Monthly Archives: October 2010

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Learning to listen

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Dear Qinzhi

i was at ZbBz’s anniversary event earlier on, but due to whatever reasons, i had a panic attack. i guess i got excited, then there were some nice souls who came n asked me how i was, there was one who said, why r u so tired….?

n it came up…

i must have not knowingly tried to bear with it, suppress it, push it down many times, until i was numb in the hands

i did not like the feeling,

one came up to me n said, u look tired, take a seat.

i wanted to leave, but i also wanted to stay, i told myself, a bit longer, a bit longer. then a thought juz came n said, juz go. so i told a colleague n left.

immediately after walking out, the pnic attack seemed to lessen considerably, the numbness left.

it was such a marked difference, it gave me an insight, that is, what i have learnt earlier－－－－离开意味某种放下，放下了马上觉得舒服。

after a walk, i wanted to go back, i thought i had gotten better, why not go back? there was a toasting session that needed me to be around n all the big bosses in SPH were there. People would say, where is Pin Yen. And they would know i m no feeling well. And some might know i m not feeling well because of a panic attack.

i thought, should i go? should i?

my gut didnt want me to, my mind wanted me to.

i chose to listen to my gut. it was instinctive.

no reasons were needed, i juz listened.

at first, i felt lousy, why dont i stick on?juz bear it for a while more? i felt inferior.

but as i was writing a msg to daddy, i suddenly felt like crying.

listening to myself feels so good. in it is acknowledging one’s self. my gut wanted me to pay attention to my body because my body needed rest.

so i came home n bought myself a little dessert n starting writing to qinzhi.

n i felt good, so much better than silly me bearing it down there. and daddy said, enjoy your shower ba, more important than making your bosses happy.

dear qinzhi, i hope u learn to listen to urself as early as u can. learn to, and u will benefit more.

原来，离开是为了稍后回来。

唯有放下，才有后来的拿起。这句话，之前听一位受访者说，当时只是感动，不太明白。现在完全能领略。

我可以吗？不顾一切，只是回到沁芝身边。每天跟着沁芝。

好像没有很难。

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Joy

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Joy is

waking up to find daddy v considerately  putting the iphone cable in my bag

it is visiting meidi ya with daddy and having a good meal with him

it is reading wise words n learning to understand n to apply

it is reading my own work again, reliving the experience n getting touched by it, then learning from it again

to be continued……

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And Max Busser said to me

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27/10/2010 下午 10:55

RE: Thank you
Maximilian Busser  to: Tan Pin Yen

Dear Yen,
 
You were faster than me as I had planned in thanking you this evening for a most inspiring interview.
From time to time comes an interview where I can discover about myself by answering interesting questions. It was therefore a real pleasure and your email comforted me in the feeling that that moment was special.
 
Wishing you of course to be able to find your way – it doesn’t come from heaven, but from within – and all the very best !
 
Warmest regards,
 
Maximilian Busser
 
 
 
 
From: Tan Pin Yen [mailto:binyan@sph.com.sg]
Sent: Wednesday, October 27, 2010 6:41 AM
To: Maximilian Busser
Subject: Thank you
 
Hello Mr Busser

I hope i come as a surprise, just as you did.

I m writing to just say how good i felt during the interview on Monday at 11am.

Thank you for telling me about your fears, about something so intimate as “going thru therapy for not talking to dad enough”, thanks too for telling me about your “drug” n following the gut.

Your words bring on pictures in my mind as I listen, they bring on waves in me and touch me deeply.

And more so,thank you for telling me about the gratitude you feel, how blessed you are, and how that is giving you the energy to carry you further and to thwart any obstacle that might come forth.

It has been a most inspiring session for me, as i try to locate my gut.And learn about who I m.

Thank you for coming and I look forward to reading more stories from Parallel World, as I continue to allow myself to be wowed at your future super selfish creations.

Yen

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Blessed

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Dear qinzhi

I fell into sleep feeling blessed last night.
I read about a three month baby who is undergoing an operation this morning to open a hole in his throat to help him breathe.
There was then a pain in my heart that was throbbing n making waves, refusing to go. It made me feel the feeling of helplessness.
There is so much suffering out there in life, it is daunting.
But it also made me feel that what I m going thru is peanuts.
There r so many out there who r worse off, who m I to complain? It reduced whatever of my circumstance to something which became bearable to me, immediately
It sort of made me solid
Then daddy turned n slept closer, his face close to mine, before i know, tears came down
My heart was full, washed clean of the earlier feeling of helplessness. In place was a full n rounded feeling which was immense n energy giving, I feel so blessed n loved.

Just when others are suffering, I have a comfortable bed I can retire to, I can have the chance of a good sleep, and I should so as to make what was given to me worthy.

I have a happy n healthy child, n i tell myself, i want to spend more time with you, i want to grow up with you, bring you to school, share your joys n fears. I want to put down work at some point n do this i want.

I have v good support fr Gorgor n hui, I have so many people who love n care for me.

It is—– these all, so big the support so strong felt all at once for one time, I tell myself, what is the past? why cling on? Why cling to grudges/unhappiness/fear?
Once over, just let them go! How unimportant! And They were never mine!

The feeling of support n blessings is so big n strong, it diminishes the importance or regard I had for all the grudges I had, things i had trouble making sense of, knots i had difficulty undoing,

they instantaneously dropped off me.

They simply disappeared.

And the strong sense of blessings gave me strength, that which is solid and grounding, to bring my head up again telling me to face up, to meet.

To not run away. To not fight. To just accept.

It makes me want to cherish, to live well.

The feeling is wonderful n … I just fell into sleep. Till daddy kissed me this morning.

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A seed of corn

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Dear Qinzhi

If ever you feel daddy n mummy far away, look at this, as told by Thich Nhat Hanh.

He tells us all, that our parents are not ouside of us, and

daddy n mummy, we are inside you, continuing in your life.

“A plant of corn grew from a seed of corn.

The seed is always there in the plant of corn.

If you look at your baby pictures, you will find that the baby is still in you, you r a continuation of the baby.

We all grew from a seed, in fact smaller than a seed of corn, in our mother’s womb, mother breathed, ate, drank for us. We do not have to worry abt anything in the womb for nine mths. In there , it’s not too cold not too hot, comfortable.

Half of the seed is from mother, the other half from father.

And the seed is in u.it is still living in u, just as the seed of corn is living in the plant of corn.

People think that mother n father is outside of u. But the seed of mother n father is in u n growing with u.
They r in each n every cell of u.

We r the continuation of the father n mother. When u practice mindful breathing, u c that the father n mother is present in each n every cell of ur body.

When u breathe, invite the father in u to breathe. Father n son enjoy breathing in n out.

When u smile, the father n mother smiles with u. When u practice mindful walking, father n mother also enjoy walking mindfully.

And for that, grandparents n ancestors also enjoy the beauty of mindful walking. The benefits do not stop with u.
—– Thich Nhat Hanh

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Joy

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Joy is

getting gorgor’s phone call to ask how i m in the morning, and talking to qinzhi on the phone.

waiting for her to call out to me.

hearing her call, in her wispy gentle tender voice, MaMa

to be continued……

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max busser said to me

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he created this jewelry machine.

http://www.mbandf.com/performance-art/jwlrymachine/index.php

i think its insane

he asked me to put it on, n he said, “can u c the middle part?it moves, like the owl’s heart.”

i guess that machine must cost like my home. there are only 12 pieces in the world. n at the current moment, perhaps just 6 of them.

he calls his 3D watches, machines. for that matter, he makes only 12 of such “machines” each month. he only works with people whom he adore and shares the same values as he.and he doesnt make these machines for people, but for himself. he said to me, that MB&F is a superselfish dream.

“i love creating, but all that i did, was not for me, not from me.” sometimes A was nicer, but the system did not allow it. so B has to b chosen.

“the self was neglected.”

I asked if he started out wanting to impress always?Wanting people to drop jaws?

“I never create to impress. I create to feel the adrenaline rush in myself. The market I m in is like a big highway and everybody is charging in the same direction, some on a bicycle, some in cars, some in lorries. But me, I park my car at a side of the highway, get out of my car and go into the jungle with a machete, carving out a path for myself in the jungle. MB&F is our path and I must be careful not to stumble with that adrenaline.

Honestly, I have no idea where the company is heading, I bring it where my gut is bringing me, I m not sure where.

I came from a simple family with no money, and absolutely no dream of being a managing director of a company. My father used him money to get me a good education, at 31, I was HW’s managing director, not many people knew but HW was close to bankrupt, we saved the company and built it and in the midst, I had it all, i had recognition, i had power, but i was enjoying myself less n less, I couldnt understand why? As the company grew bigger and bigger, the less i was enjoying myself.

My father passed away 8 years ago, and that was a wake up call.They say, the 2 times you face mortality in life, was when a parent leaves you, the other, was when you have a child.When my father left us, i thought, i could be the next in line.it could be 50 years or tomorrow. M i going to have regrets if i were to die tomorrow?

The point is, I love creating, but in the socio environment that I was in, everything that was created wasn’t from me nor was it for me. I was in total neglect of my self, i did not do it for me, as the system did not allow that.

If you saw “Saving Private Ryan”, at the end of the film, Tom Hanks tells Matt Damon, “Make it worthwhile.” I was 34.I was a symbol of success, I was lucky. And I thought to myself, why don’t I use that as a leverage to do what I really want?

So ours is a small company, it about being creative and not financial, i superselfishly create what I want, it didnt matter if others could not understand, because I want to live, i want to feel blood rushing in my veings, its about getting out of your comfort zone.”

He showed me machine no.4.

“A year ago i held the prototype in my hand, and i asked myself, who’s going to buy this? but i didnt care. i m so proud of myself, this is my baby, this is me, i built model airplanes as a kid,i was assembling another person’s plane 35 years ago n now i created mine.

everyone wants to sell, but i did it for myself. its a self asserting act. i do not care about the others.

in MB&F, every cent goes into developing the next machine, i live like a student, at first like a pauper for 2 years without any salary, n now like a student.”

On his life when he was a student,

“i was 18,just starting university, my family wanted to give me a watch with a budget of close to 900 singapore dollars. at that time, i did not know about watches. there was once i met a schoolmate who was wearing a Rolex, i asked him what was that, can u imagine where i came from not knowing about rolex? and how much it cost?

it was 6500 dollars then, and i thought F***, i was a cinema usher, I sold hi-fis on saturdays and private tuition on maths, 6500 would be what i slogged to make to live in a year n he was wearing that on his hand, how could someone do that?

in my university days, i was lucky to meet the different managing directors of different watch companies,like AP, JLC, Breguet. These people were working on engineering emotionally , this was very different to what i was studying, Micro technology Engineering, which was dry, arid and totally unemotional, not me.”

He landed a job with Jaeger-LeCoultre as his first employer. During his seven years in the senior management team during the 1990s, JLC strongly increased its profile and multiplied its turnover by a factor of ten. Büsser’s responsibilities at Jaeger-LeCoultre ranged from Product Management & Development to Sales & Marketing for Europe.

“That was 20years ago. I was a rational person, but in my last ten years of my life, i used my guts and followed them more than my mind, the head keeps you in the comfort zone but its the guts that is who you are, telling you what you want and where do u go.

MB&F is alot about that. And there is enormous risk in there. In the years we have developed a hard core following of fans,and you are aware of the great divide between horology and jewellery? In this project with Boucheron, I m sure there must have been some who suspect I have gone over to the dark side doing jewellery, but my guts told me i should do it.”

I asked if there is fear in following the guts?

“That’s what adrenaline is all about, adrenaline is fear too. when you conquer fear, there is pride. and adrenaline n pride is my biggest drug, i m high on that. ”

I said that in the work he does, wouldnt talent be a  challenge?
“There are few, talented people in my industry, n out of those, i can only work with people who share the same values as me.I can only work with p-eople who do what they say and its rare today.
In the 50s n 60s, it was the intrinsic value n beauty of doing things well. it was how we were brought up but now, its disappearing, its difficult to find people who di what they say, and, we have become friends,those whom we have worked together, i m honoured to work with them and to credit them, it helps yourself when you help other people, so i have a communication platform for them to show their skills and they work better.
in the 5 years, we have 4 new machines,new movements from scratch and we put the money back into the company to develop new machines that us people r proud of”

Working with machines, how has this “trip” been like?I ask, what is heartbreaking, what is exhilarating, what is grilling?What would u call the most important decision have made in time?

“Guts work, i quit a dream job in the eyes of people and on paper, with numbers, we are now, where i thought we would be 5 years ago.

But the way to now, is totally what i have not imagined. You dont’ imagine your problems, like the Black swan theory, change happens when you least expect it. you can be sure there are many sleepless nights, days of doubt n terror, there is no protection net and absolutely nobody to catch you, so u better have a passion in whatever you do.

I would say, looking back, that its tough but not really. I m grateful of the things i m capable of doing, there are problems, but i m so grateful to do what i m doing, that i can be sure i m able to overcome the problem. 20years ago, if someone punched me, i would b knocked down. but now, if someone did the same, i would bounce back from the floor, i have this innate knowledge that what is within me n in me, would allow me to beat a problem, be it a health problem or otherwise. i would be battling, not one moment would i stop, because, i m so lucky.

…its that realisation that i m blessed with what i m doing, that is giving me this energy.
My first 7 years at JLC, i spent learning how to work and about horology.
my next 7 years at HW, i learnt who i was, my dad was 17 when the world war broke out, he told me that one would have to go thru the war to understand peace, and so, one would have to go thru rough patches to love the wonderful sense of peace.

i have discovered who i m.once you know who you r, what u love and what u dont, what u r gd at n what not, you will survive, you will get over it, and you can be happy.

you might have a problem and you get lonely at times,then u think hey, zillions are wishing for a life like yours, immediately, you bounce back,

I askde him, what is the greatest challenge u met in the course of your work…or do u call it work?
“its a life, living a life, not work.starting MB&F, its a life decision, most important decision i have made. i m 43. it has been a biggest challenge, i still do not have babies because i thought myself not ready, unless i become myself.

I asked about his blog parallel world, which he sahres inspiring stories n designs.

http://www.mbandf.com/parallel-world/categories/all/index.php/0?

he said
“i started the website thinking that nobody would understand what i was doing, now people would say MB&F machines are a classic but 4 years ago, i get all sorts of comments. so i thought whey not show people what impresses me, if we are inspired by the same things, they would checek out what i was doing. it began like that

but now, it was more of being a way to keep my horizons expanded, if u do not open up, its easy to get tunnel vision.so each week, i give myself time to check out what is happening around the world. it could b out of the world of horology but that which inspires me. this is luxury to myself n i share what i m impressed about.

And so, what is luxury?
“luxury is freedom, freedom in everything, many people live in cages.freedom is luxury.”

I said, u have been “playing” with time,what have u learnt?share one/two lessons.
“to make it worthwhile.it is a crime not to make the most of your time, n we r all going to die too early.”