Thank You 2015, and goodbye :)

I spent the last few days of 2015 in a blur.

India was the reason I could not walk out of the blur. But remarkably with a healing session, I came out much clearer of myself.

And the themes that came out of the session, I have recorded them the same time last year already.

like in Jan 2014, I wrote:

It’s wonderful to have another chance to start afresh. I feel grateful. May the fresh energies of 2015 inspire you n me to create new pathways, new habits, new perspectives n attitudes that would work on a deeper level for each of us, n the world. May you be well n happy. Blessed 2015 ahead!

You will have to empty yourself before you can have a go at experiencing fullness in life. That was my takeaway at the Hush tea bar pop up today.

Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

write what i mean, to inspire and to touch的 writer.

you stumble upon things. The awesome stuff, or people, life changing events, you stumble upon a chance. Then, chances… You have to (stumble) in order to reach or realize the connection. They find you, not the other way round. Such is the magic of travel.

I want to reclaim a bit of myself. I like to find me back, on a deeper level. I want my heart, soul n body to sync more n i will work towards that, so as to gain a deeper more solid sense of inner ease n peace, n emotional stability.

there is a lot of power in writing, in words. today, i am reminded once and again, to choose carefully. To take care of the pen, to take good care of my heart. i love today.

有多真时写多真,有多深时写多深。–粤剧紫钗记

 

2015 is like another dream, but remarkably, i feel more awake now.

I was so busy I relegated myself to the last, I did not respect my own wishes and rights. Relationships at home were challenging, there were lots of climaxed out sore feelings. I was tired.

2015 took away my half brother, 2015 allowed me to taste lots of different flavours. 2015 brought me to HK, Bangkok, Italy, Bangkok, Korea, then India.

2015 brought me closer to the real TPY and the root of things.

It is not a dream. No.

I walk out unscathed but so much fuller in the heart , so much wiser, and with a lot to thank for.

What was the best thing that happened to you in 2015?

(i) Meeting Mr Ng, my teacher or guide is the best thing that happened to me in 2015.

With his guidance and support, I began to peel off layers on the outer, and ventured deeper each time into time, into my soul and real self.

I begin to understand how the now in me has arisen. I saw for myself how I have misconstrued a certain reality and brought myself to here. How I have deviated from the TPY that I wanted to be.

And the beautiful thing? It is to accept all of those parts, because without which, I wouldn’t be writing this here today.

All the exercises of meeting myself allowed me to connect the dots and I was able to see how I should venture forth in future.

(ii) It is also going to India and finding out for myself what Tan Pin Yen is like.

And how powerful, boundless and fearless TPY can be.

I may have known vaguely.

I wrote about it on my birthday. ” In the days ahead, it will be about discovering and getting closer to TPY.”
And I did.

Meeting India with an open heart and receiving all sorts of vibrations that I have, have been another most incredible gift from 2015.

Almost like the biggest project of the exercises I have been. India showed me a past I had been in, along with the people whom I have been with and feelings I have harboured that were important in culminating into the person I am now.

India showed me how I could take this glimpse, turn it into something fruitful and provided me with an opportunity to resolve unfinished businesses. To make good a certain no good.

India showed me the beauty of timing and how with good intentions and an unconditional openness, we could cocreate with life and the universe for the better of ourselves and the world.

India showed me how opportunities are abound, to be able to address a certain past and to make the future the best that is yet to be.

India showed me my true power.

And where I should go from here.

I came with the energy of regret, that I could not be myself. I was not myself in my previous being. I spent time not being myself then. And I regretted that so much I came here again.

Life came again.

And that energy of not being myself I carried till now, for I haven’t been totally myself.

But writing was what showed this to me. Writing brought me lots of inspirations and writing brought me to India and writing I m sure, will bring me to realising the best of myself–TPY.

And with that, I like to thank 2015, it has been extremely important in making TPY of the future.

Going forward, it will be about being TPY, acknowledging TPY, allowing TPY, reclaiming TPY, expressing TPY and respecting TPY.

I will start from the minutest of details to be me.

Because there is only one TPY. And no matter what and how, she is the most beautiful.

This is how I will be creatively working with that energy, co-creating with that energy that propelled me here.

2016 will be about opening up to be me.

I want to Thank you 2015, you have been kind.

And, goodbye.

2015年也是精彩得像是一场梦一样,去了香港,去了曼谷,去了意大利,去了曼谷,去了韩国,去了印度。

但又好像不是一场梦。

我的收获甚丰。因为我从这些旅途中汲取出来的灵感,在努力着把这些感觉,转化为现实,留住旅游时的美好启发。

我在努力。

2015年好折腾,带走了我的半个哥哥,让我再接触到心中的恐惧,以及看似抚平的伤痕。我在害怕的状态下去揭开了那一层层的不安,走入更深刻的自己。尝试去碰触陈彬雁的灵魂,她的不安、孤独和恐惧。

因为这样的一个exercise,我揭开了恐惧背后的原因,或者起因。

2015年最好的事情,就是遇到老师Mr Ng。在老师的support之下一层层剥开表面,进入到深层的自己,去感受和看清楚自己破碎的样子。

然后学习康复自己,制造新的pathway和可能性。

好了不起。

印度的一切获得,就是这场exercise的大project,里头的养分很多。我可能只看到了其中之一。

想起蔡康永的话:“什麼叫作長大?就是我們終於體會到有一件事情不再那麼迷人,有更迷人的事情值得追求。”

回头看这一切,我不由得要感谢,感谢2015年的一切发生和花开,都是一次次让我看到更真实的陈彬雁的可能。

未来我想做什么,跟过去写的没有太大的分别,不一样的是我的attitude。

我想做真实的自己,说我心里想说的话,写我心里的想法,做我想做的事情。我要花更多时间投入自己真正的需要,尝试把更多的心思放在维持家庭和谐的关系。我想带着去印度的Open Heart,勇敢敞开我的心胸去实践今后的每一个踏步。我会更aware地活在现在。

我相信做好这些,便能体验下一次开花。

谢谢你,2015。我们就在此道别。

Here’s to #2015. To you, you, you and you. However big the divides, however daunting the moments, however trying the challenges, you came through. You persevered, and here you are. #celebrate! This is my toast to you. Well done, you, and @tan_pin_yen. 2015, #thankyou and #goodbye.

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