After talking about it for so long, a few years in fact, I m finally granted
Half year worth of no pay leave.
Sabbatical, they call it. And this word has roots in Er, God.
“The main Bible passage for sabbatical concepts is Genesis 2:2-3, in which God rested (literally, “ceased” from his labour) after creating the universe, and it is applied to people (Jew and Gentile, slave and free) and even to beasts of burden in one of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:8-11, reaffirmed in Deuteronomy 5:12-15).”
Like realizing a part of myself. Discovering a part of me that has been blurry before.
I Thank all who has made this possible.
And in a sense, it does feel as if I have gone back to where I left off.
Yes, like after qinzhi was born n I was contemplating no pay leave.
Like before I went for that health screening n got a higher than normal ca19.9 result.
In fact, just before the no pay leave confirmation, There already was a closure of sorts.
for the first time since 2010, my ca19.9 result is not a red fig
It’s a normal black fig
Although Its on the exact upper most normal range.
It’s normal .
Suddenly, I thought about the “special people” who dropped into my life to drop me hints that I m ok
But before I arrived at this fig, I still found it hard to believe them.
Now, at the result, I cried.
The tears were for the answered prayers.
I guess also that, maybe they were for the time I wasted.
It seems to me, ultimately, each of us decide for ourselves how much more we want to linger on or when we want to call it a stop.
We are the masters of our own destiny, we chart out our own journey, amidst the rains, winds n storms, as well, in fine weather.
This paragraph from DailyOM hit a note in my heart.
“Yet the truth is that it is up to each one of us to decide what that destiny will be.
While manifesting your destiny starts with knowing what you want and believing you can attain your goals, there are then the actions that must be taken and the decisions to be made before your destiny can truly happen.
When you take responsibility for fulfilling your destiny and begin acting with the intention of doing so, you not only take fate into your own hands, but also you become the hands of your own fate.
Doorways inevitably open for you to step through, and every choice you make can be a creative act toward realizing your goals and dreams.
You begin to follow your instincts and intuition, recognize opportunities when they are presented to you, and seize those golden moments. You also begin to recognize the decisions that may not serve this greater picture and can more easily push them aside.”
I prayed n asked for this, I prayed n say this would b an indicator for me to know that I can stop work . And i prayed n ask for strong support in my endeavor to come home to my kids, my home n myself.
I asked for Huaihao .
I got him.
I asked for strong support in my endeavor to come back home, to raise my kids n to come back to myself.
I got it.
I remember writing on paper strips n keeping these wishes in a box.
I think in writing , the thoughts r condensed into purity n strong energy .
And my prayers were heard. I got hold of them.
And so, 每一个起心动念都是一种力量，不要忽视它的
It brings to mind awareness of your thoughts n what the mind has been thinking of each moment.
Think good thoughts, positive thoughts I tell myself. Watch the mind.
I got it.
And now , it’s time for closure of this chapter n to move on to my home, my kids n myself. What is there for me to learn, qinzhi n Huaihao will teach.
Looking forward with gratitude.
Picking up from where I left off.