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Sabbatical ends

不知不觉,sabbatical即将结束。12月10日正式回返工作岗位。
好像是一眨眼的事。我说的是,这段半年一年的时间。好像还是昨天,挺着大肚去吃肉骨茶,等待皓皓的降临。

不想,就过了产假。然后,又过了半年。

随着复工的日子逼近,我开始紧张、开始感觉压力。

我要什么?

我看着熟睡的皓皓、喝奶的皓皓、嬉笑的皓皓,突然有一阵感激袭上心头。

感谢daddy,support着我,照顾我各个方面,让我可以有机会,专心照顾皓皓,照顾我的家。

从只是daddy希望我停工,到我自己也想,间中好多过程。从我们俩都想我停工,到daddy安排经济到我存钱,到我申请停工正式停工又是许多的路程。

这一年,是我们争吵后磨合,思考后努力许多,耕耘回来的。用了许多情感许多劳力许多的用心。

好珍贵的一年!得来不易!

但愿我有智慧,作出最有智慧的选择,带领自己和家人幸福前进。

om ah hung!

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Living Like Water

October 30, 2013
A Great Teacher

by Madisyn Taylor

Water is a great teacher that shows us how to move through the world with grace, ease, determination, and humility.

The journey of water as it flows upon the earth can be a mirror of our own paths through life. Water begins its residence on earth as it falls from the sky or melts from ice and streams down a mountain into a tributary or stream. In the same way, we come into the world and begin our lives on earth. Like a river that flows within the confines of its banks, we are born with certain defining characteristics that govern our identity. We are born in a specific time and place, within a specific family, and with certain gifts and challenges. Within these parameters, we move through life, encountering many twists, turns, and obstacles along the way just as a river flows.

Water is a great teacher that shows us how to move through the world with grace, ease, determination, and humility. When a river breaks at a waterfall, it gains energy and moves on, as we encounter our own waterfalls, we may fall hard but we always keep moving on. Water can inspire us to not become rigid with fear or cling to what’s familiar. Water is brave and does not waste time clinging to its past, but flows onward without looking back. At the same time, when there is a hole to be filled, water does not run away from it in fear of the dark; instead, water humbly and bravely fills the empty space. In the same way, we can face the dark moments of our life rather than run away from them.

Eventually, a river will empty into the sea. Water does not hold back from joining with a larger body, nor does it fear a loss of identity or control. It gracefully and humbly tumbles into the vastness by contributing its energy and merging without resistance. Each time we move beyond our individual egos to become part of something bigger, we can try our best to follow the lead of the river.

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每一件事依然如故,但是你不再一樣了

視野的改變

by KOKORONE

一個人走過來,在佛陀的臉上啐了一口痰,佛陀擦擦自己的臉,而後問這個男人:「你還想要說別的事情嗎?還是這樣就夠了?」 他的門徒阿難怒氣衝天,這是很自然的。這個男人走過來,佛陀什麼事也沒做,他卻在師父的臉上啐痰,這簡直是令人無法想像!阿難對佛陀說:「請准許我,讓我顯示給這個男人看,他需要被好好地修理一頓。」 佛陀說:「阿難,你已經成為一個僧人了,但你一直忘記,而且那個可憐的男人已經受過太多苦。只要注意看他的臉,注意看他的眼睛,裡面布滿血絲,注意看他的身 體,他正在顫抖。在他啐痰在我臉上之前,難道你認為他會是在慶祝、舞蹈及歌唱嗎?他整晚不曾入眠,整晚都處在不安的狀態中。要對這個可憐的男人慈悲。還有 比這更多的懲罰嗎?這樣還不夠嗎?而且他對我做出了什麼傷害呢?我只要將它擦掉就好了,這很容易。你不要因此焦躁不安,否則你的行為是很愚昧的。為了他的 錯誤,你卻在懲罰自己──這是純粹的愚昧。」 去看那個論點──這句話極具意義。佛陀說:「他做錯事,而你為什麼卻在懲罰自己,阿難?我可以看到你正在沸騰,如果不是我在這裡阻擋你,你可能會殺掉這個男人!你以和他同樣瘋狂的方式正在走入瘋狂之中。」 那個男人聽到這整段對話。他很困惑,一頭霧水,他無法預料到佛陀會以這種方式反應。他以為佛陀將會暴怒、生氣,那是他想要看到的反應。激怒不成,他覺得非常羞辱。這令人難以預料,因為佛陀顯示出的是慈悲和愛。 而後佛陀對他說:「回家去好好休息一下。你看起來很疲倦,你已經懲罰你自己夠了。徹底忘掉這件事,它完全對我無傷。它怎麼可能會傷害到我?這個身體本就是塵 土所生,遲早也會回到塵土之中。人們將在上面踐踏、啐痰,所有事情都將發生在這個身體上面。人們將會排糞、撒尿……你做的事並無大礙,回家去好好地休息。」 男人回家,他首度感到非常不安,佛陀的行為是如此難以預料,他無法理解。他哭泣、流淚,在黃昏時回來,跪在佛陀的跟前說:「請原諒我。」 佛陀說:「我無法原諒你,因為基本上我沒有生氣過,我要如何原諒你呢?但這樣很好,你看起來比較平和、安靜了。我很高興,我無法原諒你,抱歉!因為基本上我 沒有生氣過。但我很高興,非常高興看到你已完好如初,看到你已達到一個和諧的狀態,看到你再度清醒。高興地回去,並記住一件事,絕對不要再這樣,因為那就是你一直在創造地獄的方式。」 從惡行中轉開,一再一再地轉開,在悲傷降臨到你身上之前。思維很多很多次都會向你建議:「做這個、做那個。」你很多很多次一定都會忘掉。你很多很多次都無法記住佛陀說過的話,我對你說的話,所以你必須一再一再地記憶。 慢慢地,這個記憶將會穩固下來,將會在你的存在裡變成一盞燈。那時你將不會被要求要記憶,它將會在那裡。它將會像一道燈光,落在你的路途上,它將會指示這條 道路,它將會幫助你避免掉進陷阱裡。一旦記憶深深地在你內在穩定下來了,為惡變成不可能的事,邪惡變成不可能的事,善變成本然的、自然流露的,你已經進入 蓮花淨土。 蓮花淨土不是別的地方──就是這裡。它是一個你的態度、你的視野的改變。 在這個世界上,沒有任何其他事情改變,每一件事依然如故,但是你不再一樣了。並非你被轉換到另外一個世界──同樣的世界仍然在繼續,但你的視野已不再一樣。你以一種新的方式看待相同的事物。 ……讓你的心灌注在為善上面,一再一再地去做,你將會充滿喜悅。 將你的意識從頭轉到心。思維想要為惡,它活在為惡中;而心想要為善,它透過為善被滋潤、餵養。

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Inner quiet

Silence is much more productive to wisdom and clarity than thinking.
When one realizes that, silence becomes important and attractive. The mind inclines towards it, seeks it out constantly, to the point that it engages the thinking only if necessary. Once we have realized that most of our thinking is pointless , that it gets us nowhere but headaches, we gladly n easily spend much time in inner quiet.

——ajahn brahm

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用意识疗愈自己、填满自己

全然的活出生命
by KOKORONE
人能夠沒有「信仰」而快樂的生活嗎?尼采說:「神已死,而人自由了。」為什麼神必須死亡,人才能獲得自由? 而人又為了什麼要追求自由?人如何在這份自由中找到生命的喜樂? 問:「什麼是解脫?」 答:「誰束縛了你?」 恐懼創造出神。人類對於黑暗的恐懼、對於生病的恐懼、對於年老的恐懼、對於死亡的恐懼……讓他們需要某人來保護他。然後人類經由自己的想像,創造出神來保護他、安慰他。 人能夠沒有神而活嗎?離開了神,你將如何找到喜悅的生命? 你如何在神消失之後,療癒你的內在空虛?離開了神,人類的慰藉被摧毀了,他們將開始感到空虛。空虛趨使人走向瘋狂! 你需要某種根基、某種重心,和存在保持某種連繫。神讓你感到安慰,但是安慰沒有辦法帶來任何幫助。你需要的是一種本質上的蛻變,你需要以一種喜悅的方式來運用你的這種空虛感。你需要的不是祈禱,而是靜心;你需要的不是神,而是意識。意識能夠滿足你的存在,那不是一種慰藉,而是一種真實的滿足;它讓你與存在有所連結。它讓你能全然的活出生命;它讓你的空虛感消失。 神填補了你的空虛,但是一個全然生活的人是不會空虛的。 沒有神存在,只有神性存在。人們如何因為恐懼、空虛,尋找解脫、尋找快樂……而製造出種種對神的想像,但人們也因此反而束縳了自己。『靜心』為我們解答生命中困擾我們的疑惑、焦慮、痛苦;為我們指出找到喜樂之境的終極方法。 神已死,禪是唯一現存的真理。
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We fail better

Beautiful thoughts on  courage and the creative life

The writing life requires courage, patience, persistence, empathy, openness, and the ability to deal with rejection. It requires the willingness to be alone with oneself. To be gentle with oneself. To look at the world without blinders on. To observe and withstand what one sees. To be disciplined, and at the same time, take risks. To be willing to fail – not just once, but again and again, over the course of a lifetime. “Ever tried, ever failed,” Samuel Beckett once wrote. “No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” It requires what the great editor Ted Solotoroff once called endurability.

 

We are all unsure of ourselves. Every one of us walking the planet wonders, secretly, if we are getting it wrong. We stumble along. We love and we lose. At times, we find unexpected strength, and at other times, we succumb to our fears. We are impatient. We want to know what’s around the corner, and the writing life won’t offer us this. It forces us into the here and now. There is only this moment, when we put pen to page.

[…]

The page is your mirror. What happens inside you is reflected back. You come face-to-face with your own resistance, lack of balance, self-loathing, and insatiable ego—and also with your singular vision, guts, and fortitude. No matter what you’ve achieved the day before, you begin each day at the bottom of the mountain. … Life is usually right there, though, ready to knock us over when we get too sure of ourselves. Fortunately, if we have learned the lessons that years of practice have taught us, when this happens, we endure. We fail better. We sit up, dust ourselves off, and begin again.

What is it about writing that makes it—for some of us – as necessary as breathing? It is in the thousands of days of trying, failing, sitting, thinking, resisting, dreaming, raveling, unraveling that we are at our most engaged, alert, and alive. Time slips away. The body becomes irrelevant. We are as close to consciousness itself as we will ever be. This begins in the darkness. Beneath the frozen ground, buried deep below anything we can see, something may be taking root. Stay there, if you can. Don’t resist. Don’t force it, but don’t run away. Endure. Be patient. The rewards cannot be measured. Not now. But whatever happens, any writer will tell you: This is the best part.

If I dismiss the ordinary – waiting for the special, the extreme, the extraordinary to happen – I may just miss my life.

To allow ourselves to spend afternoons watching dancers rehearse, or sit on a stone wall and watch the sunset, or spend the whole weekend rereading Chekhov stories—to know that we are doing what we’re supposed to be doing – is the deepest form of permission in our creative lives. The British author and psychologist Adam Phillips has noted, “When we are inspired, rather like when we are in love, we can feel both unintelligible to ourselves and most truly ourselves.” This is the feeling I think we all yearn for, a kind of hyperreal dream state. We read Emily Dickinson. We watch the dancers. We research a little known piece of history obsessively. We fall in love. We don’t know why, and yet these moments form the source from which all our words will spring.

———Dani Shapiro  in Still Writing: The Pleasures and Perils of a Creative Life

 

In other words, it requires grit – that the science of which earned psychologist Angela Duckworth her recent MacArthur “genius” grant and the everyday art of which earns actual geniuses their status.

Writing is also, as Shapiro poetically puts it, a way “to forge a path out of [our] own personal wilderness with words” – a way to both exercise and exorcise our most fundamental insecurities and to practice what Rilke so memorably termed living the questions, the sort of “negative capability” of embracing uncertainty that Keats thought was so fundamental to the creative process. Shapiro echoes that Dillardian insistence on presence as the heart of the creative life: