Anger

I felt that i still needed to write.

在爱情的面前,在我们不能掌握、操控的东西面前,我们都变成了小孩。情绪会直接寻找出口。

I havent been so angry in my life. In these 34 years. I m shocked myself. I actually threw things in anger.

I spoke , with all my feelings that have been wanting to be heard all this while. Not spared a thought of all this while. And as usual, he kept quiet, then went back to the room.

That brought up the anger.

This surely cant be the way to Cherish a relationship as he had said,  and wanting it to work.

Is this communication? IS this an exchange of ideas and thoughts n feelings? There is an instant gap that i cannot let go of, with the departure to the room. It feels like drawing the gap open between the 2 of us. I tried again.

I opened the door and demanded response. He said he had nothing to say, as usual.

I felt like, I have said all i could, now i took the initiative to open the door and he still doesnt want to make effort to close the gap?

I slammed the door. I threw the cushions on the floor n i went to the kitchen wanting to slam more things.  I cried in frustration.

I couldnt believe I cried that way.

There were so much Frustrations in there, of not being heard, not being considered.not being spared a thought for.

Not being understood, i dont know if he knows now, understands now.

Why wasnt a thought spared for me? Why wasnt my feelings been considered ? As an individual , as a partner in life? Something so basic . How is the family supposed to move forward if there is no soul in me?

I was utterly disappointed.

it just shows a lack of respect for me and how i feel.

How your life partner feels, taking care of this sacred ground, is the basis of a happy working marriage.

This i havent felt.

Like a certain part of me died in disappointment.

Why does this happen once in a while? I do not want this to repeat again. It is too taxing for me.

After so much effort, after so much trying,  I do not know how to carry on.

I do not know how to bridge the gap.

I do not know where to meet.

To cherish and to treasure. To feel cherished and treasured, sure, I havent felt it at heart.

Tired.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s