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To mummy

Dear mummy

Wherever u r, I hope u r well.
I remember that u left us this day, and whoa! That was already 9 years back.

I write to u today with much pride n happiness at heart.

For although there is much to be done even better, I m thankful as it is, to b able to write n live this way.

It has been a loooong 9 years mummy. So much has been done, so many more has changed.

I have upgraded myself to b a mother in your absence and even then, dearie qinzhi is close to 3 now.

More frequently these days, I would wonder how a grandma u would b, how u would educate her?

If qinzhi were naughty, Would u spank her n leave a five finger mark as u had done to me back then? Or lovingly look at her n say: don’t do it again.

I guess, the latter.

I haven’t thought much about what a mother I would b, I just went along with my heart n with qinzhi.

And to have her guide me.

And guide me she did!

She made me so much happier n taught me about priorities.

It’s been a long journey for me, from ambitious to now. I still try for the best but these days m better able to take it when things turn out not as good as I have expected.

So long as I try my best.

This is something that I did not learn in my childhood but that I want qinzhi to learn in childhood.

That it is not the best result u should go after but the best of yourself to give, in accordance with own limits.

I have actually decided to stop work for a few months to b with qinzhi n that decision made me v happy.

I felt that for once, I did not have to worry about money n I could let off a huge responsibility.

I was extremely happy to relieve myself of that burden that I took with me ever since I have come of age.

Health issues and worries occupied me previously n disturbed me totally. They made big my inadequacies as I did not how to deal or manage them.

Just as in the past, when

The thought of us not having was a great sense of load.

It was a v carefully arrived at decision.I was waiting for it to come.

But of late, we decided that we wanted to have a sibling for qinzhi.

Just as I had mei n boy to b with me.

So that being the case, i would have to shelve my plans to look after qinzhi until after the second one comes along.

There is some tug at the heart bcoz I did not want to break my promise to qinzhi who had been eagerly waiting for me to stay n b with her.

In fact I m willing to even carry on as planned forgoing practical concerns

I also did not want to stave off this plan as I made a lot of effort n had to clear a lot of obstacles to arrive at that.

I want to b with qinzhi in her precious toddler days n not spend it at work.

I want that decision I made v much.

But practical circumstances abound. What would u say to me if u were here?

As always, one’s plans r always interjected by what life has in plan for us.

Go with flow.

You would say

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