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Thank You 2017, and, Goodbye

Has it been one year already?

The 2016 goodbye post seemed so far, far away. And with a new year coming in less than 24 hours, I feel unprepared for it.

Maybe because I have not written about my 2017.

That day in my mind spa session, I asked Mr Ng how to close the year. I felt like I was in the slur or the flurry of it all. Maybe because there were too many events, emotions ran high and I haven’t had the time to process those bits.
And being the teacher he is, he suggested looking back to recognize and acknowledge the gains and the harvests the year 2017 has brought.
“Even if there were lows, unhappiness, challenges, I see you have many fruitful gains.”
What did I do?
It all seemed so far away now. But let me try ——— counting my blessings in the tiniest way. And I want to number them too.
  1. I tried and became a salesman. It was something I never thought of, dreamt of. But I became one. Was it tough? Maybe not, was it horrible? Not as bad as I thought.
  2. I tried my hand at negotiating business deals.
  3. I learned how to write proposals.
  4. I learnt to make money in another way I was not accustomed to. And that brought lots of lessons to me, its about opening up horizons and expanding boundaries. Just this alone brought me many, one of which was to learn about humility. Its also about doing business in a upfront honest way. Its knowing your own strengths and using it too to the benefit of others.
  5. Now that I m writing about it, I understand how I have been—-I used to only think of the art the emotions and that’s all too easy. Like team mates who must have thought why I have derided, why have I drifted, I think I can safely say no. It’s not that I have drifted or crossed over to the dark side and swopped figures for art, but it’s all too easy— in fact too empty to talk about art when dollars and cents are not in the picture. Nothing moves.
  6. I understand about balance more. I think with that in mind, I can do my art better.
  7. And now, I understand why the Universe sent me this lesson. It was to let me appreciate that at the basic level and for things to work, art surely isn’t it. At least, its not the only way. It was to let me appreciate how dollars and cents could move the world. And how I could put my art in there.
  8. I brought in people and tried to build a team. There were lots of unhappiness I would say but I dealt with it to the best of my ability. Still, there are regrets. But Mr Ng suggested:”if you compare yourself to other bosses, how do you think you fare?much better than many of them right?” YES.
  9. I tried to help a colleague, in fact more than one— see the light.
  10. I have never used my stature as a boss to boss people around, in fact, I shared my experiences with them as a senior would, and I think that is my way or my style as a leader. I have always sought out the middle path and to strike out my own style, I m still on my way. But I can say, good try TPY!
  11. I did not bow down to unfair treatment.
  12. I learnt to speak up—- for myself and my teammates when needed.
  13. I had the chance to fly to shanghai for work, meet with top class producers and discuss my ideas, and these ideas touched people. I still am creative.
  14. And all these helped me assert my authority. I think the lesson to learn is to acknowledge the authority in me. It’s not about pleasing anyone. But to do what is needed and what’s right in the workplace.
  15. I had a chance to visit Hokkaido, made new friends, go to the root of the food chain and see for myself how things are done. In short, find out truth.
  16. I saw how the salmon swam upstream!
  17. I had a chance to take Hui gor tin Davina to Bangkok!
  18. I had a chance to bring the kids to a resort holiday in Phuket .
  19. I had a chance to bring the kids for staycations!
  20. I slept with my kids!
  21. I read to my kids!
  22. I had a chance to bring my family to Japan , especially gor gor and dad.
  23. We saw Mt Fuji!!!
  24. I had the chance to see the Dalai Lama in person!!!
  25. I met Khadro lah !!!!!!!
  26. I met Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche again!!!
  27. I had the chance to visit Tso Pema!!!!!!! Guru Rinpoche’s sacred place! And had my footprint and handprint on his!!!!!!!!
  28. I had the chance to fly business class back from India!
  29. I had so so so many wonderful meetings with extraordinary people—-like the King of Knives! Like the chefs!
  30. I had opportunities to do videos!
  31. I saw Mr Robuchon again and Alain Ducasse.
  32. I get a chance to realign my teeth.
  33. I did a dental implant on my own.
  34. I visited ah ma in hospital and at home.
  35. I tried to help my cousin who had skin problems.
  36. I had the chance to better myself and understand my keloids my body better because of the essential oil journeys, so much facilitated by Juan, John and Peyjin.
  37. I found a lot of grounding ease with essential oils.
  38. I got my kids into EOs and used natural healing methods on them.
  39. I got closer to eating vegetarian.
  40. I had wonderful produce nice chocolates, good food.
  41. I persevered and cooked everyday for my kids on weekdays lunch and dinner.
  42. Above all, I could breathe, I could eat and drink, sleep and do things that matter to me.
  43. I m still me, I remained me.

If 2016 has been a taste or teaching of alignment, grounding, life purpose, 2017 was a step further in these lessons, as situations , people, things, threw me in all directions and tested my resolve and my footing in each of the above.

I didn’t think I faltered even if there were challenging times.

I am still me.

In the new 2018 that has just birthed, I would like to:

  1. spend more time with my family, my kids, my husband
  2. spend more time with myself
  3. be more healthy
  4. heal my keloids
  5. sleep earlier
  6. do less work
  7. do more holidays with my precious ones!
  8. do 5 min of practice a day
  9. learn to be still , to be quiet
  10. get more creative, intuitive,
  11. be more in touch with myself
  12. do videos that make a difference, write or say things that would inspire, hence express my light and that of others, and be the magic to people around me.
  13. work on a tv programme!
  14. keep that wonder, that purity in me.
  15. 我想学习过得自在一点,老师说,生活其实不需要那么辛苦的,只是,很多的约定俗成和旧有模式,让我们疲惫疲累。其实,生活是可以很轻松的。我想学!

May the universe and my guardian angels support me, guide me, bless me, be with me always.

May the new beginning bring forth lots of light and clarity. Let there be true vision, stability, strength. May you find the quiet, peacefulness and freedom you need and may you find beauty, wonder and magic in the moments in between.

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4 yrs 11mths

亲爱的皓皓

mommy正在赶回新加坡的天上,写这篇entry。终于忙完了工作,可以回家了。可以见到你和姐姐和daddy。

你每次都说,不喜欢mommy做工,但是mommy似乎又不能不去。

我记得要上这份工作的时候,和daddy讨论了一阵,daddy说,既然在报馆不得志,不如走出去看看。然后我告诉你和姐姐,并且ask for your support。

因为这份工作,我学到了非常非常多。最多的,就是学习到自己是一个怎么样的人。

无论如何,mommy都是那么❤️你和姐姐的。

迈向5岁的这个月里,我们带皓皓、姐姐,公公婆婆、阿姨一起去日本玩了。

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过去几年都去澳洲,这一次改变一下,去了日本。去日本前,先让皓皓知道什么是子弹火车新干线,然后真的就带皓皓去体验。

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抵达东京之后,现在银座住了一晚,隔天启程到京都

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我们从银座步行,一路到东京火车站

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让皓皓沁芝、婆婆、公公体验新干线,以及在火车上吃饭盒的感觉。

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3小时之后,我们到京都了

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好喜欢皓皓看姐姐的样子。就像欣赏情人那样的眼神。崇拜的样子:)

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很喜欢京都,特别是我们住的民宿,让大家住在一起,体验一下睡日本榻榻米的乐趣。隔天特地订早餐,让大伙感受一下日式早餐的丰盛和美味。

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到京都的最大目的,就是感受秋季,欣赏这黄黄橙橙红红褐褐的枫叶。我们去了Arashiyama的竹林:)

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带大家逛逛寺院,比如很著名的天龙寺,不过首先要洁净自己

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接着吃吃喝喝,手作荞麦面自是不可少

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夜晚欣赏枫叶逛寺院,这是Higashiyama非常著名的Kiyomizudera,之前和daddy到京都旅游的时候,来过这里,很喜欢。至于晚上来寺院看枫叶,这还是我的第一次,灯光映红了枫叶,倒映在小池。那池水宛如一面镜子,让人分不清真假。

假作真时真亦假

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晚上,皓皓沁芝会画画涂涂写写,捕捉一下这一天的点滴。不过最喜欢还是泡浴缸玩水。

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每次出国,给公公擦粉,这次轮到公公给皓皓擦润肤膏,因为皓皓好像是穿太多了,身体发痒起了红疹

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这天,特地开车来到Shiga的Biwako这个地方,因为听说有下雪。我们乘搭缆车上山。在山上玩了一会儿。

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回到京都的wholesale market,遇上了庆祝90周年的大纪,大伙一块排队等候,有许多蔬果干货

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要回东京了!回返东京的路上,在右手边看到富士山,daddy看了好受感动,决定要去看看富士山。

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于是隔天我们乘搭子弹火车到fujimoniya,然后驱车前往Shiraito Falls

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给妈妈一片枫叶。

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还有Lake Tanuki,骑车绕湖一周

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隔天去迪斯尼乐园。

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除了旋转木马,皓皓尝试了好多好玩的。

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比如3D的他就好享受,会伸手出来要抓住唐老鸭什么的。我们玩了所有儿童适合的,比如Peter Pan、Pooh、走入Cinderella的宫殿、Snow White。

皓皓喜欢驾驶小飞象,还有加入Star Wars在太空穿梭

mommy害怕的儿童过山车,最后还是尝试了。就跟皓皓坐一起,又害怕又得照顾皓皓。疯狂尖叫的时候,皓皓一直笑一直笑

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夜里,有非常漂亮的花车游行,迪斯尼在夜晚的魅力,小小的皓皓沁芝应该感受到了。

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隔天早上和庚延舅舅碰面,大家一块去了浅草寺,然后就准备乘飞机回家。

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可爱的是,皓皓想尿尿,但飞机遇到气流,马上抱他下来,用水瓶盛尿,不到一半,他说不尿了,因为压力太大!

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回家后,趁着假期一块到乌节路逛逛

这一天,跟karyn姐姐一家人吃午餐。顽皮的小瓜!特别爱拍照,喜欢mommy拍他。

隔天,庚延舅舅和姐姐带小朋友去水族馆。玩了一天再回pasir ris :)

我的宝贝,祝福你,平安、健康,喜乐。但愿你带来许多的光和乐,特别是给自己。

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Healing XXXXiii

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好久没有去找老师了,但是看到老师,还是有一种非常非常亲切的感觉,他就是一个那么懂我的人。

我想找老师,因为想总结一下这一年。

一踏进房间,就看到这幅画面,都是我需要的东西。把关好的手机拿出来,慢慢拍,老实说,别急,我说,慢下来这件事,就是很多人不晓得。

老师笑了。

我说不知道从哪里说起,说什么,老师说:“一个可以配合这个时节做个总结,另一个,就是完全surrender yourself”

听到后者的时候,我完全就知道自己输了。那就是我需要的。

和老师说了团队的离开,是不是我的管理出了问题,不懂得管理?老实说:“我要你做这个练习,想想其他老板怎样,然后其他员工怎样。你是不是已经比起别人好很多了?”

老师提醒,很多东西已经会了的,一般不需要经历。

我明白他的话,我现在做这个工作,就是因为要我去学习当老板,也不是,但就是学习去承认自己就是authority。

而不是去把power给掉。

老师说,我在讲的时候,感觉到了我的愤怒,所以他立刻把我slow down,帮助我处理情绪。他说,很多时候,我们因为学佛,所以尝试换个角度去看东西,但可能在这个过程当中,没有处理情绪。

情绪没有被处理,收在里面,很容易在往后在周围吸引到同一类的人事发生,对我不好,所以一定要把它释放掉。

老实说,可以感觉到:“我对你这么好,为什么你背叛我?”

我跟老师说,我从来没有以老板身份压人,总是以一个长辈的态度去劝说,但是无效。老师的引导下让我看到,原来我把自己的渴望,特别是spiritual growth方面的成长,project在别人的身上了。

因为这是我的投射,并不是他们要的。

他们也是人。也有animal instincts。

我这才知道我得慢下来。我走的太快了。我得ground,因为我面对的大家是人,包括我自己也是。

我提到xtf。以前他的经理人看我的样子,还有他在晚宴上的表演,最终怎么被人吐槽。说到那点,觉得人在做天在看,有时也不需要我动手,老天都会帮我收拾一下。真的是大快人心!

然后谈到每每在工作上碰到瓶颈,没有答案的时候,也会在工作当中找到答案和安慰,就像是宇宙派来的使者一样。

比如robuchon,采访的时候他说:“if you would allow me madame, if you would allow me to offer my opinion, I think chefs these days do not do what they love enough. for myself, if I do not like a certain ingredient, I would not even make a recipe with it.”

还有访问刀王,他说的一段话很让我感动,:“一生人就是包容自己,要堅持,我今天做不到,明天做,明天做不到,我明年再做。我明年做不到,我就是一定要做到 ,做到別人心服口服,這就是堅持和忍耐,要包容好多東西,人家罵你你也得笑著,不是奸笑而是真真正正去面對對方,感動到它,做到了就交到一個朋友了

老实说,因为我在他的身上看到我自己。

看到坚持下去不轻易放弃的自己,看到passion这件事。和他的剪刀一样,铁打出来似的。

还有榴梿树带来的启发。榴梿树原来必须在树皮的部分受到创伤,里头的花蕊才能被揭发,才能在热浪的气候下,开花,结果。

我说,大自然就是切切实实的以最本来的面貌去告诉我们,受伤和开花,不过是一件事的两个面,或者一条直线上前后的关系。

太美了。太美了。这样看到这件事,我觉得很神奇,觉得很幸运,而且就是这样,我再一次被救赎。

我跟老师提起对工作的不确定,但老师认为,我其实很清楚自己要什么,包括采访的感动。老实说,能够从别人的嘴里讲出我要他们说的话,去感动别人, 这个是我的gift

我跟老师提起,给中国制作公司提供的创意概念,就是把大厨带到乡村,去感受民风,发掘朴实的食材,让最伟大的大厨在最朴实的环境中,找到自己。

老师问我为什么重要,我说因为大厨需要啊,在大城市里迷惘,但去到小乡村反而能够看清局面和自己。

我说这些journeys是重要的,我自己也在journey里面获得启发,而且这些可能是lifechanging的。至于村民为什么需要吃米其林大厨的菜?我说那是因为,good food should be made available to people.

我也提到要做买卖的事。老实说,其实金钱这件事也没什么不妥。他举例:“很多高人他们是不缺钱的,”

我完全知道他说什么。

就是,只要你很明确地知道自己的intention,那宇宙就会有助缘的力量。帮你完成。在我看来,我的intention可能clear,但就是对金钱的心态尚未调整过来。

调整过来了,一切就畅通了。那我那些一笔一笔的交易,就不成问题了。

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我问老师,要如何end off the year?

老师建议,回去看看自己这一年来的建树,肯定自己,看看做了什么事等。比如去印度、还有很多我给老师看的视频,那些都感动他了。

老师说:“给自己的肩膀几个拍打,嗯,我做了这件事,嗯我做了那件事……还有,冬至是相当重要的季节,因为就是收获,好好喝家人团聚,谢谢他们给你的支持。”

最后问老师,如何set intention?老实说,依照个人能力去期盼去pray。be gentle with yourself 🙂

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8 years 10 months

沁芝迈向8岁11月大的时候,我们去了日本。这趟行程,包括日本东京、京都、静冈,让沁芝知道日本是什么样子一个概念,让沁芝乘坐子弹火车shinkansen、吃便当,穿传统的日式服装,看了富士山,知道什么是枫叶,去了迪斯尼乐园。

搭飞机对两个人来说是一件多么快乐的事啊!希望长大之后他们仍然记得那份出发之时、兴奋不已的感觉。

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抵达日本那一天,乘坐Narita Express到了东京,在银座住了一个晚上,隔天乘搭新干线到京都。

在火车上写日记:)

抵达京都,天晴。这是我很喜欢的日式民宿,让沁芝皓皓有机会睡在日本的榻榻米。隔天早上还有丰富的日式早餐

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我们去了我一直以来很想去的地方,比如京都Arashimaya的竹林、天龙寺,围绕京都散步,欣赏枫叶,不可不做的一件事——吃抹茶冰淇淋。

在天龙寺,先洗净双手,意即洗涤自身。

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京都秋天很美,夜晚,Higashiyama的Kiyomizudera寺院都举行点灯的仪式,让人在黑夜中欣赏枫叶,也是另一番的景致和收获。

像是拍封面照一样!

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去京都一定要吃手打荞麦面。

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当然还有吃抹茶冰淇淋

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小孩最喜欢泡浴缸=玩水

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一般就是这样,晚餐后回酒店,让小孩泡泡然后画画、写写字。

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我们原本要去静冈,后来决定不去。不过乘坐子弹火车往返京都的时候,在右手边看到了富士山,好美丽,就连山也很有日本人对纯对真的感觉。

所以临时又决定更改行程,去静冈,那是最好的决定。我们乘搭子弹火车到fujinomiya,然后自驾到Shiraito Falls

Tanuki Campground,这座人造湖有富士山为背景。沁芝想骑轿车,这是她学会骑车之后第一次在外地骑车,而且骑了一个多小时,绕湖一圈。这应该是最难忘的一次骑车经验。

在朋友Linda的介绍下,去了Shiga的Otsu,Biwako,听说这里有下雪,于是带了小朋友去。

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遇到京都中央市集庆祝90周年,特别开放,我们当然得去凑热闹。

隔天带小朋友去了迪斯尼,沁芝最后说要乘坐snow white的ride,我们看完了parade之后再倒回去,错过了烟花,但希望让沁芝多记住一样。

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刚好庚延舅舅也来了。我们一起到浅草去拜拜,吃个午餐。

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美女图

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然后又是另一次的出发!回家了!

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假期第二周,趁着没工作,去吃TartebyCherylKoh,小朋友最爱的。沁芝选了晚餐Ootoya。

隔天带小瓜去yamaha,当然逛了一下!沁芝表演了一轮,看着沁芝弹琴,其实很骄傲。小妞原本什么都不会,现在居然能弹奏曲子。而且说实话,平常也没怎么教,就是让她自由发挥,希望沁芝在过程中找到纾解,找到快乐。

带沁芝去理发

这次沁芝真的比上次进步许多。完全不哭也不排斥了。虽然还有小小的不太开心,但沁芝长大了:)弟弟看到理完发的沁芝,说:“很美!”

 

亲爱的宝贝,理发其实要理的是心情,告诉你原来,一切不如你想象的那样。

爱你!