This letter is v much for my self too. It reflects how I want to move on in life, striving to better myself n to guide my partner, n my children along, so we can build a family with the correct motivations. It’s about myself, marriage, parenting. It’s about making sense of life n making it good.
“As the year moves on n before we step into the new, I ask that u will take this opportunity to take stock of your 2013 n all that has happened before u.
No one can do this for you except you.
And Unless u have , I don’t think I can entrust myself to you. Much less our kids.
We r all a product of the past, yes, but equally , we have the power to decide how it affects us so long as we live each moment with awareness.
We can unwittingly allow that past to spoil us, we can also make that past work for us.
Seek to clear up the mess in your life by recognizing n acknowledging what has happened n how it has affected u and others.
It could b how unhappy u were as a child or how happy u were at sea. Reflect ponder n c where u have been what u have done.
If u do not look at the past squarely, it just continues to exert control on u n then it influences us all, unfairly.
Just like how u expected me to stop work n be with my kids. Did u ask yourself if subconsciously, that is something u lacked so u very much want your kids to have?
Or that your father didn’t really show up in your life, and so u downplayed the importance of yourself now that u are a father.
What I m saying is, there r imbalances in life. But how do not let them wreak havoc in your own as well as others’ lives?
May I suggest, first that u stop having wrong or unfair expectations of others. This just cause hurt.
Like u expect Hao to behave certain way n allow him to cry it out.
U expect us all to b good to behave this n that. U just expect us all to behave the way u want us to.
But is that right? We r all humans n not machines .
And what do u expect of yourself?
Why don’t u have a higher Expectation of yourself? And I m sure we will follow if u r convincing .
Kindly recognize all the goodness n wholesome things u have done . Look at how these correct motivations have brought good things.
As well, look at the unwholesome deeds, thoughts, behaviors, attitudes n wrongdoings with a humble n modest attitude.
What if u addressed a situation with another attitude? Things might have been v v different?
Like when Hao cries in the night, what if u have chosen to carry him n rock him n sing to him? Be a loving father Rather than a disciplinary father, suddenly carrying him up n shoving him in a playpen?
What if You have chosen to listen to me rather than saying: I do not want to listen.
Things might have turned out v v differently.
My point is, there r many alternatives . Even when Hao is crying n u do not want to pick him up, u can still let him have a toy or watch pictures of qinzhi or himself.
I take the time to write all this down not because I want to reprimand u but because I care n don’t want us all to suffer in future.
So I hope u DO NOT repeat mistakes again unless u want to repel us all away from u.
Ask yourself: if u were me, will u agree with a husband who behaves like you?
So I hope u will understand why I find myself not able to go along totally with u, whether it’s about me stopping work or handling kids.
I just do not have confidence n so I take things into my own hands .
So show me, that u r someone whom I can trust completely.
I think also, that u should stop installing the reward system in QinZhi . Like qinzhi do this n daddy will give her that. It will only make her do things for your rewards n not out of a genuine heart or attitude.
Most of all, stop being harsh to all 3 of us just because u r angry or frustrated. It just shows how incapable u r of handling yourself as an adult. Then you r just the same as huaihao. You r not fit n have no right to discipline him as u have.
How do u expect the kids to listen to u when u r behaving like that. The look at your body language n I think they don’t even want to pay heed to u.
I apologize if I cause hurt in anyway above but I sincerely hope all of our lives can improve n we do not get angry or hurt unnecessary in future.
But I seriously don’t see why you should b angry at all. Because you don’t even have a right to be angry.
You should b thankful there is someone who after suffering all the hurt u have given , still wills n believes in u n is willing to give u a chance n point out how u can improve as a person.
And I hope sincerely, that u will take heed of all this n invite openness n gentleness in your life.
With that I want to put an end to all the unhappiness I had with u in 2013 n before. I wish for us, love, harmony n closeness at heart.
One last thing, do not forget your manners even when u r sick.”