我真的努力

1113pm
我饿了。
我知道那是出力太多做很多所以饿了。

对于我的生活
我从未像是现在这样努力。

累了饿了困了好多次以为就要昏掉了
我还是把自己推向前。

不轻易屈服。
不管是一顿午餐或一道汤
或是多么多么累骨头多么酸痛
我还是去洗碗洗衣了。

为了我的家。和我在乎的人。

幸福，就是临睡前，去看看沁芝亲亲沁芝。

用声音抓住抓不回的过去

黄舒骏

青春，是你失去了才知道、拥有的东西。

看这个人唱这首歌，想起黄舒骏一次在电话访问中对我这么说。

其实，很多东西都是这样。一旦失去才知拥有。

Life

Happiness does not depend on who you are what you have but what you think .

You called all your friends , you have seen many doctors … psychologists… But, the question is: do you want to get out? Do you ever want to ?

—— Lama Tenpa

生命需要的东西

生命需要什么？
不同的阶段、时候、时刻都不同
但时时刻刻
需要这个

真
＜冲上云霄2＞主题曲

林子祥 – 電視劇《衝上雲霄II》主題曲

主唱: 林子祥

燃亮我意志　鼓起我勇氣
前面去再創傳奇
從沒有計較　是否好天氣
下決心再要逆風飛

*
又再有勇氣　願趁風再起
萬里飛佳績勝預期
未怕雪再冷 只想(今天)高高飛
共挽手一起再衝刺

光陰不會往後退　應拋開傷心抑怨
願我會拭乾眼中淚
天空海闊我共你　再領略人生的美
雲外看　新(的)生趣

不管多艱辛　只需有志氣
讓我重重重直上九霄去
前路有進退　心中有預備
能做到　能做到　是進取

光陰不會往後退　應拋開傷心憶記
願再試高飛的滋味
天空海闊我共你　再領略人生的美
雲外看　新生趣

气

dearies

星期五
皓皓沁芝你们去了pasir ris，我有了时间一个人和自己在一起。
做一些不太紧要但我需要做的。
忽然觉得，一个人，已经很therapeutic。
我需要一个人待一会。
有时间和daddy一起出去。我很珍惜，平日生活磨蹭，好像摩擦比和睦多，聊的少了。关心的少了。爱的语言少了。我们都只在应付。疲于应付。
然后便昏昏欲睡。

睡了。身体睡觉。心也困了。

今天有点时间，想回味当公主被照顾的感觉。
我幻想daddy安排好一切，我只需要去当公主。

这些日子都在照顾两个宝贝，我这样告诉daddy，就是两个一口一口把我挖掉的感觉。身体和灵魂。所以，我也需要被照顾被呵护，像是公主一样，以前那样。有人张罗我的一切。

你们不可能知道，我的mommy去世后，我是怎么在照顾我的家。暂不论方法对否，我觉得我照顾家人比照顾自己多。有家人没自己。

现在更是。

写到这里，突然大悟：我的累，原来就是这样造成的。因为go all out。

我昏昏沉沉地走，希望daddy牵我，跟着我的步伐，但他说，慢慢走也要看地方。

怎么会？以前拍拖，世界 和地球因对方而转动，节奏都紧随对方。说真的，我不太能接受他的说法。不是我的舒适度比较重要吗？

逛完超市，daddy说了一句，大意是：我总是把他弄得气呼呼

忽然，我的眼眶就湿热了。

直觉得委屈。公主没当上，罢了。所以觉得，一定要找一个爱你比你爱他多的人。心爱的人，不是该好好爱吗？
总是把你放在第一位，不管你生命中多么小的事，都是他生命中，最最最重要的小事。

自然

李敖说：＂自然点。想做什么就做什么。＂

真是大学问。
往往，想做不去做。做的反而是不想的。结果，活得不像话还不要紧。重点是浪费自己。

Starting from Empty

July 26, 2013
Half-Full Consciousness

by Madisyn Taylor

Live your life as if your glass is half-full rather than half-empty, all you need is a change of thought.

We are all familiar with the metaphorical story of two people looking at the same glass and one perceiving it as half-full while the other sees it as half-empty. As much as we’ve heard this, it’s still a valuable exercise to really observe our minds and notice whether we are engaged in half-full or half-empty thinking. People will refer to themselves as being of one type or the other as if it was a permanent characteristic, but we are all capable of shifting into a half-full consciousness if we simply make the effort.

When we look at our lives with half-empty consciousness, we perceive a lack and think that the other half of what we want is missing. We are coming from a position of expectation and entitlement. On the other hand, when we look at our lives as half-full we perceive fullness. It is as if we recognize that our cup could be fully empty and so we are grateful for what we see as bounty—not something we expect or believe we are owed, but a gift. In half-full consciousness, we count our blessings. When we look at our lives we see all the elements that are in place and all the things we do have. This doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t seek more, but we seek from a place of fullness instead of from a place of lack. This fullness draws positive energy into our lives and often attracts more abundance.

If you would like to begin to make the shift into half-full consciousness, try imagining your life as an empty glass. This is your life without all the people you know, the work you do, your home, or your current state of physical wellbeing. This is just an empty, open space waiting to be filled. Once you have that feeling of openness in your mind, begin filling it with all the people, things, and places that make up your life. You may be surprised to find your glass overflowing.

Hado

July 25, 2013 Wave Motion
by Madisyn Taylor

The study of
hado tells us that the energetic vibrations from our thoughts
affect our physical realities. Walking through a Japanese garden,
one truly feels the life force energy that is known as Hado.

Hado
isn’t just present in Japan, but it is a concept that has existed
in Japan for centuries. The two Japanese characters that make up
the word Hado mean “wave” and “move” – perfect words to describe
the energy vibrations that permeate all life. Hado is present in
all things, animate and inanimate. It resides everywhere, even in
the air and in people. The study of hado tells us that the
energetic vibrations from our thoughts affect on our physical
realities. Each of us has the ability to manifest a specific
intention through the hado that we send out – from making our
jewelry shine to changing the atmosphere of a room full of people
to transforming the hado of an empty space. However, we are often
unaware that our thoughts are creating vibrations in the world
outside our minds. Once we know that this is the case, we can
become more aware of our negative thinking and train ourselves to
stay positive and think with intention.

Giving thanks for a meal
before we eat can change the energy of our food. Expressing
gratitude by thoughts or words makes a huge difference to both the
giver and recipient because you are sending them hado.

A kind smile
really makes a difference when you work consciously with hado.

Once
we become aware of the power of hado, we can create positive
changes in every area of our lives: our physical space, mental and
emotional health, relationships, and businesses. One of the most
important principles of hado is to monitor your thoughts and
intentions every day. Enjoy the improvements that you will create
in your life and the world around you by consciously working with
hado.

Trusting Your Gut

July 24, 2013
Cleansing Your Power Center

by Madisyn Taylor

Gut feelings earn their name from the place in the body where they make themselves known. A pang in your gut when you may be doing the wrong thing, or a vibrant zing when your body approves, can guide you reliably at times when logic fails. Sometimes, when logic prevails, we ignore our gut and live to regret it, understanding later that a rational approach is only one way of determining what is going on in a situation and how we should react.

Our gut resides in the neighborhood of our solar plexus and the third chakra just above your belly button. When it is functioning well, we can trust its guidance and adjust our actions accordingly. Many of us have a tendency to hold in this area of our bodies. We may take shallow breaths that never reach this vital nexus that is the source of our empowerment. It is in this place that we find the courage to act, to reach out into the world and create change. When our power center is out of balance, we are timid and out of sync, wishing we had said something we were only able to phrase later when we were alone; wishing we had acted on an opportunity we didn’t see until it was past.

In order to utilize your power center, you may want to focus your attention on it more regularly and make time to care for it. You can begin right now by taking a deep breath into your belly. On the exhale, pull your navel in toward your spine so as to empty out completely before taking another deep breath into your belly. When you empty completely, you release stagnant energy and create more space to be filled with fresh, nourishing breath. The more you practice this simple, cleansing exercise, the more clear and communicative your gut feelings will be and the more comfortable you will feel acting on them.

吃好睡好

一个人和沁芝怀皓在家
是很不容易、很辛苦、极具挑战的。
在睡眠不够，面对奶水不足的压力下，皓皓喝奶的时候沁芝要我读故事。

沁芝读故事的时候又轮到皓皓要睡觉。我的时间就这样在和他们周旋之下，用掉了一天又一天。

等到皓皓睡了，抓紧时间和沁芝说故事吃夜宵

很珍惜和沁芝在一起的时间。非常珍贵。每每和她独处，都不得不被她的乖巧感动。

她是我的啊！怎么不感动？不感激？

轮到两个宝贝睡下，却被跑车惊醒。抱着皓皓坐沁芝床上，她说：＂mommy dada 皓皓没有dada 沁芝，所以沁芝睡不下。＂

于是全方百计用上双手dada两个宝贝。

看着两人睡醒，甜甜如梦，感悟，这就是我最满足安慰的时刻。

把他们喂饱喂好
睡好
拉得好
实在不容易。

是生活的艺术不是吗？