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Healing XXXXXv

Teacher specially made time for me even if it were a last minute call to him. And I understood why. I cannot say how miraculous it was but he told me it was because he had been through my path.

His daughter suffered from epilepsy at 4, he quit his job and went on to discover for himself all sorts of healing methods he could apply for his precious one. He says, “My daughter is my teacher and the reason why I m here today. In this healing practice, because as I worked on her, i discovered and began to work this on more people. She had a big attack at age 4, then alls good for one year. Then another one one year later, then it became more frequent. But the medication had a lot of side effects so i took a bolder way, she did not use medications, but by age 8 she was doing well and now she’s recovered.”

Wow.

I have seen him for 55 sessions, is that the reason why I have been seeing him.

Like a bigger hand that has a plan and is guiding me to it? Or, was I the planner——-How did everything get its place? How did i come to this position, or how did my family members and love ones find theirs in the now?

We approach not knowing.

I told teacher about Qinzhi’s seizure, and the big one she had on 27th December when we were holidaying. She woke up really angry and having mood swings. I handed her ningxia red and got her to drink, and she got really sore and let out, “why every morning like that?”

We asked her about this. Like what? we probed. Her brother was clearer, “Mommy, you always ask us what we want, but in the end, you gave us what you want.” But Qinzhi chose to keep quiet. She didn’t say or couldn’t say. She was struggling emotionally and she could not handle and the big seizure happened. I find her at the toilet dazed and not responding. We carried her to the bed. She vomitted out all the things she drank and remained to have impaired awareness not responding to us. Her dad cried and she could still wipe a tear off his face. But still remains in her world. I did not find this right and he carried her down and we drove sent her to the nearest hospital 20 min away. In the car, we kept rubbing her toes and talking to her, i sprayed mist on her and she responded, her hair fell and she responded. But she just did not say.

Did not say anything. Pinched her and got her round, she said ouch and gradually came to. But was afraid knowing we are sending her to hospital.

I told teacher about all this.

I told teacher Qinzhi was what Daddy and myself had after a 10 year relationship , after mom, uncle, his mom, passed away all in a very dramatic way. Through those years, we were together learning to patch our life back using what little mindfulness we had, we fumbled and made our way—on hindsight, really with blessings from above. Then we applied and got our house, and planned for marriage, that was when we discovered we had Qinzhi, after a korea trip —-some 5 months before before the day we were suppose to get married.

With a marriage certificate.

I was fixated on steps. I was educated to. You had to do this before you do that. You had to follow this and definitely DO something before you could arrive at that.

You had to get a marriage certificate before you are legally married and have a baby.

It was societal. If you did not follow, you were sort of the lesser crowd. AT that time. Also my tribe was big, my extended family was a big one and everyone was about getting things right. If not it was frowned upon and discussed on the side. If not, you risk the criticism and disfavour of grandmother.

It was like that.

And I had been a good student obeying all the rules all the while.

Only this time.

Yet Qinzhi is letting me discover the wonder of joy and magic in life. Of a blossoming. Of all the little and big things in life. Qinzhi led me on to wonders after wonders, morphing me into completeness along the way.

Now i look back, it was after giving birth to Qinzhi, that i started my healing journey. I blossomed I morphed.

But i was not able to cross that point when i conceived, not knowing what to do, who to turn to, i didnt knew how to take this news, Mom was already not here then. It was my nanny who knew first and started cooking for me.

Teacher listened and said, “So now can you already accept this?”

I honestly still feel that I have not resolved this, logically it looks really silly how these norms and watertight rules should override the precious magic of life. Silly, laughable, ignorance.

But truly i was under the spell of this.

And now I m writing, perhaps this was my way of rejecting or refusing and rebutting of those “norms” I was subconsciously not agreeable to. I wanted to challenge those. So I went against the tide having Qinzhi.

Teacher says, “Qinzhi can feel all this. Being not welcomed enough. For beings who feel this way, they become closed up in their own system and their own world. Like a defence mechanism.”

I asked what I can do about this.

Strangely I been having this feeling about reading my blog to her. When I discovered my pregnancy.

Teacher suggested this method called metamorphosis. Its putting your hands into a butterfly shape, recounting the time i was pregnant and moving and working with the pulsations at the points the fingers connected. Working on this for 10 days, 1 day represents one month.

Very nicely, he says that I can let him know when i start so he can support me.

I told him, Qinzhi has been a guiding teacher in my life. She kickstarted me to adulthood and my learning journey as a person. When I had panic attacks, and had to bring her to the music lessons, it was her hand that held on to mine to give me energy. But now, her hands are cold and limp. Her hands were always warm and full of energy. But in return for giving, we scolded her badly.

We gave her what she didnt want. We gave her what we want. We did not listen to her. We did not hear. We did not take heed and take care of her. We could not appreciate her heart and the voice there. We did not respond to her. Her pleas or her refusals to follow us. She just continued to take that. We did not see her at all. And now in her seizures she doesn’t listen or respond to us.

And I know realise this LACK OF RESPONSE IS HER LOUDEST RESPONSE.

Teacher explained Qinzhi’s epilepsy to me, “because she said and you did not take heed, you did not hear. So Qinzhi has chosen this path to make you listen.”

“She has chosen this pathway to subject herself to this to make you sit up and listen. You can not ignore this or subject her to hurt anymore. Help her find her light and become the light and wonder she wants. Not what you want.”

Teacher also cautioned us on a few things. That when the seizure happened, adults are in shock too.

“And so we need to take cake of this as well. When adults are worried about the next attack—-you portray and create an energy field and more often then not, it leads to the subsequent attacks.”

“We have to be very mindful about this and there are things we can do.”

“Turning eyeballs. Rightwards 3 times and leftwards many times. Rightwards you times, imagine yourself in a time machine, and pushing a button gets you back in time to the time the seizure happens. When you are there, the eyeballs go leftwards. To release the energy of the incident.

Be creative about this. You can change things by changing or breaking the energy pattern in the fifth dimension. Now that you are in a safe position and turning your eyeballs leftwards, you can see clearly the situation then. How would you react? Visualise and use your imagination. Would you react the same way? Or would you give Qinzhi a gentle hug? You will see her eyes shine. Or if your husband and son is there, all of you can hug her. Doing this is creating a new pattern a new energy and this will impact the energy now and here.”

ReWRITING. ReWIRING.ReBOOTING.

There is a lot of comfort you find in —-being able to address something which has passed. Like the least and at the same time the most you can do.

Teacher also taught about the helpfulness on massaging the spine to remove blockages in there which could affect clarity and our nervous system.

Teacher also cautioned us that we should not quarrel in front of kids because they do not know how to handle and process. “Like Qinzhi says, when she’s going to have seizure she feels like she cannot handle it. Kids cannot handle. So you and and your husband has to have a contract, how do you handle or manage differences? You have to sort that out. But NO—not infront of kids.”

“For every child, he or she looks for a nurturing mother and a protective father. When you had panic attacks, you had to be away, Qinzhi has to find protection in her father too to establish close relationships with you, and subsequently this will affect her as she starts to establish her relationship with the world.”

He also encourages us to look deep within —-in fact the first step would be exploring and putting in place and moulding our relationship as husband and wife, to achieve to sense of deeper bonding and understanding, a better cohesion of our relationship and changing things from within before we can address and make changes to our relationship with Qinzhi.

I told Teacher that I was trying to digest this along the way.

That day in Tasmania, it was winter solstice. That day i saw a FB post on one of my friend’s page and it read—-Read that Winter Solstice is a reminder to let everything go and begin again. Not just on 22 Dec but on any given day, any given moment. Winter Solstice is both the darkest day and the return of light. It is when things are darkest that light is about to return. It is the deepest part of night that the new day begins.

How poetic how right. No wonder the old folks always say, winter solstice is like the new year and we have the tradition of eating tangyuan or circle shaped dumplings on Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year.

Everyday in Tasmania, we drove past majestic mountains and land masses which opened up to the sun. That winter solstice day in Tasmania, as the kids slept in the car, I looked at the sheer vastness, the mountains the trees the openness and the tears just flow.

Life is so big.

The understanding is a bit different now. Its not that of having to succumb but that of reverence, respect and a humbling that comes with this new understanding of life that sent these tears of appreciation. It’s realisation and perception, a very powerful one. Seeing this allows you to put alot of things in pespective and to trust the process. Its not letting go but trusting the work and the underlying hand. And that’s when we can rest with the flow, ride with it and COCREATE.

I also thought about transformation. And using this as an opportunity to change and alter deep seated arrangements and practices, melting away things thoughts attitudes feelings emotions ways of life that do not work anymore.

Seeing this is amazing, its the practice that Mingyur Rinpoche, Tsoknyi Rinpoche has put in place these few years.

I also see the transient nature of life. In our last session, I remember telling Teacher that we can prepare for certain things. But apparently, not at much as we would like to.

I have never felt life so precious in a long while. Or appreciate its fleeting nature so greatly. The last was probably mom’s, uncle’s, auntie’s death as it loomed.

We forgot about appreciating the idea of impermanence in life, even if it was so true so real.

And I shared with Teacher that I also see this as a blossom or a ripening of sorts. That when conditions are present, or ripe, a fruit and flower blossoms. And learning to embrace this and letting down our preconceived notions about what should or should not why this and why not.

More importantly, the change has to come from within. He says, “For Qinzhi who is closed up, how do you breakthrough that? You have to address the close systems within you, you have to open up and change within yourself your old ways, so that she can see this happening to you to inspire her change and transformation.”

Teacher also shared about sharing important information with kids when they are most relaxed. That is when you are about to drift into sleep and the subconscious mind comes up to receive information. Understanding this can let us better use this precious time to transmit and send information to our kids.

“Look at this positively, and you can use this opportunity to transform.”

I asked Teacher how do i say goodbye to 2018?

He thought for a while, “by letting everything go back to Mother Earth, this grounding sense of energy, and renewing with her in her presence. When you let go, there is renewing of energy.”

And welcoming the new 2019?

“Welcoming Qinzhi back into your life and welcoming 2019 can be in tandem. If I were you, I will give her a big hug and say to her, how how how precious she is to you and the family.”

I told Teacher, if this is the time I should stop my work and come back to my family, it seemed to be the thing to do, to make myself feel better. But i also thought i want to put up a fight for this, to continue my work but adjust my time so that i show up for my kids at home when they are back from school. Teacher ‘s advice is, “Your work is your life, its how you concrete and gets inspired by life and inspire. I certainly do not see that quitting is the appropriate thing to do. But SURELY, showing up and listening to your kids and seeing who they are and changing within you to break down old systems and modes.”

I cannot say how powerful this teaching —-this teaching of life is. The work i have done in my professional field has been preparing for me to address my own. When i offer myself to the interview, to the newsmaker, to the chefs, i listen intently and with all of my heart. And I find out their light and put it in videos.

But I haven’t really offered my presence to my Qinzhi, the one who has taught me so much and kickstarted my healing journey to understanding life.

How can my works be sincere if I do not show up for Qinzhi and listen to her being.

And all these healing sessions, these 55 sessions of them, is truly powerful because I unlocked so much and found so many messages that gave me deep insightful understanding of how life works.

Most of all, teacher taught me about listening and offering his presence to me. Or to my soul development. And I think this is truly truly valuable truly precious. He taught by way of example. And I m very inspired to take the cue and do this for my Qinzhi.

To myself and my life, to truly listen to voices and let it shine.

Om ma ne pad me hum.

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What is that in you

I saw this FB post of a friend.

“You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.

Why did you spill the coffee?
“Well because someone bumped into me, of course!”

Wrong answer.

You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup. Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.

Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you, whatever is inside you will come out. It’s easy to fake it, until you get rattled.

So we have to ask ourselves, “what’s in my cup?”

When life gets tough, what spills over?

joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? OR anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions?”

Things that come into our life serve to tell us about ourselves, and that thing that is in us.

It is sunday today and I woke up happy , extremely happy to be alone, and to have a day devoted to myself and what I like to do.

Then I saw a mountain of clothes waiting to be ironed.

I was fired up and extremely frustrated and angry.

These clothes have been lying there for the past week! And out of the one week, I did ALL I could and even more as a working mother.

Waking up early to cook, doing all the chores I can and rushing home to cook. And having to wash up dirty plates and everything before I could start cooking, when I had little time or had to rush.

Out of those few days, bf was on leave. As i see it, he had time to do all these little by little.

And in my mind, i knew that i wanted him to rest and had time to rest, so I did ALL I could so that he could have more time to rest.

But rest he did.

So on  his off days he rest, but on my off days, i do what he could have but didnt do.

I was extremely mad.

We have had these conversations many times over.

And always, his logic was ——if you are not happy you do not do this, i’ll find my time to do.

But I just couldnt stand looking at that heap of clothes that has been there for one week.

Somebody has to do it.

At the basic level, I felt so so unfair, so so angry, why would I think for him and want for him to have a rest day without having to do anything, but he wouldnt think this way for me.

On normal days when he had rest and didnt have to do anything much, i still had to come back and wash up the pots and plates they had lunch on.

And even if he ironed, he would leave the clothes for me to keep.

IMG_4374

I decided to iron the clothes today again because I felt like i wanted both of us to have a gd rest day and i knew he wouldnt have time to iron today or tomoro, because he would be at work and I wanted him to have good rest after work.

So i chose covering this set of chores which he could have done so many days before, rather than choosing myself, rather than spending time going out for a walk or doing some writing like now.

I chose him over myself.

I also wanted myself to have a neat tidy house to enjoy my rest day.

So i picked up the iron and started.

But i got so so mad.

Because I knew i wanted to talk to him about this, n he wouldnt understand what i m saying, he wouldnt even appreciate or understand all this that ran in my mind,

he would just say:” i will find my time to do”

ANd i knew i would get so mad all over again.

Because i did ALL i could on my work days, and on days he rest to let him do little and have a n ice clean house to enjoy -But on my off day, i still have to do ALL i can to cover what he didnt do,

I thought of what qinzhi wrote on the note that day to her dad because she saw he just left for his massage and didnt even bother to clean the table nor empty the dustbin, she wrote smthg and at that point in time when I read it, i felt like she knew smthg more, n she said smthg out for me, she wrote : “DO ALL YOU HAVE TO!”

And today i finally understood why—whilst I was ironing.

I kept doing all I can for my family, my kids, my husband. But not all I can for myself. I was always putting them first.

And ahead of me.

And at that point when I was ironing. I knew why this thing got at me.

My mom was also always putting her family, her kids, her husband before her.

My father didnt appreciate her and all those efforts.

Maybe he did, but too late.

When i realised this, I realised i walked in her footsteps and I was not too happy about all this because my own husband didnt understand and didnt appreciate what I had done.

If he had, he wouldnt choose or done allowed things to be this way. He would have cleaned up all the dishes or ironed all the clothes.

He wouldnt bear to let me, or he would think ahead for me, or consider for me.

At least he wouldnt leave those clothes there for me, he wouldnt even leave clothes there even after ironing.

And thinking of the post I saw on FB, i understand why i m so disturbed and worked up, its not even about the work, nor the clothes, its about what I have in me.

I do not want to let days come on and for myself to do these over and over again, its also not about not happy dont do, its about that level of appreciation and consideration for the other party.

its about putting someone else before yourself.

i m angry and frustrated at myself because these things that happen once and again show me how silly i m in putting others before myself, and i hate to admit i made a wrong decision.

I do not want to be like my mother, i do not want a husband who doesnt see my point and not recognise or appreciate me, i do not tolerate laziness and nonsense.

Never. I do not want to be like my mother. Doing everything she has to everything she could and more . Faithfully doing something and always so giving or sacrificing of her self, little by little till she had no life left.

Its about me.

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Thank You 2017, and, Goodbye

Has it been one year already?

The 2016 goodbye post seemed so far, far away. And with a new year coming in less than 24 hours, I feel unprepared for it.

Maybe because I have not written about my 2017.

That day in my mind spa session, I asked Mr Ng how to close the year. I felt like I was in the slur or the flurry of it all. Maybe because there were too many events, emotions ran high and I haven’t had the time to process those bits.
And being the teacher he is, he suggested looking back to recognize and acknowledge the gains and the harvests the year 2017 has brought.
“Even if there were lows, unhappiness, challenges, I see you have many fruitful gains.”
What did I do?
It all seemed so far away now. But let me try ——— counting my blessings in the tiniest way. And I want to number them too.
  1. I tried and became a salesman. It was something I never thought of, dreamt of. But I became one. Was it tough? Maybe not, was it horrible? Not as bad as I thought.
  2. I tried my hand at negotiating business deals.
  3. I learned how to write proposals.
  4. I learnt to make money in another way I was not accustomed to. And that brought lots of lessons to me, its about opening up horizons and expanding boundaries. Just this alone brought me many, one of which was to learn about humility. Its also about doing business in a upfront honest way. Its knowing your own strengths and using it too to the benefit of others.
  5. Now that I m writing about it, I understand how I have been—-I used to only think of the art the emotions and that’s all too easy. Like team mates who must have thought why I have derided, why have I drifted, I think I can safely say no. It’s not that I have drifted or crossed over to the dark side and swopped figures for art, but it’s all too easy— in fact too empty to talk about art when dollars and cents are not in the picture. Nothing moves.
  6. I understand about balance more. I think with that in mind, I can do my art better.
  7. And now, I understand why the Universe sent me this lesson. It was to let me appreciate that at the basic level and for things to work, art surely isn’t it. At least, its not the only way. It was to let me appreciate how dollars and cents could move the world. And how I could put my art in there.
  8. I brought in people and tried to build a team. There were lots of unhappiness I would say but I dealt with it to the best of my ability. Still, there are regrets. But Mr Ng suggested:”if you compare yourself to other bosses, how do you think you fare?much better than many of them right?” YES.
  9. I tried to help a colleague, in fact more than one— see the light.
  10. I have never used my stature as a boss to boss people around, in fact, I shared my experiences with them as a senior would, and I think that is my way or my style as a leader. I have always sought out the middle path and to strike out my own style, I m still on my way. But I can say, good try TPY!
  11. I did not bow down to unfair treatment.
  12. I learnt to speak up—- for myself and my teammates when needed.
  13. I had the chance to fly to shanghai for work, meet with top class producers and discuss my ideas, and these ideas touched people. I still am creative.
  14. And all these helped me assert my authority. I think the lesson to learn is to acknowledge the authority in me. It’s not about pleasing anyone. But to do what is needed and what’s right in the workplace.
  15. I had a chance to visit Hokkaido, made new friends, go to the root of the food chain and see for myself how things are done. In short, find out truth.
  16. I saw how the salmon swam upstream!
  17. I had a chance to take Hui gor tin Davina to Bangkok!
  18. I had a chance to bring the kids to a resort holiday in Phuket .
  19. I had a chance to bring the kids for staycations!
  20. I slept with my kids!
  21. I read to my kids!
  22. I had a chance to bring my family to Japan , especially gor gor and dad.
  23. We saw Mt Fuji!!!
  24. I had the chance to see the Dalai Lama in person!!!
  25. I met Khadro lah !!!!!!!
  26. I met Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche again!!!
  27. I had the chance to visit Tso Pema!!!!!!! Guru Rinpoche’s sacred place! And had my footprint and handprint on his!!!!!!!!
  28. I had the chance to fly business class back from India!
  29. I had so so so many wonderful meetings with extraordinary people—-like the King of Knives! Like the chefs!
  30. I had opportunities to do videos!
  31. I saw Mr Robuchon again and Alain Ducasse.
  32. I get a chance to realign my teeth.
  33. I did a dental implant on my own.
  34. I visited ah ma in hospital and at home.
  35. I tried to help my cousin who had skin problems.
  36. I had the chance to better myself and understand my keloids my body better because of the essential oil journeys, so much facilitated by Juan, John and Peyjin.
  37. I found a lot of grounding ease with essential oils.
  38. I got my kids into EOs and used natural healing methods on them.
  39. I got closer to eating vegetarian.
  40. I had wonderful produce nice chocolates, good food.
  41. I persevered and cooked everyday for my kids on weekdays lunch and dinner.
  42. Above all, I could breathe, I could eat and drink, sleep and do things that matter to me.
  43. I m still me, I remained me.

If 2016 has been a taste or teaching of alignment, grounding, life purpose, 2017 was a step further in these lessons, as situations , people, things, threw me in all directions and tested my resolve and my footing in each of the above.

I didn’t think I faltered even if there were challenging times.

I am still me.

In the new 2018 that has just birthed, I would like to:

  1. spend more time with my family, my kids, my husband
  2. spend more time with myself
  3. be more healthy
  4. heal my keloids
  5. sleep earlier
  6. do less work
  7. do more holidays with my precious ones!
  8. do 5 min of practice a day
  9. learn to be still , to be quiet
  10. get more creative, intuitive,
  11. be more in touch with myself
  12. do videos that make a difference, write or say things that would inspire, hence express my light and that of others, and be the magic to people around me.
  13. work on a tv programme!
  14. keep that wonder, that purity in me.
  15. 我想学习过得自在一点,老师说,生活其实不需要那么辛苦的,只是,很多的约定俗成和旧有模式,让我们疲惫疲累。其实,生活是可以很轻松的。我想学!

May the universe and my guardian angels support me, guide me, bless me, be with me always.

May the new beginning bring forth lots of light and clarity. Let there be true vision, stability, strength. May you find the quiet, peacefulness and freedom you need and may you find beauty, wonder and magic in the moments in between.

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The Voice of every working woman

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way”

It’s no easy feat juggling the roles of a parent and professional. And ICICI Bank’s CEO Chanda Kochhar is the perfect example of a woman who does both facets of her life justice.

Now included in Sudha Menon’s book Legacy: Letters from eminent parents to their daughters, Kochhar’s note to her daughter Aarti Kochhar has been doing rounds on the internet not just because it shares the surprisingly simple secrets to a successful and happy life, but also because it’s going to be the most inspiring thing you read today.

Dear Aarti,

It makes me feel so proud today to see you standing in front of me as a confident young woman right on the threshold of an exciting journey through life. I am looking forward to seeing you grow and flourish in the years ahead.

This moment has also brought back memories of my own journey, and the life lessons I learnt along the way. When I think of those times, I realize that most of these lessons were actually learnt in my childhood, mostly through examples set by my parents. The values that they instilled in my formative years gave me the foundation on which I try to live my life even today.

Our parents treated all three of us – two sisters and a brother – equally. When it came to education, or our future plans, there was no discrimination between us based on our gender. Your grandparents always had the same message for the three of us – that it was important to focus on what gave us satisfaction and to work towards it with utmost dedication. That early initiation enabled us to develop into confident individuals capable of taking decisions independently. This also helped me when I started out on my own journey of self- discovery.

I was only a young girl of 13 when my father passed away from a sudden heart attack, leaving us unprepared to take on life without him. We had been protected from life’s challenges so far. But without warning, all that changed overnight. And my mother, who had been a homemaker till then, faced the responsibility of raising three children all on her own. It was then that we realized how strong she was and how determined to do her duty in the best possible manner. Slowly, she discovered a flair for designing and textiles, found herself a job with a small firm, and quickly made herself indispensable to them. It must have been challenging for her to shoulder the responsibility of bringing up her family single-handed, but she never let us feel like it was a task for her. She worked hard till she saw all of us through college and we became independent. I never knew that my mother had such a wealth of self-assurance and belief within her.

As a parent with a full time job, one must not let work affect the way you relate to your family. Remember the time you were studying in the US and the announcement of my becoming MD and CEO of ICICI was splashed across all newspapers? I remember the mail you wrote to me a couple of days later. ‘You never made us realize that you had such a demanding, successful and stressful career. At home, you were just our mother,’ you wrote in your email. Live your life in the same way, my darling.

I also learnt from my mother that it is very important to have the ability to handle difficult situations and keep moving forward in life, no matter what. Even today I can remember the equanimity and calmness with which she handled the crisis on hand when my father passed away. You have to handle the challenges and emerge stronger from them, rather than allow them to bog you down. I remember how, in late 2008, we were faced with a situation where ICICI Bank’s survival was in jeopardy in the face of a global economic meltdown. The situation was being analysed with a hawk’s eye by major media platforms and debated widely in the public space… I got down to work, systematically communicating with all stakeholders – from the smallest depositor to the sophisticated investors, and from regulators to the government – the bank was sound and its exposure to these institutions involved a small portion of its assets.

I understood their concern because so many of them feared that their hard earned savings in our bank could be at risk. I also advised staff across the bank’s various branches to lend a sympathetic ear to those depositors who turned up to withdraw their money, telling them to also offer the depositors a seat and a glass of water while they waited. And though, depositors were welcome to withdraw their money if they wanted to, our staff also took care to explain to them that it would not help them to take their money away, because there was no real crisis situation.

It was during this period that I took a couple of hours off one day to attend your brother’s squash tournament. I did not know it then, but my very presence at the tournament went a long way in reinstalling customer confidence in the bank. A few mothers at the tournament came and asked me if I was Chanda Kochhar from ICICI Bank and when I replied in the affirmative they said that if I could still find time to attend a tournament in the midst of a crisis, it meant that the bank was in safe hands and they need not worry about their money!

It was also from my mother that I learnt the importance of adapting to circumstances and not being afraid of the unknown. While working hard for my career, I looked after my family, and have been there for my mother and in-laws when they needed me around. They reciprocated in kind with their unconditional love and support for my career. Remember that relationships are important and have to be nurtured and cherished. Also keep in mind that a relationship is a two way street, so be ready to give a relationship just as you would expect the other person to be giving to you.

My career would not have progressed the way it did were it not for your father who never once complained about the time I spent away from home. Your father and I nurtured our relationship despite the fact that we were both busy with our own careers, and I am confident you will do the same with your partner, when the time comes. If you had complained and whined about my extended absence from home, I would never have had the heart to make a career for myself. I am blessed with a great and supportive family and I really hope you too will be as fortunate when you set out on your own!

I remember the day your board exams were about to commence. I had taken leave from work so that I could take you to the examination hall myself. When you realized I was coming, you told me how you were used to going for your exams alone for so many years. It hurt me to hear you say that, but I also think in some ways, having a working mother made you much more independent from a very young age itself. You not only became independent, but also stepped into the nurturer’s role for your younger brother and never let him miss my presence. I learnt to have trust and faith in you and you have now grown into a wonderful, independent woman. I now use the same principle at work to make our growing population of younger talent take on larger responsibilities.

I believe in fate but I also believe that hard work and diligence plays a very important role in our lives. In a larger sense, we all write our own destiny. Take destiny in your own hands, dream of what you want to achieve, and write it in your own way. As you go ahead in life, I want you to climb the path to success one step at a time. Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way. It is all those little steps that make the journey complete.

As you go forward, you will sometimes have to take difficult decisions, decisions that others might scorn at. But you must have the courage to stand up for what you believe in. Make sure you have that conviction to do what you know is right, and once you have it, don’t let skeptics distract you from your path.

Aarti, there is no limit to what a determined mind can achieve, but in achieving your goal, don’t compromise on the values of fair play and honesty. Don’t cut corners or compromise to achieve your dreams. Remember to be sensitive to the feelings of people around you. And remember, if you don’t allow stress to overtake you, it will never become an issue in your life.

Remember that good times and bad times will be part of your life equally, and you have to learn to handle both with equanimity. Make the most of life’s opportunities and learn from every opportunity, and challenge that life brings along.

Lovingly yours, Mumma

Chanda Kochhar’s letter to her daughter is a must-read for women everywhere

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Promise

Promises are such things.

That if keep them, they would b such energizing things.

Like bf said he would juice for me last night. And I went to the kitchen this morning and saw a little mess made out of juicing, only to discover this vibrant red of organic beetroot, Apple and carrot, which when I sipped, had a warm gingery emotion that I liked.

  

He kept his promise. That made me very happy. Extremely happy. 

I like people who keep their promises.

And I can understand how wretched one was to be if promises are broken.