to say to her?”

“You are so busy and tired already, the floor is not important, your well being is more important. “

Teacher: “Do you see how much you cared for your Mother? But look at this again, this time in the perspective as a Mother, if your daughter is doing housework for you, would you do it again?”

I was like, SHIT.

“I would.”

Teacher, “And it was because you saw things your daughter couldnt. Yes you would, because you have your mother’s exacting standards. So your mother also saw things you didnt do, that was why she did it again. Can you understand this? So if you cannot accept your daughter’s work, can you accept what your mother did? The fact that she mopped the floor again?

Do you see how much of your Mother you carry in you? High standards, if not higher. Very high in fact.

 

And if your daughter did work for you, what would you say to her?”

“Thank you Qinzhi for loving me and helping me.”

And i immediately felt regret: How many awful things have I done to my daughter? When I shouted at her for not doing work? For not knowing math.

And Teacher picked that up!

It was impossible to fool him.

He asked, “Did you feel trapped in the middle, you with your mother, and you as a mother, facing your daughter?”

“Yes yes yes,” I said, “I think my daughter sees the world of me, much more, even more than how I see my daughter. She loves me more than I love my mother, very much more. But how many times have I hurt her? I dont know the extent of impact of my actions and speech on her. Like how my mother was to me. So how do i undo this? Is it to say the things I have to say? “

Teacher, “Nope, we still have to go back to that situation. What is it you really wanted to say to your mother? I want to hear it, you have to say it out.”

And he couldnt wait longer, “You also wanted to say, I care for you, I hope you have time to rest, that is why I did housework for you. That was how much your Mother mattered to you. You wanted to help her and she rejected. But you see, it doesnt mean that you dont matter to her. It doesnt mean that she does not acknowledge your effort.

So coming back to the situations you encountered in life, once and again, meeting with bosses who do not seem to see your capabilities—-YOU DONT NEED THEIR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, THEY ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER.

Your practice and homework now and forward is—have the awareness to see this point. When your boss comes to you, be sure to understand this in you—that she is not your mother, you do not need their recognition. “

Strangely, a few days ago, this popped out in a variety show I watched. It was a singing competition, and the contestant sobbed on stage recounting how they have been praised and discouraged by comments online. To this one of the judges said, “DO you know them? If not, why do you allow them to matter to you? “

Another said, “Why do you not choose to look at the 100 praises but allow the 1 negative comment to affect you?”

Clamouring for recognition praises likes, these are the things I fall into to.

Teacher, “You mistook these for your Mother, because you once was rejected and was not recognised or acknowledged for your effort.”

But these situations come back to remind you to show you about a distant past I was fixated on.

Knowing this is important for me to breakthrough. Understanding that I m complete and not in need of recognition or acknowledgement. And Teacher brought me back to my intentions to show me why I was on this path.

“Do you remember, when you considered this job change, what was your motivation?”

“It was to share a light. To touch and to warm people’s hearts. I wanted to do that”

“Yes Yes, i remember you saying that! You have a gift for doing that. You are already able to see beyond words and speech to reach to that light below. You know, each of us is a light, but alot of times, this light is not being exposed, because of many reasons, like the norms of society and others.”

Earlier, I told Teacher about interviewing Daniel Boulud the day before.

I was at MBS and I had their crew to support. Everything was set up so perfectly, it was a dream come through for me.

I had interviewed the same chef ten years ago when MBS opened. Ten years later, we are back like how a circle completes it path but this time, even if we are in the same interviewer-interviewee position, so much has changed.

The setup is like magic to me, I commanded the team. There was a cue board, which someone held on to clap and it beared my name and the crew supporting it.

Seeing it clap is like magic, it reminds me to be in position. To be present to listen to ask the right questions.

It was also a motivation for me, where else can I go now that I m here, this setup inspired me, HERE.

NOW.

Continue to go deeper within –yourself and others. The only way I can fetch out good quotes is others, is to go deeper myself. To experience myself.

I shared with Teacher how I made Daniel Boulud cry.

He was giving me all the best answers and I was almost giving up, I need something more personal.

But i persevered and wanted to try go deeper.

I got my chance when he talked about writing a book for young talents.

Until he talked about dreams and sacrifice. I asked him, what was the greatest sacrifice?

“Family”

And he teared up.

“Every night, we busied ourselves working for the pleasure of others, no one would be able to understand how much a chef has to do to get to where he is.”

I could feel for what he said.

Many at times, it was as if, he was talking about my life.

I told Teacher about this. I told teacher also about Crenn who told me about her being adopted. But I said, even as she shared about accepting, I felt that she has not yet fully done so.

“You see, you can already see beyond speech, to bring people to their light below.”

I told Teacher about feeling like him when I do these interviews with chefs. And I can see how Teacher as a bystander and outsider sees so much more clearly. I said that everything is actually quite apparent if you are on the outside.

To which he agrees, “Yes because most of the time, we are all embroiled in our own story. “

I thank him dearly, for being with me to support, to offer his time and presence, and to listen.

“It is easy for an outsider, but greater is the ability to stand above your story to see from a birds eye view. I m only a facilitator or a boatman who is helping people bridge the river and to go from one end to the other. You did it because of the inner wisdom and the desire to mend or heal yourself. So Pat yourself on your shoulder.

The setup is like a gift, from the universe, your effort and work is being recognised and this is like a gift to tell you how far you have come.”

I told Teacher about the Ishinomaki trip about this couple who went to this badly hit village in NE japan and came back changed.

The husband quit his job and left on a trip with his wife was was suffering from depression. He gathered that no matter how much he earnt it was meaningless if his wife isnt well.

The wife was healed on the journey because she saw for herself how little she compared to the people who lost precious ones to the forces of Nature.

When they came back from their trip, the husband decided to do something he really wants, a little restaurant he always wanted and named it Ishinomaki.

They continue to visit the place and support the people there, by way of important produce from that region. I had a chance to interview this couple from my previous position and now the wife is giving me a chance to work on a video. And wanting me to go because she felt I would be the best to express this.

I told Teacher I was hesitant to go, because I dont think I want to confront myself. I told him in the process of interviewing chefs, I see my story in theirs and their story in mine.

And Teacher says, “You have all along been telling me about other people. But what about your own story? I want to hear your story.”

I was very touched.

I was thinking in me, “would anyone want to hear my story? does my story matter?”

But Teacher says, “I want to hear your story, you should be in the frame.”

I was very touched, because he acknowledged me, my time my experiences and all of the emotions the ups and downs, the mistakes and the right.

Everyone matters.

I saw a FB post on how tibetans did their sand art, “Each grain of sand is important in building a thing of great beauty.”

Teacher heard me in the heart and saw me.

I told Teacher that more and more, I am beginning to see myself. By first beginning to acknowledge my credit as an Interviewer at the end of my videos, and then wanting the crew to film me in the process of interview.

I think Ishinomaki is the right one.

He adds, “I think the timing is right. You are ready.”

 

 

 

 

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5 yrs 7 mths

亲爱的皓皓

不知道除了跟你说很爱你之外,还能说什么别的来表达。就像你看到mommy,会跑过来亲亲,亲亲亲,亲亲亲亲。

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说:“mommy,you are so adorable, you are so cute!”

太好笑了!最近因为星期天带你和姐姐上瑜伽课,之前一定去real food吃午餐,然后吃你和姐姐爱吃的冰棒,你特别喜欢芒果椰子口味的。

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趁Mozza关门之前先去吃比萨,爸爸说你要吃冰淇淋就得亲亲。

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这一天,瑜伽老师让mommy进来,看看沁芝皓皓学了什么。就是这样。

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国庆日当天,庚延舅舅和舅妈带你们出外去玩。
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学校教小朋友唱国庆日的歌曲,今年皓皓的歌词都记得好好,还一边唱一边表演。

最近的早晨,带姐姐去搭校车之后,mommy和皓皓会在楼下的公园散步聊天。皓皓会帮我拿锁匙,等mommy踏青,舒展身体。

这一天,mommy买了很好吃的韩国番薯,烤了之后像是榴莲一样的口感,非常的湿润绵密

这是mommy每天会收到的情书,姐姐和皓皓写的,非常甜蜜的甜言蜜语

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皓皓问mommy,真不知道为什么皓皓要彩色都用黄色?

mommy尝试猜,最后皓皓说:“because i want you to be happy!” 好贴心!

这一天婆婆来电,问皓皓吃饱了吗?是不是自己吃还是要mommy喂?皓皓就这么站着聊天。一天早上,皓皓要打电话给爸爸。想问爸爸,几点下班回来?告诉皓皓爸爸的电话,他居然就记得。

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9 years 6 months

亲爱的

你做到了!自己温习,自己考听写,考得好成绩,mommy是多么为你骄傲啊!mommy可以确定的是,你应该和我一样,或者比我更强,我的意思是,那种独立的个性。我知道你可以,只是你要不要的问题。

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这一天,mommy去Summer Pavilion吃饭,带回来炒饭,你看你,多漂亮!

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国庆当天,舅舅舅妈带你们外出。

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这些是沁芝皓皓写给mommy的情书。每天都有一封!

最近开始让沁芝皓皓去练儿童瑜伽,或许现在学的不多,但或许日后想起来,还是能记得什么。或者,这就是mommy种下的姻缘,以后的以后你们有一天可能会记得,上课的欢乐。因为你们说,喜欢上,还要来。

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一般上练瑜伽前我们都会去吃real food,然后你们爱吃冰棒,沁芝爱巧克力、莓果口味。皓皓喜欢芒果椰子。

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沁芝好漂亮哦

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Mozza 关门的前一天,我们去吃,daddy说,沁芝要吃冰淇淋,就要亲亲爸爸。

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好漂亮啊我的宝贝!

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dandelyn的儿子archer每周来姨姨婆婆家,沁芝真的很疼爱小宝宝。笑得好甜,疼爱有加。希望沁芝知道,婆婆姨姨就是这样爱你们的。或者更爱。

最近阿姨星期二喜欢来红山走走,沁芝有阿姨婆婆来,好开心。

亲爱的宝贝,你看你,本来就是这么开心carefree的,笑起来是这么的甜美阳光。宝贝啊,每天都这样笑着。

May you be well and happy!

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5yrs 6mths

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亲爱的怀皓

最近你都会跟mommy说“mommy,I love you deep deep.”

真是个小甜心!

前阵子舅妈karyn姐姐出国买了小礼物回来给你,交到你手上的时候,你的笑脸太甜。

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daddy前阵子带我们去环球影城,怀皓最喜欢Transformer的ride,还有许多其他的。好像刺激的怀皓都喜欢。”

很享受的样子。

这也是daddy mommy第一次带怀皓和姐姐去吃麦当劳。

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怀皓很喜欢画画。每天都画。多可爱。

不知不觉,怀皓学心算也学了一阵。有时候,怀皓会自己坐下来做心算的功课。自动自发地。

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这些都是怀皓日常画的。

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最近mommy早上洗衣,为了不让公公等太久,你过来帮我。你说:“mommy,can I help you?”

高兴地帮我,于是我们又有了聊天的时间和机会。

然后你说:“this is the way I love you.”

一天晚上,临睡前,和怀皓聊天。对怀皓说:“你长大了,mommy就老了。”

怀皓:“你就死了……跟阿kiat舅舅一样。”

mommy没有想到怀皓会这么说,吓一跳,故作镇定:“那你就看不懂我了,会不会难过?会不会想我?”

怀皓:“会!”

mommy:“那你会记得mommy什么?”

怀皓:“记得mommy抱我去巴刹,唱每一步不一样。”

mommy:“还有呢?会不会记得mommy小时候抱你睡,抱你唱儿歌,唱sayang leh sayang leh sayang hao hao leh?”

怀皓说:“记得。”

突然让mommy好多矛盾的情绪。

原来,这些都是怀皓记下来的。

亲爱的,好爱你。