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we went to the zoo

亲爱的沁芝

29/1/2011年这一天,我们终于去了动物园

:)

那一天,我们在德士上,发现不到24个月的沁芝,居然认得ipod touch flash cards上一些非常难认得的动物,例如walrus/leopard/panther

觉得沁芝真的好利害。

到动物园这一天,沁芝第一次、活生生、亲眼地看到了ipod touch里头动物的真面目。

不知道沁芝会不会很兴奋,或者尝试和脑海中、长期看到的动物画面match?

mummy我相当的兴奋,去动物园是很久以前的事情了,想想,20年之前应该有吧,and so they say, a child is here to teach/lets u learn new things

去动物园,看到很多动物,mummy看到原来orang utan会使用小石子、树根来破开坚硬的果壳等

长颈鹿虽然颈部长长的,但和人类一样,颈部只有7个骨头。

像是baboon,如果不是看到flash card,也不知道有baboon,但画面的baboon总是只是看到它的正面和脸部,在动物园则看到baboon如何行走,

哇!原来是这样的!

哇,很新鲜!又知道了一件!又有了新发现!哇!

就是有一种学习到新东西的开心。好像脑子再开阔了一些。

很单纯的学习的乐趣和快乐。

沁芝要知道,那是非常珍贵的感觉,表现自己还有一种进取的态度,再多了一些见识。我喜欢。

那天,我们看到了好多的动物,沁芝还能叫出名字,真的是非常的了不起!

去动物园之后,我们带着沁芝回家,度过3天2夜的family day

这次沁芝回家,mummy的心情跟以前非常的不一样。

以前,总是战战兢兢,一直在策划时间、沁芝的饮食、担心沁芝的心情等等

脑子里有太多大大小小的担忧

这次,情况和心情好了很多很多。

我自己也说不上来,it feels like i m more ready/settled。

我不敢说这几天自己做得很好,但心情上比过往大大跃进了许多。这或许也之前心情上的处理、心态上的体认有关。内在的情绪处理之后,外在表现出来更笃定安稳的感觉。

我比较喜欢这样的我。

庚延舅舅昨天来看沁芝,之后我们去用晚餐,沁芝在车上开心极了,双脚飞扬。问沁芝are u happy?她点点头:“happy。”

回家了还说要gai gai。舅舅说,next week next week。

i really like to have qinzhi with her uncles n aunties. i think its a close bond that should be appreciated and protected.

这样的family life mummy真的觉得很可贵。很珍惜。看着握着驾驶盘的弟弟,觉得时间真的过得好快,我们大家都长大了。

沁芝这次回来,也比之前抗拒的心少了许多,我不知道那是否和我自己的心情有关,但我想多少有些关系。

以前的害怕、抗拒、不安,沁芝应该是感受得到的。

现在自己的心情平稳、平静,沁芝应该也感受得到。

我没有了障碍,沁芝也是。

不仅如此,还和我们一起睡在主人房的大床上,和mummy一起睡一个枕头,

夜里,我们就看着那天daddy和mummy去ikea,买下了的灯,知道沁芝一定会喜欢。果不其然。

于是daddy唱着twinkle twinkle little star⋯⋯我们三个就把手举起,跟着做一些手部动作,让沁芝很开心。

在大床上,我们盖着同一张大被子,给沁芝说了一个又一个故事,然后沁芝累了,会手饶着mummy的颈项,抱着mummy入睡。

在大床上,早上醒来,睁开眼睛看到沁芝已经睡醒,听她到mama

感觉就是,

一切都是值得的,谢谢沁芝。

you are a godsend。

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感动

亲爱的沁芝

生活的感动,忙碌的人容易忘记。

昨天mummy就真真切切感受道感动,它让我想记录下来,跟沁芝分享。让沁芝对生活中的感动,更敏感。同时让沁芝知道mummy也从中有所学习。

早前去看了报馆楼上的Adam Patrick医生,跟他说我胸口痛,他让我去做ECG Treadmill。去看他的时候,他一副不经心的样子,where is your pain?what do u think its due to?说话时不看mummy,让人心里很不舒服,好像不专心看病的感觉。好像不把我当一回事那样。也不把自己的专业当一回事那样的表现。

等了一个多星期,报告终于出来,接到护士的电话,我的心突然跳动起来。as usual。

anyway,报告书说,ECG没有在压力下出现任何异状。

:)

本来不想见医生,担心被他糗。

结果正想跟护士说的时候,他叫了我的名字。

很意外的,医生非常详细地、花时间的,非常友善地对我说了很多话。

“the ECG is alrite, so the pain in the chest is due to stress. do u know that it is so hard for women to get heart problem?that is because women have ovaries, which produces estrogen that is good for the heart, that is why men die earlier…”

一开始我没什么注意他的,以为他随意说说就一定把我打发掉,结果他继续说⋯⋯⋯⋯

“do u exercise?(yoga)….that is stretching, not exercise. (i do breathing,as in, i try to sit down n meditate)⋯⋯⋯⋯pick up smthg, badminton…or smthg, do smthg u can get urself so focussed n lost in, till u forget⋯⋯do u understand what i mean? u r so young in ur career (他还说了很多话,但我没有听好,当下非常意外,他居然说这么这么多)the reason why i m saying so much is becoz i have seen so many old time journalists with anxiety related problems, once u develop n start to think u have problems, many other things juz come⋯⋯its a pyscho (smthg) situation⋯⋯n i dont want to see u get into that ”

那一句直接打进我的心了。

我跟他一点也不认识的。it was for the first time, i felt another’s love for humanity. i mean, i often see it on tv, when pple give a lending hand to others, but now i know what it feels like to b showered upon this kind of simple, pure, direct love

how it feels like to b given this way.

“take it one at a time, when u come to it.”他好像还说一句,we will manage之类的话。

i walk out of his room, feeling like i have been appreciated, feeling worthy n all my worth as an individual/a human being.the message is just 爱惜自己。but when it comes from a stranger, someone further away, the meaning becomes magnified. there were no strings attached in wanting u to b well, not becoz u had to b well for your parents, for your child, for anything, its juz to b well for urself.

医生给我上的这一课:

1)过去的日子,心里一直在期待这个报告书,我每天都会问,并且有小小的担心,但担心来了,我再回去问问自己,感觉如何?回去问问自己的心,感觉如何?这次,我选择听自己,然后每次担忧一来,我把它扫掉,告诉自己是多于的。于是,我学习倾听自己这件事。这太重要。我们太习惯道外面找安定、安抚自己的声音,但外头纷纷扰扰,有那么多声音。该听谁?

混乱中,学习如何转向里面,听自己,学习相信自己。

2)dont pass a judgement

judgements make your world immediately smaller, ur views narrower.they obscure u.

n make life harder.

3)do things for urself, not to please/for anybody.

4)one at a time, its so so wise.

5)when u come to it.

让我想起中学老师讲的——既来之,则安之。

以前对这句话的理解是,船到桥头自然直。

现在知道,这句话的emphasis,是在“既来之”。

不是来之的之前。

6)无心。

无心,不放心思。学习不放心思,无为而为。

not to take to heart n hold on.

thank u doc.

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Let It Roll Off Our Back

January 27, 2011

One of the most difficult challenges in life is learning not to take things to heart and hold on to it.

Especially when we’re younger, or if we’re very sensitive, we take so much of what comes our way to heart. This can be overwhelming and unproductive if it throws us off balance on a regular basis. When we are feeling criticized or attacked from all directions, it becomes very difficult for us to recover ourselves so that we can continue to speak and act our truth. This is when we would do well to remember the old saying about letting certain things roll off us, like water off a duck’s back.

Most of the time, the attacks and criticisms of others have much more to do with them and how they are feeling than with us. If we get caught up in trying to adjust ourselves to other people’s negative energy, we lose touch with our core. In fact, in a positive light, these slings and arrows offer us the opportunity to strengthen our core sense of self, and to learn to dodge and deflect other people’s misdirected negativity. The more we do this, the more we are able to discern what belongs to us and what belongs to other people. With practice, we become masters of our energetic integrity, refusing to serve as targets for the disowned anger and frustration of the people around us.

Eventually, we will be able to hear the feedback that others have to offer, taking in anything that might actually be constructive, and releasing that which has nothing to do with us. First, though, we tend ourselves compassionately by recognizing when we can’t take something in from the outside without hurting ourselves. This is when we make like a duck, shaking it off and letting it roll off our back as we continue our way in the world.

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沁芝买年货

25/1/2011

亲爱的沁芝

昨天和庚延舅舅、阿妹姨姨去marine parade的ntuc finest买年货,小沁芝不亦乐乎。

去年沁芝懂得拿筷子捞鱼生,今年已经懂得逛年货,小沁芝开心得在车上已经手舞足蹈,不断地踢脚,上下、上下、上下

到了超级市场,沁芝一开始还愿意坐在推车上,但没有5秒钟,已经嚷嚷要下来,跟着大人们一样在走动。

沁芝这天真的乐透乐,不断举起双手跑到我们面前说hello

我们大家赶着买,就怕沁芝饿了。想喝奶,想吃奶嘴,结果沁芝也仔细地像是大人一样,在看架子上的货品,用手去轻轻地触摸产品。

看到这个,沁芝说rabbit

:)

还有cow cow的packaging,沁芝就说cow cow

看到洗发水,沁芝就把手放在按箭的下方,imagine有洗发水流下,然后沁芝就把洗发液放在头上,洗洗。

亲爱的沁芝真的很爱逛,但我们发现去超级市场真的是学习的好地方,有各式水果蔬菜carrot,banana,apple都是沁芝懂得的,还有egg,bread,biscuit等等。不过沁芝最喜欢的,就是escalator了。

亲爱的沁芝,喜欢跟你一起去逛年货超市:)

真的很喜欢。

谢谢沁芝。

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成功的秘诀

亲爱的沁芝

成功的秘诀只有一个,那就是勤劳。努力。

不管别人怎样,不管别人是如何而得成功,在mummy看来,只有勤快地、努力、认真地朝向目标,那才是成功的唯一路途。

胜利的感觉,就是不放弃等待。

就是一直做一直做,一直做一直做。

尤其在你想停下的时候。

----看Sungkyunkwan Scandal+超级星光大道7之常佳宁,有感。

 

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Joy

Joy

Is doing a little something for qinzhi, having her in mind, wanting to do the best I can, such as ironing a little rabbit n two stars, hoping she will like it, imagining the smile if she sees this

Is cleaning my home, cleaning the dust of yesterday n putting tidiness/things in place

Is the feeling of a cleaned home

Is looking at my prada

Is saying I need a rest when I need a rest—– I always feel an inner struggle, between giving time to myself n giving my time to qinzhi
Today I decided to give myself the time I need

Is listening to a talk by 星云大师

such as this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ycwlck4go&feature=related

生命的定义,就是为了即将开始的下一个生命,创作更好的姻缘。http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-hD4v_jCIc&feature=related

大师有一种难能的单纯和孩子气,看他飞扬的手势、听他抑扬顿挫的说辞,这种直接打到心床的真挚,很是动人。再听他出口的智慧,那才是震撼教育。

Is having a warm feet soak, then massage by daddy n listening to 超级星光大道. Daddy creamed my feet today.


🙂

To be continued…