Spinning head n realization

My head is heavier than the rest of the body.
It has been spinning since Sunday . The balance inside me can tip anytime, sometimes when I lie down. Sometimes when I m sitting. Sometimes when I m standing. I seem to be falling sideways.
There seems to be a clutch somewhere , locking me.
My breath is heavy.
My eyes r droopy.
I m panting n sleepy.
I m So so so tired.
Feels like I m going to shut down.

It’s been such a long while since I felt this way.
What is happening? Why?

As I search for answers, an inner voice asked my to search inwards:

-have I taxed myself too much? I have not taken good care of myself, I did not listen to my body whilst taking care of children.
For some time, I felt quite alone at managing the kids
I think I need help from the daddy to share my load. Yes!

– what is thrown off balance ? I guessed the anger got the better of me. Anger towards daddy’s ways n his lack of explanation n communication with me.

I think I used up too much energy unwittingly.then I was Distressed at not being understood.
Deep down, my desire is for daddy to b caring to me. To be gentle n understanding just like when we were dating.

No wonder when I visited ah ma, she reminds me, that I should reach a consensus with daddy that daddy should b fully understanding of me n take better care of me than before.

-then awareness told me to stop worrying n just use awareness : observe that, befriend that feeling

-I m not going to use the same reactions as that of the past

– it’s coming full circle: I m just acquainting with it one last time n I m going to use my resolve to face it unlike the past

Thank u spinning head.
For strengthening my practice! I m determined .


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