Healing (XXXIV)

And what is healing?

where can you find therapy?

the answer, is right in my arms.

it was just as if time has wound back, to when hao is a baby.

and i would cradle him to sleep , with a medley of lullaby.

he told me recently that his favourite is “rock a bye baby”.

these few days, i have been cradling him to sleep singing the same medley, and most certainly, rock a bye baby.

and it suddenly dawned upon me, why at this point in time?

why did i cradle him at this time?

i guess he knew i needed the cradling more than he did, he knew i needed the healing.

this is therapy .

from my child.

cradling and looking at him sleep brought back a lot of memories.

of the time when i gave birth to him.

hao is an inspiration, thru and thru.

i gave birth to him with sheer grit. without epidural.

i remember writing, that he represents a constant reminder, for me to create new pathways and not fall back on old habits.

tears fell when those words came to mind.

and i heard myself say, yes i will, i will create yet another new pathway, and another, and another, and another.

i will not rest until i find or create a new pathway. out of this.

because this is what i want to show to my kid.

that we are capable of bye-ing away the old, and welcoming the new.

challenges are just there as opportunities, to show us what we need to work on.

and then, transform them into the new.

thank you huaihao.

for inspiring me and reminding me always, always and when mommy needed it most.

IMG_4377

这么抱着皓皓睡觉,很healing。

这几天,喉咙被噎着的感觉。头涨涨的。很难呼吸。低沉。混沌。脑子不清。腹部胀气。

心情坏极了。为什么啊?

不太清楚。

只是这样的情况让人难受。

抱着皓皓睡觉。看着小宝贝,想起皓皓对我的意义。不只是儿子,还是老师,在我最最最需要的时候,给我温暖和向前继续的力量。提醒我,不要放弃,不要回望过去和旧习性,继续加油,勇敢一点,一定可以创造新的道路。

为了孩子,我会努力,我一定可以。

我这么听见自己说。

然后,好像就舒服许多。

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