Wherever u r, I hope u r well.
I remember that u left us this day, and whoa! That was already 9 years back.
I write to u today with much pride n happiness at heart.
For although there is much to be done even better, I m thankful as it is, to b able to write n live this way.
It has been a loooong 9 years mummy. So much has been done, so many more has changed.
I have upgraded myself to b a mother in your absence and even then, dearie qinzhi is close to 3 now.
More frequently these days, I would wonder how a grandma u would b, how u would educate her?
If qinzhi were naughty, Would u spank her n leave a five finger mark as u had done to me back then? Or lovingly look at her n say: don’t do it again.
I guess, the latter.
I haven’t thought much about what a mother I would b, I just went along with my heart n with qinzhi.
And to have her guide me.
And guide me she did!
She made me so much happier n taught me about priorities.
It’s been a long journey for me, from ambitious to now. I still try for the best but these days m better able to take it when things turn out not as good as I have expected.
So long as I try my best.
This is something that I did not learn in my childhood but that I want qinzhi to learn in childhood.
That it is not the best result u should go after but the best of yourself to give, in accordance with own limits.
I have actually decided to stop work for a few months to b with qinzhi n that decision made me v happy.
I felt that for once, I did not have to worry about money n I could let off a huge responsibility.
I was extremely happy to relieve myself of that burden that I took with me ever since I have come of age.
Health issues and worries occupied me previously n disturbed me totally. They made big my inadequacies as I did not how to deal or manage them.
Just as in the past, when
The thought of us not having was a great sense of load.
It was a v carefully arrived at decision.I was waiting for it to come.
But of late, we decided that we wanted to have a sibling for qinzhi.
Just as I had mei n boy to b with me.
So that being the case, i would have to shelve my plans to look after qinzhi until after the second one comes along.
There is some tug at the heart bcoz I did not want to break my promise to qinzhi who had been eagerly waiting for me to stay n b with her.
In fact I m willing to even carry on as planned forgoing practical concerns
I also did not want to stave off this plan as I made a lot of effort n had to clear a lot of obstacles to arrive at that.
I want to b with qinzhi in her precious toddler days n not spend it at work.
I want that decision I made v much.
But practical circumstances abound. What would u say to me if u were here?
As always, one’s plans r always interjected by what life has in plan for us.
Go with flow.
You would say