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Aussie part 1

亲爱的沁芝

再过几个小时
我们就要搭乘a380前往墨尔本

mummy非常非常开心
因为是第一次带沁芝
第一次带沁芝和婆婆
第一次带公公
全新的组合
加上去的地方是第一次去
我没有试过
所以
非常兴奋
新的总带有一种奇异的力量
有很大的试验、发掘和发现的空间

因此也有许多学习的机会

可以带婆婆和公公一起
还有沁芝和daddy

虽然有些住宿问题有待解决
虽然有快十天没有和daddy一起睡
虽然会给daddy造成不便

虽然有些行程未定,比如mummy有一天去工作,得由daddy代当导游
虽然回来后需要写稿
虽然很昂贵
daddy说mummy要花1万那么多

但mummy还是觉得值得

我觉得那是给大家一次相处的机会
给沁芝和我们大家一个户外课室
去浸儒、被洗涤、获启发

最亲近的人和我一起旅行
那是几千年才累积而成的机缘
不能随行的,我相信也在看守我们,祝福我们

也非常感谢daddy的support
那才是最重要的,让我感觉力量饱满的

with sincere gratitude
I thank all who have made this possible

Om

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3years 2months

20/4/2012

明天,沁芝将第一次飞行,而且是飞上A80前往墨尔本,沁芝的第一次,还有婆婆和公公护航,

回望这一切,我只觉得,一切的获得,很不容易,我们各自都跨越了许许多多的障碍

才可以有这样的机缘,一起旅行

mummy只是觉得非常珍贵。

n so we r off to making memories as a family!

先说过去这个月的记忆,好多都属于学校。

沁芝上学记。

:)

这些不记下来,不知道以后的我们会记得多少?这些美丽?

沁芝上课的第二天,姨姨婆婆来看沁芝了,这是我们最新实行的arrangement

来看沁芝,来照顾沁芝,来给沁芝送汤,喂沁芝吃饭。

为的是让我们多看看沁芝。多多和沁芝一起成长。为了这个,mummy在工作上作出许多调整,姨姨婆婆也来了。

沁芝高兴跳起,很开心,马上带姨姨婆婆去看cooking set

后来姨姨回家,婆婆也要回去了,沁芝不舍得,一直叫婆婆带沁芝去找姨姨,

后来婆婆回去了,沁芝大哭,原本吃豆花吃的开心,突然跑到窗前叫:“婆婆,婆婆,你在哪里?沁芝在等你咧”

婆婆听到了,在地铁上都说想要倒回来

上课的第二天,沁芝等校车的时候,是满心期待的,她会大喊:bus bus where r u?y r u not here yet?

看到校车驶入,开兴跳起

那情绪很直接

很纯真

第二天,沁芝已经很独立
mummy在课室不到半小时,已经可以在外面
看着沁芝和小朋友sarah牵手,是沁芝牵她的手

mummy心里好开心!

第三天,从窗口看到沁芝极为享受音乐,唱歌时其他人坐下,唯独沁芝是站起:)

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这个时候的mummy已经想要休息。就是想继续这样的生活,想在沁芝上下课的时候,送沁芝上学、接沁芝回家。
和沁芝在一起。

过简单的生活。趁着孩子成长,再一次和孩子成长。
成长我没有机会成长的。
中间有点时间,写写东西。

不要这么赶忙,rush dateline。小休。

开学第三天,mummy忘记带锁匙,结果麻烦公公来载我们去marine crescent

但也很好

在那里给沁芝冲凉,穿上mummy的衣服

美极

然后沁芝和公公浇花

回到家里,她发闷时会问公公:“你在做什么?where r u?”之类的问题

要不就到公公的房间

沁芝在marine crescent很well at ease

那是非常奇妙的一件事。听到有人开门,她问:“是庚延舅舅吗?”

庚延舅舅开门进来时,她就这么躺着,说:hi!

沁芝上课的第4天,我们就放手,让沁芝自己搭校车,沁芝大声哭了,用尽所有力量去抗争,

我不是太喜欢。虽然我知道必须放手,但看到这一幕,我马上想到,不如:我带沁芝上学吧。肯定比较麻烦,肯定比较辛苦,但,肯定比较接近自己内心的想法。强迫的手段,向来不是我擅长的。

沁芝上学的第6天,哭得利害,mummy陪伴沁芝一个多小时,沁芝还是哭着,最后把哭着的沁芝交给老师。

有时在想,成长的道路只有一条吗?一定是跟其他小朋友一样这样必须先哭后甜?慢慢适应上学?

i beg to differ

但后来沁芝跟着下午的巴士回来,校车阿姨说,很好,沁芝很棒。

沁芝上学的第7天,爸爸去买了很棒的三轮车给沁芝,给沁芝surprise,让沁芝独立上下学回来之后有美丽的惊喜。

沁芝从不会,到现在已经能steer,懂得reverse,daddy也会不时带沁芝下楼去踏脚车

我觉得两个人单独在一起太重要了。

那是一种彼此的需要。

需要在各种关系当中太重要了。不是喜欢和爱,而是需要。

当你需要另一个人的时候,其他一切都变得自然。

另一个礼物就是saxophone,沁芝逛公司的时候看到吵着要买,daddy怎么能拒绝?

这一天,书局减价,daddy说要去买mickey mouse clubhouse的故事书,结果我们买了“公主系列”童话

都是mummy小时候都看过的!

现在的沁芝,已经能够逛超市的时候推车了!刚才和阿妹姨姨facetime,她问沁芝现在多大了?多高了?

阿妹姨姨去到韩国更开心了,笑声更开阔爽朗

改变很明显。写的文章也更诗意。

原来,there‘s this difference

anyway,沁芝已经快1米高咯

这一天,沁芝已经能够自己上早上的巴士上学了。mummy有种说不出的喜悦,孩子的成就比起自己的更重要。

很棒

这两天,我们都尽量鼓励沁芝,然后让沁芝有时间独立,适应自己一个人的世界。

mummy骄傲的同时,也一直在想,这样好吗?

需要这么小就一个人独立吗?我还是没有答案。好像有些苛刻,这样要求孩子。

这个时候的沁芝,伶牙俐齿,爸爸说汤很热,她会说:“我不相信爸爸说的话”让我们两个当场傻眼

又如,“妈妈在这里,爸爸会兴奋”

沁芝口口声声说怕dragon,但却用衣夹造出dragon

沁芝看到mummy穿Paul & Joe的裙子,会很欣赏、羡慕笑笑,凑过来双手拥抱我,说:mummy,u can turn around u know
她喜欢看裙子飞起。

还有,她看到自己一张尴尬的脸色,说,不好意思。

她还说,daddy很久没有带沁芝去pasir ris park,结果不一会儿,daddy就乖乖带沁芝去了

又会问:mummy,你为什么要去剪头发?

今天是沁芝上课的第8天,放手让沁芝自己搭巴士去上课,沁芝哭了,挥手的样子好像在说,妈妈,请你一定要来带沁芝。看了都觉得难受,我大概是很多的不好,许多部分处理不当,才会让沁芝有妈妈不要沁芝的感觉。

这两天,婆婆姨姨都来,我抱着沁芝道窗口前看他们过马路,两个人在夜里的身影,让我很心疼。

我问自己,选择有没有错误?让两个人这样辛苦?麻烦?

沁芝上课两周之后,生病了,没有上学。去了姨姨婆婆家,恢复体重,恢复开朗叽叽喳喳爱说话的天然个性。

她回来redhill好像没有那么开心。

在pasir ris 一周后回来,她说:“我要我的ah hui姨姨来。”然后我转移话题,之后,她心情转好,之后突然又有些哽咽说:“妈咪daddy没有来,我要姨姨婆婆”

意思大概就是,姨姨婆婆就是可以给她安全感的人。

我看了,觉得自己做的不够好。没有很好地handle沁芝上课的压力,没有给她足够安全感,但我不确定应该怎么做的时候,大家都说,哭是必经的过程,于是我放手。

但沁芝太细腻了,和我一样。

姨姨婆婆说,沁芝不时就会提起,妈妈做工,沁芝一个人在学校怎么办?

就像我容易cling on to 一些烦忧一样。

沁芝的意思好像是,担心、害怕自己被遗弃。

我在想,这一点,沁芝为什么那么强烈地感受到?是之前没有带沁芝回家?回家时偷偷溜走?还是沁芝也能感受到自己怀孕生子时的unprepared

我想都有吧。

但我觉得知道了就好。我不害怕,我觉得以现在所有的智慧,可以好好扭转。好好地带沁芝上学,好好地给她感受爱。

and how much she is wanted。how important she is,to mummy。

沁芝上课的第三周,9/4/2012这一天开始,我们自己带沁芝上学,

如答应沁芝那样,搭乘normal bus 去上学,

我心里比较舒服,相信沁芝也是。

我们享受着bus ride,在巴士上聊天看风景,我想这些珍贵的片刻,看似无关痛痒的片刻,看似零容量的片刻,就是我们两个成长记忆中最美丽的了。因为它的美就在于它的纯粹。我们只是专注享受那些片刻。

沁芝到学校之后也害怕哭了,后来转好,我回去学校看沁芝,结果被她发现。她再哭闹一番。

下课了,沁芝看到mummy,飞奔过来,好像很委屈的样子,后来接沁芝回家,对我说:“刚才老师带沁芝上厕所,mummy果然来了。”

天啊,她用“果然”!

上学这件事,有时是daddy有时mummy带,两天下来,马上看到成绩,沁芝比较能享受上学,并且抗拒的心不那么强烈,她知道她可以安心上学,下课后会看到daddy或者mummy。

6/4/2012

daddy今天去还飞机票的钱,我们要带沁芝去搭飞机咯!地点是墨尔本。今天mummy还去给沁芝买了两件非常漂亮的外套和长袖衫,明天想带沁芝去买点冷衣:)

上星期都带沁芝上、下学,沁芝很快适应了学校的环境。虽然还是经常唠叨,在马路上看到校车就说“沁芝不要take school bus”,但沁芝这个时候已经在哼唱学校教的歌曲,甚至会双手握紧做祷告的样子,说god bless you,和amen,甚至会说祷告
哈哈
不过我们的努力看到成果了,带沁芝上下课两个星期来,沁芝已经开始习惯。有时,公公也会来载沁芝,从redhill到学校,从学校到redhill,从学校到pasir ris
所以我们都非常非常非常开心
:)
enjoy school dearie
n the learning experience
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When was the last time we hugged?

This article
Reminds me of the time we were still boyfriend-girlfriend
It’s funny how staying together makes people apart

April 16, 2012
Touch
Healing Our Bodies

Incorporating human touch in to our everyday lives is vital to the healing of our emotional and physical selves.

Sometimes we might concentrate so much on our spiritual lives that we overlook the wonders of being present in our physical form. When we are more aware of the fact that our bodies are also important in terms of our personal growth, we may find it easier to nurture them. One of the most powerful ways to do this is through human touch, for a loving, comforting touch allows us to access the part of ourselves that yearns for a sense of oneness with the world around us. Even simple forms of touch connect us not just to our bodies but also to the energetic presence of other people.

There are so many ways to incorporate touch in our daily lives, one of the easiest being a heartfelt embrace. Just making a point to hug someone on a daily basis and really feel our energy pass between each other can strengthen the bonds that keep us together. Hugs help us heal any hurt or upset we may have recently experienced by letting us release into the moment of the embrace and realize that no matter what happens to us, we have someone in our lives who supports and cares for us.

Another nourishing form of touch is massage. While we may think of massage as a luxury, it is actually an ancient form of healing that enables us to open up our energetic pathways in order to receive unlimited energy from the universe. It doesn’t matter whether a simple massage comes from a loved one or a massage therapist, but by giving ourselves the gift of massage every once in a while, we are doing something healthy and beneficial for our bodies. Massage helps our bodies activate their own restorative powers, creating a wonderful way to engage fully in our own healing.

Letting ourselves take advantage of the healing nature of touch creates space where we can truly live in and experience the world through our bodies, allowing us to completely immerse ourselves in the loving sense of joy and wonder that is our life.

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Joy

Joy

is having some quite moments by myself to catch the day

Hear the rustling leaves making a waterfall music
The roar of a passing plane
The screech of cars
The falling leaves
N then to b grateful of all I have
That is now

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To the penguins

Deciding that dad n gorgor were to come along with us on the melbourne trip didn’t take me a long time

i m glad i decided to take them even tho it will cost me a bomb.

but i didn’t care , becoz it was smthg i wanted to do all along.

it was more of like, there is an opportunity for me to do what i want.

n i naturally grabbed it,

i m happi i listened to myself.

there were lots of hurdles actually.

dad had to apply to his OA n it took them some time to respond.

then his passport had expired n he needed time to do it

then not many pple couldn’t understand or go along with my decision, perhaps i caused some inconvenience to the organiser

even qinzhi daddy did not support me fully in this endeavour.

he couldn’t see my point, from the way he answers me..there is impatience , frustration n this not-being-able-to-understand-why in his tone.

at first i thought i needed to ask him: is there something u r unhappy about?

but after a while, i felt it shouldn’t b

it disappoints me, bcoz he couldn’t see my point of view. he didn’t know me n what i wanted.

i was disappointed.

more so, there is a gap in the way we think n we r on 2 different platforms.

i think this is a serious matter.

we r on 2 different planes

but after a while, i decided all these didn’t matter.

at least now.

it matters what i want most, n very very remarkably, my brother n my sis could resonate with my decision totally.

no wonder they say, blood is thicker than water.

my siblings r the best.

n the saying is true, that when u want something hard, support will b there. we cleared all the part abt dad n he could go along,

its not about the $ anymore.

the $ is totally out of the equation.

when i hear sis say, dad is excited n happy

when i hear gorger’s voice shine,

n when i thought abt them on the A380, or all the other experiences that they would b having

i know it is well worth,

they well deserve that.

n all the inconveniences we have to put up with, all the $ burnt, they will b so so little compared to the happiness i can bring to them, it will b a once in a lifetime thing for them

n for me.

i feel so proud of myself n the generosity in me. yet slightly affected at the same time, the person closest to me couldn’t appreciate my magnanimity .

so we r not that close it seems.

still it is not my loss.

it is his.

n the sooner he bucks up n arrives at the plane with me, the better for him.

for the moment, the happiness of giving, having the chance to give, is enough for me to b grateful.

may we all b blessed, protected and supported on this journey.

om ma ne pad me hum

 

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Mountains

Loves this article!

April 13, 2012

Keeping Things in Perspective

From the top of a mountain, we are able to witness life from a different perspective bringing us a new awareness.

Mountains have always captured our imaginations, calling us to scale their heights, to circle and worship at their feet, and to pay homage to their greatness. Mountains can be seen from thousands of miles away, and if we are lucky enough to be on top of one, we can see great stretches of the surrounding earth.

As a result, mountains symbolize vision, the ability to rise above the adjacent lowlands and see beyond our immediate vicinity. From the top of the mountain, we are able to witness life from a new perspective—cities and towns that seem so large when we are in them look tiny. We can take the whole thing in with a single glance, regaining our composure and our sense of proportion as we realize how much bigger this world is than we sometimes remember it to be.

Mountains are almost always considered holy and spiritual places, and the energy at the top of a mountain is undeniably unique. When we are on top of a mountain, it is as if we have ascended to an alternate realm, one in which the air is purer and the energy lighter. Many a human being has climbed to the top of a mountain in order to connect with a higher source of understanding, and many have come back down feeling stronger and wiser.

Whenever we are feeling trapped or limited in our vision, a trip to our nearest mountain may be just the cure we need. There’s a reason that mountain views are so highly prized in this world, and it is because, even from a distance, mountains remind us of how small we are, which often comes as a wonderful relief. In addition, they illustrate our ability to connect with higher energy.

As they rise up from the earth, sometimes disappearing in the clouds that gather around them, they are a visual symbol of earth reaching up into the heavens. Whether we have a mountain view out of our window or just a photograph of a mountain where we see it every day, we can rely on these earthly giants to provide inspiration, vision, and a daily reminder of our humble place in the grand scheme of life.

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Culling out the Weeds

April 6, 2012

Mind over Matter

The power of the mind is a curious thing, because it is so powerful yet so difficult to control sometimes. We find ourselves thinking a certain way, knowing that this thought may be creating trouble for us yet we find it difficult to stop. For example, many people have the experience of getting sick at the same time every year or every time they go on a plane. They may even be aware that their beliefs impact their experiences, so continue to think they will get sick and then they do.

Sometimes we need to get sick in order to process something or move something through our bodies.

But often we get sick, or feel exhausted, because we don’t make the effort to galvanize the power of our minds in the service of our physical health, which is one of its most important functions.

We really can use it to communicate to our bodies, yet we often regard the two as separate entities that have little to do with one another.

Knowing this, we have the power to create physical health and mental health, simply by paying attention to the tapes running in our minds.

Once we hear ourselves, we have the option to let that tape keep running or to make a new recording.

We harness the power of the mind in our defense when we choose supportive, healing words that foster good health and high spirits. All we need to do is remember to tend the field of our mind with the attentive and loving hand of a master gardener tending her flower beds, culling out the weeds so that the blossoms may come to fruition.