The Old n The New

29/12/09

dear qinzhi

the year is drawing to a close, and the spirit feels lighter, i wish this feeling stays, it makes the everyday not so dense n hence merrier

there is no heavi-ness, maybe because we know a NEW is approaching, or that we have covered some distance in 2009, triumphed over our selves in time, big or small

its the state of mind i guess,the outer world is reflection of the inner. i just feel happy that i have the end of the yr to myself, to rest n relax n to shop or while time away…n to wait for the zara sale

i just sat watching tv yesterday n realised i have not been watching tv

n as i look back to 2009,as i have always in these points of time in the past, i feel i have accomplished something…i have qinzhi this year.

in the past, i would have asked myself, what did i do? what were some of the accomplishments? i wouldnt have an answer that would make my life different.

but this year, the answer to my question is qinzhi and that is enough to make me feel content.

: )

giving birth is a big achievement for me,upgrading me to a mother immediately. It gives me a chance to learn alot of things—-fr breastfeeding to knowing new emotions,from nurturing a new life to understanding abt it…it fulfills me…having gone thru it…i m fuller as a person

n as year end approaches, i have little things to bye away,things seemingly unimportant but very, in fact.

like this pair of paris miki specs bf bought for me after my purple one was washed away by the andaman sea some seven years bac.

i have worn this for abt 7yrs or so, in the twinkling of an eye…..it has brought me to important places,physically n mentally speaking.

it has been my eyes, i see the world and myself thru it

It cracked after my countless times of dropping n its time to say goodbye…but i just look at it and find it hard although i have a new pair,

the old is always better ..so i leave it on my table.

then there is my old wallet,

and a new kate spade one boy bought for my birthday

and there,the iphone i bought for sis and the one she bought for me,after having considered n reconsidered

and of course the Prada one qinzhi’s daddy bought for me on Xmas 2009

and a pair of shoes which have always been on my mind…

i guess having the new makes it easier to move on?

Bcoz in the new, some bits of the old is embodied. The continuation of life.

A sparkling 2010 ahead.

10mths 7days沁芝的第一个圣诞节

26／12／2009     00：26：39

沁芝10个月，又7天的时候，度过了第一个圣诞节

亲爱的沁芝，妈咪这个时候居然收到daddy的圣诞节礼物，就在枕头之下。

那是一个prada deer skin的wallet，看起来有点aged leather的感觉，被smoked过的感觉，周边有金色的拉链。有点摇滚的feel，有点态度，有点型格。

前阵子，妈咪某天穿得很漂亮，就带着daddy踏进一系列名店，看了prada、gucci、LV、miu miu等等，到最后好像就只觉得这个漂亮。

但妈咪不舍得买，觉得有钱的话不如买一个小礼物给沁芝，每年买一个，比如妈咪很喜欢的一个tiffany或者一个戒指，然后沁芝长大的时候，就会有很多妈咪每一年圣诞节的收藏。存起来的心意，以后就是妈咪送给沁芝的礼物。

要不然，存起来去旅行更好，就可以跟沁芝多去一个地方，或者跟沁芝的daddy或者和阿姨。

去看多一点这个世界，去了解多一点的自己。

看得投入，但很快就忘记了。

昨天是有了沁芝的第一个圣诞节，睡觉的时候，冲凉的时候daddy说，merry christmas

：）

沁芝，这样已经很温馨。

妈咪问daddy：“有没有买礼物给我？”

已经不记得他说什么，但真的只是随口问问，因为妈咪真的有想过买礼物给daddy，但看来看去，没有什么喜欢的。

结果睡觉的时候，daddy说：“会不会觉得枕头有什么不同？”

然后妈咪就在枕头下面，看到prada的黑色盒子和一张卡片，上面写着：“Dear，you deserve something nice this year”

然后就是那个wallet。

沁芝啊，daddy几年前特别订了swissotel的一个suite，就在平安夜，和妈咪在高空中求婚，有一束花、一枚戒指，还有daddy跪下的诚意，妈咪很感动的泪珠。

前几天想起，还特别再问了daddy一下————这样的求婚，是不是想了很久？

妈咪总是觉得那份心意让人温暖。

从小到大，妈咪都没有送和收到圣诞礼物的经验，那年圣诞，真的觉得圣诞节很美丽。

不是因为礼物的贵重或大小，而是被疼爱的感觉。

才知道，圣诞老人真的在。

昨天又是这种感觉。

纵然觉得奢侈、觉得有点内疚，让daddy花大钱了，但让已经忘记了一阵子的圣诞老人形象再次回到脑海中。

收到礼物的滋味，沁芝肯定也懂得。担心让别人破费之余，又包含开心和感动，还有自己如何会呵护礼物的心，这样的心情，会让人想回馈。

圣诞老人就有这种神奇。

教人因为收到，而学习付出。

and it goes on。

沁芝啊，也不只注意看得见的礼物。

“the little prince”这本书里有一句话这么说：“看不到的更重要。”这些超脱了物质，都必须用心关照，才看得到。

沁芝，也喜欢圣诞节吧？

记得吗？庚延舅舅坚持带你搭很繁忙的地铁去orchard，

在takashimaya高高的christmas tree前拍照。

记得你看的2009 orchard christmas lights 吗？某天和阿姨、婆婆、小阿姨、davina姐姐在orchard road看大大的ball ball，沁芝在pram里头不断拍手、抬脚、尖叫。

妈咪很好奇，沁芝看到的是如何璀璨的世界？

希望这个美丽沁芝一直记得，一直收藏。让沁芝温暖，有力量。

merry christmas沁芝。