Qinzhi dear dear
Mummy is writing with a heavy heart but it feels so much better that I m writing to u
I feel tired n I sometimes struggle to feel the ground I m stepping on
My right eyelid has been twitching for close to a month n I m constantly fearing my heart will just go burst under pressure
I breathe but heavily
I just realise why as I was walking towards you
2 days ago daddy collapsed in the mrt upon vomitting
It could have been a clash of food that is churning him in the tummy
But he collapsed n I have been feeling the pressure
His eyes were open as he lay on the floor
People were shocked and out of control
Mummy was in control, my heart was stable although i felt fear. Almost by instinct, I shouted out to ask people to carry daddy out n some people did
But daddy’s eyes were open n he wasn’t moving
That stayed on in my mind
As I was walking n figuring out my feelings it dawned upon me that I was so upset by that scene
Daddy laying helpless n not conscious of himself
Eyes open
Daddy is helpless n in pain , suffering as you call it
2 days later that is now, I know the look was abt helplessness n calling for help. A look of pain
N I could not help
It is this which is making mummy’s heart ache,
This making mummy feel hard to breathe
Of coz there is the work pressure n having to make a business trip out next week that is adding on the pressure
But it was daddy’s eyes wide open on the floor,that is making mummy forget about fear.
I just wanted to do things that could help relief him
In the process I guess I have surpressed some fear n now I m trying to release it
What if daddy never come back? What if I lost him at that moment?
It would b unimaginable, it would have been a different world
But we were lucky to get some help, commuters helped us n stayed on with ointment to revive daddy
It makes me understand what it means to lend a helping hand when in need
More so, To appreciate the world we r sharing now
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