I learned about timing and reason again this morning.
As I watched this movie on Louise Hay.
I heard about Louise Hay in India, that was my last second day in India, and the lady in the corporate communications team of ITC Hotels, Bindu, told me about her.
Somehow the conversation drifted to here, and she pointed me to this “Heal Your Life” workshop that she attended, and came out a different person.
I googled, but nothing much came out.
Then I went for a tasting with Yuan, a restauranteur who set up the Prive Group, and it was many days after that he shared with me, this video link.
I didn’t know why he would find me receptive to this, but he was correct. I felt like we could connect or there was somewhat of a connection while we spoke.
But the way resonation came about , its incredible.
I finally found time to sit down this morning to watch this video and I found many many inspirations , and obviously, a lot of work to do.
I woke up this morning with a sound in my head, that I would die one day. And if this it is, do I still want to live life like now? It was just another morning, but I woke up to this thought.
DO I still want to hold on to the big and little unhappiness about life? Should I spend more time with my children instead of going to work? and etc.
I was upset yesterday. I was upset with the way my work mates treated me, pretty much about work. I couldn’t understand why I was not appreciated after so much I have done. I was taken advantage and bullied in a sense, even after having been nice and allowing to others.
But watching this video and writing about this now made me understand why.
People don’t appreciate me, because I do not appreciate myself enough. People step on me because I allowed myself to be stepped on and did not take authority for what I stand.
So step up to this. It has to start from within me.
There were so many themes that popped out or at least I picked out this time.
- Resentment and Forgiveness
I realised I still had a lot of resentment, especially towards my father.
What exactly do I resent? Its his leaving and escaping and leaving us all here. Its not being together with us in times of a challenge. Its cowardly attitude.
I hated that.
Watching this video made me realise how these emotions are still in my body , parked in my belly.
I need to work on these to let go.
Bit by bit I guess. I know it has to be from within.
I thought about going backwards in time to understand my father ‘s childhood. Maybe he has had a bout of unhappiness and escape was a way out.
Maybe there was some conditioning that led him to his choice of running away.
I also thought about how someone forgave me when I did wrong recently. I printed out facts that were wrong and might have affected his reputation.
I apologised sincerely and that boss of a printing company forgave me. That was actually a very precious lesson.
I was given so much relief , it felt so good to be off a cuff.
Now writing this, I understood he was able to forgive and let this incident go.
Forgiveness is two ways really, letting people off and yourself off.
Can I forgive my father and forgive me too? For holding on. This ate my life away. All the good energy.
I want and needed to claim responsibility for the work I have done to hurt myself all these crazy years.
I know I want to do that, I want to forgive all the wrong people have done to me, and more so, I want to forgive all the time and myself for holding on to those. That did not serve me good, why was I even foolishly holding on to that and for sooooooo long?
I was ignorant and definitely not wise. I was silly.
SO silly i find it amusing.
2. Initial attitude
A workmate’s recent action irked me.
He was the one who demarcated lines, where we would work on. I abided by those rules but he overstepped his limits and ate into my space.
I kept quiet all the while but his ways and him, are getting atrocious.
From my sessions with teacher, I learnt to look at this from a different perspective, why does this invite a reaction of me ? What is it I must learn from?
He became a teacher of sorts to help me figure out what was wrong.
And I sort of arrived at the answer as I was watching this video.
The universe is a reflection.
I asked myself if I had ever been like him?
And I recalled how in the beginning I felt threatened in a way and had some feeling of not wanting to share my beat with him.
But even with that feeling, I gave him lots of space to explore, I gave him ideas, but he began to be arrogant.
I didnt like that. Was I arrogant? I asked myself.
I was in a way. And he showed me what I didnt like, so I better not go there.
I m still not very sure how we can resolve this, maybe by letting go? Letting go of that initial fear of being threatened and to be gracious to share?
Or is it claiming what I should deserve?
I felt seriously under appreciated and not recognised in my workplace by my superior for all the good work I have done.
That irked me a lot, I felt like me and my superior we were at odds.
I remember teacher said this, that you have to learn to ask for what you deserve. Put a value to the work you do, ask how yourself how much you deserve and ask for that amount.
You have to start respecting yourself before others can do that to you.
That is the work I must do.
4. Love Yourself
If you love yourself enough, all these that has happened wouldn’t have. I would have taken care well enough of myself to not let any of these happen.
5. Postive affirmations
Look at yourself in the mirror and state positive affirmations.
I am healthy and complete.
I deserve the best.
I can do it.
I will be an authority in the field of specialisation in my professional pursuit.
I am well and happy.
I will be high definition TPY.
I will be the best that I can be.
I want to heal and help people through words.
I love you TPY.
6. When you change your thinking, you change your life.
It is about turning it around and turning something out.