There is some confusion in me right now that needs some form of disentangling.
i don’t know what is causing it.
but maybe i do.
old hurts wounds n fears.
needing to break out n shake out of all these.
ungenerous thoughts, negative ones that belittle my future.
i guess i just needed to give myself some time to work these out.
of late, i was asking myself again if i should quit and i felt the energy to again! i sort of felt happy at that thought.
it came to my realisation that i do not fit into systems. and having to work myself with a system or into one, hurts big time. it seems that i feel more ready now.
i feel like i do not need any system to lead a meaningful life. no need to reshape myself into a system i do not like.
i feel like there is a better way than now.
n i do not any qualms to give it up.
because i have my babies.
also, it dawned upon me, that the most important thing, would be my attitude.
work circumstances can affect me, non work events can as well. so its not the circumstances that need change, but more so, my attitude and the way i see things.
i must learn to select and to let go of things that don’t matter, and shouldn’t matter.
and as i was breathing, n trying to be with myself, sitting with myself. i sort of got the answer again:
the precious moment is now, in each n every exchange of this precious thing called breath.
it is this seemingly unimportant, easily dismissed breath that allows us all the mightiness of life, giving us opportunities to be with our loved ones.
every breath, should be with something we love, its so precious.
and when we r able to achieve that, we make love n every breath more powerful and meaningful.
And it seems, the answer is obvious.