9 June 2016

June 9 is an important day in my life.

Almost like a rebirth. I guess no one would tie themselves up with a profession so much but i did. Unwittingly, my profession has become me.

I stepped out of the office n is greeted by the evening golden hue, so gentle and therapeutic.

Then I saw birds swoop n fly, chirpy happy n carefree.

I thought I saw my cells dancing with joy.

My shoulders lighten.

Submitted my letter of resignation on this day.

I joined in 2002, July.

Close to 14 years here.

It was so difficult to hand in the letter.

SPH gave me so much.

Especially when I had none or was lost.

It was my backbone my support my escape.

There was a lot of emotion in here.

I felt my pulse race. Shaky, seated on my desk.

And I prayed and asked for support, felt better and more stable then went straight to my boss. It turned out much much better than I had imagined. Everything was peaceful and cordial and in harmony.

I never expected it would turn out this peaceful.

And I m very thankful for that. Super thankful.

I walked out feeling lighter n happier.

I walk out feeling a bit unsteady as well. Now without an anchor.

It made me realize how much I was hanging on to this place.

Or how much it meant to me.

Now without it, I m unsure uncertain and a bit directionless.

I do not know what lies ahead. And I quit having these feelings, not having signed up at another place yet.

And I think I give credit to myself for that.

For taking this step.

I know that I can handle the front.

It is so difficult for me not only because of all that I have here. It is difficult for me because I’m making this decision for myself.

When I came in, I was a little girl fresh out of school not knowing what to expect, lured by the wonderful terms n remuneration.

Now it is difficult because I want to make this decision for myself and to take charge of my life.

I steer my life now and is not to be limited like before.

There is bigger space and a lot of it.

And how to do this?

I don’t know.

But the fact is I want to do it. It is this commitment that is not easy.

If I were to stay, I would continue to have an anchor n rest in the support. I would not go anywhere very far because I would be in the system n I can happily rest being in the care of someone else who will direct n decide how far I go.

But now, it’s boundless!

The sheer feeling of the unbounded space is so wonderful so healing.

I m happy !

And I pray that I receive support and healing, blessings and lots of it in the days ahead.

I know this is going to be about letting go of past, habits, thoughts, patterns, memories. The days ahead will be about creation, charting new grounds and fulfilling TPY.

Most of all, I know I can, be the best of me, high definition and go where I want to be.

Om

11 June

去做能让自己最快乐的事,做自己“想这样做”的事,依自己想做的方式做,就行了。那么就算评语不好,就算书卖不好,也可以想成“算了,没关系。至少自己快乐了”,就多少可以接受。

—村上春树《身为职业小说家》

12 June

“When faced with a choice… do you choose taking hard action or to make the easy excuse?” 

It can seem so much “nicer” to avoid the difficult actions.

Does it really assist you in achieving your goals?

Are you here on the planet to actually DO something?

Is each decision or action moving you forward?

I am choosing to use the blends of the FEELINGS COLLECTION to support me in “taking a closer look” this week . . .

Most of you know that I often use them.  However, we may have new people who are not familiar with them.

The six essential oil blends in the Feelings™ Collection were formulated by D. Gary Young to promote emotional clearance and self renewal. Collection includes:

• Valor

•Harmony

•Forgiveness

•Inner Child

•Release

•Present Time

Inspired by D. Gary Young’s life experiences, the Feelings Collection lifts negative impressions and allows openness to new beginnings.

Everyone has experienced lasting adverse impressions that scar our inner self, prohibiting self growth and accomplishment. Following the Feelings regimen, one can begin the path of self identification by aligning emotions.

“Negative experiences and ideas are recorded in our brains and locked into our memories throughout our lives. These memories range from mild to extreme and have a profound effect on our health and happiness. In order to become who we are intended to be, we must erase these negatives and reprogram our thoughts to make positive ideas our reality.”  

—D. Gary Young 

After layering these oils, you may choose to add some additional blends, such as  . . . LIGHT THE FIRE, HIGHEST POTENTIAL, 3 WISE MEN, CLARITY, TRANSFORMATION, or WHITE ANGELICA . . . Perhaps it is good to try different ones to see which combination is most meaningful for you.

Its amazing how answers show up in our lives. Especially these few days.

The headache was horrible. I have been having it since i seriously contemplated the switch.

It was difficult for me.

Its about growing up and choosing the path— to grow up.

Because I didnt really want to grow up!

I want to be in the care of people. I didnt want to take charge of myself!

I didnt want to be in charge!

But in the new position, I will be in charge!!!!!!!

In charge of other people, thats not too difficult, or at least that isn’t the most difficult part to me.

The most difficult part is to be committed to being in charge of myself.

My health, my mental growth and simply being responsible for myself.

I ducked in under this pressure—that caused the headache and fog in my mind.

I chose to back away from responsibility, like how my dad once has.

I chose to escape.

I didnt know what to do, I feel like an orphaned child, or a life buoy in the sea.

But with this awareness I can change things.

I acknowledge the feeling and the act of escaping that I have done.

I acknowledge that this could be a learned way of behaviour, most probably impacted on me by my father who has escaped and left us before because that was the only way he knew.

I did it now.

But with this awareness, I tell myself too, that there can be good things about being an orphan, there can be good things about being a buoy in the boundless ocean.

Start small TPY.

Bit by bit in the right direction.

What would you like to do?

I like to continue to write with my heart, to transmit the good thoughts and meanings chefs and others have found in their lives.

At this stage in time, its about chefs and their food, I’ll put my energy into transmitting and sharing all these good energies that will enrich people’s lives outwards, like light.

To inspire to give warmth and light, and maybe initiate a change.

The end is not in sight on this path.

Its boundless what I can do with this heart.

It will be about fulfilling my true potential.

I remember I had this very strong feeling about choosing this new path. I knew it will be one with a lot to learn and be inspired with, it will be full of energies and ideas and thoughts and wisdom. I just know.

And I know that being on this path with open me up further, deepen my knowledge and wisdom and depth as a person. I know in all these undertakings, I will be healed naturally and organically not only in the physical sense but also spiritually.

Then while used the FIR sauna, i watched a video on Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche going into retreat.

And yes, going to this new place is exactly me going into retreat in a bigger sense, it will be about learning what matters and how to be a better me.

It will be about healing and nourishing myself.

Like a butterfly out of the cocoon I will be. In time.

Then i read Frances ’s mail.

Everything was so apt.

I answered those questions and I knew that choosing this new path will be about moving myself forward.

It will be about breakthroughs that I m planned for.

I just need to put my feet forward and to walk each step grounded.

用左手书写,看看是否能碰触到大脑潜意识深层那一块。

“我头疼没觉得不清楚,混沌不清,不能呼吸,因为我不想面对。不想面对真是懦弱的自己,想逃避对自己负责任,想避开困难,所以有身体反应。然而我的灵魂知道这样逃避是不对的,也不是我要的。出现了习惯行为和灵魂认知碰撞的局面。抛开习惯性作风,跟着soul去吧。”

Reading my note right from the beginning made me realise, it was my fear and worry or anxiety about not having an anchor that gave me headaches!!!

Its about me not acknowledging myself enough, not believing myself enough.

Always looking elsewhere for support.

So this new path is about me validating myself.

GO TPY GO.

You can.

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