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14 months

怀皓今天14个月大了!

mommy和daddy这一天在普吉岛的Point Yamu。这是我们生了怀皓之后,第一次一起出国,过过二人世界。

mommy因为糊涂,忘了带挤奶需要的器具,结果daddy居然愿意吮吸,那一刻,觉得很man。

有时间二人世界的时候,居然不太适应,好像少了什么。我知道,是怀皓和沁芝。于是我知道,我们的关系和以前不再一样了,我们已经是家人了,即使是两个人的时候,浪漫的感觉不见得深刻。

这一个月里,皓皓最近走得很稳,更稳了。走路时,双手握在手中,靠近胸膛的地方,很好看。和mommy在家里,我让皓皓roam。不怕他跌倒,任由他走进走出。他也因此很高兴。

皓皓喜欢拿着这个瓶子到处走,走到哪里,拿到哪里。而且会拖出椅子,serenade the chair,有时还跑到餐桌下,就是头快碰到了!

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皓皓很利害,想抓抓桌子中间的遥控器,懂得拉桌布。

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这一天,去打针,皓皓已经懂得玩了,但看到医生还是害怕哭了起来!也在这一天,皓皓去拿护照了,:)

这几天打针,发高烧,又出现红疹,不能吃喝,不能睡,很折腾。

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在家里,皓皓要玩什么mommy都让,想看看小瓜究竟想怎么玩,想玩什么,让他自自然然。那天在巴士上,觉得人,好“特别”啊。小时候,人什么都不会、就是拥有自然,最自然,最是自然。但随着日子的推移,学上很多,智力越来越强,包括技术和思考,弄丢了自然。再长大一点,才发现,真正要学要懂得的,是自然。怎么活得自自然然?

于是皓皓这么玩乐,我让他。很让。让他把桌上的纸巾拿下来,一张张拉开,在地上,帮我擦地。

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他喜欢到我们的小小“展示区”玩,拿mommy daddy小时候的照片,mommy在海边的照片、还有到花瓶那边敲敲打打、抓飞机,很奇怪,他似乎知道飞机要怎么玩。

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皓皓喜欢去姐姐的房间,喜欢玩里面的东西,包括小玩具车、呼啦圈,还会去找墙壁上的pooh bear用双手碰一碰。

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他知道梳子怎么用,看他梳头好好看啊!
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但他最喜欢的一件,就是爬沙发,不断练习爬上爬下,才爬上,又已经想下来。daddy教皓皓,爬下的时候要身子向着沙发,mommy在皓皓爬下时候提醒他,daddy怎么教,他便身子向着沙发下来。有时心急,也就不依了。

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皓皓也懂得听指示。有时东西丢在地上,mommy说,“皓皓,捡起来,帮妈妈捡起来好吗?”他会照做,然后我会点头说谢谢,有时拍手。他会笑,看得出是acknowledge了。

有时坐在high chair,他喜欢把脚抬起来,mommy说:“皓皓,可以把脚放下来吗?”他会听,让我觉得好神奇。

婆婆姨姨说,皓皓也很会听福建话。问听“la sap tang”(垃圾桶)在哪里?他会去厨房看垃圾桶。

在家里,他最喜欢打开垃圾桶的盖子,有时还会把里头的东西拿出来。他喜欢跟着我到厨房,喜欢去洗衣机烘炉那里,我如厕,带他进去,他好像是发现新大陆一样,笑起来,这里看看那里看看,他喜欢去拉厕纸,喜欢走来走去,“发现”厕所。他最喜欢我抽水,他喜欢动动马桶,看到抽水,还会把手放进马桶要碰碰。现在问他,mommy要wee wee要去哪里?他就一个劲儿跑去厨房厕所。

于是我觉得,我的宝贝长大了,真的真的。

世界就是他的oyster。

宝贝,mommy希望你在探索的每一刻都获得惊叹获得快乐获得启发。

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皓皓在阿姨家一些日子,居然认得阿姨的鞋子,阿姨抱他出门,不穿自己的鞋也不行。皓皓会指着,啊啊啊地,他还学会这么把手放在后头,好好看!

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我的ah poot回来了!去了姨姨婆婆家十天,昨天回来了!好开心!

ah poot又长高了一些,看到地上脏脏的,会说,yeeeeee

:)

他懂得听hughug,会过来抱抱。回到家里他很忙

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沁芝放假,带沁芝皓皓、姨姨婆婆和davi na姐姐去槟城。皓皓第一次,在飞机上给他吮吸便睡下,直到飞机降落:)

我们这次让皓皓跟着我们吃,所以让他吃street food,带他去果园、去寺庙。娘惹博物馆、daddy带沁芝去室内游乐场,皓皓居然会说suu并用手在空中划出slide。

皓皓好棒的,已经习惯da d d y冲凉淋浴、懂得唱歌、喜欢在酒店里拿电话来玩。他会说gong(撞)、cuu(出)。咳嗽会拍拍胸膛。

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由始至终,mommy最难忘的,就是背着皓皓一起旅行,搭飞机时在飞机起飞和降落时,给皓皓吮吸、喂奶。

原来,这么重要的小事,真的真的很重要。

宝贝,探索的一路上,但愿布满漂亮的花儿绿草,阳光、清风和白云。

Happy 14 months!

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普吉岛之Point Yamu by Como

槟城之后和daddy来到普吉岛,我们十多年前第一次到的海外度假村地点。
这次不同了。
以前无拘无束,现在沁芝怀皓交给姨姨婆婆,虽然很放心交给他们,但就是有牵挂在心。
我不一样了。
孩子不在,我变得很累。很累。我知道睡觉的时候身体在复原。那是很好的感觉。

这里水天朦胧,阳光普照,这里的宁静很大声。我很久没有听到的宁静,里头有鸟鸣有春风,宁静变成拉长的片刻,占据了空间。

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白蚁蚕食的百年老树,原本在清迈,Paola (Navone)很喜欢,买了回来,最后居然变成spa柜台桌。

Imperfections make perfections.

看着那块美丽的木身,我不由得要感谢,感谢当中的不完美。以及它造就的完美。回头看人生的洞口,感受里最强烈的也是感谢。谢谢有那些学习的机会,丰富了我,滋养了我,雕刻了我。

又如地板砖块的选材,尽是脱色、颜色不均的砖块,木板地不经油漆便上阵。我喜欢设计师这样,这样愿意让材料做自己。

let things speak for themselves
做最是自己的自己。自然的

在这里,有机会看云儿经过、看风的手。不由得想起仁波切教的,不要把云看作是天空。不要把烦恼看成全部。云来了,去了。云只是一种投射。

看小鸟不怕天高天大,没有因此而拒绝飞行,觉得它着实了不起。小小小小鸟,力大无穷,很有启发的能力。

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5 years 1 month

我的宝贝沁芝再大一个月了:)

过去一个月,很开心沁芝又尝试了新的东西。

这一天,和沁芝玩pick up sticks

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一回,和art teacher yen谈起沁芝的night terror

她说,也许白天沁芝有一些东西没有很好地表达出来,所以晚上睡觉地时候,潜意识里,脑子尝试work it out。

她说,或给沁芝找一些沁芝有兴趣的活动,打开她。

晚上,陪沁芝入睡,发现沁芝快入睡的时候,脾气有点坏。如果太累,会语无伦次。我唱歌给沁芝听,唱她从下就听的那些歌,而且是同样的顺序。ABC Song, Baa Baa Black Sheep, Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars, London Bridge, One Little Two Little Three Little Indians, The more we get together , Rock a Bye Baby…

唱着唱着,就回到了从前,回到沁芝满月前,回到满月时,回到沁芝几个月大时,于是更加觉得,沁芝再大,也是我那个抱在怀中的婴儿。

谁说长大了就不应该听lullaby,其实孩子无论多大都需要听。那是一种最直接的慰借。

21/2/2014

我们到满福苑请大家吃饭,庆祝沁芝的生日是其一,其实更重要的原因是谢谢照顾沁芝疼爱沁芝的人,每年沁芝生日我们都这么做,像是一个传统了:)那天我们真的吃了很多很多东西!

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然后就这么过了一些日子,小妞最近很爱画画,每天放学回来,就从书包拿出一些自己涂涂画画的纸张,有时是送我的,上面有沁芝画自己,画我,画棒棒糖、花:)

3月学校假期,带沁芝皓皓和姨姨婆婆davina姐姐去槟城。沁芝非常高兴,虽然小病了一下,但还是有兴致。

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沁芝搭飞机很稳。到了新的国度也很open,我们去果园、寺庙、去娘惹博物馆、去路边摊,daddy还带沁芝去室内游乐场。

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沁芝是一个很敏感的小妞,有时看到沁芝的一个眼神,便知道小妞其实不太舒服一些事情,或对一件事,有特别的想法,但没有很好地表达出来。有时眼神里有惊讶、有时是惊吓,看到这个时候地沁芝,mommy总是很懊恼自己,怎么没有好好处理沁芝的心情,才会让沁芝有这样的敏感度?

但我想让沁芝知道:沁芝永远永远都是mommy最最最特别最最最珍贵最最最宝贝的宝贝。

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Creative Unblock Project

Lisa Congdon offers a “Creative Unblock Project” to explore that interplay between structure and imaginative play:

Choose one thing you love to draw or paint (and feel comfortable drawing or painting) already: an animal, object, a person, whatever. For thirty days, draw or paint that thing thirty different ways, a different way every day. You can use different mediums, expressions, positions, colors, whatever. Each day, push yourself to do something much different than the day before, but keep the subject the same. See how keeping one element constant (in this case, the “thing” you love to draw or paint) can allow you to break out creatively in other ways.

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Tibetan New Year Greeting

by Tsokyni Rinpoche

During this auspicious time of the Tibetan New Year, I will remember all of you and keep you in my prayers, here at the spot of Buddha’s enlightenment. I will pray for all of you to purify all obstacles and obscurations on your spiritual path, and to accomplish the level of Buddhahood.

I hope all of you will use your time wisely and meaningfully, because time is very precious and time is passing. Please remember impermanence, in a positive way. We are still alive; we can celebrate this New Year. We have a fortunate life, and in this life we have to aim for positive thinking and action. We can discover the real meaning of life—to find our innate nature of mind, which is the mind of all the Buddhas and bodhisattvas. Our innate mind is not different from the Buddhas and bodhisattvas, but we are covered by obscurations. These obscurations, however, are temporary. We are deluded within them, but this delusion is not our ultimate reality. We canbecome awakened. The Buddhas and bodhisattvas are awakened from this temporary, seeming obscuration. So please focus on that. I will pray for that. May this coming year be a meaningful year for you.

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We don’t have to live our life bound by the habits of feelings and behaviour

by Tsoknyi Rinpoche

“For someone regarded by the Tibetan Buddhist faithful as a reincarnated master teacher of the dharma, Tsoknyi Rinpoche is remarkably frank about his own human frailties. It took him seven years to stop drinking a certain popular brand of soda, which he knew was bad for his health.

“This story, which he shared last month with a Hong Kong audience at a series of talks on death and meditation, is typical of his teaching style–honest, amusing and direct. It makes accessible the lofty topics of his concerns: the limitless potential of our mind, the nature of reality, and happiness.

“His soda anecdote speaks to those of us who find it difficult to bridge the gap between knowledge and action, which happens, he explains, when the head fails to communicate with the heart. This disconnect, and how meditation can help us to bridge that gap, is a message Tsoknyi Rinpoche carries with him to lectures and retreats in Europe, America and Asia.

“We don’t have to live our life bound by the habits of feelings and behaviour which we have developed over the years; we can choose otherwise, he says, by re-educating ourselves through the practice of meditation.

“In the crowded market today for self-help programmes designed to improve health and well-being, meditation is gaining mainstream credibility. Mindfulness training is now an acceptable tool in psychotherapy, and its ability to “rewire” our brain has become more fact than fiction, thanks to advances in neuroscience research that demonstrate it. Benefits of meditation found through various studies include reduced stress; better concentration; a more resilient mental outlook; lower risk of death, heart attack and stroke in mental patients; reduced loneliness in older adults; and relief from chronic inflammation.

“More research is being conducted. In one study that investigates meditation’s effect on stress, announced a fortnight ago, the Scripps Translational Science Institute in San Diego teamed up with the Chopra Foundation and the Chopra Centre for Wellbeing to collect physiological data from 40 meditators aged 20 to 72, including blood pressure, heart rate, brain activity and other vital signs.

“The study might, for the first time, demonstrate the immediate influence of meditation on blood pressure and markers of stress, and eventually guide better and more individualised treatments of high blood pressure, chronic pain or other health conditions, said the Scripps institute’s director, Dr Eric Topol.

“It’s no wonder stressed-out urbanites are turning to meditation courses for relief. It’s unknown how many practise meditation in Hong Kong, but talks and courses featuring well-known visiting teachers, such as Zen monk and author Thich Nhat Hanh, attract full-house crowds. A search online also shows a wide range of courses available here, from the traditional to New Age. Some methods recommend visualisation or chanting, while others teach a varying combination of paying attention to our breath and sensory perceptions. The techniques differ, but the purpose of meditation remains the same: to be aware of our experience as it is, without judgment.

“We live in a society of speed, and have become accustomed to performing the cognitive process of perception-judgment-visceral reaction in a sort of mental shorthand. Before our head can say “wait a minute”, we are already at the mercy of our feelings. With meditation, Tsoknyi Rinpoche says, we slow down the leap from perception to judgment, giving us a chance to change our reaction through experience. We learn to “be” before we “run”, so we can be steady on our feet even when we live life at full speed.

“In Tibetan Buddhist tradition, reincarnation is accepted as part of reality. The first Tsoknyi Rinpoche, a teacher of the Drukpa Kagyu tradition (“drukpa” being the Tibetan word for “dragon”), was born in the mid-19th century. His third incarnation was found in Nepal–an eight-year-old boy born in 1966 into a family of respected meditators.

“The transition from boy to monk was not at first easy. As Tsoknyi Rinpoche put it in his 2012 book, Open Heart, Open Mind, “One day you’re a boy playing games with local children; the next day you’re a dragon”.

“At the monastery in India where he was sent for training after he turned 12, he grew to enjoy the rigours of study, but could not reconcile his free-spirited nature with the boundaries set by monastic life. So, at 22, he asked to be released from his vows.

“Tibetan Buddhism has a tradition of lay teachers, so his decision was perhaps not as dramatic as it sounds. His father Urgyen Rinpoche, after all, was a renowned meditator who taught and raised a family at the same time. So Tsoknyi Rinpoche left the monkhood, got married and continued to teach. “I had the teaching, which I really believe in. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a monk or a householder, the mind is important, the way we think is important,’ he says. ‘I carry my meditation training into my life, including my marriage.’

“The father of two daughters learns by practice, as lay people do. This means trying to balance his family life with his duties as a teacher, which includes overseeing two nunneries in Nepal and the Pundarika Foundation he founded, and being on the road four to five months a year.

“It means figuring out how to keep his marriage healthy and fulfilling. In the end, it comes down to our ability to connect with ourselves. ‘There are three kinds of love: basic love; normal love, which involves giving and taking; and boundless love, which is love with compassion, a spiritual kind of love. In any relationship, we must first have within ourselves what I call essence love. It’s not self-love, but a sort of ‘okayness’ within yourself that has nothing to do with your partner, your parents or anybody else. You feel a warmth inside, you feel good but not because of something. If you have that, your relationship with your wife–with anybody– will go well.’

“His teaching is peppered with stories from his life experience and interactions with people. He talks about his parenting experience, for example, in his book and occasional column for The Huffington Post. Tsoknyi Rinpoche is undoubtedly counted among a new breed of meditation teachers who have not only made the 2,500-year-old insight of the Buddha relevant in modern life, but also taken it out of the meditation halls and into the world. He is convinced that the practice of meditation, which helps us to become “fully, healthily human”, cannot be separated from our daily conduct. The meditation techniques he teaches therefore fit easily into the rhythm of city life. ‘Or do you like to meditate only on a cushion in your room? No point, no? You can’t stay in the room forever,’ he told his Hong Kong audience at his talk. ‘I hope you have a life–a life besides sitting on a cushion.’

“But given the many methods available here and online, how do we choose one that suits us? His advice is to try each and see; if it works, our life will become better. The ultimate purpose of meditation is liberation from samsara, the cycle of death and rebirth. But if enlightenment is a step too far, meditation can at least help us to heal the bridge between our head and heart.

“‘If we are living in a nightmare, at least we try and turn it into a healthy dream,’ he says. ‘We’re still asleep, we’ve not become awakened like Buddha, but at least we’re no longer in a nightmare.’”