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妈妈

沁芝19个月大的时候,叫妈妈了。
还有点费劲的样子。
有点害臊。会双手捂嘴巴。大概是听到自己的声音,觉得害臊了。
沁芝叫妈妈,
嘴唇一张一合
完美地一张一合。
那形状完美无瑕。
样子赏心悦目
声音悦耳如音符
敲打我的心
妈妈。
妈妈。
妈妈。

好听极了。心融化了。
原来,就是这样的心情。
心甘情愿要为你一辈子。
就因为你叫我妈妈。

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回家

亲爱的沁芝

今天(29日)从日本回来,踏出电梯,gorgor抱着沁芝出来,就说,阿雁,生日快乐!

接下来,如往常,有碗热腾腾的面线和两粒鸡蛋。

之后是gorgor和妈妈给的红包。gorgor边给,念念有词:让你有好运、健康、事事顺利、快乐。

很美好的祝福。

31年前的今天,我呱呱落地。不觉已经这么久了。

而今年最好的一份礼物就是沁芝叫:“妈妈”。ah hui阿姨说,沁芝前一天才会叫的。

昨天看着一张张沁芝的照片,很甜美,很甜美。看着,总是感动。
我问自己,要如何守护这个家?让它像是沁芝的笑这么幸福?
这么甜美?这么美好?
让沁芝安心、稳定?

还是必须从发自内心的宁静开始。

要让沁芝在最健康的环境下成长、欢笑?大人内心必须先健康、安宁。

今天沁芝看着mummy,凑过来,时而把脸凑过来贴近我的脸,双手绕过mummy的颈项抱抱、亲亲。

谢谢你,我的宝贝。

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日本2010之轻井泽lesson 4

亲爱的沁芝

轻井泽--很秀气的地方。东京上等人的后花园,日本天皇夏季的避暑胜地,极有灵气。

这里要说的不是关于壮阔、雄伟,而是一种少有的别致。

轻井泽躺卧在mt asama的平原之上,全年气候凉爽怡人,空气极为清新,地面上有溪河穿越,当然少不了温泉。

难怪自古吸引文人雅士、政客名人来此造度假别墅。

在这里放慢、呼吸,调身、调息、调心。

来此以后,不想走。

My stay at hoshinoya Karuizawa was one which encompassed the finest things in life.

Out of the 70+ villas, I was given the one by the hillside, that which faces the greenest of all foliage , that which sees the first tinge of orangy autumn, that which is greeted by the morning sun n the silky white moon goddess.

Moreover, the room overlooks the river n villas below.

It was like going back in time, but with modern creature comforts, minus the tv.

I took my first kaiseki here, a traditional ten course Japanese meal well thought out n expertly balanced in terms of flavours, colours, textures n tastes.

Each was a picture n an art N I managed to get an insight into simplicity n nature n what it means to follow nature’s laws thru the food I had the chance to savour, n the Eco tour I went on.

1.Each of the food was prepared in a way so as to preserve or bring out nature’s work in nurturing that produce.

There was minimal enhancement in terms of adding sauces n flavorings , again this was to pay due respect to nature.
It’s like man being utmost careful not to thwart nature’s gift, offering reverence to nature.

A dish v directly connects one back to nature, sometimes v vividly thru its presentation, like a dish of baked sweet potato tofu on a garden of leaves, with mushrooms, peas n lotus root. Cooked in a pot of spring water n nothing else. The spring water’s taste stays on the outside of vegetables n gives off a light fragrance, bringing to mind the locale u r in. It reminds us of how these produce came, to b thankful of what it has given us , to reduce wastage n to reinforce the idea that man is reliant on nature n that nature is one.

And when u have such produce in ur mouth, there is no effort in slowing down bcos u will want to savor it’s every sweetness in each bite.

2. In the simplest n most minimalist presentation of food, you get an idea of how the Japanese sees things.

N u get the inspiration that u could follow n approach life from this simplistic view. It feels like a ray of light has shown thru the window.
To look at things simply. To simplify things, to sift out, to distill. To c it as it is.
It can b that simple, straightforward n clean.

3.I particularly like the way the dishes r arranged in kaiseki, u progress from a tasty n feisty venison soup then up to a trio of foie gras n wild boar n salmon, then to soup n charcoal grilled then back to rice. The flavors were like bringing u up on an ascent, guiding u to a peak, then just as u were reminiscing the view at the top, u were already being subtly brought back to the simplest taste of life.
Just as if u were climbing a mountain. Just like the way life is.尝试过刺激、浓烈、醉人的、繁华的、喧闹的之后,只求平淡。清淡。那才是真味。
It reminds u of the ups n downs of life n finding the middle path.

4. Nature has it’s way
We had a chance to c the fruit of the walnut tree, chestnut. I have eaten it more than thirty times but have never seen wat it looks like in the thirty years of my life.

A) when the time is ripe
The chestnut is spiky n painful to the touch but within the shell the chestnut is protected. The special thing( fr our perspective) is that once it ripens, the spiky thing juz falls to the ground n releases the nut.

It brings to mind that everything has a time. And nature is the time keeper. We can’t force things, even if we do, even if we let the spiky thing fall, the chestnut wouldn’t b released or even if so, it would ripen nicely.

B) I m writing this in nature, with the stream gushing behind me n I feel refreshed n my thoughts flow . I now realize why poets n philosophers n thinkers like to b here. N have great works from here. In nature, things r happy in their own unadulterated form, things flow. In nature, u juz work.

C)guiding force
We chanced upon this tree that had to bend n have it’s posture changed. The guide told us that the tree might have it’s growth course changed by another blocking it’s course. Hence it’s trunk bent drastically midway then shoot upwards to the sky.

But I saw that the tree had good foundation n it was able to continue growing even though it had it’s natural path changed.

It brings to mind the importance of foundation, of strong central important positive thoughts. These will b the guiding force in any changed course.

D) when there’s a will, there’s a way
Many egs we saw. This tree species which had no trunk n had to rely on literally bind itself to another tree to survive.

It finally managed to get up there to the top, the sun after holding on.

It’s also abt holding on together. Holding on to a belief, tightly.

Then there’s the flower which wanted only a particular species of bee to distribute it’s pollen. This autumnal pink small bud grew slightly prodding down, in a way difficult to other species but simple to this bee.
It’s like knowing each other, being meant for each other.

Another jasmine smelling like flower is the opposite. Grown outward longish like a tail, it’s strong smelling scent attracts all at once. Always seen on mountains, this common species wants to attract a lot of animals to spread it’s pollen.

Hoshinoya wants guests to come here, 调身、调息、调心。in short, it’s just to bring people back to nature in this previously protected imagined authentic japan.

在这里,冲的是泉水、泡澡的也是自然泉水、喝的水很有亮度和光泽,也很有灵性。

在这里,很享受呼吸。很享受喝水。

重新认识、学习生活中最基本最实在最重要的东西。

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日本2010之乘鞍高原lesson3

亲爱的沁芝

今天乘巴士到2702米高的置平,一路上两排青松林立,55分钟的车程往上,沿着曲折的山路攀爬徐徐前进。

来到半山,有瀑布,接着是浓雾,期间,车长专注而沉稳,他这样的坚持,不知又过了多久,雾气便离我们而去。

冲出云雾之后,天空更高更清晰,its clear。

首先攀爬的是魔王岳。15分钟持续向上,一开始,挺喘的,不一会儿,知道其实实在不赶,快或慢,都能到达。果然,没有失望。

这里就是仙境。又或者,如果有天堂,那应该就是这里。除了这个,不晓得可以用怎样的文字形容眼前的景色。

我想试试,
纯净
白得白
蓝得蓝
壮阔
辽阔
当被云雾环抱,极富诗意

一。看不到的更多
原来,山外真的有山。
云端之下成了凡间。
那这云端之上的,应该还有一片天吧?
油然而生的感觉是,世界真的大。宇宙真的浩瀚。
人类的眼光有限。
看不到的,更多。

人也能来到云端之上,那是无比奇妙的感觉。

坐在小石头上看景色,空气是不动的,听到真正空的声音。
就像有什么传说,在这里发生。
面对这样的空间,想象力很难不被释放。

the sound of nothingness is loud here
the sound of peace
It is about stillness here
You do some Climbing then aproach/Get in touch with stillness
Be one with the stillness
And be still

一切静止,只是偶然间的风和脚步声
我尝试静下,和空一体。

关键是如何在凡间、地上,也有超凡脱俗的心情和视野。

二。爬山
我从来都是惧高的、不太喜欢户外的好动的。五年级时露营,爬武吉知马山的经验还难忘。
今天尝试攀爬富士见岳2882米高。
I didn’t know what to expect
It was a rocky n rather steep path as far as the eye can see
I was worried abt falling or missing a step or if my body could take it up n down
But I guess down at heart, I wanted to try
So I told myself, n I keep saying, one step at a time.
And tried to keep that voice in me going: I can do it. I can do it. As usual,
Qinzhi daddy egged me on.

And I really did it.

As always, going up is always tougher, like the bus ride up, like when we want to improve. Like when we want to better ourselves.

爬山考验的不只是毅力和耐力,还考验判断力和自信。
下一步脚放在哪块石头?用多少力道平衡自己?这些下一刻发生的下一步好像是极短时间里必须决定,但其实如果做决定的那一刻专注、清楚、沉稳,那一刻里就是一种eternity。
There is actually ample time in each moment if we take the time to b in the moment.

Which brings me to the next point.

爬山不急、也不赶。你可以随时停歇。喘气。休息。再往上。
只要你不催自己。没有人会催你。
和人生一样。
重点是,必须懂得什么时候停下,小休。
recharge。
再冲刺。

三。过眼云烟
爬到山顶,看到云雾往我们飘来,一团的白,盖过绿色的山。于是,不见山、不见绿、不见天。

不稍多时,已在迷雾之中。

在云雾之中,原来是这种滋味。冷冷的,大概是云雾带来的风?

有些害怕,但实在无处可躲藏,有些人在云雾中下山。我则努力保持镇定。其他的什么也不做,顶多就是用点心,感受在云里的感觉,被云洗涤的感觉。

它来,逗留一阵,便走了。走了,冷劲不再,不留痕迹。

它让我想起坏心情。

也像袭击心头的雾气。重点是,不论
遇到什么,其实什么都不必做,因为它会来也会去。如果可以,保持沉稳,感受它之后,让它去。

不必刻意投入什么、抗拒什么。

之四。在靠近天堂的地方感受地的踏实
爬山的时候,踩着山的身体步步拾级而上。
脚步有一种重量。好像因为山而来的一种rootedness。爬得越多,越高,就在离开地球表面越远的地方,我好像越是能感受到地。

好像因为这样,这次我能客服自己,完成攀爬行动。

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Letting the Curves Take You

September 23, 2010

Trying to maintain control in this life is a bit like trying to maintain control on a roller coaster. The ride has its own logic and is going to go its own way, regardless of how tightly you grip the bar.

There is a thrill and a power in simply surrendering to the ride and fully feeling the ups and downs of it, letting the curves take you rather than fighting them. When you fight the ride, resisting what’s happening at every turn, your whole being becomes tense and anxiety is your close companion.

When you go with the ride, accepting what you cannot control, freedom and joy will inevitably arise.

As with so many seemingly simple things in life, it is not always easy to let go, even of the things we know we can’t control. Most of us feel a great discomfort with the givens of this life, one of which is the fact that much of the time we have no control over what happens. Sometimes this awareness comes only when we have a stark encounter with this fact, and all our attempts to be in control are revealed to be unnecessary burdens.

We can also cultivate this awareness in ourselves gently, by simply making surrender a daily practice. At the end of our meditation, we might bow, saying, “I surrender to this life.” This simple mantra can be repeated as necessary throughout the day, when we find ourselves metaphorically gripping the safety bar.

We can give in to our fear and anxiety, or we can surrender to this great mystery with courage. When we see people on a roller coaster, we see that there are those with their faces tight with fear and then there are those that smile broadly, with their hands in the air, carried through the ride on a wave of freedom and joy. This powerful image reminds us that often the only control we have is choosing how we are going to respond to the ride.

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日本2010之乘鞍高原lesson 2

亲爱的沁芝

走了一天山路,有所学习。

一。散心
中国人说"散心"说得真好。走着走着,真有散心的感觉。

散心时,心情由好开始,然后有些转坏,关键是如何在知道心意时,把变坏的心情转好。

之后,明白散心就是这样。

让心情自由,让它失散,然后把它收回。

二。下雨
昨夜雨连绵,今天也一样。不过大小的问题。
但心情反而不受影响。daddy失望不能看到满天星空,我说,谁能来这里碰到雨?

雨天的景色也不一样。雨天的空气特别新。呼吸着,跟这冷空气知道它到肺部。

走着走着,很自然地能享受这雨天。
just enjoy the rain。
事实上,这样最好。

三。走路
以前和daddy拍拖初期,我们走好长的路,可以从kallang走到indoor stadium再到suntec city,再续程到fullerton bay

在雨中走山路,只有我们了。突然觉得好神奇。两个新加坡人大老远来到这里行山。

很多时候,孤独的路上只有我们,好像拥有这山。

左、右
左、右
脚下好像有根植入地
往前
什么都不想
偶尔想到什么,告诉自己把精神放在走路上。

跟在daddy的脚步后面,穿上雨衣,雨滴滴答答轻打。我的视线被歪斜的雨帽遮掩,很多时候就只看着daddy的脚步。
我们就这样一直走一直走。
一直走。

四。一步一步来
我们在雨中爬下看bandokoro番所大瀑布。因太久没运动,脚一直发抖。间中有几处害怕的心升起,上上下下,好久,都不见已到外处。

害怕了。不知道能撑多久?

然后我告诉自己:one step at a time。就这样,专心一步又一步。

需要时候,牵着daddy。
可以了,自己一步一步。
走。出。来。

五。若隐若现
回到alpine inn的路上,路上只有我们。壮丽的山被浓雾遮掩,然后被风吹走雾气,好像看得到,又好像看不到。

就像我想看的真理,想寻找的精神把持

山依旧不动不移

稳重如一。

那样的不动正是心该培养的。

因为雾气一定会被吹走,它们来来去去,来去自若,不被阻止、停驻,然后便见着山。